Disclaimer: I don't own them.
A/N: Sorry this is so bleak. It's a side effect of being unhappy with "The Last Man" and returning from a funeral before writing this. The next chapter of 'Whisper is coming, I just didn't think I could finish it before the next time I got to the internet.
Pairings: Rodney/Jennifer, Suggested Sparky (John/Elizabeth), slight/possible John/Lizbeth/Lorne, possible Michael/Teyla.
General Lorne sat at his desk in Stargate Command, staring at the door. Doctor McKay had left only ten minutes ago, and he was already wondering about his decision to let McKay proceed with his plan. He wanted to change their past, to make this life disappear. Everything for nearly three decades would be gone.
In truth, Evan had laid awake in bed many nights wondering what he would do with life being different then it was now. He had wished and prayed for a miracle to happen, for him to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Granted life had been kind to him. Sure he had seen his share of sorrow, but he was still here. He had risen up through the military ranks, and was in charge of one of America's most powerful strongholds. Things could be worse.
If McKay succeeded, then who was to say that Earth would even survive? How many lives would never be created? How many would remain? How many people would be saved, how many would be lost? Even if Rodney was able to find John and send him back, if they found Teyla, who was to say that it would change anything? What if their perception of what happened to her was wrong? What if Michael wasn't the one to kill her?
None Evan knew held any love for the wraith-turned human. But if anyone would ever be safe with him, he'd think it to be Teyla. Michael seemed to respect her in some twisted way. Maybe he even loved her. They could only judge the outcome with the eyes they wanted. Maybe Michael hadn't been the one to kill her. Maybe she hadn't survived the birth itself. Maybe Michael had left her in a place he knew her people would find her so she could have a proper funeral. They had never seen the child; maybe Michael had taken him under his wing. Perhaps both mother and child had been lost in the end, was it those events that had thrown Michael into his slaughter? From every account Evan had read, Michael seemed to be searching only for acceptance.
Still, even if the future were to turn out horrible, Evan had to admit a future in which Sheppard was still alive was an appealing one. He couldn't help his heart from aching a bit. If they were taking such a risk, it was almost too bad the scientist couldn't send him a little further back in time. If it was possible to remove the explosive tumor that took Carson from them, Michael wouldn't be able to get that far in the first place. If Carson's life could be saved then couldn't Elizabeth's be?
Elizabeth. If only she hadn't been so close to the explosion. While Sam had done a good job in her day and made some necessary calls, there was no space that could ever be filled after the loss of their original commander. Her words saved more then people around them. She was the anchor for many there. After she was gone, smiles became rare.
After they had sent her personal things back to Earth, Sheppard and his team, along with himself had received an invitation from her mother for a private memoriam service. John didn't want to go. He had told his subordinate that to attend would be admitting that he'd never see her again. But, somehow, Evan had convinced him to come with him. He had never seen the Colonel so close to tears as when they were invited to sit beside her mother.
It wasn't a few months later that they had held a service for John himself. Evan took it upon himself to tell Elizabeth's mother. She insisted on coming in her daughter's stead. Together they had approached John's family. They tried to convince them to bury Sheppard's casket next to the similar barren grave of Elizabeth instead of the family plot. They had seemed completely baffled and offended that a stranger would make such a request. Their rejection had brought tears to Mrs. Weir's eyes, and drew out the worst of Evan's temper.
In a barely calm manner he tried to explain to the Sheppards that John had found security in his station. Evan told them that no matter what, John had always seen to the well being of his people, and of their commander. Evan hadn't had long enough to learn everything that could be about the Colonel, but even those who knew him only by reputation could nearly testify to one fact. The former commander wouldn't rest, wherever he was, if he couldn't make sure that Elizabeth herself hadn't been protected. Evan did learn that John's greatest regret that they had lost her and he could do nothing. At least if the memory of the two were together John might find some place to rest, where ever he was.
In the end, the family had refused.
Now, all these years later, he wasn't sure he blamed them. It was a quite a proposition from people they didn't know. Maybe if they had ever seen John and Elizabeth together they would have understood. Mrs. Weir had heard of John through her daughter, but with the severed connections in John's family they had no such familiarity. But as it was, he couldn't say he'd want his sister buried by someone they didn't know if the cards were dealt the other way.
Before they had parted with Elizabeth's mother, he had asked her a favor. He has asked if when the time came he could take the place that was offered to John's casket. In his absence, Evan had always kept an eye on her for the commander. He was always by her side during some of the worst times reassuring her. He wouldn't mind guarding her for him a bit longer. She had been touched by the offer; offer her own family layout to any of his that may need it.
She had been looking out for his future. She saw him as a youthful man with a bright future. Surely he would probably move on to have a family of his own. She wouldn't take him from that because of some old promise. He sat, running his thumb and forefinger over his uncovered ring finger. He had never said it out loud, or even really recognized it consciously. His heart had been buried with that second funeral.
Not that he had given away his affections or even toyed with the idea that he could ever have formed something beyond the precarious friendship that had grown from professionalism. Evan had always been smart. He knew he was never able to afford love's price when it was in his reach. It was too precious and dangerous. Instead he had always faced harsh reality. Life wasn't a fairy tale. It didn't win.
Rodney and Jennifer were proof of that. Who would have ever thought that those two would end up where they were? They had been so happy together. Even though they had come together because of horrible times, they proved to be a good match. Despite their service to the Pegasus galaxy and their friends, they were torn apart thanks to their efforts towards good.
He wondered if Rodney succeeded if they'd ever find that happiness again. Could he allow John to warn Jennifer about the danger of long-term exposure? Would that upset too many scales? And what about Beckett? If they ever did find a cure, would he fall to the same fate? It would be tragically poetic, though. John had told Evan once that Carson had fallen for a scientist that he had helped developed the Hoffin drug. She had died of it. Maybe he'd be happier that way, with her.
Evan sighed heavily, pushing himself to his feet. Too long had he thought about death. Too long he had unknowingly be stuck in the bleak remorse of yesterday. It was time to trust someone again. He could only put his fate in Rodney's hands now. They had done that countless times on Atlantis. He could do it again. He'd believe in Rodney, entrust in him the ability to rid them of this sad world. There were some outcomes that would never be altered, but maybe some future could make the ending a little happier.
Maybe somewhere, in a universe he'd never see, none of this happened. None of the deaths that weighed so heavily on his shoulders would occur. Maybe in another twenty, thirty, forty, years later in that timeline there would be three gravestones standing just where they were meant to be.