The Fires of Yugen - Number Five: A Pidge Zine
Three tired bodies slumped onto the couches in the lounge. After a full day of gathering refugees and guiding them back to Olkarion, not without trouble from the Galra, Lance, Hunk, and Pidge were all tempted to just fall asleep right where they were, paladin armor and all. It was the Olkarion equivalent of about nine o'clock at night anyway, so no one could really blame them for dozing, just for a bit.
Pidge was perfectly fine with this. She probably did have enough energy to get properly ready for bed, but she enjoyed the coziness of the lounge. If they weren't so tired she would've suggested a movie night.
A digital beep broke the silence of their steady breathing. The viewer at the end of the room popped up to show Ryner waiting with a patient smile.
"Ryner hailing Pidge. Can you come meet me outside the castle in a tick?"
With a suppressed grumble Pidge sat up and readjusted her glasses as she looked at the screen. "I guess so...?" she trailed off, expecting a reason why.
Instead of explaining Ryner simply nodded. "Excellent. And make sure you bring your bayard, just in case."
"Why do I-"
The viewer disappeared before Pidge could finish her question. Nevertheless she stood up and stretched, hoping to shake off the sleepiness for a bit longer.
"Ooooooh! Someone's in trouble!" Lance smirked at her from his sideways position across the couch, one leg slouched over the edge.
As Hunk chuckled, Pidge activated her bayard at her hip, making a start towards the boys. They flinched, and she backed down. "That's what I thought," she said. With a final "I'm-watching-you" gesture, she left.
The air outside the Castle of Lions was nice and cool, waking Pidge up a bit. She looked off to the horizon to see a shimmering glow just above the mountains. Olkarion truly was a spectacular planet; even this late at night, there was a perpetual sunset, when one looked close enough. A perfect fit for the Olkari's mellow lifestyle.
Ryner was waiting near one of the castle's nacelles, but she crossed over to Pidge when her transport pod landed.
"Pidge, I'm glad you had time for this," she began, pulling her hood down.
Pidge shrugged and asked, "I'm not in trouble, am I?" If she was she would have to make sure that Lance didn't find out.
Ryner grinned and shook her head. "On the contrary, Matt told me that it's your birthday back on Earth."
Right. It was her birthday. Between all the universe-saving and family-searching, Pidge forgot about her birthday. As more Earth time passed on her computer she brought from back home, the more the date slipped into the background unnoticed. And now it was here. Almost.
"Oh yeah...well, technically it's tomorrow...or in a few hours, anyway." she offered, unsure of what to say as she rubbed a hand along her neck. It's not like she expected anyone, least of all an interstellar alien species, to say anything about it. She'd have to find Matt later, find out why he-
Ryner nodded in understanding. "Nevertheless, you're turning fifteen in Earth years, Matt said. Correct?" When Pidge agreed, she continued, "Coran and I did some calculations, and fifteen of your Earth years is eighteen deca-phoebs here on Olkarion."
Eighteen, huh? Wow. She would have to use that against Lance somehow later, but for now, she kept it casual. "That's pretty cool." She didn't understand why Ryner was making a point to tell her all this, but she didn't have to wait long.
"When Olkari turn eighteen, many of them perform a rite of passage, the Fires of Yugen, to achieve a connection with the universe unlike any other. It's a test of strength, not of the body, but of the soul."
Pidge marveled at the level of respect the description alone commanded. Ryner then grabbed her shoulder and focused her gaze directly at her. "Pidge, I meant what I said when I told you that the spirit of the Olkari is within you. Should you desire to do so, I'd like for you to face the Fires of Yugen tonight."
"What?" Pidge's eyes widened. "I don't- is that even possible? I mean, I'm not actually Olkari."
Ryner chuckled softly. "Deep down, everyone has the potential. Same cosmic dust, remember? As children of the universe, we all have a connection to each other and to the stars. Olkari, Earthlings, Galra. It just takes a willing soul to find a deeper connection. It's the Olkari's mastery of it over millennia that makes it seem natural for us. And it's why I believe you have the potential for this." She then straightened up and put her hand back down at her side. "Besides, I and many others consider you an honorary Olkari, so this only seems fitting," she added lightheartedly.
Pidge smiled up at Ryner. Everything she said filled her with a great sense of honor and eagerness. The idea of this rite was enticing on many levels. Not only would it strengthen her understanding of her place in everything, but it would probably help her connect further with her lion and Voltron. And beyond that, who was she to deny the universe?
"I'm in," she declared.
"Excellent." Ryner turned and began walking away from the city, flicking her hood back up. "Shall we?"
Within minutes, the two stood at the base of the nearby mountain range. Pidge found it surprising that this was the first time she'd gotten a good, up-close look at the mountains. Usually the team flew over them on the way back from missions, or when they needed to go into the forest. But now they were the center of her attention, and boy, they were tall. And those were just the normal-sized ones.
