A/N this is my first attempt at a Brittana fic, the idea just struck me and I quickly wrote it down so I apologize for any mistakes. Just a warning this story is going to include flashbacks that will be italicized.
Sometimes you have moments in your life when you are sitting in your car listening to Death Cab for Cutie as you cry your eyes out. Sometimes in the moments you choose to reflect on the past moments that led to your present state of being a complete wreck. Sometimes it is the smallest things, trivial moments or careless words that have the greatest impacts on our lives. I realized that when I was 11 years old.
It was the last few days of 6th grade when the stupid weather of the Midwest finally warmed up enough to wear sleeveless shirts. I was so excited because it meant I could wear the top my Nana had sent me from Puerto Rico. It was full of the spicy colors that reminded me of my equally as spicy Nana and my few trips to the most exotic place imaginable growing up in Lima. I got up an extra half hour that day so that I could make sure my hair was as frizz-free as I could make it and to put on the new lip-gloss I had begged my Daddy to buy. I had an extra bounce in my step as I raced down the stairs and grabbed my lunch from my Mom. I walked into school that day full of the confidence my Mom always seemed to have when she was Salsa dancing with my father. I walked straight into first period social studies expecting a ton of compliments; instead I got the exact opposite.
"Santana, the Dora the Explora look was so three years ago when we were little," said Kurt. All of the girls and some of the boys started giggling at me. The shirt that made me feel like the queen on the world didn't seem too popular in this boring town. I continued receiving snide remarks the whole day and it was starting to make me want to punch someone. It wasn't like I was the most popular kid at school, but I sure did not appreciate being treated like a loser like that annoying Berry girl. I kept my head down the rest of the day and kept praying for the end of the day to come faster. Luckily, I had last period with my best friend Quinn and she was always coming up with ways to make us cooler and she had already raised her popularity by kissing Finn in spin the bottle.
"Seriously, S, why did you wear that?" asked a young Quinn.
"I liked it." I simply replied as I shrugged my shoulders.
"But we are in middle school now, it's not about what you like but what makes you cool."
From that moment I made a pact with myself to do whatever I have to in order to make myself cool. I never wanted to me teased or laughed at. I wanted to walk down the hall and have everyone look at me with the fear in their eyes that Puck, or Noah back then, had every time I caught him starring at my butt.
I spent that entire summer with Quinn reading any magazine we could, practicing how to do our hair and our make-up, buying whatever clothes all the models wore. I pleaded with my Mom to buy my first bikini. I started going to parties and playing spin the bottle. I had my first kiss that summer as well as 3 more kisses. I started watching what I ate to lose the 5 pounds I thought I had to lose. I even went to cheerleader camp instead of running with my track team because Quinn thought that would make us cooler. I kept running on my own though as it was the only thing that would clear my head every time I got sick of who I was becoming and after I ran enough to make my legs ache I would calm down enough to continue on my quest for popularity.
All of our efforts paid off though because as soon as Quinn and I stepped into school for the first day of 7th grade it became apparent that we were now the most popular girls in our grade and maybe even the whole school, although it did help that Mary Johnson had moved away. For months no one dared laugh at anything I wore and some of the girls and even Kurt started dressing like me. For those few months the popularity was enough to forget every part of me that I had given up. That all ended when a new girl transferred to my school. She was wearing the most ridiculously dorky shirt with a big duck on it and I forced myself to roll my eyes and suppress the smile that wanted to come to my lips (I always did like ducks). I heard the teacher tell the new kid to pick a seat and I quickly noted the chair empty at the front of the class and empty one right next to me. All of the other kids must have noticed this too as they all held their breath to see where she would sit.
The blonde walked right next to me and sat down, quickly turning to me with the biggest smile on her face and introduced herself, "Your shirt is really pretty, I'm Brittany!"
"Hi Brittany, I'm Santana," I replied with the smallest amount of cheer that I knew would be acceptable.
Quinn was in the desk on the other side of me and quickly whispered, "You can't be serious, S, look what she is wearing!"
I didn't know this new girl at all and yet there was something about her over the top cheerfulness that made me want to forget Quinn and our stupid need for approval. Both Quinn and Brittany scared me into silence for the rest of the class because I didn't know what I should do, so after class I did the only certain thing left in my life, running, and I ran more than I had ever ran and by the time I collapsed on top of the slide in our neighborhood park I came up with the best plan of my life. I realized all I had to do was make Brittany cool enough so that she could hang out with me and Quinn so that way I could have my popularity and my Brittany too. And my plan worked and from that moment on it was the three of us ruling the school.
Now I sit in my car crying like an idiot wondering what my life would have been like if Brittany hadn't transferred 5 years ago, if she hadn't made me remember who I use to be, is she hadn't made me want to give up the reputation and status I had worked so hard to create, if she hadn't terrified me with her overwhelming sense of self, if she hadn't acknowledged feelings before I was comfortable enough to admit them. So I realized I had to do the only thing I knew how to do when I was scared, run. Screw the rain that was pouring and was sure to ruin my new cheer shoes, I was going to run until I came up with a plan to fix the mess that my life had become, a plan to get Brittany back.
A/N well thanks for actually sticking around and reading to the end of the chapter, please let me know if you enjoyed it or not so I know if I should bother continuing with it.