Tamora Pierce
SyDra

Title: It May Be the Last Time
Summary: If any of you have read my fic "I Have Always Loved You", this is like the sister story to it, from Kel's POV. Except she's not dying-she's only a squire, for ye gods' sake! But it's mushy Kel/Cleon stuff. Go ahead, read on, and don't forget to review!
Rating: G
Disclaimers: Everyone has to belong to Tammy? ::scowls::


*Tonight-it was probably the last time I could ever go through that again
It tears me, rips me, to admit that, like it was a lie
And if you let me live my life that way in pain
Even Heaven would mean to die*

Kel sat in loneliness on her bed in her squire quarters, with no one to share her thoughts with. She was facing the open window; a warm, smooth breeze fluttered through the white silk curtains, and it riffled through her chestnut, now turned auburn hair. In the moonlight, her oval face was milky, white, and almost translucent, and her large brown eyes stared out over the courtyard.
In the courtyard, weeping willows waved their vines slowly and gracefully with the dusk wind, and the desert roses seemed to glow, basking in the silver twilight. To Keladry of Mindelan, the night would have seemed magical-except she was in solitude, making the night seem so cold and uninviting. Sleep, too seemed to reject her, as though her very dreams would expel her from slumber.
That was when a quick, indefinite motion caught her eye. She blinked-had it only been a figment of her lonely, desolate imagination?

*Let me touch you once more
Feel your skin
Let me love you once more
Let me feel bathed in sin*

A tiny sigh escaped her, and she cupped her chin lightly in her hands. Since Raoul would not be back from Goldenlake until the next week, it was only her and a few others residing in the palace. She had to admit, it was pretty nice not having nasty people like Vinson and Garvey around to bully the new pages-it saved her a lot of trouble. But there were the few others-two of which, as she called them, were significant others. Cleon, and Neal, that was. But she could not be with them right now-one, it was rule that buys were not allowed in her quarters, at least not with the doors closed, which excluded any private conversation, and two, they were all most likely fast asleep.
Frustrated, she got to her feet, harrumphing irritably, slipped on a light-weight night robe, and stealthily (for one a bit drowsy) slipped out of her room, not forgetting to lock the door. Unexpectedly, she found herself in the small courtyard she had just been staring into pointlessly. Her sigh was loud this time as she sat on a large granite rock underneath a golden chain tree. She did not see the person approach, due to the chains of golden-yellow flowers in front of her-naturally she was shocked, but mostly because of whom it was.

*Your heart beats quicker
I know not wherefore
Your hands are soft against my face
Let me not be dreaming like before*

"Kel."
"Cleon."
"So-er, what are you doing?"
"Sitting...thinking. I'm bored. Shouldn't you be in bed?"
"Shouldn't you, dewdrop?"
Kel shook her head, amused, though Dewdrop was one of Cleon's less original pet names for her. She was used to them by now, but before she was friends with him, she thought they were to make fun of her. She stood, parting the drooping boughs of golden chain, and faced him. To her not-so-much surprise, he stuttered. Although why she wasn't startled, to say the least, she couldn't fathom why.
"So-were you having trouble sleeping too, Cleon?"
"Er-yeah, something like that. My Heart String," he added, almost as an afterthought.
"It gets so lonely...you know?"
"Whoa, getting deep there, Kel-it's spooky. Maybe its something to do with it being almost midnight." In the sparkling blue-silver moonlight, the willows and the desert roses waved and glittered, filling the air with a sort of nocturnal magic. Cleon shifted uneasily, biting his lip. Somehow, Kel could see he was contemplating something. She stood, studying his face as he stared off over the tiled roofs down to the rolling hills of Tortall, which were bordered with tall forests of stately pine and oak.
"It could be that..." Kel faltered. Why did she almost do that?! Why? However mature seventeen made her look, she felt like a silly, gawky child still, unstable, unsure whether or not to admit a deep secret. She could've admitted right then and there that she was in love with Cleon-and Neal-but Cleon more so, and their friendship would be different, not the same. She didn't want that.
"Kel..." Cleon tried to look her in the eye, but she was focused on the intricate stone patterns of the tiled courtyard. "Keladry." He placed a forefinger underneath her trembling chin, and when he lifted her face to his, he was startled to see the glistening tears in her hazel-brown eyes. "Kel, what's the matter?"

*And loneliness will never leave me
As long as you're not in my arms
And love will never find a place
Like the ever-moving sea

Come to me
Let me know you
Let me see what makes me love you so much
Come towards me
Bearing fruit of passion
Come back
Let me love you*

"It's all so different, this." She whispered, her eyes bright, and wide. A cool breeze ruffled her brown hair so that it blew gracefully across her pale, milky face.
"Tell me."
"Cleon, I..."
"Tell." His voice was low, commanding, yet gentle-he gazed softly into her eyes, and felt himself melt with his own passion for her. He had to keep from taking any further action...Keladry looked away, tossing her head away from his hand, so that he could not read her face. All he could see were the tears. After what seemed like a lifetime, she looked back up-but was still silent. She wrapped her hands around the back of his neck, and every hair on his neck stood, and he could feel the interlacing of her fingers. Standing on tiptoe, she kissed his cheek timidly. It was all she could do to keep from fleeing. She reentered the golden chain tree, and sat on the rock, weeping with her own love for Cleon.
He followed after her, and stood her up swiftly, and with as much control as he could muster, he pulled her into a passionate kiss...

*It was there, then, that we kissed the first time
It was only minutes ago
Yet a lifetime away already
Tonight-it was probably the last time I could ever go through that again
It tears me, rips me to admit that, as though it was a lie
Never to be uttered
So that we may never die
Without never having felt our love for each other*

CONCLUSION...