Behind them were the massive whales of mountains that reached out past the atmosphere and made the normal ones look like anthills. From space, they almost looked like handles for the planet, ones that she could walk on. Lance called them "spikes." But from the ground, they were all mountain. All towering, colossal mountain.
A sense of dread wound its way into Pidge's gut.
"Uh, Ryner...we're not going to be climbing that, are we?" she asked, pointing.
"No." A sigh of relief followed. "Just the small one in front."
She nearly groaned. As excited as she was for the Fires of Yugen, her body ached from the day behind her, that sense of fatigue already wanting to come back. But that made her remember Ryner's earlier request. "Is this why you had me bring my bayard? To climb with?"
"If you want, yes. The climb is fairly easy, and consists mostly of walking, but it is steep. I had you bring your bayard just in case you needed a tether or to catch yourself."
"What about you?"
Ryner looked down at her feet and wiggled her two toes, then joked, "The Olkari are already well-equipped for these treks."
The explanation seemed to calm Pidge's nerves. Besides, this was supposed to be a test of the soul, not of the body, and she trusted Ryner. She could do this.
As Ryner began for the path leading up, Pidge activated her bayard at her side and followed, keeping a calculated awareness of any obstacles ahead. She nearly stumbled a couple of times, but she was proud to say that she didn't need her bayard except when a completely vertical ridge came up and she needed to pull herself up to the next level.
Ryner explained the significance of the mountain they were on as they hiked. It was called the Universal Summit, aptly named because of the astronomical nature of the challenge involved and chosen for its stellar vantage point. It was unique in that it was the only mountain within Olkarion's atmosphere where one could "reach out and touch space at the top."
"Wait...should we be up here then? I mean, won't the atmosphere be pretty thin?" Pidge asked.
Ryner didn't miss a beat. "No, the Olkarion atmosphere is like a bubble. The air is just as dense at the peak as it is on the surface," she said.
When they reached the top, that was the first thing Pidge noticed. Just lurking off to her left she could see some stray clouds that outlined the atmosphere's barrier perfectly - just like a bubble. Transparent unless you knew where to look. It amazed her that she could actually see this phenomenon so close. As she took in some deep breaths to recover from the exercise, that was another thing she noticed. The air didn't feel any different. Her allergies weren't acting up and her wheezing was just like it had always been after gym class. And yet here she was, literally on top of the world.
Well, almost.
Now that she was breathing normal again, Pidge straightened up to see Ryner waiting patiently, and beyond her, the massive spikes that extended out into space, now up close and personal. She gulped involuntarily.
The peak of the Universal Summit itself definitely carried a spiritual, almost mystical air to it. It was about half the size of the lounge back on the castle, and save for a ring of boulders jutting out around the edge, it was surprisingly flat. Simple, but effective.
Ryner was already in mentor mode. "Remember, Pidge, the Fires of Yugen are a test of the soul. They will overcome you and draw you into new sensations and leave you at their mercy. And yet the resulting understanding will leave you with a new perspective of the universe and yourself. Are you ready?"
Pidge paused for a moment as the memory of bonding with her lion returned. While that did help her understand how everything was connected, she had a feeling that was nothing compared to this.
"I'm ready."
Ryner stepped aside and gestured to the center of the peak. "Please, lay down."
Pidge walked forward and laid down as told, her arms relaxing at her sides. As soon as she settled and finally focused on her view, her jaw dropped open in awe.
The tallest spike stretched out at her feet, like it was now the ground and she was just leaning back against a wall. But beyond that, the sky filled her entire view, and it was beautiful. That was the only word she could think of. There were so many stars, and they were so crystal clear that it felt like she'd been pushed into reality. That everything in her life until then had just been a dream.
Ryner's voice cut in from somewhere behind her head, smooth and steady. "As you can probably already tell, you're looking at a very special angle of the universe. While it is the clearest view of the sky here on Olkarion, it also has a strategic alignment. The mountain above you is called the Flame Seeker. Let your eyes follow it from the base to the very top."
Pidge breathed deeply and stared towards her feet at the spike, the Flame Seeker. Her gaze trailed up, watching how the mountain narrowed as she neared the peak.
"Follow the point up into the sky," Ryner continued, "Until you see a very bright object, one that outshines all the others. Do you see it?"
Pidge followed her instructions, her eyes leaping from the peak into the night sky. And then she saw it. An object so bright that it looked like dozens of other stars had been packed together to form it. It was a wonder that she hadn't seen it right away, but now that she had, she couldn't keep her eyes off of it. "I see it," she managed to tell Ryner.
"Good. This is Yugen, the brightest celestial object in Olkarion's sky, beyond our planetary system. It's allowed many Olkari to achieve a link with the universe that surpasses an ability for words. Only through experience can one truly comprehend it. And it's said that once the link is achieved, you can instinctively tell what kind of object Yugen is."
She filed away that milestone in the back of her mind as she got acquainted with Yugen.
