Author: So this is the first of many unrelated Samcedes one-shots. I was really holding off on creating one-shots for this couple since I'm trying not to distract myself because I really need to resume writing my other fics. In any case, you can blame the song I will be using in this fic in forcing me to write this one. The song that I have chosen with this story shouldn't be taken in a literal sense but the chorus definitely sends the message.
Notes: The song used is 'Not Over You' by Gavin DeGraw.
Summary: Sam's efforts to win back Mercedes seem to be in vain. Even he has seemingly given up in his pursuit of her …or has he.
Not Over You
~~~0~~~
"I can't wait to see you perform; I know you'll do great." Mercedes said giving a slight squeeze to Sam's shoulder.
Sam only smiled in response to Mercedes statement. This thing they were doing, them trying to be just friends. It was killing him, but it was either this or no Cedes at all. His pursuits, his efforts, they were for nothing because he still didn't have her in the way that he wanted.
What more could he do, what more could he have done…
"I should go." Mercedes stated after the silence stretched out too long between her and Sam. "Shane will be waiting for me anyway."
Mercedes saw Sam flinch at the mention of Shane's name but she ignored it. She wanted to say something to ease his mind; Sam had been acting withdrawn these past few weeks. Maybe it was the stress of school or the assignment that Mr. Schue had given them or ...something else entirely.
She shook her head before those kinds of thoughts could fester; she looked down the hallway and spotted her boyfriend just at the end. He was waiting for her and he looked, a little uneasy. Mercedes rolled her eyes slightly, she did not want to deal with that boys' jealousy. She had explained to him numerous times, that he had nothing to worry about, that she and Sam were just friends. No more pursuits from him…
Mercedes looked at Sam only to find him already looking at her. He was staring at her unflinchingly; he wasn't trying to avoid her gaze like she wanted to do with his at the moment. Clearing her throat unconsciously Mercedes relayed one more message to Sam before she left. "There is no reason at all to be nervous; the worst thing you'll have to deal with is Rachel's persistent nagging of what she thinks would be appropriate for you to sing. You'll be great." She gave one last smile to Sam before hurrying down the hallway.
~0~
Did Mercedes just depart after giving him a pep talk?
Sam watched as she made her way towards Shane. She was all smiles and giggles. It was disgusting.
But did he really even have a right to be jealous anymore?
Sam banged the back of his head repeatedly against the lockers he had been leaning against. It was done more softly then he would have liked but he didn't want people looking at him. It would just be more weight on his shoulders, and he did not want to walk down the hallway hearing whispers about him and how he may have some form of turrets. After all, this school loved jumping to conclusions.
Sighing, Sam's thoughts drifted back to Mercedes departure. Did Mercedes really believe that the way he was acting was because of nerves, or because of Rachel? Sam didn't know whether to be insulted at the insinuation or blame it on the fact that Cedes was playing dumb and not acknowledging the truth. But what he did know was that he couldn't keep going on like this; something had to be said and done.
He had to make a decision …quick.
~~0~~
"All right guys, this weeks' assignment was all about choosing a song that expresses how you're feeling. The song could be expressing how you're feeling in general or how you feel in certain situations." Mr. Schue looked around at each of his students as he spoke about the given assignment. "So who would like to go first?"
Rachel's hand shot up like a pistol but it was Sam's voice that stole Mr. Schues' attention. "I would like to perform first, if that's ok."
Everyone looked at Rachel, waiting for the objection they knew she would insist. "I… I'm totally fine with that." Rachel stated.
A collective gasp went throughout the glee club at that statement.
"Of course saving the best for last is in everyone's best interest." Rachel continued on. "And when I say best I mean me, so please feel free to volunteer yourselves after Sam."
"Ok that's enough Rachel." Mr. Schue interjected after seeing the looks some of the glee kids were throwing Rachel.
Rachel huffed. "I was just stating an opinion."
"Yeah, that no one wants to hear." The quick reply from Quinn was the truth that many of the gleeks were thinking.
"Guys, settle down." Mr. Schue stated. "Alright Sam whenever you're ready."
Sam reached for his guitar that had been resting on the floor in its open case. As he made his way front and center Mr. Schue took his seat for the performance. He made his way to Brad and informed him what song would be playing before doing the same with the band.
The song he had chosen wasn't the song he had originally wanted to perform and he hadn't even practiced on it. He had chosen the song today when Mercedes had left him to his thoughts.
Looking at Mercedes now, he could see many emotions flitter across her face, eagerness and nervousness was the main two that kept dancing in her eyes.
Sam positioned his guitar and slightly tuned it for the song he would be singing; he then looked behind himself to signal Brad that he was ready.
~0~
The upbeat sound from the piano filled the room, and Sam bobbed his head along, plucking chords from his guitar as he started to sing the first verse.
Dreams, that's where I have to go
To see your beautiful face anymore
I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio
Hope, hope there's a conversation
Where we both admit we had it good but
Until then its alienation, I know, that much is understood
And I realize
Sam's voice was much softer and less gravelly then the original singer, but Sam didn't pick this song to try and compete with the original version, he picked this song because he wanted to send a message.
