Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Also, any themes that are similar to those in other fanfictions is purely coincidental.
A/N: Hey. I've never written for this fandom before, but I've been a huge fan of the novel, the film, and other people's fanfictions for a long time. As for my fic, it starts out pretty angsty, but it ends in hurt/comfort. Thanks so much for reading it, though. I really appreciate it. :)
It felt like the world was falling to pieces around him. His eyes were blurry with tears. He grabbed Johnny's hand. It felt like ice. "Damnit, Johnny," Dally pleaded. "Come on, Johnny. Don't die."
Johnny lay on the bed in front of him. His burns and charred skin stood out harshly against the sanitary whiteness of the hospital room, but he was so pale. And he wasn't breathing.
Dally knew that Johnny was dead. It was the only thing in the world that he could comprehend at that moment. Ponyboy, the nurses walking around outside the room, and all of his friends back home were off in some faraway land. Only Dally and the corpse of Johnny, the only person that he'd ever really given a shit about, remained there.
He still couldn't prevent himself from pleading for Johnny to live, though it was, of course, completely in vain. He was barely even paying attention to his own words at that point. Finally, he went silent.
He stared at Johnny's face, memorizing every burn, scar, and feature. He knew that in all probability he would never see him again. He felt a tear stream down his cheek.
He heard a soft choking sound. He shook his head, almost forgetting where he was for a moment. He finally looked away from Johnny, remembering that Ponyboy was there. Of course, Ponyboy was in tears by now. He stood there gawking at Johnny, trying to contain soft sobs. He appeared to be in a similar state of shock as Dally. If Dally didn't hate everything right then (more than he usually hated everything), he might have felt sympathetic.
Dally stood up and staggered down the hallway, suddenly desperate to be anywhere but there. He felt for his gun. He didn't have any bullets, but he did have a plan.
He stood out in the parking lot, the wind and rain blowing madly around him. Some asshole doctor approached him. "You're not allowed here," the doctor said, like a typical high-society bag of dicks. Some soc's dad, probably. Either way, he was just another shitty doctor that had failed Johnny.
Dally pulled out his heater and pointed it at the doctor. "I'm allowed anywhere I want," Dally said, tears now freely streaming down his face.
The doctor's eyes went wide with panic and he hurried back into the building. Dally continued to tearfully yell at him for a moment before giving up. He had other matters to attend to. Wiping his eyes, he turned and began walking away from the hospital.
"Wait! Dally!" Dally turned around out of reflex. Ponyboy was sprinting towards him. In spite of the awful condition he was in, he could still run, though he had a slight limp in his step.
Dally glared at him. The last thing he needed to deal with was some whiny kid. "The fuck do you want?" he demanded.
Ponyboy flinched. He still looked stunned. "I'm sorry... I... I guess I'm just not sure what to say," Ponyboy said. He stopped speaking, staring blankly at Dally. Usually, Ponyboy seemed a bit afraid of him, but right then he looked more like a particularly strung out heroin addict. In his current state, he could barely keep himself upright, let alone carry on a conversation. He must've still been in shock due to what had occurred.
Again, Dally almost felt sorry for him. He was a bloody mess and he looked to be on the verge of passing out. In addition to Johnny's death, the fight with the soc's seemed to have taken a lot out of him. Not to mention the malnourishment Ponyboy was probably suffering from. Dally considered trying to help Ponyboy get home before he dismissed the idea. "I don't have time for this shit," he said. He turned and began jogging briskly away.
The cool night air swirled around him. Leaves rustled under his feet. It would all end for him soon. He might as well take it in.
As he ran, he thought briefly about Ponyboy. It had been a terrible idea to even give him a second glance. Any interaction he had could talk him out of his plan. Dally shook his head. It didn't matter. Nothing could stop him. He was going to die tonight.
He stopped running for a moment. Panting slightly, he steadied himself on a tree, scanning the area. He was on West Slaten Avenue. There were some run-down houses, a daycare center and convenience/liquor store called "Ray's". That was as good a place as any, Dally decided. With blind determination, he began walking straight towards the convenience store.
"Dal, please! Wait!" A familiar voice called from not far behind him. Dally continued walking, pointedly ignoring Ponyboy, though he was somewhat impressed that Ponyboy had managed to keep up with him in the state that he was in.
They were approaching the parking lot. Ponyboy panted. He struggled to keep up with Dally, but he didn't stop moving. Dally didn't pause either, but he was growing somewhat concerned for his plans. His greatest desire was to be with Johnny. That meant that he wished to die. However, he didn't necessarily want Ponyboy to be around to see it. For both of their sakes.
His plan was simple. Pull the gun out on the cashier, demand the money, and run out. Then the cops show up, he pulls the gun on them, and then it's over. But here Ponyboy was. He considered resorting to violence with him just to get him to go away, but he was too tired. More than that, Dally could never bring himself to hurt Ponyboy like that. He could be violent with many people, but not Ponyboy or Johnny.
Still, Dally decided it didn't make a difference whether or not Ponyboy saw him die. Ponyboy had already been scarred for life by the deaths of his parents and best friend. The death of an old greaser asshole like Dally would probably be the least traumatizing thing that Ponyboy would have to deal with.
He didn't turn around or acknowledge Ponyboy. He simply continued to walk.
"Dal, wait. Please," Ponyboy said for the hundredth time, sounding like he was on the verge of tears again. It was different somehow, though. He had the same desperate pleading tone to his voice that Dally'd had back in the hospital room with Johnny.
