Dear Diary,
Have you ever had an experience you couldn't explain but it felt so real even though logically it shouldn't of happened at all. Well I had such an experience a year ago and it all started by getting off on the wrong bus stop…
She couldn't believe it as if the day hadn't been bad enough with spilling coffee on herself in the morning causing her to change and then be late for work. Finding her article she tirelessly worked hours on was scraped for some piece on some fucking boy band coming out with another album that most likely will make her ears bleed, her co-worker and bitch extraordinaire Stacy giving her a back handed compliment telling her that her coat was very nice and didn't know they made the particular style she wore in such large size's, now she's stuck at the wrong bus stop she got off at because she was lost in her book.
"Great Rae you did it again you should have waited to read the book until you got home." Rae chides herself as she looks around the unfamiliar surroundings trying to get her bearings, pulling her coat around her tighter to keep warm. She just wanted to get home and unwind listening to the Smiths or something, drink some tea, and finish reading her book to forget the day she had. She loved her books the feel of them in her hands, the joy of turning the page to read what will happen next, being transported to another world feeding her imagination the sustenance it craved. The best part was she didn't have to charge a book like you did with tablets although she could see the appeal of them to many but for her she preferred the real thing. She was about to sit on the bench to wait for the next bus so she could get home when she spotted the colorful lights of a carnival in the distance. She thought it was strange to have a carnival opened in late October being too cold and all but found she was drawn to it and started making her way over to the bright lights.
She reached the ticket booth in front of the entrance peeking around not seeing anybody and in fact seeing that there were no patrons at all. Of course she told herself that it was too cold out for any one to be there anyhow and turned back to the bus stop when the sound of someone clearing their throat behind her made her jump. She turned to see a man with dark, kind eyes and black hair smiling at her.
"Sorry did not mean scare you." The man said in a foreign accent and looked apologetically at Rae.
"Oh its ok I didn't think anybody was here. Are you open?" Rae asked with confusion mixed with curiosity as she looked around again for other people.
"Yes are open just slow night tomorrow should be busier." The man had brought out tickets, wrist bands and was getting the till ready for any customers for the night. Rae felt a sudden need to go in, telling herself that it had been a long time since she had gone to one and it wasn't like there were anyone waiting for her at home. She looked at her phone for the time seeing it wasn't too late and took out some money.
"Um how much?"
"Five pounds for wrist band for all rides." The man said in a cheerful voice as Rae's eyes widened and her jaw dropped a bit.
"Uh wow that's quite a deal the last carnival I went to was like twenty quid or sometin'. Are you sure?"
"Yes right price." The man nodded, Rae gave him the money and he put the wrist band on her.
"Thank you and have fun night" Rae took a quick look at the name tag he wore.
"Thank you Karim" The man nodded happily again as Rae made her way past the ticket booth onto the grounds of the carnival. There were multi color booths with games on one side and food stalls on the other with a few kiddie rides in the front of her, to one side she saw a carousel and headed to it first it was a favorite carnival ride of hers next to the Ferris wheel. She approached the old fashioned looking ride with exuberance, feeling like a big kid at that moment, she found the entrance and was greeted by a young slim woman around her age of twenty-five with chestnut hair and warm brown eyes.
"Hello wanting to ride?" Rae nodded showing her wrist band to the woman, she smiled at Rae holding the gate of the little metal fence around the ride opened for Rae to walk into.
"Right this way pick any horse you want or one of the sleds." Rae looked at the name tag on the woman as she walked past her.
"Thank you Chloe." Rae chose a black horse with a gold and white saddle encrusted with multicolored jewels and climbed on effortlessly. Rae held on as the ride slowly began to move, she enjoyed going up and down while looking out at the rest of the carnival grounds with every revolution of the ride. On one of her spins she spotted a handsome man who had natural golden highlight in his medium brown hair with mahogany eyes that drew her in. He walked over to Chloe and started talking with her. All too soon the ride was over and Rae got off going to the exit with a big smile on her face.
"Had fun I take it with that smile on your face." Chloe grinned at Rae as she walked over to her.
"Yeah haven't been on one for a while. I did enjoy not having to stand in a long queue with nobody here at the moment." Rae giggled making Chloe and the man next to her laugh along with her.
"Yeah its always slow on Thursday nights slower still when its cold like this." The man said cheerfully looking at Rae with intense eyes that made Rae blush and heart race.
