By a request for a reviewer, Leelo77, I have decided to write a story based on Snape's version of "Dear Diary". It is his personal diary of which he writes most of what happens except for his deepest secrets. This is because I don't think Snape would be dumb enough to do such a thing considering his past. Diaries can be stolen and read by others, and Severus would never take that chance. Therefore he hardly ever mentions the Dark Lord!
This story is dedicated to Leelo77 for her inspiration and Liz B for the encouragement.
Disclaimer: All of the characters (even Sinistra) in this story belong to J.K. Rowling.
(Ps: I decided that Severus' version would be somewhat different then Quintessa's when it comes to things they said to each other. It would be rather strange if both of them remembered exactly the words that were spoken.)
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Chapter 1
August 20th
Returning to Hogwarts
Saturday:
I arrived Hogwarts this morning together with the rest of the staff. As for transportation I went by the Hogwarts Express, shearing compartment with headmaster Dumbledore. He was… Chatty as usual. Kept talking about on and on about his summer holiday and his future plans for Hogwarts. I on the other hand, was totally uninterested, trying to read a book; Midsummer Night's Dream by Shakespeare. Of course it was completely impossible with him blabbering on none stop. Hopefully I'll get to read it in my chamber tonight.
Although I am quite bored with the occupation I have at Hogwarts, there are certain… Lift-ups in my boring everyday life. Such as Potter for one, and his pathetic little clumsy friend Longbottom. And let us not forget Hogwarts own Gertrude (Hamlet); Sinistra. I am beginning to wonder who is the most of a lunatic, she or Trelawney. I think I will call it a tie… Yes. Defiantly a tie. God how I loathe that woman. Sinistra that is. They should have named her Sinister instead. Much more appropriate for a woman of her age and appearance. That awfully brown curly hair. She has no control over it I am sure. It looks as if she has skinned an Afro-American and used his hair as a wig. There is nothing wrong with that in particular, but it does not suit her short, skinny and feminine body. I assure you it is not as if I have studied her body, it is just something my incredible memory seems to remember, and which I am in no control over. Well, some. After all, why would I have a Pensive if not?
August 21st
The new teacher
Sunday:
The first staff meeting was held today. As always my application for the Defence Against Dark Arts application was turned down and the new teacher was introduced. Her name was Celestine Norctem. Nothing like I've seen before in my life. If I hadn't known better I'd say she was a half-nymph. Her hair was blood red as if it was on fire. Her green eyes stood in contrast with her hair, creating excitement in her appearance although I was not impressed. Her body was tall and slim, and she was very talented according to Dumbledore. Former Slytherin student. She was a prefect in her time. I can't remember having her as a student and I think I would have remembered someone like her. Almost an identical copy of Lily Potter. She must have graduated before I became a teacher, even though she doesn't look old enough for that. Oh well, it's not like I care about her anyway.
Oh I can't stand being in the same room as the twit. Not the new professor, but that Sinister. Oh my mistake, Sinistra… She kept glaring at me during the meeting. It's very irritating really. Can't she just admit she's obsessed with me and get it over with? I'm getting fed up with her and her childish behaviour. She pretends to hate me you know; still she keeps glaring at me all the time. It's sickening. And somewhat depressing. Of all people at Hogwarts it had to be her. I'd rather it was Trelawney.. On second thought, perhaps not Trelawney. Rather anyone other then those two, and McGonagall.
August 22nd
Another year
Monday:
Ah it's good to be back. First lesson this morning. Slytherin and Gryffindor. First years! Amazing how good it feels seeing the looks on their faces when I punish them for not tolerated behaviour, taking housepoints for the slightest misbehaviour, such as chewing gum in my class or talking without have been given the word. Oh yes, I'm pretty satisfied with myself today. Gryffindor is already fifth points behind the other houses. Luckily McGonagall haven't taken any housepoints from Slytherin yet, but she will, that old plaintive hag! Slytherin will win the house cup this year, I will see to it personally.
For the first time this year all the teachers and students came together for breakfast this morning. I, as usual, was seated next to Sinistra. I decided to completely ignore her. Therefore, since I was seated next to Norctem as well, I talked to her instead. Actually it was her who took the initiative to begin a conversation. We talked about dark arts. It seems she has much knowledge within the subject. Not more then me, but more then usual. I was not impressed by her, but then again what impresses me? Other then how completely ignorant and acknowledged Sinistra is. It is actually rather ironically considering the way she appears and thinks of herself. Oh well, not my problem.
