Title: Leaving the past behind
Author: jezzi85
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plotbunnies. All characters belong to J.K. Rowling. I just borrow them and I certainly don't get any money for this…
Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: T
Summery: Post-Hogwarts. Harry and Draco are in a relationship, but sometimes it's hard to let go of the past.
Warnings: language
A/N: This is for one of my favourite authors, leo_draconis! Hope you like my fic, I tried to meet your prompt at every point, but Draco didn't cooperate when I tried to make him an utter dick. I hope you feel better soon! *hugs*
Prompt from leo_draconis: "Want to read a fic where Draco keeps making fun of Harry's friends, being an ass about it, while they're in a relationship. Post-Hogwarts, preferably. And maybe Ron and Hermione are being really decent to Draco but Draco's just so used to it that he keeps shooting off his mouth. And then Harry gets upset - he's always upset when Draco does it, but this time maybe he actually breaks down (I'm looking for more sadness than anger) and Draco realizes he's been a dick and promises to make it up to Harry. And then we see a lovely scene where he's polite to R & H or something."
There was a loud buzzing in Harry's ears. His heart hammered against his ribs and his limbs were shaking. His eyes stung and he desperately tried to blink away the tears, which threatened to fall. He still couldn't believe what had happened an hour ago.
He didn't watch where he was going and bumped into a man, who called after him with a few colourful curses spewing from his mouth, but Harry didn't even register it properly. His thoughts were in shambles, as everything that happened caught up with him.
A loud toot from a car finally snapped him out of his trance, and he looked up to see that he had crossed a street against the red light and a car had stopped right in front of him. The driver leaned out of the window, shouted at him to be more attentive and showed him the finger. Harry mumbled an apology and hurried across the street.
After he had fled the annual charity ball for war-orphans, held by the ministry, he didn't even think of apparating home. He wasn't sure he wouldn't have splinched himself and hoped the fresh air would help to calm him down. Sadly, it hadn't worked and he reached his flat in the same state, in which he had left the ministry.
All he wanted right now, was to take off the damn suit he had chosen for Harry and climb into bed where he could finally give in to the prickling he felt behind his eyelids. With this plan in mind, he fumbled for his wand, lifted the locking charm on his entrance door and stepped inside his flat.
For a moment he leaned his forehead against the cool wood of the closed door and heaved a mighty sigh, which ended in an almost-sob. He swallowed heavily, willing himself to hold it together for just a little bit longer, and re-cast the locking charm. He turned around and started walking in the direction of his bedroom, without turning the lights on, when he heard his name being whispered in an all too familiar voice.
Unconsciously, he tightened his grip on his wand and tried to steel himself for yet another confrontation he didn't want to have with his... What were they now? Ex-boyfriends? Ex-lovers? Ex-partners? He hated every single term that crossed his mind. Ignoring his unsettling thoughts, he turned around to the source of the voice and snarled, "Fuck off, Malfoy! I'm in no mood to talk to you!"
"Harry, please, just listen to me," Draco asked and stepped out of a dark corner near the kitchen.
"I'm done listening to you", Harry snapped back, but his little bout of anger quickly disappeared, as he got a look at the other mans face. He looked just as miserable, as Harry felt at the moment.
"Please, give me a chance to explain," Draco begged and took a step closer. "I want to apologize for my behaviour, Harry."
Harrys thoughts promptly returned to their fight at the ministry ball and he closed his eyes against flare of pain the memory caused. If Draco really felt this wretched because of it, then why did he still act that like that, even after Harry had asked him on numerous occasions to finally leave it be? The evening had started out so good, after all...
Two hours earlier
Harry was looking at his reflection in the big mirror, which hung next to his wardrobe in the bedroom, and couldn't believe that it was really him. He wore a tailored black suit, which had been made in a very expensive fashion shop Draco had recommended - or rather dragged him into, without a chance of escape.
His hair had been styled in a dishevelled, but very calculated manner he would have never thought possible. The fact that it had taken Draco almost two hours to style it, didn't bother Harry. He loved having Draco playing with his hair, knowing that his lover liked it just as messy as it was, even though he still made his sarcastic comments about it.
A dark green, shimmering wizarding robe completed his appearance, which Draco had given him as a Christmas present a year ago. All in all, Harry found it safe to say that he looked positively dashing this evening. And it seemed he wasn't the only one thinking that way.
Arms wrapped around his waist from behind him, as Draco pulled him close. "Mmmh, I can't wait to rip that suit off you and have my wicked way with you", Draco whispered, nuzzling his neck.
