"'Mione, I need your help!" Harry Potter came running down the Ministry halls from his office in the Auror division of Magical Law Enforcement. The look on his face was pure panic, I instantly knew there was something wrong, and not the normal 'some crazed evil wizard on the loose' wrong. "There was an accident" he said out of breath, "Ginny. Quidditch practice."
"What do you need? Do you need someone to watch the boys?" I looked at my best friend worried about his two young sons James and Albus, my godsons. Now I understood. His love for his wife and boys was beyond measure. If something happened to Ginny, no matter how small, he would be by her side in an instant. He never left her side when something happened. When she had a small fall 5 months pregnant with Albus – honestly she just landed ungracefully on her arse after her nephew slicked the bottom step at the Burrow – Harry wanted her at the hospital until she delivered. He was beside himself since he was at work when it happened. He felt like he couldn't protect her, and it ate at him until that little black haired, green eyed demon baby was born.
"Molly… she's got them." He said doubled over still panting. There was a greater fear written over his face, this must have been a bad accident for him to look this stressed.
"Okay, Harry relax. Deep breath. In… out… In… out…" I tried to calm his worried nerves and still have him breathe and not pass out right in the middle of the Ministry's Atrium. There was a number of witches and wizards already looking in our direction. The downside of being famous for being 2 of the Golden Trio that took down the last dark wizard. "What do you need?"
"You." His green eyes pleading over his glasses. "I need you and your knowledge of muggles. I was supposed to go on a stakeout tonight in a crappy part of London with Ron and Zabini, but honestly they are both clueless when it comes to these things. I need you for the stakeout so they don't blow it." Even I knew there was more to this story than he let on. What, would remain to be seen. "You can keep everyone from killing each other. You can keep the disguises. Please. I have to go to St Mungo's and there isn't anyone else I trust with this case."
Sighing, "What does it entail and how long?"
He took a deep breath, he knew I was going to say yes at this point. "Three days. That's it. There is a muggle motel that you'll be in. And watching for a couple of shady characters. Your job will mostly to be watching the others and make sure they aren't caught. And that they don't hex each other to the point they are in St. Mungo's."
"Fine… tonight I suppose?" He nodded. "Send me the information. I have to go to a meeting. I'll look it over afterwards. Can you let Kingsley know for me?"
"Already done. He's the one that suggested you. Oh and you may want to bring a book or three. It will be a long, boring time. Zabini and Ron will be working but I know they will be bringing wizard's chess and I also know how crap you are with it. And dress slutty. There are a bunch of prostitutes at this place from what I hear."
"HARRY JAMES POTTER! You did not just tell me to dress like a prostitute!" The words reverberated through the atrium and he turned and unhealthy shade of purple. Now if people weren't looking our way before, they definitely were. Oh Merlin save me, or save Harry's bullocks because if this turns out to have any more surprises, he will only be the father of two boys.
"Sorry. I owe you." He ran off towards the floos before I had a chance to throw a hex or three his way.
"Granger, there are a lot of things I have come to expect to come out of your mouth," oh hell Malfoy heard. I rub my head as I feel a headache starting, "but you dressing like a prostitute is not one of them. This I can't wait to see."
"Well good for you," I said snarkily, "you won't have to. From what Harry said it is Ron and Blaise-"
"Yeah and me." He cut me off. The blasted ferrety – ugh – had the audacity to cut. Me. Off! "I just got pulled into the stakeout too. I'll see you at 4. Oh and just so you know, leather would look really good on you." He leered at me, his one eyebrow shooting up as his eyes felt like they were undressing me.
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Count to 10: 1, 2, 3, fuck it, "Harry is dead. He should be glad he's at St Mungo's because that is his only saving grace right now. I will kill him and filet him and feed him to one of Charlie Weasley's dragons." I was mumbling to myself as I walked into my meeting with the other department heads and the Minister of Magic.
"Ah Miss Granger, I honestly didn't expect you to make this meeting." Kingsley cooed at me, with a little too much sass tucked away in his voice. "I believe you have heard about the stakeout that I approved for you. I expected you to need to go shopping for appropriate… attire." I look over at the rest of the room, my peers – everyone from proper purebloods to muggles born witches and wizards who all heard my little outburst.
