I have to thank AkiraDawn for this great idea of doing humor fics with the Akatsuki. A story about the Akatsuki going to WalMart is already made, I think, but this is my version of it...

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Deidara would be a girl and Haku would be a Sex Ed. teacher. Now. On with the story. Read and review!

"Itachi, unn! But we HAVE to go to Wal-Mart!"

Itachi didn't even look up from the novel he was reading, which was about a boy named Natsu and a girl named Ai and about how they were teenagers in love and they were expecting...it was just getting to the best part too...

"Why?" (that's Itachi if you're lost)

"Because I'm out of hair gel, unn!"

"So? It's not like the world is going to end just because you're out of hair gel."

"AND there aren't any more bottles of it in the cabinet, yeah!"

At this, Itachi put down his novel and looked up, his face a mask of total stunned shock. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

Deidara was panicking and spazzing now. "WE HAVE TO GO TO WAL-MART!"

The rest of the Akatsuki members, who were currently watching the Rockets vs. Warriors basketball game, yelled from the other room, "WOULD YOU SHUT UP?! YAO MING GOT KNOCKED DOWN AND THE SCORE IS 20 TO 15 WARRIORS!"

"See what I mean, yeah? You're the only one who really understands me...unn. They don't care about fashion like we do Itachi! So, we have to go to Wal-Mart yeah! And besides, the others might want something there too, yeah!"

"Well," Itachi said, "Zetsu doesn't care about fashion because...he won't look good in anything anyways! He's a plant for gods sake! And Hidan won't wear anything that isn't overly religious and he'd freak the people who help you out (I have no clue what they're called) with that really weird ritual about stabbing himself in the chest and then lying down on the ground and then we'd probably be banned from Wal-Mart because he'd be bleeding all over the damn floor...And Kakuzu, well...he just hates Hidan and would probably get that chance to cut him open, pull out his organs, poke out his eyes and feed them to the pigeons. Then he'd be accused of murder and he'd have to go to court and be on that show Judge Judy or whatever...and Sasori wears the same fing thing every day and only cares about dressing his puppets..."

"Yeah! Now you're speaking my language, unn!"

"This IS a crisis...I do agree...hmmm...Well, we should just bring the gang along anyway, that way they can back us up if we get blamed for something that we did not do...EVERYBODY INTO THE TSUKIMOBILE!" (yes it's a crappy name for a car but you know, what else would it be?)

After much grumbling from Kisame, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Hidan, and Sasori, which was quickly resolved by Deidara saying, "I'll record it on TVO Danna! (what is it anyway? TBO?)", everybody piled into the Tsukimobile, which was a black Lexus with tinted windows and a 6 person seater, and they managed to get Sasori in by squeezing him into the trunk of the Lexus. Then...they proceeded the drive to Wal-Mart.

Deidara was driving, and that never was a good thing, since he insisted on driving really fast and could only really see through one eye. Kisame went green (xD he went GREEN) when Deidara took a turn on two wheels.

"Deidara, slow the fuck down!" Sasori yelled from the trunk. "You're gonna get us into an accident, and then the LEADER will KILL US!"

"Sorry, danna, I really do love you and all, but this is an emergency! We're out of hair gel and this simply cannot wait, un!"

And that's when Itachi noticed EXACTLY what Deidara was wearing.

"Is that...it can't be...it is?! When did I say you could wear my black Nautica shirt and American Eagle brand jeans?"

"Well, you're wearing the shirt I got from Hurley and those pants I got from Abercrombie and Fitch, unn!"

"DEIDARA, RED FUCKING LIGHT!" Hidan and Kakuzu yelled, clinging to each other in their moment of insane fear. Kisame had already fainted from that second hairpin turn Deidara had taken at 70 miles an hour.

"We're all gonna die..." Sasori thought in the trunk. "Maybe if Deidara crashes head on, then I'll be spared...oh shit no, then the Leader will kill me for not stopping him sooner! I mean, I am his partner and he even admitted that I was stronger than him! But how could I explain to the leader that I was in the trunk? He'll never believe that shit! Oh crap, what smells in here? It's like a DOG crapped in here or something..."

"Even if we survive this, the Leader will kill us...this is the new company car...not to mention that it's a very expensive Lexus too...I mean, look! Leather seats!" Itachi thought.

Hidan was chanting prayers, Zetsu had turned even greener than was humanly possible, and Kakuzu had turned as white as Orochimaru. Deidara, on the other hand, seemed to be having the time of his life. He was laughing like a maniac and yelling crap at all the other cars that honked at him. Itachi closed his eyes and hoped to Kami that they didn't die. 'If I die now,' he thought, 'Then Deidara will be ranked number one in the magazine...and I can't let that happen!'

Deidara zoomed straight through the intersection of Green and Maple at 80 miles per hour, leaving a trail of car crashes and very scared pedestrians in his wake.

Kisame woke up to the sound of squealing brakes. They had pulled into a parking space next to the cart return at Wal-Mart, nearly squishing the little Volkswagen Bug that was in the slot next to them. 'Pity the owner of that car...' Itachi thought.

They piled out of the Tsukimobile, and surprisingly, the black Lexus hadn't received any major damage...just a few scratches, but they could go over that with Sharpie later. They let out Sasori, who tumbled to the ground, and then looked at each other to see how they were doing. Deidara looked like a little kid who's mom had said they could go and get ice cream, Itachi was extremely pissed that Deidara had worn HIS designer clothes without asking, Hidan was about to stab himself in the chest and fall flat on the ground, Kakuzu was busy trying to stop him, Sasori was a little banged up from being stuffed in the trunk that smelled like dog crap and Deidara's reckless driving, and Zetsu and Kisame were a little green around the gills...

A/N:

Kami its like God in Japanese...

Alright. Have a great day you guys! And don't forget to check out my other stories too.