"Patience, Draco", Harry gasped, trying to ignore his body's reactions to the biting kisses spread across his neck and the hands wandering across his front. They were already late... "You don't want all your hard work on me to be in vain, do you?" he teased.
"I can work you hard all night long", Draco spoke hotly, sucking Harry's earlobe in his mouth.
Harry suppressed a moan and grabbed his lover's hands to still them in their exploring. "Come on, we can't be late again. Hermione will give me an earful, if we aren't on time."
Immediately, the hands released him and Draco stepped back. "Well, best not keep that bossy witch waiting then", he said in a mocking tone.
Harry turned around, with a warning look in his eyes. "Be nice, Draco. You promised."
Draco held his hands up in surrender. "I'll be a perfect gentleman this evening."
"Harry, Draco! Finally! You are almost half an hour too late", Hermione greeted them in the atrium of the ministry.
"Sorry, Hermione. We were a bit held up", Harry said, while elbowing his lover slightly in the ribs, who was muttering something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like 'bossy bitch'.
Ron grinned at Harry. "Held up, huh?"
"Oh, shut up, Ron", Harry mumbled, thinking wistfully back to a time where his best friend didn't want to hear any details of his 'gay sex life', as he'd called it. But Ron had matured quite a lot in the last few years, probably under the Hermione's influence.
"Want to hear all the juicy details, Weasley?" Draco asked and raised an eyebrow mockingly.
"No, but thanks for the offer", Ron replied in kind.
Harry just wanted to ask them all to move on to the ballroom, where the charity event would take place, thinking it best to interrupt that conversation before it got out of hand, but he was beaten to it by his lover's quick tongue.
"Are you sure? I understand you need it second-hand, so to speak, if you aren't getting any at home", Draco said with false sympathy.
Hermione blushed at his words, but Ron remained calm. "Thanks, again. But I'm quite satisfied at home", he said firmly, shooting Harry a wounded look.
Knowing the reason for that, Harry hung his head in shame. His best friends were currently trying for a child and Ron had confided in him, that Hermione had set up a schedule, containing her ovulation cycle by which she determined when they should have sex. Apparently, she forbid any kind of sexual activity in the week prior her ovulation. He had told Draco about it and they had made some harmless jokes about a sex schedule in private, but mentioning it here to his friends was completely inappropriate and out of line.
"I think we should go up to the ball now", Ron added, taking his wife's hand.
They had just taken a few steps, when Draco went off again. "I'm surprised they invite you to a charity ball, Weasley. Shouldn't they hold one for you?"
At this, Harry had enough. "Shut up, Draco!" he hissed at his lover.
Ron flushed to the roots of his hair, but he stood his ground. "Look, Malfoy. I promised Harry I would be civil to you, but you better shut up now, or I'll forget myself."
Draco snickered. "Still his lapdog, aren't you?"
"Draco! Would you just stop it", Harry growled, not understanding why Draco felt the need to carry on with that nasty behaviour. He had asked both his friends and his lover that they should be civil to each other at least. Ron and Hermione had been willing to comply with his wish, but every time they met, Draco had to make some spiteful comments, even though no one provoked him.
"Fuck it", Ron snarled and took a step forward, but he was held back by Hermione, who laid a reassuring hand on his arm.
"Ron, don't", she whispered and shot Draco an accusing look.
Ignoring the look, Draco couldn't help but add, "Well, it seems you have more than one leash."
Hermione shook her head in defeat. "You are pathetic, Malfoy", she said and tugged at her husband's arm to pull him away from the scene.
Not willing to let her best him, Draco stepped into their path. "At least I can afford my own dress robes and don't have to wear the same ones my grandfather wore."
"It's just a pity that you can't buy yourself a decent character for all the money you possess", Hermione shot back. "In moments like this, I wonder what Harry sees in you."
That struck a nerve. Draco masked his feelings quickly, however. "He probably likes my company better, because I don't smell of mud, Granger", he snarled, instantly knowing he'd went too far when Ron lunged at him, barely contained by Hermione's hand. He heard a gasp behind him and turned around to see Harry standing there, with hurt written all over his face, as if Draco had insulted him and not Granger.
"You take that back, Malfoy", Ron yelled, but Draco wasn't paying full attention to him any longer. Harry walked over to them and seized Draco with a look of utter betrayal. Shame started to burn in Draco's gut, but he didn't get the chance to speak up.
"How could you, Draco?" Harry asked in a hushed voice. "How could you say that? Why did you say it?"
"Because he's a fucking asshole!" Ron shouted, furiously. "I tried, Harry! We all tried to get along with him, even though he never made the same effort! But I've had enough!"