"Well yes sir, but I don't even know where to start. Especially since it looks like I need to conceal three men with me."
"I will have their sizes sent to you with your dossier. From there you have access to the Ministry's account to purchase whatever you need. The file should be arriving on your desk, about… now." His eyes twinkle knowingly. I swear to Merlin this day cannot be any worse if I tried.
"Thank you, sir. I will prepare right away. If you don't mind I will just file this week's reports with Percy." I look over at Percy Weasley to see him nodding even though I know how much it irks him when I call him by his first name rather than 'Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic Weasley'. He is still as pompous as his title implies. I hand over my weekly status updates for the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and take my leave. In the two years I have been Department Head, I still haven't been able to negate the 'And Control' part of the department title, no matter how much I try.
Where the hell am I going to get clothes for me and – ugh – Malfoy, Blaise, and Ron? This is something I need Ginny – or better yet Lavender Brown, if she wasn't dead – to help with. Honestly, I have never even thought that I would need to have information on how to dress slutty or like a prostitute/pimp in my entire life and this is not something one can just go to a reference section of a library or bookstore to research. And I have no one that has first hand information on the subject in my repertoire of friends, because – well simply stated – I have too much class. I wonder if Blaise is still in contact with the Parkinson blint from school. She was one of the class sluts and probably would have a better grasp on this than I ever would.
Luckily everything was in the file: an expense card, the men's sizes – including sizes I didn't think I would ever need, what is actually taking place, and suggestions as to where to go shopping. Really? That detailed? Who would know where to get slimy clothes. I wonder if the Ministry polled the sluttier secretaries and lot and asked them where they did their shopping.
One reprieve, I get to choose Malfoy's outfits for the next few days. I wonder what he would look like in a metallic purple suit with a bright red hat with a peacock feather sticking out of it. Or better yet a gold suit with a red shirt and the hat. Yes, Malfoy in Gryffindor colors sounds perfect.
"This actually might be worth it." I chuckle as I leave the Ministry to go shopping.
A few hours later, I have clothes for all the men and myself. Wife beaters, polyester suits, and other truly crass outfits for them. Somehow I even got faux leather pimp boots for the guys. And their undergarments… that is the most priceless. Malfoy will no longer be lounging around in his silk boxers that he is known to wear according to every Ministry female (and some of the sexually questionable males). No he will be in polyester thongs, something just this side of a ball sac.
Me I'll look hideous. I didn't intend to, but going through the cropped tank tops, skin tight dresses, short shorts, ridiculous high heels, I did buy one tight and very short red leather skirt. I had to get skimpy lingerie also, though the guys won't see it. The push up 'enhancing' bras I tried on I might actually keep. I never saw my bust look so – um – perky. The thongs I will be made to wear with the outfits that I chose do not look the most comfortable, but I am just glad that the stakeout is this week and not in a week and a half when thongs would be highly impractical. I also got some massive amounts of bright eyeshadows, tacky jewelry, and muggle cellular phones for all of us. The one really nice thing is that I don't really have to do anything with my hair for the next few days.
At 4:30 pm I walk into the auror's conference room bags and files in hand. "Sorry I'm late. Never thought looking so cheap was such hard work."
Ron looked at me, as I was still dressed in my work attire, handing out the bags to each person. "'Mione, you're not…"
"Ginny was in an accident. Harry pulled me in as a muggle expert."
"An expert on prostitutes?" Blaise looked at me incredulously. "Um you can't be serious?"
"Yeah, I actually know probably a bit more than you would believe on the subject." Malfoy gagged on his bottle of water, causing me an immense amount of glee. "And can we leave it at that? So each of you have four outfits, in case you have to go out at any point. You won't leave the room without having these on. Understand. I also have food and supplies"
"Please tell me there is a bag full of alcohol somewhere in there Granger?" Malfoy mumbled.
Trust me, I'll need it much more than you Malfoy, I think to myself but he looks like he read my thought. "Supplies. I highly doubt that this hole of a motel will even have toilet paper." That caught Ron and Blaise's attention really quick. "But if there is your shampoo or anything, I would suggest you go home and get it. I saw the place we'll be in. It's gross. Oh and we have one room and there is only one bed. No table or chairs or anything else. So I brought some. Is there anything else you guys can think we need?"
