"Love On The Rocks"
The room was getting darker. He sat on the edge of his bed, holding the picture. Silent tears dropped on the frame, his hands, the floor. He should get on with his packing but….
Love on the rocks ain't no surprise
Pour me a drink,
And I'll tell you some lies
Got nothing to lose,
So you just sing the blues, all the time
For one or other reason that song from Neil Diamond that HE used to play, kept going through his head. If only he had that drink now. But they finished off the last of his beers only the other day, when things were still fine.
Gave you my heart, gave you my soul
You left me alone here
With nothing to hold
Yesterday's gone
Now all I want is a smile
He still clearly remembered the day he had made the move. They had been running as usual through the endless halls of Atlantis, pushing each other on, not wanting to be the first to give up. But when they passed the balcony for the second time, his breath caught by the beauty of the world outside. The sun dropped into the ocean with fiery red colors, a fragrant breeze pushed away his dreadlocks. He closed his eyes for a moment, inhaling the air, feeling more alive than he had in years. He heard his running partner come back towards him.
'Giving up already?'
'Look out there.' He said in a soft voice.
Sheppard looked out over the water, into the beautiful sunset.
They stood there for a moment, together, just basking in the setting sunlight. He had turned to Sheppard and seen the light reflected in his eyes. John must have felt him stare but he hadn't moved. Instead his eyes seemed to light up even more in anticipation. He took a step closer. Sheppard turned to him, daring him to make a move. It was not the first time they had been this close together. So far, each time, he had backed off. Not this time. He slid his hands behind John's head, looking into those gorgeous eyes once more before he dipped down his head and gently kissed the lips he had wanted to taste for so long. He felt John's lips open slightly, inviting him in further, luring him into the passion that started to build between them.
He felt hands pulling up his clothes, traveling over his naked back, slipping between his belt and pulling him in even closer. The heat of the sun was no rival to the heat generated by the two lovers.
He had to come up for air. And for a moment he hesitated. Was this real?
He didn't have time to think. John pushed him hard against the wall.
'Thought you'd never make your move,' John whispered in his ear as he started to plant kissed all down his neck. For a moment, Ronon was overwhelmed. He was used to being in charge, only allowing Sheppard to order him around because he was his commanding officer. But now he wanted nothing more than to be subdued by this man. Their kissing became even more intense, knowing or at least hoping, no one would find them here. But the possibility of being caught only heightened the excitement. Their hands entwined. Both felt the need for more.
Time had passed. The sun had all but disappeared. John was leaning heavy against him. He could feel the urge, yet neither wanted to go any further. Not there, not then.
They tried to calm down, breathing hard.
'I want you!' John said with burning passion in his eyes. 'But not here, not like this.'
Ronon nodded.
'Race you back.' Ronon planted a last kiss on John's lips and sped off.
John shook his head, turned and started to run after him.
First they say they want you
How they really need you
Suddenly you find you're out there
Walking in a storm
Sheppard took a short cut, using some of the transporters to make it back to his room before Ronon did. He knew he had only moments to tidy his mess. He opened his door just as Ronon arrived.
'Not fair!' Ronon said panting against the doorframe.
'Are you going to do something about that?'
Ronon looked up. There was an invitation if ever he heard one.
'You gonna stay out there or come in already?' John asked casually.
Ronon slowly walked into the room. The door closed automatically behind him. Their eyes were locked as he moved forward to John.
'Lock' John ordered. He noticed the door accepting his command.
For every step Ronon took forward, John took a step back, keeping the distance between them.
'You took the transporters back.' Ronon challenged him.
'Yeah…. Didn't want to be all exhausted like you.' He allowed Ronon a step closer.
'Who's exhausted?' Ronon asked closing the gap a little more again.
John swallowed hard. He had been dreaming about this but now he felt like a kid again, about to go on his first date, hoping to go a little further than first base.
John could go no further, feeling the wall against his back. Ronon stopped too, licking his lips, like an animal ready to pounce on his prey.
He grabbed John's t-shirt and pulled him back away from the wall.
'Where do you think you are going?'
But before John could answer, Ronon crushed his lips into John's, forcing open his lips, penetrating his warm mouth with his tongue, feeling the immediate reaction.
John stepped closer into the embrace, letting his hands travel over Ronon's body. It had been wet from sweating after their long run but had started to dry up again in the warm confines of John's room. And all he could think of was making ronon sweat again, with passion, this time. He pushed Ronon back, all the way to his bed.
Ronon didn't notice the edge and was surprised to find himself lying down, John straddling him.
Ronon held his breath as John slowly undressed him, planting kisses all over his firm torso, teasing his nipples. He wanted to rip off John's clothes as well but John pushed his hands back.
'Slowly.' He breathed heavily while tossing his own discarded clothes in the corner.
Ronon sat up, caressing John, kissing him where ever he could. Suddenly Ronon got up, holding on to John and turning him over onto the bed. He kneeled on the floor between John's legs, slowly undoing the belt in John's trousers, releasing the zipper very very slowly. John daren't move, afraid he would explode just by Ronon's touch and he wanted this to last. He closed his eyes when he felt Ronon take off his shoes, socks and pulling off his trousers in one smooth move.
'Open your eyes.' Ronon softly asked.
Carefully he did as his lover asked. He stopped breathing for a moment as he looked upon the fully naked man standing between his knees.
'Look at me.' John could not take his eyes of Ronon but forced himself to meet Ronon's eyes.
'Ready for this?' John could only nod as he saw Ronon get down on his knees, his lips gently caressing the inside of his legs until he reached his erection. Licking his way to the top, Ronon took the hot member fully in his mouth, while at the same time, inserting a finger in John's hole.