Harry glanced at his friends, taking in the sight of their angry postures and Hermione's well-hidden hurt, which she still couldn't shake off whenever someone called her by that foul name. Draco knew. He must have known how much his words would hurt her. He had done it deliberately. The ache in his heart grew bigger at that thought. "Why, Draco?" he asked, once again.
"She called me pathetic", Draco tried to defend himself, but the argument sounded weak in his own ears.
Harry swallowed across the sudden lump in his throat. "You know what, Draco? You are pathetic", he bit out, not caring for the other mans sensibilities at the moment. "And I'm even more pathetic to think you would ever change and leave those stupid school rivalries behind us."
For once in his life, Draco seemed speechless. He recovered quickly, though. "Harry, it was meant to be a joke. I didn't..."
"A joke?" Harry interrupted him, disbelievingly. "You call this a fucking joke?"
"Harry, it's alright", Hermione tried to placate him, putting up a brave front. "Just leave it be."
"No, it's not alright!" Harry yelled, upset in a way he'd never felt before. "You promised me, Draco! You promised, you would treat them better! You promised, you would try for me! But apparently your promises are nothing more than lies!"
Alarmed, Draco tried to grab his hands, but Harry flinched away and took a few steps back. "Harry, wait..."
"I'm done with your lies." Harry choked down a sob and tried to quell the feelings of betrayal and hurt. "And I'm done with you."
Silence reigned for a few seconds. Ron and Hermione were standing in the background, not interfering, but seemingly ready to step in, if their friend needed their help. The clock in the atrium chimes half past eight. Dinner would be served in the ballroom by now.
Finally, Draco cleared his throat and spoke in a rough voice, "So you're choosing them over me - again?"
Shaking his head in sorrow, Harry answered, "No. This was never about choosing one of you over the other, Draco. I wanted you to get along, because I couldn't bear the thought of loosing either of you. But it seems you always expected me to choose."
Draco didn't reply.
"Well, I can't do that. Or at least, I thought so", Harry continued on, a tear escaping his eye. "But if you can't stop insulting and hurting the people I consider to be my family, you leave me no other choice." He inhaled sharply, to brace himself for his next words. "It's over, Draco."
Without waiting for a response, he turned around and walked out of the ministry.
As Harry opened his eyes, Draco was standing only a feet away in front of him, gazing at him with such an open expression on his face, he'd never seen there before.
"I'm truly sorry", Draco said with a solemn voice. "I shouldn't have said those things to your friends. I should have treated them with the same respect they offered me, since we got together. It's not like I wasn't willing to try. I didn't mean to lie to you, Harry."
Harry knew he should end this - that in fact, he had ended it already an hour ago, but something seemed different this time with Draco. He just had to try and get to the truth, or else he would always wonder what went wrong with them. "Then why didn't you?" he simply asked.
Draco sighed, sadly. "In our first year, you chose them over me. We had barely exchanged a few words, but in your eyes I never stood a chance at your friendship. I'm not proud of it, but I guess, sometimes I still feel like you could do it again, anytime", Draco confessed quietly.
Harry's heart gave a little lurch at the admission, but he didn't think it would help if he patted his lover on his back and told him everything was alright now. Because it wasn't - and it wouldn't ever be if Draco wasn't ready to leave their past behind. "That isn't an excuse, Draco", he said therefore and tried to resist the urge to clasp Draco's hand in his.
"I know", Draco whispered, dejectedly. He sat down on the couch and hung his head. "I also know that my behaviour was completely out of line today. And not just today. Since we got together your friends greeted me with kindness and decency. It was me, who couldn't keep his mouth shut."
"Do you know why they acted this way toward you?" Harry asked, rhetorically. "Because they love me. They love me enough to put up with your nasty attitude towards them and they don't judge me. They accepted you and all you ever did was to throw it back into their faces. I can't even remember how many times I asked you to be nicer to them and stop insulting them. They managed, didn't they? So if you love me as much as you claim to do, then why did you never even make a damn effort?"
Fuck. Harry's voice broke at the end of his little tirade and the tears once again stung at his eyes. But he couldn't help it. After all, if Draco couldn't even be friendly to people who were like family to him, how much could he really mean to him?
"Don't!" Draco called out desperately and shot off the couch again to stand in front him. "Harry, I do love you! Don't doubt that, please", he begged and grabbed Harry's upper-arms, pushing his fears of rejection aside.
Harry struggled shortly in his grasp, but Draco held on firmly. "Listen to me. There isn't much I'm really sure of in my life. I know, I always act like I have the answers for everything, but in reality I have nothing. Nothing but you", he said intently, gazing deep into Harry's eyes, which were filled with unshed tears.