"Where in bloody hell did you put a table and chairs Granger?" Malfoy looks at the duffle bad that I have packed. "There's no room for your clothes in there."
"Undetectable extension charm" Ron answers for me. "I still can't believe you had a tent in that beaded bag of yours."
I shrug and take in Blaise and Malfoy's confused and shocked expressions. "Did I miss anything? Oh the phones!" I pull out the four cell phones. "These are pre-paid cell phones that can't be tracked to the Ministry. I programmed our phone numbers in it already. 1 is Blaise, 2 is Malfoy, 3 is Ron, 4 is me. All you have to do is open it and hold down the number and it will dial it for you."
"How many books are you bringing Granger? If there is a bloody library in there too…"
"Shut it Malfoy. But yes, I brought some books and my work. If I have to be holed up with you three, to keep the peace and help you out, I at least will relax a little bit." I look over at Blaise, "Anything you can think of?" He just slowly shakes his head. "Ron?"
"Nope, you're always the one who thinks of everything."
"Malfoy?"
I notice him looking over everything in the bag with a look of total disgust. "What is this?" He holds up a baseball cap.
"A hat. You wear it like this." I go to put it on his head cocked to the right.
"No, I am not wearing it. And I think this is yours Granger." He holds up a fake diamond stud earring.
"Nope, again yours. It won't punch a hole in your ear. I charmed it. It just magnetically will stick on."
"I'm going to kill Potter." He grumbles.
"Get in line." I quip right back at him to Blaise's amusement. "Now off. We need to get changed and in the motel by 6. What do you all want for dinner? I was thinking Chinese or pizza."
"Pizza." Ron chimed in. "We can do Chinese tomorrow night. Just get enough so we can have cold pizza for breakfast." I nod. "Oh and get it from that one place you like so much. Phillips or something."
It was 5:45 as we were getting ready to leave the Ministry for the motel. I was in a black lace crop top that had my red bra exposed, tight black micro-mini skirt that barely covered my arse, three inch red heels, gobs of makeup, tacky jewelry, and my hair was au natural.
I walked back in the conference room to see Malfoy in jeans that are meant to be saggy, a wife beater tank top, the baseball cap and earring on, and some tacky gold chains. I walk up to him, reach down and adjust his belt and pants so that his boxers are showing and the jeans were sitting practically on his hips. "Granger, if I knew you wanted me undressed, you just needed to ask. By the way," his finger slowly went from my chin to the ridiculous amount of cleavage showing with my push up bra, "this is a good look for you."
I smack his hand away before Ron drew his wand. "This is how the pants are supposed to sit. And change your shoes Malfoy. You can't be seen in Italian leather loafers." I go over to Ron and make the similar adjustments to him.
"If he touches you again…" He whispered as I made his hair look something like a cross between Ed Sheeran's and Harry's.
"I'll be fine Ron."
"Um 'Mione, did you forget something?" He asked as I bent down to fix Blaise's pant leg. "Like your knickers?" He says quietly.
I fall into the chair next to me trying not to laugh and die of embarrassment in one fell swoop. I noticed Malfoy and Blaise both looking to see what Ron was alluding to. "No. I. Didn't. Now drop it."
Malfoy had his signature smirk as he leered at me again, earning him a right hook to the arm. "Damn woman. Can't a man appreciate a nice form if it is laid in front of him? And I must say Granger," he nodded, "that is very nice."
"Ginny had better be dead by now." I grumble to myself as I continue to fix Blaise's outfit. Even he is looking upset at his friend and the rude commentary spewing from his mouth.
"Thanks Hermione." Blaise says honestly, "Don't take his shit. If it gets too much, I'll knock him down."
"Thanks," I say with a smile. "Ron, take Malfoy and get the pizzas." I hand him the Ministry muggle card. "Blaise and I will take the stuff and get to the motel. Meet you there in – say 15 minutes. I ordered the 'auror usual'. How much pizza do you guys put away anyhow? It was like six pies."