August 23rd
Headmaster Matchmaker
Tuesday:
Dumbledore called me to his office today. Wanted to talk with me concerning these plans he had forced upon me on the train. I sat for two whole hours listening to him and reflecting upon these plans before I managed to escape, coming up with some small lie about having to brew a new potion for my next class. That old fool can get quite annoying when he first wants to. I remember he tried to play matchmaker last year. Unluckily for me it involved myself and a certain princess of dreamland, oh you guess it. Who other than Astronomy professor Quintessa Sinistra? All she thinks about all day long is those ridiculous stars of her, wasting her life dreaming about the sky rather then using her brain for more important things such as potions. Well, I don't expect more from her. What can you expect from a woman of her… level if I may call it that?
August 24th
Dead romance
Wednesday:
Bloody brilliant… They're holding another Christmas prom. Every year they put me through this horrible experience. Happy faces everywhere you look and romance. Let me tell you; romance is horribly overestimated. Romance is simply a foreplay, driven by lust and desire. Desire to have control over another person's flesh and blood, and lust for own pleasure. It is a game of control and winning. Disgusting! Love and romance is no longer what it used to be, it is stories told or written in books or poems such as Shakespeare's work. He speaks of a love that doesn't exist, only in our head, in our imagination. Love, my friend, is dead. It died a long time ago. Before either you or me were made. Gentlemen are a race that is become extinct unless the world changes. I am a gentlemen, but only to those whom I find suiting to the treatment. And those are few.
The date of this horrible disaster called the Snowflake Formal is the 11th of December. I will as usually spent the day patrolling the gardens, catching those students who think there are smart when they hide in the bushes to make out, or maybe even worse things. I'd rather stand out in the cold all night then attend at the ball. I'm an excellent dancer, but there is no one at Hogwarts I'd like to dance with. No one!
August 27th
A former teacher
Saturday:
A good day today. Gryffindor had lost of five more points and Potter and his know-it-all girlfriend Granger earned themselves detention. I was in such good mood I decided to pay Sinistra a visit just to irritate her. She had, as I had expected, posters of Gilderoy Lockhart on her walls. I think I will never understand her obsession with that self-centred, pompous drag queen. It hasn't been confirmed yet, but I am sure he is one. In case you don't know, a drag queen is a man who dresses like a woman. Like Lockhart. He makes me sick. Dumbledore hired him as a teacher three years ago. One of the worst years in my entire life. Thank god he is at St. Mungo's. I will never have to set my eyes one him again, except for in Sinistra's chambers of course. She didn't seem too happy when I came to visit her.
"Rather pathetic isn't it?" Having posters of a mental patient on the walls in your office?"
Quintessa seemed offended. The anger was not hard to see through her body's windows. (The body's windows are the eyes in case you wondered. It is a metaphor.)
"Oh I don't know about that. Much more delightful to look at then dead creatures, don't you think?"
Can't say I agree with that. I would much rather have my walls decorated with portraits of Moody then Lockhart.
August 28th
Inconvenient conversation
Sunday:
Bloody matchmaker. He's doing it again you know. Trying to match me with that horrid woman. He made me escort her to the Hogmeade. But it is not going to work. He does it every bloody year. Doesn't he ever get the picture? It is not going to happen! I refuse to see myself with that woman. The humiliation of being seen with her in public is quite enough. She constantly tried to start a conversation, but I made sure she shut up. Do you know what I called her? A bloody pathetic little four-eyed. Quite proud of the nickname, I have to admit. Suits her perfectly. She apologized for some accident last year, but I refuse to forgive. Do you know what she did? She entered my chamber without knocking first. Where are her manners? And I, who happen to knock on door before entering them, was standing half-naked on the other side of that door. What do you expect when you visit someone in the chamber? I bet she wanted to. She wanted to see me naked. I'm actually feeling quite sick at the moment. The last thing on earth I would do was too see her naked that's for sure. I think I am going to throw up. Excuse me just for one minute will you?
There… Didn't throw up, but I still feel a tiny bit, sick… If I just don't think about it I'm sure it will pass. On with the story; we were finally finished with the shopping, which was unnaturally boring, she insisted on taking a few butterbeers (or whatever they are called) at the three broomsticks. I on the other hand, insisted in leaving, but somehow I was forced to enter the three broomsticks with her. She tried starting a conversation again, as if we are fiends or something.
"Oh, my mouth is nearly dry. I think I want something to drink. Would you like some, Severus?"
"No."
"Don't you want something to drink?"
"No."
"How about if I pay for it?"
"Goddamnit woman, I said NO!"