The knowledge that he had put them there, was almost too much to bear for Draco and he quickly continued on. "I made a lot of wrong choices in the past, Harry, and I'm still making so many awful mistakes in my life nowadays that I can't help but wonder when you'll finally realize that you deserve better and leave. And so I didn't even try to behave more kindly towards your friends, because all this time I was waiting for the day, you would realize that they are better than me and you would choose them once again over me. But today, when you finally spoke those words I have feared..." Draco swallowed and pulled his unresisting lover closer. "When you said it was over, I realized that I can't give you up, Harry. Being with you, trying to make you happy - it is the only right thing I've ever done in my life. Even if I've done a very poor job of it. But I swear, if you give me one last chance, I will prove to you that I can change and become a better person."
Harry closed his eyes again, letting the words wash over him. It was true that he couldn't count the number of times they had fought because of Draco's behaviour towards his friends. And each and every time Draco had apologized afterwards, only to cause a fight the next time they met with Harry's friends. But this time it was different. Draco had never before come close to telling him any of the things he just admitted. For the first time, Harry felt like he got a honest apology, not just empty promises.
He stared at the man he loved and knew instantly that he wasn't ready to give up on him, either. But most importantly, he needed to clear a few things up. "Draco, you are a good person", he said firmly and laid a finger across his lover's lips, when he tried to protest. "I admit, I thought you to be a prat in school, but you changed so much after the war. I can't believe, you don't realize it."
The look of utter doubt in Draco's eyes, told a different story. "Just today you were going to donate an unbelievable sum to the charity fund for those children. And I know, it isn't just the money you are willing to share for the cause. Every Friday you visit the orphanage and play with the children, read to them and share stories with them."
"How do you know that?" Draco asked, his cheeks turning slightly pink.
Harry smiled. "Three weeks ago, I was there myself and Celia told me of your weekly visits."
"Oh, she hasn't mentioned anything to me", Draco murmured, embarrassed.
"I asked her not to", Harry explained. "I thought, if you don't want anyone to know about it, then I wouldn't put you in the limelight. Now, I think I should have done it, however. You deserve to hear how proud I am of the man you've become."
"You really mean that? You're proud of me?" Draco questioned.
"Do you think I'm only with you because of your good looks?" Harry teased, wanting to erase those doubts in his lover.
A laugh escaped him, though his face was still set in worried lines. "No, of course not. I wouldn't dare to presume our Golden Boy to be that shallow", Draco countered, good-naturedly.
"You see, you have no other choice but to believe me", Harry grinned at him.
Draco returned the smile, but asked warily, "So... we're okay, then?"
Harry turned serious again. "Only if you promise..."
"That I'll behave towards your friends", Draco finished for him. "I will, Harry. I swear it."
The smile was quickly back on Harry's face. "Actually, I was going to say that you must promise me to simply show them your true self, and stop hiding behind your past. The rest, I'm sure, will come on its own."
Two weeks later
"Are you sure, you want to come along?" Harry asked, for what seemed like the hundredth time, while he pulled on his shoes.
Draco smiled indulgently. "Yes, I'm sure", he answered, already finished dressing. He stood calmly at the front door, waiting for his lover to be ready to leave for their lunch date.
Straightening up, Harry finally gave in. "Alright. Then let's go."
"Everything will be fine, Harry", Draco assured him. This time he was determined to prove that Harry could be proud of him.
Harry nodded once, and took his hand to apparate them to the restaurant, where they were expected for lunch. When they arrived in the reception area of the restaurant, they immediately spotted Ron and Hermione at one of the tables nearby. Draco gave his lover's hand a squeeze and tugged him along.
Ron looked up first, and his face hardened when he took in the sight of Draco. "Malfoy. We didn't know you would be joining us", he said in greeting.
Visibly bracing himself, Draco replied evenly, "I thought it was time to apologize in person. I know that Harry has explained my previous behaviour towards you and your wife, but it's important to me, that you hear it from myself that I'm terribly sorry for the way I treated you both."
Smiling with pride, Harry beamed at his friends. Ron's eyebrows seemed to vanish in his hairline, but Hermione's expression softened. "Thank you, Draco. We accept your apology and hope that we'll be able to get along better in future - for Harry's sake, at least", she said and elbowed her husband in the ribs, when he failed to react. Ron just nodded, apparently still too stunned by his former enemy's apology.
"I'd do anything for him, Granger", Draco stated, looking at Harry's joyful face.
Finally, he had the feeling, he was doing it right.
THE END