Ron nods and drags Malfoy out by the shirt as I take a deep breath and calm my nerves. "Thanks Blaise. This is going to be a long few days." Each of us grabs a couple of bags and we head out of the Ministry through the visitor's entrances.
Getting to the motel was easy. Getting the room was – um – interesting. The manager asked how long we needed the room and when Blaise told him 3 days, the man was shocked. "Really son? Three days?"
I walked up to the manager, bending over suggestively, "yeah, he's good to me like that," I say slowly, with a smirk, eyeing him up and down.
"He must," the manager responded, obviously hot under the collar. I slip Blaise's hand on my arse, just slightly under my skirt's waistline, unaware that Ron and Malfoy were walking in the door.
I heard Malfoy cough as Blaise turned around wiggling his eyebrows at the two of them. "She always makes things so fun. Right guys?" I turn to see Ron bright red, his eyes glued to Blaise's hand on my arse and Malfoy just leering in agreement.
"So, um, three days it is. That will be 60 pounds." The manager is stuttering, obviously bothered at the idea of a 3 on 1 that might be taking place in his rat-hole establishment. I nod and hand over the muggle money.
We get upstairs and the men start throwing up the wards and charms. But it isn't long before Ron is blowing his top, "Bloody hell 'Mione! What would Harry say?"
"He'd probably say she's a bloody good actress if you ask me." Blaise said calmly. "She's doing what Harry asked of her. But I must say Hermione, I didn't expect that."
"No one expected that Granger." Malfoy mumbled into my ear, his own hand slipping down to my hip. "It was fucking hot."
"You men have a job to do. I'm taking the bed," I do a quick scourgify charm on the room, focusing on the bed specifically, and change the sheets and comforter before laying down with a book and my makeup remover. The room itself has peeling metallic wallpaper, something silver with purple strands going down it. The dingy, obviously never cleaned, window directly across from the front door, and there is a small closet to the left and a door to the right which leads to a moldy, rust laden bathroom that houses a toilet, sink and standup shower. All covered in a reddish black sludge that none of us thinks is helpful to our health. If this rat hole ever saw a maid, I would be surprised.
"Um did anyone notice there was only one bed?" Blaise chuckles.
"I call." Malfoy quickly calls out.
"Uh Malfoy. I would think that I called it since first, I already cleaned it and second, I'm laying down on it." I say over the top of my book while I work on getting the itchy false eyelashes off. Ron and Blaise had worked on setting up the table and chairs, but I had only brought 2 thinking that we could use the bed for the additional two of us. I look at Ron pleadingly over half attached fake eyelashes.
"Sorry 'Mione, you know how jealous Sue gets. If it ever gets back to her that we were in the same bed, I probably would be sleeping at the Burrow for the rest of my life." I roll my eyes. His long-term girlfriend Sue Pickering has some hang-up whenever Ron and I are in the same room together. It doesn't matter if every other Weasley family member is there, if he and I are in the same room, she's upset about it. I worry for her fallout from this stakeout.
"Truthfully, the lady should have the bed. She's the one that got suckered into this, Draco. What would your mother say?" Blaise winks in my direction as he transfigures a chair into a lounger. "Ahhh. Much better and we have a perfect view from here," as he actually is the first one to do work pulling out a notebook and evaluating the area while taking notes.
Ron transfigures the other chair into a recliner. "This works for me," as he grabs a pizza box and pops it open. "'Mione, I got your favorite with extra mushrooms."
"Thanks," I finally get the last of the fake eyelashes off and start on the rest of the horrid eye makeup.
Malfoy is left standing, looking quite ridiculous. Blaise grabs a pizza box, nodding to Ron that it's mine, and then finds his own.
"Screw you all." Malfoy grumbles as he face plants next to me. "I am stuck in this, ugh, place with all of you, I will get the bed. Deal with it Granger."
I just shrug it off. When Malfoy quits his temper tantrum long enough to go to the bathroom to change, I casually say, "That's what you think. You'll be on the floor in 15 minutes flat thanks to my foot up your arse." Ron chuckles and Blaise sniggers as Malfoy grumbles from the bathroom.
