When Kabuto never washed his hands.

Sakon, Ukon, Jirobo, Orochimaru, Kimimaro, Tayuya, and Kidomaru were seated at the kitchen table while Kabuto was a few feet away preparing dinner.

Tayuya whispered to me rudely, as usual, "Hey! Sakon! Ukon! You with the two heads! Look at Kabuto, just LOOK at him!"

I peered at Kabuto who was chop chopping meat for our dinner. I grimaced as he saw Kabuto pick at wedgie and continue cutting the food.

I groaned, "Thank you, Tayuya, for that beautiful visual."

Tayuya glared, "Shut your trap, shithead," she paused in the sentence to sneer at me, "it gets worse."

Kabuto wiped his hand across his face to remove, WHO really knows what- from his nose. He then continued chop-chopping.

I stared with a horror-struck look on my face, although Tayuya later told me that I looked completely constipated.

Finally a few minutes later Kabuto had our dinner ready. He handed each person a plate, after scratching that nerdy-butt of his a few times. Jirobo and myself hadn't received our food yet.

Kabuto scratched his ass for the twelfth time, I personally counted, he and took the time to re-organize Jirobo's food before handing him his plate.

Kabuto smiled, "I took the liberty of making your food especially meaty-for big sound ninjas to grow big and strong." He said like a mother reject.

The second that Jirobo's food was placed in front of him, it launched directly on to his face, and knocked him to the ground. He began screaming and rolling around, trying to pry that leech-like thing off his face.

The sound-nins, and myself stared with amazement.

Orochimaru-sama just smiled at him and said, "Kabuto, your dinners are as healthy and nutritious as ever."

Kabuto smiled back, "Only the best for you all."

Orochimaru looked to Jirobo on the ground screaming and rolling about and said, "That's right Jirobo, eat this wonderful food and grow big and strong."

Jirobo could only give a muffled scream in reply.

Orochimaru looked satisfied with that reply and smashed his face into his own dinner and began eating, in a really gross and unattractive way.

Kabuto then glanced to my dinner, I could tell it was mine because it said, 'To Sakon and Ukon' in a greasy substance I did not want to know what was. He stopped before he picked it up to hand it to me and scratched his ass.

"You don't have to go through the trouble." I said, a little fiercely.

He smiled, "It's no problem." He picked up my plate and held it a foot away from my arms' reach. I even tried to have Ukon help me get it before he did, but it was too late, my dinner was as good as gone.

To my happiness, he decided not to re-organize my food with his hands and in what seemed like slow-motion, my food came to me.

He stopped, "Oh, wait… wait…" the scratching continued.

Suddenly, he moved my green-whatever-it-was, with his dirty little hands and began moving the food on my plate around. He might as well have just stuck that food right up his ass, cuz' his hands were probably just as dirty.

I hate to say I exploded, but yeah, I did. I yelled, "Stop fuckin' scratching that nerdy ass of yours! Some of us have to eat this shit! You bastard! FUCK IT!"

Orochimaru didn't say anything, Tayuya applauded but then went silent, Kidomaru and Kimimaro stared, and I think even the screams from Jirobo faded away. Either that or he suffocated.

I stood up, pulled the chop-chopping knife from Kabuto, and slammed it down to my hand, hard.

Let me just say, pain did not matter now. I chopped off my finger without a second thought. Even Ukon was surprised.

I broke the silence, "Orochimaru-sama, I just chopped off my finger, may I be excused?"

Orochimaru asked, "Eh? How deep is it?"

I tried to move my now stub for a finger and found that I couldn't. As blood trickled down my hand I replied, "Pretty deep sir."

Orochimaru looked at the wound, then seemed to consider it before muttering, "Alright Sakon, you're excused."

I got up hurried, but not fast enough to avoid seeing Kabuto do that gay-ass glasses flash look. I knew that bastard was planning something, I had to find out for my fellow sound nins before it was too late. As I got up to leave to go wrap my wounds, I couldn't help but linger watching him in the hallway, despite the blood trickling down my arm and my skin turning even more pale.

