The Very Venture Story Book
Dr. Orpheus: Behold! This could quite possibly be the very first VENTURE BROS. Fan-fiction! Inside its digital pages you will find several little one-shots based off the exploits of the brothers of Venture.
Monarch: You are such a freak.
FB (author): Um…thanks for the intro. Okay, I don't own the Venture Bros., a bunch of other people do. So don't come after me. (does 'I'm Not Worthy Bow' to large stature of Doug Lovelace)
Chapter 1 – Belly of the Beast
Takes place after 'Return to Spider Skull Island'
"So, have you done any of the tasks I left for you?" The Monarch, the Supreme Arch Enemy of Dr. Thadius 'Rusty" Venture, said into the phone on his side of the glass. Two of his minions sat facing him looking rather nervous. Prison life wasn't too bad, but he hated the orange jumpsuit.
"Um…we did a few things. We cleaned out the cocoon and left the burning bag of dog poop on Phantom Limb's doorstep. But I think he saw us," the tubby minion said.
"And did you…see…her?" Monarch asked, his voice dropping from its usual menacing 'Die Venture' to intense sadness. The minions shook their heads, knowing of whom their leader spoke of.
"No. We didn't see Dr…"
"Stop! Don't say her name! Never say her name!" Monarch ranted while clawing at his heart. He slumped over in his chair and rested his head in his hands. "Look at me! Here I sit, rotting in this…the…belly of the beast, using profanity uncontrollably like its second-fucking-nature. See! These stupid jumpsuits are chafing me. I check last night and I officially not longer have pubes. They've been rubbed off!"
"That sounds…horrible sir," the other gaunt minion said.
"It is horrible! I'm stuck here while she's out there! Out there with Phantom Limb doing who knows what! Why did she leave me? Why?" Monarch moaned and slumped even lower in his chair. After a second, he leapt forward with his hands and face pressed against the glass. "It's her fault I'm here. If she had just told the truth, I would be at home sitting on my throne and watching the torture of Dr. Venture.
"But noooo, she had to run off with Phantom Limb and set me up. I bet Limb even placed that false vision in that weirdo shaman guy's head to get me out of the way. I can just picture her now, wearing that sluttish outfit. She's too damn good for him!" he ranted. By now, he had the attention of everyone in the room. The minion's slouched slightly in their chairs out of embarrassment. After a few minutes of mumbling, the Monarch finally calmed down.
"Well, enough about me. Is there anything else to report?"
"We also did something else on your list, but well…" the tubby one trailed off.
"Well, what? Spit it out!"
"We…ah…killed the Venture Brothers," the gaunt one said.
"Oh, killed the Venture…" Monarch trailed off as the reality of what was said sunk in. "YOU WHAT!" he screamed. The two minions cowered in fear as the Monarch pressed himself against the glass.
"It was an accident. We didn't realize it was them."
"How in the hell could you know recognize them! Did you not get my message about not killing them?" he yelled.
"Um…it happened on the way back to the cocoon, but the message was the machine when we got there," the tubby one said.
"You idiots! That was over a week ago and your just now telling me! That's it, go away! I can't deal with your incompetence any longer. You're lucky I can't reach you to kill you!" he screamed. The minions ducked down so low that the Monarch could only see them from their eyes up.
"But sir, that s not all!" the tubby one said. Monarch looked at him in disbelief and sat back down in his chair.
"There's more?" he asked in a dry voice.
"Well, I think they turned into zombies or something because we saw them two days ago with that scary Brock Samson. They didn't even have a scratch on them," the gaunt one said getting back in his chair. Monarch regarded them for a moment and then let out an irritated sigh.
"Zombies that have healed? For God's sake, haven't you ever watched Night of the Living Dead?" he exclaimed and then slapped himself in the head when they shook their heads no. "Do you even know what a zombie…oh never mind. Obviously, Dr. Venture made clones of them, but that doesn't matter. Keep an eye on all of the Venture's movements and keep me informed."
"Does that include Samson," the gaunt one asked stupidly.
"Yes that includes Samson. Now go!" he said while rolling his eyes. After watching them go, he shook his head sadly. "A villain can never find good help these days."