"Well I would assume. Um is this your last night opened?" Rae bit her lip while raising her eyebrows questioningly at the man as she took more of him in, feeling a strange sort of pull toward him.
"Uh tomorrow, than we close for the season and open up in spring." Chloe said informatively looking at the pair noticing their looks toward each other.
"Your not a traveling carnival?" Rae asked furrowing her brows together.
"Um no my uncle Kester is the proprietor of this place and liked the idea of a carnival but not the idea of traveling so he made it a permanent one for the town." Chloe explained, Rae wondered why in the five years she's lived in Stamford she had never heard of this place. She shook her head figuring she hadn't heard of a lot of places in the town. She mostly kept to herself with working and staying at home occasionally meeting a coworker at the pub for a pint.
"Well looks like I got here just in time to enjoy it for a bit this year than. I'll defiantly have to come back a lot more next year." Rae glanced a look over to the man that fascinated her.
"Yes looks like." The man said softly rubbing the back of his ear looking down but peeking up at Rae through his lashes with a bashful expression on his face.
"Well I better go, I saw a Farris wheel and next to this ride its another one of my favorites."
"Well Finn here mans that ride so you may want take him with if ya want to ride it." Chloe giggled as Finn blushed and Rae grinned at Finn.
"Yeah I'll show the way, bye Chlo."
"Bye guys." Chloe smirked as Rae waved her goodbye and walked next to Finn heading to the ride.
"So what brings you out to the carnival tonight?" Finn asked curiously as he took a glance at the woman by his side that he had to admit took his breath away. He noticed how her long glossy raven hair picked up the lights surrounding them, the shimmer on her full lips after she licked them, the specks of gold in her expressive eyes of greenish blue and rosy cheeks from the cold night air.
"Oh I wasn't planning on it but I got lost in my book and got off at the wrong bus stop because I wasn't paying attention." Rea shrugged as Finn nodded his understanding at her taking notice of the rest of her as he crawled his eyes up and down her beautiful curvy body, feeling a pull towards her .
"Well I guess that was a good book then, I forgotten to ask what's ya name?"
"Yes it is and it's Rae." Rae bit her lip as she looked bashfully at Finn than pushed some of her hair behind her ear.
"I'm guessing short for Rachel and not Raymond." Finn smirked looking at Rae with playful eyes as they stopped in front of the Farris wheel.
"Yes for Rachel." They walked up the ramp to the deck and stood in front of one of the carriages.
"Nice to meet ya Rae and here we are." Finn gestured to her seat helping her in and closing the ride bar.
"Its nice to meet you to Finn." Rae looked softly at Finn as she watched him go and pull the lever starting the ride. She slowly felt herself lift off as the ride took her up and she could see the whole carnival and a building over to her left that she hadn't seen before and wondered what was in it. She felt the butterflies in her stomach as she made her way down the ride smiling at Finn as she passed him. After a few more passes she was back at the bottom and stepping off the ride with Finn's help again.
"So what do you recommend I go to next Finn?"
"Um well Izzy does this old time photography booth that's pretty popular and there are the game booths that Chop and Archie man, um I'll go with ya in case ya want to ride any of our other rides were on a skeleton crew tonight plus you're probably be our only costumer tonight."
"It looks like, um I think the photography booth sound fun lets go there." Finn nodded and they made their way over to Izzy's booth.
"So what's in the that building I saw when I was on the Ferris wheel?" Rae looked at Finn gesturing over to the building she was just talking about.
"Oh that's for the employees to go to get ready for work and eat at for breaks plus stores the rides for winter."
"Ahh I see. Is that it over there, Izzy's booth?" Rae noticed a booth with a sign hanging up over it saying, Photos.
"Yes that's it hey Iz I got a customer for ya!" Finn called out to Izzy as they walked to the booth. A slim gingered haired girl with a beaming smile comes out and walks to them.
"Hi Finn. So you must be the customer he's talking about. Please come on in." Izzy shook Rae's hand and gestured for her to come on into the booth to look at any photo packages she might be interested in.
"Thank you. Wow you have so many thing to chose from!" Rae looked at the photo albums with different eras in time in them, Edwardian, Victorian, Tudor, middle ages even ancient Rome.
"I think ancient Rome it the one." Rae said confidently and felt almost giddy at the feeling like she was a kid again playing at dress up.