Ryner continued, "Now, feel free to let your gaze wander naturally at first. As time passes, let it focus in on Yugen until it overtakes your senses. Feel the ground, the entire planet beneath you, and then let it fade away to just you and the universe. Remember, we are all made of the same cosmic dust. We are all one."
Some more deep breaths. Pidge relaxed into the ground as her eyes began to wander the sky again. It was quiet up here. No usual sounds of nature, just a calming stillness. Just the planet below and the sky above.
No. Olkarion wasn't underneath her; it was behind her.
And the stars were ahead of her.
A sense of awareness prickled Pidge's skin. The change in perspective felt like she'd unlocked the first door of this journey. She pushed past it, focusing on the sensation.
The stars ahead lit up the sky like a dazzling light show. There weren't any constellations to point out, just a raw, chaotic, sparkling void. Clusters of stars mingling with galaxies. The colors of nebulas adding a splash of personality. And Yugen.
Her attention shifted to the object once more. It didn't seem to sparkle like the stars. Rather, it flickered. She could only imagine how blinding it must appear up close, or how foreboding it must be in size. And yet, no matter how incredible it was in scale, it was still part of this universe. It was still the same cosmic-
Fire.
Suddenly everything faded from Pidge's mind and senses, save for Yugen. The idea of Ryner, of her team, her lion and Voltron, even the other stars, they all tuned out. It didn't matter where she was now. The thought of being on Olkarion seemed like a distant, forgotten memory. It was just her and Yugen and fire.
It felt like her soul was on fire. It burned. It was as if Yugen was directly channeling the mass of the entire universe through itself and into her, so that they were connected. So that she was connected with every single molecule that ever existed. It was overwhelming yet powerful. It was that power that burned.
And just as suddenly, the stars were back, yet now they completely surrounded her. Pidge felt larger than all of them. She was hyper-aware of the universe, like she could tell galaxies and stars apart with a single glance across interstellar distances because she could feel them. Everything was one and the same.
And then...peace.
The feeling of fire subsided, and suddenly she was back on Olkarion, still looking at Yugen amid all the stars of the sky. A sense of calm replaced the burning sensation, and Pidge took in a deep breath subconsciously. The rest of the world was still a faded memory, leaving her with the sky and a new understanding.
The stars now felt incredibly close. It was as if she could reach out and pluck entire galaxies from their spot and rearrange them at whim. As overwhelmed as she was before with this power, she was now at peace with it. It wasn't something that she needed to control, or that she could describe, and that was okay. She wasn't in the universe or even surrounded by it.
She was the universe.
Everything was. All the planets and stars, people and animals, even the air. They all equally made it up, no matter how big or small. Everything was the universe, all connected by that one fact.
As this newfound revelation engrained itself into Pidge's soul, she slowly blinked back into reality. Olkarion was behind her again, the Flame Seeker towering above. She took a moment to let everything settle, and she simply stared ahead at the sky.
She felt like she was lying on a border now, between the planet and space. Like there were no barriers or atmosphere. All the stars shared the same airspace as her, even from so far away.
This thought compelled her to stand up suddenly and cross over to one of the rocks at the edge of the peak. She climbed up onto it and reached her arm out through the atmosphere. The vacuum of space surrounded her armored hand, a stark contrast to the pressurized air the rest of her body was in. She didn't know exactly what she was reaching for until her fingertips passed over Yugen, lingering for a moment as they truly shared the same space as the object. The first star.
Satisfied, Pidge pulled her arm back down and finally remembered Ryner's presence. She looked over to her, and they shared a knowing smile. Everything Pidge had just experienced, Ryner understood perfectly.
"Incredible, isn't it?" Ryner asked.
Pidge nodded, adding, "And then some. I get why they're called the 'Fires' now." She jumped off the rock towards her, catching a final glance at the Flame Seeker. "You know, I kind of feel like I could walk out there now. Just sit and hang out on the edge of the universe."
Ryner grinned slyly. "You wouldn't be the first." At Pidge's wide eyes, she chuckled and ushered her towards the path back down the mountain. "But that's an adventure for another day."
The trek back down was much easier than going up. When they reached the surface, Pidge walked with renewed energy toward the castle, content with the universe. She looked over to Ryner. Everything she had said about the Olkari spirit before made even more sense now, and Pidge was grateful to be a part of it.
"Thank you for taking me on this journey."
"Of course," Ryner accepted, wrapping an arm over her shoulder. "And Pidge? Happy birthday."
Here it is! My full story for pidgevoltronzine (on Tumblr)! So, so happy and grateful that this was my first zine. Thank you to the mods and everyone who worked on this, and an extra-special thank you to vrepit-sals for beta-reading for me!
(Bonus fun fact: There was gonna be one more scene at the end of this, which I actually wrote during my initial draft, but because of word count and it just not fitting the whole story in the end, I had to cut it. But perhaps I might post it separately?)