The steady beat from the drums picked up in volume, and the other instruments the band was using joined in as Sam started to sing the chorus.
If you ask me how I'm doing I would say I'm doing just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
And finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what they say, I'm not over you
Not over you
These past few weeks were hell for Sam, he had essentially stopped in his pursuits of trying to get Mercedes back from Shane. And of course Mercedes had taken that as a sign that he had given up. She had been extra friendly in wanting to invite him with her and Shane and his friends or with the other glee kids. Sam knew that she was trying to build up their friendship while ignoring the fact that they dated. She was solidifying him as one thing in her life and that was as her friend …just friend.
Sam hadn't really tried to change that. If his pursuit for Mercedes had fallen on deaf ears, then maybe Mercedes really did want him to move on.
And so he had tried these past few weeks, to put how he felt on the back burner and focus on just being around Mercedes as friends, to smile, to laugh, and to pretend that him wanting to be with Mercedes were so 3 weeks ago.
He had been pretending that he had moved on, even though deep down he knew he hadn't…
Damn, damn girl you do it well
And I thought you were innocent
You took this heart and put it through hell
But still you're magnificent
I, I'm a boomerang doesn't matter how you throw me
Turn around and I'm back in the game
Even better than the old me
But I'm not even close without you
Mercedes knew this song was for her, and if she didn't… Sam's piercing gaze as he sung each lyric definitely would have convinced her otherwise.
Mercedes didn't want to be put on the spot like this, she didn't like it. It just brought too many emotions to the surface, too fast for her to hide them back in the depths of her subconscious …and heart.
She could admit that she's been selfish in wanting Sam's attention, since he seemed to have stopped trying to give it so freely these past few weeks. And now she was getting it and she didn't want it, because it made her feel guilty. Sam was once again singing about them, putting his heart out there for people to see and she was hiding hers because she didn't want to be hurt again, even if the first time was unintentional.
Mercedes didn't like people being dragged in her emotional mess but as soon as Sam came back to McKinley that's exactly what happed with Shane. She cared for him and she cared about how he felt but it was obvious to anyone who would look, that she was using Shane as a shield against Sam.
If you ask me how I'm doing I would say I'm doing just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
And finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say, I'm not over you
Sam kept his gaze focused on Mercedes as he sung each word. He could see some of the glee kids looking back and forth between them.
Mercedes had tried to avoid to his eyes but Sam just kept his gaze focused on her face.
The soft steady beat from the drums was the only prominent sound as Sam sung the bridge of the song.
And if I had the chance to renew
You know there isn't a thing I wouldn't do
I could get back on the right track
But only if you'd be convinced
So until then
Sam started to string the chords of his guitar as he started in on the chorus again.
If you ask me how I'm doing I would say I'm doing just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
Gradually the rest of the band's sound became louder as Sam continued on in the chorus. He was putting every emotion he could feel as he continued on.
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
And finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say, I'm
The music ceased playing, and only the sound was from Sam's voice as it carried on.
Not over you
The sound of the piano and guitar started in again as Sam sung the last remaining bit from the chorus.
Not over you
Not over you
Not over you
There was a long stretch of silence before applause and cheers went through the glee club. Sam opened his eyes to see to smiles being reflected back at him, he didn't realize he had closed them.
Rachel jumped from her seat and ran to the front of the class "That was amazing Sam, I could really feel the rawness from you …it was so good." Rachel continued on "Though I'm sure Finn could have sung it a little better but those are just some minor details."
"Rachel, stop talking." Kurt stated in a casual manner.
Rachel huffed before marching her way back to her seat.
"That really was amazing Sam, I could feel pain, sadness, maybe even a hint of determination." Mr. Schue started "I hope you'll continue bringing this much emotion in all of your songs, these past few weeks haven't been your best."
Mr. Schue made his way to the front and Sam walked back towards his seat. He could see Cedes following his every move in the corner of his eye. He took a quick glance at her before settling in his seat, blocking out Mr. Schue's continued attempts in enticing one of the other glee kids to perform.
~~0~~
Sam reached Mercedes locker in just a few quick strides, and by the way Mercedes tensed up he knew she aware of his presence.
"Cedes, that song …I hope you know what I was trying to say."
"I got your message loud and clear Sam." Mercedes stated she closed her locker and turned her body in his direction."
She was graced with a smile, a genuine smile from him, which she hadn't seen in weeks.
"Are you sure you really understand." Sam stated; the smile quickly disappeared as a more serious one took over. "Because I want you know that these past few weeks have been hell for me."
Mercedes eyes widened at that admission.
"Watching you with Shane, trying to be happy for you, pretending I'm over you just so I can maintain a friendship with you." Sam looked at Mercedes steadily. "It was torture, bottling up these emotions."
There was a stretch of silence before Sam continued on. "But I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm going to continue to fight for you and I'm not going stop just because you're afraid to admit to yourself you're not over me either."
"Sam …I-"
"You have a good rest of the day Cedes." Sam interjected, pulling her into a hug before making his way down the hallway.
Mercedes watched Sam make his way down the hall with a new vigor to his steps. As soon as his form disappeared amongst the masses she too went on her way, never quite noticing that she was humming the chorus of the song Sam had sung in glee.