"Ok so just you or would you like Finn here to join you in the picture." Izzy winked mischievously at Finn who blushed before looking back at Rae.
"Um that would be fine after all I do need a roman centurion." Rae giggled as Finn blushed a deeper shade of red sifting his weight looking down.
"Ok! Well right this way to the changing rooms and I'll get the costumes for you both." Izzy pointed to the rooms and walked off looking for what she would need. Rae and Finn were changed and Rae was sitting on a chase lounge with Finn guarding over her.
"Ok smile!" Izzy's exuberant voice called out as she took a couple of photos. She had the pair stand next to each other with Finn behind Rae a bit and his hand resting on Rae's hip that made her blush and feel a comforting warmth with the contact.
"Ok that's it, I will have your photo done within the hour, so come back to get them before you leave."
"Thanks Izzy, this was fun and a great way to forget the crap day I had today."
"Well I'm glad I could help there. I certainly had days like that as well." Izzy giggled than went about taking the roll of film to the dark room to start developing, Rae wondered why Izzy didn't use any digital photography equipment but fingered maybe she was like her with books and preferred film pictures over digital. Rae and Finn changed back into their clothes. They said their goodbyes to Izzy and decided to go to the game booths and try their luck.
"Oi Finn shouldn't you be workin' or are ya too busy showing that pretty lass around?" A tall man with dark blond hair and blue eyes gave Rae a gap toothed smile and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Finn making him roll his eyes.
"Oh leave off Chop. I'm just showing Rae here to your booths but I see that was a mistake." Finn shot back than looked at Rae shaking his head for his friend.
"Well I see there's no love lost between you two." Rae giggled as the two huffed out laughs.
"Oh Finny boy and I are always like this. So miss what game would ya like to play? I got skeeball and balloon and dart, " Chop gestured between the two games he was in charge of. " Of course Archie here runs the Duck pond and Fishing game for the kids they're ok but mine are more fun then his." With that Archie a another tall man with glasses and dark blond hair came out of his booth to stare Chop down.
"Nice Chop they're not all kiddie games I've got ring the bell too that's a fun game." Archie said a bit defensively but you could see the humor in his eyes showing he really wasn't that annoyed.
"Yeah I forget about that but I still got skeeball and that's everyone's favorite and you know it." Chop said with a cheeky smirk as Archie just shook his head knowing he couldn't compete with that because it was his favorite game too.
"Well gentleman I think I'll try my hand at duck pond I'm very fond of that kiddie game." Rae walked over to Arches side and to the game, leaving Chop to just stare than smile shaking his head. Finn stood next to Rae watching her as she looked and debated which duck to choose. She picked a little green colored one and found a mark on the bottom giving it to Archie.
"WE HAVE A WINNER!" Archie yelled out excitedly as he put the duck back into the game, Rae looked on excitedly at having won on her first try.
"So here are the prizes to choose from a small stuffed bear, cat or snake." Archie gestured toward her picks behind him, Rae looked at them and bit her lip in thought.
"That one please." Rae pointed to the snake that Archie handed to her with a smile on his face.
"Thank you Archie." Rae smiled than looked at Finn who was looking at her in awe realizing this girl was defiantly not mainstream with the stuff animal she pick ,most girls would get the other two choices from what Finn observed most of the time.
"So Finn in the mood for a little skeeball?" Rae looked at Finn with a mischievous grin on her face and a challenge in her eyes.
"Sure. Finn and Rae walked over to Chops skeeball booth and started playing a few rounds. Rae was having so much fun but took a moment to look at the time, she took out her smart phone that the guys looked at with interest as if they had never seen one before that day. Rae noticed their looks finding it strange but figured it was because it was a new iphone she had, it wasn't the first time someone took interest in her mobile.
"Oh gosh the last bus will be here soon and I got to go. It was nice meeting all of you." Rae looked apologetically at every one and made her way out to the entrance of the carnival but to her dismay she saw the last bus just pulling away from the stop trapping her at the carnival knowing it would take hours for a taxi to come out all this way. She turned to see Finn standing near by looking at her with sympathy.
"Did You miss your bus?"
"Yeah it looks like I'm trapped here for the night unless some one could drive me home?" Rae looked pleadingly at Finn.
"Unfortunately we have only one car at the moment and its in the shop right now." Finn scrunched up his face in apology at not being able to help this woman.
"I don't understand don't any of you have cars, surly. How do you all get home?"
