i remember
Disclaimer: I don't own anything involving the Harry Potter characters...
I know exactly when I fell in love with Hermione Granger. I can trace my feelings back to the second that my heart skipped a beat. I had always thought that she was an amazing, dedicated, intelligent, even beautiful woman. I kept the outward appearance of cruelty to mask my neutrality. My father would never approve of my wanting a muggle-born friend. He would never accept the fact that I just want to be normal and not cold like him. I also wanted to make him proud; I was caught up in a conflicting life.
The day I fell in love with Hermione was just like any other day but different at the same time. Maybe I was just paying more attention, maybe I was just at that place in my life, but it happened and I don't regret it. It was in my 7th year and Hermione and I were Head Boy and Girl. I remember sitting through all my classes with her that day and being transfixed by a different part of her each class. In Transfiguration I saw the sun glint off of her hair making it a warm dark honey color. In History of Magic it was the way she bit down on her quill between notes she was taking. In Defense Against the Dark Arts I noticed how when she would cross her legs her skirt would pull up and show toned thighs and I wondered how she could be so perfect.
After classes I went for a walk around the grounds then once it was after curfew I decided to head back to our shared common room. And there she was, sleeping in my favorite armchair by the fire. She had fallen asleep reading and the book still lay open. She looked so angelic, so beautiful, and I knew that not only did this woman intrigue me; she was the only woman I could see myself spending my life with. But I knew my life could never be shared with her.
The war was over and I was on the winning side, Harry Potter's side. My parent's hid all evidence of them being on the dark side so they weren't convicted of any charges but the world was still wary of them. After getting the dark mark I realized that I shouldn't have chosen that life and that I didn't agree with the death eater views. I turned spy. The day I turned spy was the day that I started thinking about Hermione. She gave me a small smile as I left my meeting with Potter and lightly touched my arm. Thinking about that smile got me through the war. I wanted to know exactly why she would smile at me after six years of torment to her. I promised myself that I wouldn't ask her until the war was over and a victory was achieved.
After the final battle I went up to her and asked her about that smile, she smiled, gave me a small kiss on the cheek, and told me to ask her some other time. Every time I asked she did the same thing until finally I gave up asking. We eventually formed a friendship and to outsiders it must have seemed odd. We bantered, hurled insults at each other, hugged, laughed, and enjoyed silence together. Hermione never got mad when I was cruel to her, she understood what my father wanted from me and later when we were alone she would just give me a hug and say "someday." I knew she meant that someday I would be free of his influence, someday I would be my own man, and someday I could be me.
The night I fell in love with Hermione, the night I realized I could never be with her, was the night I left Hogwarts. I knew being there would only make things harder for me. We are complete opposites, she fire, I ice, she lightness, I darkness, she was with Weasley, and I definitely wasn't part of that group. The fact that she was with someone was what pained me the most. She was genuinely happy with Weasley and I wanted her to be happy but that doesn't mean I wanted to put myself through agony watching her be happy. I volunteered for death eater roundup duty and agreed to finish my schooling through correspondence.
We exchanged letters while I was gone. Sometimes the letters would be pages and pages long and other times they'd be a line or two. Once I got a scrap bit of parchment with just her name on it. I think it was just to remind me to keep writing. She never asked why I left, she never asked me to return, she just said that she trusted my decision. It drove me almost crazy wondering why she trusted me so completely. In her fashion she never said why.
I didn't see Hermione again for another five years. In those five years my father and mother died, the ministry of magic got reorganized, and Hermione Granger got engaged. I'm sure lots of other events occurred during that time but those three things affected me the most. The wizarding populace wanted Potter to be minister of magic but he declined and opted to be head of the aurors and appointed me to a high position. My parents dying caused me to return from rounding up the death eaters and become the man I was raised to be. Hermione and Weasley got engaged around the same time that my parents died. Dealing with their wills and estates made it so I had no time to see her, which I was glad of. I still loved her and seeing her during my time of grief would just make me hurt even more.
When I did see her it was completely by accident. She was in a coffee shop sitting in a corner with a cup of tea in one hand and a book in the other. She was so absorbed in her book she didn't even look up when the bell rang over the door or when I sat down next to her. I didn't even talk to her, I just watched her. She was exactly how I remembered her, if only a bit more mature looking. A small solitaire diamond ring adorned her left hand ring finger. I flinched when I saw it. Before I could pretend that the engagement didn't really happen but seeing the proof of it made it all a reality.
Finally sensing that someone was next to her Hermione looked up and gave me that smile that I've been dreaming of for the past five years. The smile grew wider as she realized that I was really there. A hug followed the smile, conversation followed the hug. We talked for hours, until long after the coffee shop was closed. Being a Malfoy has its perks since the shop actually belonged to me we had an uninterrupted conversation. As we were leaving I asked her one more time why she gave me the smile and I finally got an answer. She had faith in me. She had faith from the beginning that I would end up doing the right thing. She said she saw something in me on that first day at the castle that would stick with her throughout all the years of suffering that I put her through. No one had ever had faith in me before and I felt like I could be a better man than I was just from hearing Hermione say those things. She told me how much she missed me and then she told me how happy she was with Weasley.
Seeing her so happy made it so I can live my life with contentment. I won't be with the one I love, but the one I love will be happy and that's all that matters to me. No matter what happens in my life I know that she will be taken care of.