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Chapter 1
He missed her. She had been right, but he didn't want to admit it. Who would have thought that, after the torture he went through at her hands, upon regaining his freedom, he would actually miss her? Maybe he was a glutton for punishment.
Alex took another sip of his coffee and pretended to do the crossword puzzle in front of him. He'd never been one to actually do the crossword, but people left him alone when they saw it and he could allow his mind to continue wandering. Professionally, he had every right to miss her. He hated learning about the ins and outs of gynecology and obstetrics, but at least he was learning. With Sloane, he may actually be working in the field he wanted, but all he did was answer phones and get coffee. What kind of plastic surgeon would he end up being if all he ever learned was how to organize Sloane's files? Despite his many protests, Alex realized that he never learned more from an attending than he did from Addison Montgomery. For that reason alone, no one would blame him for missing her.
Yet, trying to be honest with himself, Alex realized that he didn't miss her for professional reasons. He missed working with her for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with medical skill per se. He missed how she never failed to put the most nervous expectant mothers at ease with her gentle nature. He missed the way her compassion always led her to go above and beyond what was necessary for the comfort and safety of her patient. He missed the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed. He just missed her.
As Alex continued to let his mind wander, his imagination took over and he began picturing himself with the attending in a less than professional capacity. Surprisingly enough, his thoughts were far from raunchy; he was actually picturing a real relationship with her. He imagined the two of them spending time together, making each other smile and laugh, holding hands as they walked down the street together. He pictured them watching television, her head on his shoulder, sharing a bowl of popcorn. He was shocked and more than a little embarrassed by the tame and domestic nature of his daydreams, but they were his thoughts and no one had to know.
What did all this mean? Alex didn't remember having ever felt this way about a single woman before. He loved women and enjoyed being with them, but it was always in a general sense, as if choosing to commit to one would mean denying himself the pleasure of the others. His feelings for Izzie had come close, but in the end, they had frightened him more than anything else and he chose instead to sabotage his chances.
These daydreams didn't frighten him, though. Alex wanted these daydreams to be real, wanted the chance to commit to this woman and forget about the others. He knew the idea was absurd, that it was never going to happen, but instead of feeling relieved, Alex felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. For the first time, he realized that he had developed genuine feelings for Addison, but he no longer saw her on a daily basis and there was nothing he could do about it. He had finally gotten his wish, but he hadn't realized how far it was from what he actually wanted until it was too late.
"Four across is perspicacious," a voice said from behind him. It took Alex a moment to understand what she was saying; he had completely forgotten about the puzzle in his hands and the star of his daydreams had suddenly materialized and sat down beside him. He finally managed an intelligible, "Huh?"
"Four across?" Addison prodded as she slid a chocolate chip muffin towards the confused intern, "'Having keen perception'? It's 'perspicacious'."
Alex's brain finally started functioning again. "Oh, right. Who puts a word like 'perspicacious' on a crossword puzzle?" He feigned frustration and threw down the paper and his pen. He was flustered, worried that Addison could somehow tell what he was thinking by the look on his face. He nodded his thanks as he took a bite out of his muffin.
"You looked like you could use it," she answered before digging into her own banana nut muffin and changing the subject, "I heard you're not happy with Dr. Sloane. Is plastic surgery not what it's cracked up to be?"
Alex rolled his eyes. "Oh, I'm sure that plastics is a great field full of fascinating things to learn. The problem is, since working for him, I've only ever learned how Dr. Sloane likes his coffee."
Addison tried to hide the smile forming on her lips. She had heard the rumours and knew that Mark was being his usual bastard self, using the interns as his personal assistants rather than teaching them his field. She may have fancied herself in love with him but she was never blind to his faults; Mark Sloane was a horrible teacher because he never thought very far beyond his own needs and accomplishments.
The truth was, she missed Alex. She enjoyed having him work for her; he was a challenging student and she enjoyed a challenge. It wasn't that he wasn't talented, because he was; however, he never seemed to want to learn or appreciate learning the lessons she taught and that always made it harder for a teacher to impart knowledge on students. An eager student is always such a joy to teach, but successfully teaching a reluctant student makes the result so much more rewarding.
But, to be honest, Addison's reasons for missing Alex weren't entirely professional. She missed his cocky attitude, so frustrating to deal with and yet sort of appealing. Cockiness was a sign of confidence and every great doctor would tell you that confidence was a big part of their job. She had always been drawn to the over-confident types, finding their attitude a little more than mildly attractive; it certainly explained her relationships with Derek and Mark. Yet, with Alex, the confidence was also mixed in with begrudging respect, as if there was some internal struggle between considering himself too good for her field and knowing that he could learn a lot from her.
Yes, she supposed it was safe to admit, if only to herself, that she had a small crush on Alex Karev. There was nothing wrong with having a crush on an intern, a much younger intern, as long as she didn't act on it, right? She didn't know when it had started, only that she had gone very quickly from despising him to being intrigued by him. She was sorry to release him from her service, since it meant that she would no longer get to work with him on a daily basis, but she had to remain professional. He wanted to be in plastics and it wasn't fair for her to make him continue to work with her simply because she liked being around him.
"Do you want me to talk to him? Get him to actually let you in on some surgeries?"
Alex raised his eyebrows in surprise, "Why would you be willing to do that?"
It was Addison's turn to roll her eyes, "You're a good doctor, Karev. I wouldn't have spent so much time trying to teach you if I didn't think you had talent. I would hate to see all that talent wasted at a local Starbucks."
Alex was pleased with the compliment but shook his head, "No, I'm gonna pay my dues like everyone else. I don't want my boss to do me any favours because the woman he's trying to impress asked him to. I want him to work with me based on my own merits."
Addison nodded her head, her respect for the intern continuing to grow. "Alright, then, good luck dealing with Dr. Sloane. I hope your situation changes for the better. However, if you ever decide that you're sick of running errands for him and want to scrub in on an actual surgery, I might have a C-section or two that could use an intern." With those parting words, she gathered up the rest of her muffin and walked away, leaving Alex staring behind her with a grin on his face.