"We are home." Rae looked at Finn with confusion written all over her face.
"I don't understand whose we?"
"Well the people you've seen tonight, well we're all like a family you see. We live in our own caravans and only need one vehicle also we got the bus stop there if we need to go anywhere. We do hire extra workers in our peek time period. Some will show up tomorrow with it being our last night and all."
"Oh I See." Rae sighed at not knowing what to do next as she scratched her head thinking.
"Um you know Linda works the food booths she wouldn't mind putting you up for the night."
"If you're sure maybe we should ask her just in case." Rae didn't want to put anybody out for her lack of keeping up with the time.
"Well we should go the main building than and ask her but I really don't think she will mind." Finn offered Rae his arm that she took finding it sweet at how much a gentleman he was. They entered the building, it was brightly lit with a long table for twenty people to sit at. Rae noticed toys next to a sitting area and an old television with a VCR. She looked to her left to see a kitchen with a curvy middle aged woman with blond hair by the stove. Finn walked her over to meet who Rae figured was Linda.
"Um Linda this is Rae and she missed her bus." Linda turned around giving Rae and Finn a warm smile before wiping her hand with a towel than putting it besides the stove but just enough out of the way of the burner.
"Hello pet I'm so sorry to here about your bad luck, why don't you and Finn sit down the rest of the gang will be here soon to eat. Rae you may stay at my Caravan tonight if you want or are you going to stay with Finn there?" Linda asked questioningly with a tiny playful smile on her face taking a quick look at Finn seeing a bright red blush on his face.
"I think she'd be more comfortable staying with you Linda." Finn said nervously a ting of embarrassment plays on his face. Rae put her hand on Finn's rubbing her thumb over his knuckles not knowing why she did such an unusual intimate act she hardly knew Finn but was feeling like she did as they spent more time together.
"I'll stay with Finn if I'm not putting him out that is." Rae couldn't believe that she said that but somehow felt it was the right decision.
"Um no if you want to that would be fine." Finn huffed a laugh nervously not believing someone so wonderful would want to stay with him but he was happy about it all the same.
"Well that's settled than why don't you two clean up before dinner." Linda nodded her head before going back to her cooking, just then people arrived into the building. Rae recognized Iz ,Chloe, Chop, Archie and the man from the ticket booth come in but saw an average height lankly boy with a sweet looking slight of a girl with a pixie haircut and a balding middle aged man with a lighthearted smile on his face walk in with them laughing at a joke that Chop told.
"Well look whose here the lovely lass that played some games with us it looks like ya missed the bus." Chop gave a warm and sympathetic look toward Rae as Izzy held his hand looking the same at Rae.
"Yeah it was a bit early, oh Izzy I forgot to pick up the pictures!" Rae hit her palm on her forehead as she remembered.
"Its ok, got them right here." Izzy handed Rae a envelope with her pictures in it, Rae pulled one out looking at it in wonder.
"Oh Izzy these are beautiful you truly have a talent. So did you study photography at uni?" Rae put her picture back not wanting to ruin it and put it in her tote bag for safe keeping. Izzy looked pensive for a moment before putting a smile on her face.
"Um no self taught, I did want to go but it just didn't work out." Rae noticed that her smile didn't reach her eyes that they held a bit of melancholy in them.
"Well maybe one day you will, its never too late." Rae said soothingly but she noticed the sorrowful looks of the others in the room. Suddenly a little girl of three came bouncing into the room with dark hair and mischief in her eyes, she ran to Linda who picked her up with a big smile on her face.
"There's my little Jasmine!" Linda said in a overly exaggerated happy tone making Jasmine giggle and wiggle wanting down, once out of Linda's arms she goes straight to Karim's giving him a hug.
"Who's that?" Rae asked Finn quietly while laughing at the little girls exuberance.
"Oh that Jazz she's Linda's and Karim's daughter and that over there is Danny with his girlfriend Tixy. The man over next to them is Kester, Chloe's uncle, Barneys da and Linda's brother. Barney must be still busy but he'll be here soon he never misses a meal." Finn chuckled as Rae looked at all the people all smiling or laughing at jazz as she was telling them an exiting story of a dragon and teddy bear traveling to go to the library. Linda put a big dish containing a casserole on the table and went back to get another dish with bangers and mash in it.