I watched as Kabuto began tapping his nose and then finally picking out an unnaturally-large booger, tossing it from hand to hand.

It had been the first dinner Kimimaro had had with us in a while and his sickly-face, yawned for a while and he leaned back in his chair. With his mouth wiiiiiide open.

I saw that look. That sick twisted look on Kabuto's face. That sick bastard couldn't resist the temptation. Putting the booger on one hand, like a runway, he flicked the booger off his disgusting hands right into Kimimaro's open mouth.

Kimimaro gave a sound like an infant choking, and I swear turned an ocean blue for a split second, then fell backwards, tipping the chair over. There he lay, looking petrified, spread eagle, with his legs straight up in the air.

Kabuto got up. "Oops, his disease must be acting up again. Don't worry, everyone, I'll fix him." The twisted sound nin picked up Kimimaro by the legs and dragged him down the hallway, towards the medical room. I HAD to follow.

I went to go get bandages for my bloody finger when I noticed Kimimaro strapped in the hospital bed, actually conscious.

Kimimaro answered meekly, "Well doctor, I suddenly felt so sick that I just fainted."

I noted that Kabuto was busy half listening, half playing with some medical pliers. …Or just random pliers. I don't know.

"Yep yup, Kimimaro, I'll fix you up real good." Kabuto said after scratching his butt for the now fifteenth time.

Kimimaro noticed this and said, "Umm… aren't you going to wash your hands first?"

Kabuto shook his head and kept that perky smile of his intact, "Nope."

Kimimaro cocked his head, "Are you at least going to put on some gloves?"

Kabuto shook his head again; I could feel Kimimaro getting scared.

Kimimaro said, "Well could you clean up a bit?"

Kabuto took that dumb smile off his face and shrugged, "If it really bothers you so much Kimimaro-kun." He grabbed a deodorant stick and started viggorusly applying it to his arm pits.

Kabuto grinned as he took a nearby scalpel from the shelf and walked towards him, "Now relax Kimimaro, I'll just cut you open and replace all those bad organs with flaming Twinkies!"

Kimimaro asked, "Are you sure you know what your doing?"

Kabuto said, "C'mon Kimimaro, how many times have I done this before?"

Kimimaro sighed in relief, "Okay."

I gasped, I couldn't allow our medic to replace our squad leader's vital organs with flaming snack cakes. I broke away from my hiding place and threw myself on Kabuto. (Actually half of that was me falling over from blood loss)

I fought him off until his hands instinctively went to my face and I smelled something that shouldn't be smelled ever again by the whole of man-kind, or anything with a nose. If amoebas could smell, they didn't deserve that either. Then, it all went black and I knew I was slipping into unconsciousness, either that, or the stench alone had burned my eyes out.

End of Chapter 1

Loki whined, "Aww… man, we haven't finished it yet!"

RICK gave her a noggie and said, "It's a collection of short stories! You don't want to be hypocritical, little sister."

Loki smiled, "Let's choose the person we want to say what's going to happen in the next chapter! And when I say 'let's' I mean me."

RICK scowled. "'Let's' not. You WANT to have reviews, don't you?"

Loki crossed her arms, "Okay Nakadai, YOU say what'll happen in the next chapter."

Nakadai forced her way in front of everyone else. "Next chapter will be in nursery rhyme style, and it will feature KIBA! HELL YEAH! THAT'S DANM RIGHT!"

RICK sighed, knowing what was coming. "Screw this, I'm going to go get a croissant."

Nakadai began spazing out. "KIBA! OH YEAH! YOU CAN'T SAY KIBA WITHOUT A 'BA' FINE SEXY HOT GORGEOUS BOY SEXY HOT HOTNESS!"

RICK returned with a croissant in his mouth. "For my health, Loki, you can say the next chapter."

Loki saluted. "Got you there captain."