By nightfall everyone had the routine. We ate, changed into clothes that more look like something we all would wear including Malfoy in his black silk boxer shorts, and the guys were ready to take turns doing their actual work. I was finishing up a report for work when there was a knock on the door. I quickly step out of the sweatshirt and lounge pants I was wearing to reveal a very nominal electric blue teddy. The back was nearly nonexistent except for the few strings that were meant to hold it together; the front was all lace, the side slits nearly to my bust and the bust had a nice amount of push up so that 'the girls' were on full display. I didn't even look take in the guys' expressions as I changed, though at this moment a camera on them would probably be priceless. I motion for the guys to be quiet when I open the door.
A fake redhead and a gal with a bright blue pixie cut are on the other side of the door. "Tony said you're having a party up here," the redhead said with a distinct Geordie accent trying to look around me.
"Yeah, but I have these boys handled." Blaise comes out with his bottle of firewhiskey in one hand and pawing at me with the other.
"Aw come one love," the pixie haired one says, "we're good fun. Who knows, you might have some fun too." She said licking her lips.
Malfoy strides up to me, his hands covering my crotch. It wasn't possessive, more like he didn't feel comfortable with the implication and he was protecting me. Good thing too, since there was nowhere to hide my wand. "We don't share our little minx. Sorry girls. Not tonight."
"Your loss blondie." The redhead chimed as she leaned into him, her finger nail running down his left arm. "You are a sweet piece. If you ever want a sample, I'm Scarlett. You can find me pretty much anywhere 'round 'ere."
I felt him tense up around me, even Blaise did. There was something more to these two than the men were letting on. Blaise just smirked at them as Malfoy slammed the door in their faces.
"Fuck. Where did they come from?" Ron called out. "We could have been blown."
"I have an idea." I look down and Malfoy is still holding me tight, "But to do it, I need to move Malfoy." He looked taken back for a moment and I caught that Blaise shot him a look. "It probably was too quiet. I know it is for a party as they put it. So to cover the lack of – um – noises." I pull out an old school radio that I had growing up, find a modern station, and turn up the volume pointing outside. With a quick charm, we don't have to listen to it but everyone outside thinks there is a party. "That should take care of that problem, now food. If I leave those two will return. If any of you leave, they'll be on you by the time you hit the sidewalk."
"They didn't get a good look at Weasley. We can send him," Malfoy said with the harshest tone of the night. He and Blaise seemed to be having a silent conversation and it didn't look good. "We aren't leaving Granger up here by herself."
"Agreed." Blaise commented. "Do you think she saw it?"
"She did. I know it. She saw both of ours." Malfoy had a dangerously grim expression on, one that even at his worst back in school wasn't this bad. I can only assume it is what he had to look like when the Death Eaters had invaded his home.
I have my pants back on and am throwing on my shirt when I ask, "Saw what?"
"Granger, you forgot to charm your arm" Malfoy looks at my left arm that his aunt scarred up with the word 'mudblood' with a deadly seriousness. "She saw and they both are witches. They know what your arm means, and she was tracing my mark. Luckily, they aren't who we are watching, but we may be made. We need to tread lightly. As little magic as possible."
"Why didn't they have their wands?" Blaise questioned.
"If they are in the business," I try to explain, "their pimp usually takes their wand, leaving them under his control. It's easier than using an Imperious curse on them and almost as effective." The three looked at me questioning. "I told you, I know this. It somewhat falls under my domain. I broke a ring of veelas that were used for prostitution a year and a half ago. Honestly, I thought that is why Harry brought me in."
"Hermione, give us the quick run down on everything you know and everything we need to look for." Blaise said with a dangerous tone. "Don't leave anything out."
It was two hours, and a snoring Ron, later before I went over everything from that case with Blaise and Malfoy. Blaise laid back in the lounger as he listened, eyes closed, asking questions every so often. Malfoy sat erect on the bed next to me, looking deep in thought.
"I have a theory." Blaise turned to his fellow Slytherin.
Malfoy nodded grimly, "I know. I do too. They're connected."
"Well you two figure it out," I stretched out on the bed, rolling away from Malfoy and towards the window, "I'm going to sleep."