"Fine then, suit yourself."
"Thank you…"
God that woman is so annoying. Can't she take a no for a no? What part of no didn't she understand? Anyway, she kept talking.
"So what do you think about the new teacher?"
I, who wasn't quite in the talking mood, decided to keep my tongue silent.
"Severus?"
"Yes? What is it?"
"What do you think of her? Celestine Norctem, the new teacher?"
"I think she is much better then the Defence Against Dark Arts teachers we've had the last few years."
"Better than Lockhart?"
What a stupid question! Better then Lockhart? Is she really so stupid or is it just an act?
"Yes, professor Sinistra, much better then Lockhart."
"Severus, I have told you a thousand times, do call me Quintessa."
"And I have told you a thousand times that I prefer to call you professor Sinistra."
"Stubborn old bat."
Wench! Giving me such nicknames just because I prefer to call her by her surname.
"At least it is better then an old wench who acts like a foolish teenager."
"I object! I do not act like a foolish teenager."
"No? Do you not have posters of Gilderoy Lockhart hanging on the walls in your office? Do you not have every book he has ever written? Do you not kiss the note of which contains his autograph before you go to bed every night?"
Pathetic isn't it?
"To your information, I not have posters of Gilderoy hanging in my office. Not any more. And at least I have an idol that still lives. Shakespeare died a long time ago you know!"
"Shakespeare is a respected writer with a lifetime of writing experience behind him. He is much greater then Gilderoy Lockhart will ever be. He might be dead, but his career, unlike others, is not based on the way he looks! "
And so she simply said goodbye professor and left. She left me with the bill! Can you believe it? How thoughtful of her, especially when I didn't order anything. I will remind her the next time I see her. I'm positive she did it in purpose. Bloody twit! Arrgh… I'm going to bed! I'm angry and beginning to feel rather sick again. It is all her fault! That cow!
September 4th
The play
Sunday:
It's been a week since last time I wrote. Nothing has happened except for this morning. All the teachers were called in for a meeting by Dumbledore. He presented another one of his brilliant ideas. A play! At least it was a play by Shakespeare; Macbeth. Dumbledore asked me to play Macbeth himself. I reclined of course. He pointed out that I do have more knowledge about Shakespeare then any of the other teachers, and I can't object to that. Therefore the role was forced upon me. You know how Dumbledore always gets his will. Professor Norctem will be playing the role as my wife. I do not wish a wife, but I do not want to ruin the brilliancy of Shakespeare's writing either, besides, better her then Sinistra. And Macbeth's wife does play an important part in the play. She is after all the reason Macbeth kills King Duncan. The play will be preformed at the Snowflake formal, and rehearsals will be held ever Sunday until the 11th. I can't wait (yeah right…).
September 9th
Jealousy
Friday:
Norctem came to see me this morning. She told me Sinistra had paid her a visit yesterday concerning the play. It seems Sinistra wanted to play the part as Macbeth wife because of some intimacy between the married couple. Apparently Sinistra did it out of concern for our newest teacher, but I think otherwise. After all the matchmaking Dumbledore has done it has finally reached her. She fancies me. She likes me. No not like, love! And it makes me completely…. Sick! This is horrible. She can't like me! Worse; love me! No, I won't allow her… I'll make her stop. I'll see to that her love comes to an end. Wait. I can take advantage of this situation. I'll pretend to be interested in professor Norctem to make her jealous. It will be a living hell for her. Yes... Can you picture the torture it will cause her? The entertainment? Oh, it will be hilarious. I never knew playing with someone else's feeling could be so entertaining. Well, I really don't know yet, but I will soon. Finally I get my chance of paying back the lifetime with agony she has caused me by just being alive. Okay so a lifetime was perhaps exaggerating just a bit, but at least ten years, if not fifteen. I can't really remember. I don't want to remember the day she came into my life! I loathe that woman!
September 11th
A born actor
Sunday:
The first practice is over. I played like a god as expected. It comes naturally. I was born an actor. Unlike anyone else I didn't even need a script. I have read Macbeth too many times to need a script to remember the lines. I was easy. You just have to put your mind to it. I was actually quite surprised by professor Norctem's acting skill. She was very elegant and suited perfect for the part, unlike others. Sinistra couldn't remember her line. For god's sake, she had one line and she couldn't remember it. ONE BLOODY LINE! Pathetic! I have to admit I do sometimes get ashamed by that woman. When I think about it, I am always ashamed of her. Her ignorance is overwhelming. Ah, I love having someone to complain about!