That caused Dally to pause for a moment. He stopped walking. His heart fluttered slightly. He wasn't sure what emotion he was experiencing.
He tried his best to transfer all of his emotions into rage. He turned around to face Ponyboy.
"I'm warning you, kid. You keep doing this, and I'm going to hurt you. Fuck. Off," Dally said, somewhat menacingly.
Ponyboy continued to stand there, staring blankly ahead of him. Dally, again, felt himself waver between sympathy and rage.
"Didn't you hear me? I told you to to fuck off!" Dally said, raising his voice slightly.
Ponyboy stared at the ground. He looked like a ghost. He was so white, but he was covered in cuts and bruises. Dally felt a twinge of guilt for yelling at him.
They were both silent for a moment. Finally, Ponyboy said, "I just don't want you to kill yourself."
Dally felt a lump grow in his throat. Was he really that obvious? Was Ponyboy suddenly psychic or something? He hadn't even really thought of his "plan" in those terms. He thought of it more as "inspiring others to kill him". It was different. Regardless, he felt himself softening.
"What the hell do you know?" Dally said. He couldn't muster up the anger anymore, though. "I ain't gonna kill myself. Where'd you get that idea?"
Ponyboy seemed to be coming to his senses slightly. He looked at the ground. "Shoot, I dunno. I just had a feeling. Besides... that's kinda how I feel right now."
Dally remained silent. If he was going to go through with his "assisted suicide" plan, it would have to be soon. Every second that he spent with Ponyboy was chipping away at his armor.
Still, in spite of everything that he'd been through, talking to Ponyboy almost did seem somewhat... nice. The loss of Johnny still affected him immensely. It was unbearable. It felt like he'd lost a part of himself.
But here Ponyboy was, anyway. It made some difference somehow.
In spite of his violence and criminal record, he'd always had a soft spot for innocence. Ponyboy was innocence personified. Dally had loved Johnny so much, but some part of him also loved Ponyboy just as much. It went without saying that he wasn't the sort of person who liked sappiness, but Ponyboy sort of tugged at his nonexistent heart strings. Ponyboy was just a kid, but he was smart and sensitive and he had to deal with a lot of shit. What he felt for Ponyboy was different than what he'd felt for Johnny, but it was there and it was just as strong.
Dally had always assumed that Ponyboy didn't need him, though. Other than the gang, Johnny had no one. His home life was abusive and generally horrific. Ponyboy had two loving older brothers. And Ponyboy was generally just quiet, analytical, and intelligent, whereas Johnny was depressed and suicidal. Thus, Dally had never felt the need to really "protect" Ponyboy.
Still, all during the past week or so he'd seen just how vulnerable Ponyboy could be. Dally had been legitimately worried about Ponyboy's health when he shown up at Buck's drenched in water from the fountain. His heart had sunk when he thought that he'd accidentally killed Ponyboy at the scene of the fire.
Now, Ponyboy was being all clingy. Dally didn't know what to make of anything anymore. He guessed that maybe he and Ponyboy had just grown attached to one another.
Ponyboy looked up at him with watery eyes. "Please. I'm sorry, Dally. This is all my fault. If anyone should go, it should be me." Tears poured down Ponyboy's face.
That surprised Dally somewhat. He bit his lip, unsure of how to react. It was painful to hear Ponyboy say that. He honestly hadn't made the connection that Ponyboy would feel guilty for what had happened. The idea that Ponyboy would take the blame for everything that happened, in spite of it all being completely out out of his control, tore at Dally. "Glory. Don't you dare say that, kid."
Ponyboy stared at the ground. "But it's the truth. I caused everything. I... I should die. Not you, Dally."
Dally felt a lump grow in his throat. What a fucking night. He couldn't help himself anymore. He put his arms around Ponyboy.
Dally would never stand in the middle of a parking lot and hug someone if he was in a better state of mind. He felt like they'd earned it, though. Both of them had been through Hell. "Hey kid," Dally whispered, his own voice cracking slightly. "Don't you ever say shit like that. You're just a kid, Pony. It ain't your fault. You ain't done nothin' wrong."
"Yes, I have. I'm so sorry," Ponyboy said, sobbing softly into Dally's shoulder. "I just as much killed Bob as Johnny did. Johnny was my best f-friend and... and I'm so sorry. But you can't die too, Dally!" He was shaking. He felt so thin in Dally's arms.
Dally felt his heart ache slightly. He'd never seen Ponyboy cry like this. Obviously, Ponyboy tried to be tough around him. Dally never really considered it, but he supposed that everyone in their gang put up some façade for the sake of morale or looking tough. "Hey, come on, kid. I ain't gonna die and neither are you. Take it easy. It's gonna be okay."
Ponyboy didn't say anything more. He just sniffled and kept his head buried in Dally's shoulder. Dally gingerly stroked at Ponyboy's hair, trying to get him to stop crying.
Dally knew then that he had to decide which path to take right then. He could either rob the convenience store and die or he could take Ponyboy home and try to recover from everything that had happened. In spite of the tenderness he was sharing with Ponyboy, he still had that itch in the back of his mind, and there was still that emptiness. Life would be so hard without Johnny, and Ponyboy didn't really require any further assistance. Dally could just set him up somewhere and go about getting himself killed.
But Ponyboy seemed so sad about it. The poor kid seemed like he was doing everything in his power to get Dally to not kill himself. Maybe the world wasn't all terrible. Maybe there was still some hope.
Suddenly, Ponyboy went limp in his arms. Dally only barely caught him before he fell. Dally held him up and examined his face. Ponyboy was out cold.