John nearly screamed with pleasure. Ronon knew what he was doing. But he wanted more, he wanted to feel Ronon inside him.
'Take me …..NOW!' he nearly screamed.
Ronon hesitated only for a moment, then positioned himself and pushed hard all the way in. He knew he was hurting John so he stopped moving for a moment. He was well endowed and even as aroused as they were he wanted John to enjoy their lovemaking.
'Don't stop now.' John pleaded.
Ronon started moving again, in, out, in, out, reaching a smooth rhythm, aiming to hit the right spot each time.
John grabbed the sheets, trying to postpone the moment.
'Look at me!' Ronon ordered.
John opened his eyes, seeing the heat, looking down where Ronon was now also holding his hard erection, pumping him and his penis faster and harder. They looked at each other, knowing both were close to the edge, both not wanting it to end yet. But the overwhelming orgasm hit them both at the same time, draining their bodies of both their fluids and strength as they had given themselves completely to each other.
Exhausted they lay on top of each other. They didn't say a word, just lay in each other's arms, enjoying their warmth and love.
Ronon knew then that John had him, completely and forever. There was no going back.
When they know they have you
Then they really have you
Nothing you can do or say,
You've got to leave, just get away
We all know the song
For weeks they had enjoyed their relationship. Work was no problem. They were both professionals. On the contrary even, they seemed to be honed in on each other even better, anticipating and understanding moves faster.
Until today.
He had panicked when he saw the hole in John's side. How had that happened? What had he missed? How could he have let his lover down so badly?
Teyla and Rodney had rushed back to the gate, opening it already while Ronon carried Sheppard back over the small path.
'Hang on, you'll be ok.' He kept whispering.
In Atlantis, Ronon hadn't waited for Carson. Still holding John protectively in his arms, he had rushed to the infirmary.
Carson had seen the fear and panic in his eyes. He put John on one of the beds, just as John regained consciousness. He had been so pleased to see John open his eyes, he had slowly caressed the pained face and gently kissed his head, completely oblivious to anyone around them.
John had exploded, pushed him away, pretended he didn't know Ronon.
Ronon had been pushed back in shock by the words and fierceness of the attack. Only then did he notice Carson, Teyla and Rodney.
He had turned and run off, back to his room.
Now the hours had passed and he realized he could not stay. He realized John did not love him as much as he loved John. He had been ashamed about their relationship. Ronon had never wondered why John had never openly admitted to their relationship, thinking he just wanted to enjoy it in privacy. Now he realized John would never tell anyone. Their relationship would not be accepted as it would have been on Sateda.
Knowing that, he had come to the only possible conclusion. John did not really love him and he had to leave Atlantis. He had to get away from John even if it would kill him. But having given his heart completely, there was no way back.
You need what you need
You can say what you want
Not much you can do
When the feeling is gone
May be blue skies above,
But it's cool
When your love's on the rocks
The door chime indicated someone wanted to come in. But he did not react. He did not want to see anyone now. He just wanted to disappear.
The door opened. Probably Rodney opening it for Teyla. She always worried about them all. He was sure she knew, being sensitive to everything as she is.
'Teyla, just go.' He said quietly between his tears.
He heard someone come closer. Two bare feet appeared in his sight of view. That was not Teyla. He hung on to the picture for dear life, not wanting to look up.
'I'm sorry.' The whispered voice sounded weak.
Ronon did not move. How could he believe John after what he had yelled at him.
The man in front of him got on his knees, slowly.
'Please, …. Look at me?' the pleading voice nearly broke his heart.
'Please….'
He put the picture down on the bed next to him, wiped the tears from his face, hardened his features before looking up.
John looked terrible. His face was pale. The pain and loss of blood surely the cause of it.
'I didn't mean what I said.'
Ronon didn't move. If he had, he would have grabbed John and held him close. But he was not ready to forgive him, not ready to trust him completely again.
'I love you. I cannot live without you anymore. You make me complete.'
'That's not what you shouted.' He looked John in the eyes, trying to find the deceit, the lies he was surely telling him.
'I was surprised. I know that is not an excuse.' John stopped for a moment. He didn't want to move. He wanted to beg on his knees. But the wound in his side was taking its toll. He felt feint, putting his hand on Ronon's knee for support.
He felt Ronon flinch from the touch, realizing then how much he had hurt his lover, how far gone he was.
He looked Ronon in the eyes again.
'I don't want to lose you. I love you!' Tears streamed down his face.
Ronon didn't move.
Feeling he had lost the most important battle in his life, John slowly got up again and walked weakly to the door.
There, Rodney and Teyla were waiting for him. Rodney wanted to support him but John pushed his hands away, focusing on the spot on the wall, far away from Ronon's room, where he was now heading.
Teyla looked in the room. Ronon hadn't moved yet.
'Ronon,….' She tried to get his attention.
Finally he looked over his shoulder to her.
'He was on citywide.' She simply stated.
It took a moment for Ronon to realize what she was saying. Citywide…. They ALL heard it.
'Sheppard!' Rodney shouted suddenly.
Ronon shot up and ran outside.
Sheppard had collapsed again on the floor. Rodney was already calling for Carson.
Ronon fell down on the floor, carefully picking up John's still body, cradling him in his arms.
It didn't take long for the gurney to arrive. Ronon carefully put John on it. He wanted to step back but John grabbed his hand. Slowly opening his eyes, the plea was obvious. Ronon stepped closer again. They didn't say anything. John brought his hand to his mouth and gently kissed it.
Then the medics pushed on and hurried John to the infirmary.
Ronon, Teyla and Rodney walked behind them.
Perhaps their love was not on the rocks.
The end
17/12/12