A/N: I've never written anything like this before. Thus this piece is a bit experimental. It may or may not have worked, but overall I'm fairly happy with it. It made me write again :)

Of Mad-Cow, Gangrene and Nipples:

The crazy rambellings of one James Potter and Sirius Black.

"I think I have mad-cow disease."

"Okay..."

"No, really it makes sense-"

"Right."

"No, really"

"Can people even get mad-cow disease?"

"I don't know!"

"Hmm…"

"Lily!"

"…"

"Can people get mad-cow disease? Like can it really jump from a cow to a person?"

"…"

"Well, can it?"

"…"

"Is that a yes?"

"…"

"Or no?"

"…"

"I think that means you must have it!"

"You know Lily, speaking as your future husbands best friend, you really should open and talk. Bottling up your feelings- Ouch!"

"Padfoot! Shut-up… were making progress at the moment, don't ruin it!"

"Touchy…"

"…"

"So Lil, do you happen to know what exactly mad-cow disease is?"

"…"

"Mate, she's not in a very talkative mood today…"

"…"

"No? Okay, I thought you were supposed to be smart and all and know everything..."

"Padfoot, she's looking pissed. Think its time to bail."

"…"

"Padfoot?"

"PRONGS! You have GANGRENE!!!!!!!"

"What? Where?"

"Stop spinning in circles you prissy and I'll show you! See there… right there."

"Huh? So I do."

"Told you so. Must admit, you're taking it pretty calmly. I would be freaking out."

"Padfoot, what is gangrene?"

"That thing … you know, where they are forced to cut of your limb to save your life. You're going to be footless!"

"…"

"Don't you give me the silent treatment too! All I did was point out that you have a life threatening disease… hmm maybe we should get you too the infirmary before it spreads."

"…"

"You don't want to live?"

"Do you actually know anything about gangrene?"

"Sure I do."

"Like?"

" It's a disease like thing, don't know what you'd call it. Your skin rots and they amputate your leg or toes."

"My skin is not rotten."

"Sure it is, look there. It's all wet – water rots things James! And its green, they wouldn't call it gangrene if it wasn't green and look its black there too, that's the dead skin."

"Merlin's Beard! Your right!"

"I'm always right."

"You weren't that time in fifth year, or in third, or on Wednesday arvo…"

"You still have gangrene."

"She's shaking her head…"

"What does Lily know?"

"Generally more than you."

"She couldn't even answer our simple questions on mad-cow! And she calls herself a muggle!"

"Padfoot…"

"Look Prongs, I know its tragic and –."

"Padfoot…"

"— I'm going to miss you."

"…its rubbing off."

"…"

"It's going to be okay though, your parents love me. I'll be like the son they never had."

"Where did we just come from?"

"I don't see what that has to do with anything– OUCH!"

"…"

"How was I to know it was a grass stain! It's a very gangrene looking grass stain!"

"You're an idiot."

"More importantly, Lily dear, why do I have nipples?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Oh, so you can still speak? We were beginning to get worried. But seriously, what use are they to me?"

"…"

" I mean, I know why you have them –."

"…"

" I wouldn't do that Padfoot…"

"…"

"But why me?"

"Your on your own --."

"…"

"Do you EVER shut up?"

"No."

"…"

"Fancy a date with dear old Prongs here?"

"…"

"I'm going to take that as a no. It was worth a try."

A/N: So this story has been bugging me for at least two years, if not longer. Its something that I randomly came up with when daydreaming in a lecture at university. This is one of two attempts to write this. The first didn't turn out anything like this, in fact its at least a thousand words longer and a lot more darker. Virtually a whole new story in itself. I'm in the process of editing it and will post it at a later date. Please R&R, it means a lot to get feedback of any kind, especially with experiemental pieces like this. I've never just written dialogue and its not my strong point.

Jess