"Ok everyone foods on the table. your hands better be clean." Linda said sternly but her eyes were warmly looking at everyone as she put jazz in her booster seat. A man comes in goes to the sink to wash his hands and sit next to Archie giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"Hey babe, oh bangers and mash my fave! Linda you out did yourself." Barney winked at her than went and plated him up some food. The others did the same.
"So that must be Barney than?" Rae asked Finn as she put a little food on her plate and took a small bite, she still wasn't quite comfortable eating in front of people but also didn't want to be rude either. Finn nodded taking a big bite of sausage chewing it before swallowing his food.
"Uh yeah that's Archie's boyfriend."
"So are you going to introduce us Finn?" Kester asked as he nodded to Rae.
"Oh everyone this Rae she missed her bus and is staying the night."
"Hello everyone." Rae waved at everyone she hadn't met yet and were greeted with smiles and nods. As the meal went on the conversation was full of laughter and jokes, Rae felt very comfortable with these people who have so kindly shared a part their life with her in a time of need. She found herself getting another small second helping as she noticed no one seemed to notice her eating just warmly included her in the conversation like she was part of their motley crew of a family. At one point Rae got out her phone that peaked Jazz's interest and Rae showed it to her, letting the girl play with one of the game apps on it. Jazz defiantly took a shine to Rae that made the others smile at the scene.
"So Rae do you have any family waiting for you at home you may want to call to let them know that you're here or if you're really wanting to get home to pick you up?" Linda asked as she was wiping jazz's mouth of food.
"Um no I don't have any family, me parents died in a car accident when I was little and I've been in foster homes ever since." The sadness in her tone tore at the hearts of everyone round the table, Finn put his hand on top of her's under the table giving her a empathetic smile.
"Well I'm sorry to hear that dear. Well consider yourself part of our family then while you're here." Everyone murmured in agreement making Rae feel like she belonged somewhere for the first time in her life.
"That's very kind of you, thank you."
"So Rae what do you do for a living?" Kester asked in a soft spoken voice as the others looked at Rae with interest.
"I work for a small magazine in Stamford writing music reviews and articles on bands although I'm just one of three that does that. My hope it one day to get me own column." Just as Finn was going to ask what kind of music she writes about Izzy, Chloe, and Tixy all started asking a half a dozen questions about what bands she's written about and has she meet anybody famous. Rae got out her mp3 player so the girls could listen to a band Rae was surprised they hadn't heard of being they were all over the radio at the moment. .
"Rae what's that?" Tixy asked in wonderment as the other two looked at the device with curiosity like they never seen one.
"Its my mp3 player you download music on it from the internet or your computer. Um here let me show you." Rae put a ear bud in Tixy's one ear and the other in Chloe's next to her turning on the device, the girls were amazed by the different music on it.
"Oh my god its like a mixed tape this is so cool." Chloe squealed excitedly, Rae didn't think anybody made mixed tapes anymore. Tixy took out her ear bud and gave it to Izzy to listen too.
"Well little one I think its time you go to bed it is getting late for you." Linda got up than and picked up a sleepy jazz in her arms with Karim following her lead.
"Goodnight jazz." Rae waved at the little girl as she waved back to her.
"Rae are you going to stay forever?" Jazz asked curiously but Rae picked up a ting of hope in her voice that seamed strange to hear somehow but couldn't put her finger on why.
"Um just for the night sorry." Rae looked sadly at the girl but felt a feeling well up in her she couldn't place.
"Oh goodnight then." The heartbreak in the little girls eye's tugged at Rae's heart but also seemed strange for some one so young to have.
"Sorry about that dear she gets attached easily we'll see you in the morning." Linda and Karim waved everyone off as they headed to their caravan for the night.
"So Kester I have to say I love your carnival I had so much fun tonight." Rae beamed knowing she was defiantly coming back tomorrow night and maybe one reason was for Finn she had to admit to herself.
"Why thank you I always like to hear that people have enjoyed their time here." Kester grinned as he started to pick up plates and silverware with Chloe and Barney helping clean up.
"So Rae what do you think about ducks?" This caused everyone to groan a bit knowing where this was going as Danny sat near Rae.
"Um I don't know much about them just I feed them bread once in awhile when I go to the lake." Danny smiled at this and started going into a long speech about them that made Finn close his eye shaking his head before opening them. He took the time to look at Rae noticing how genuinely she seamed interested about the subject Danny was banging on about, how she pushed her hair back behind her ear finding he wished to touch its soft locks.
"So that's why I love ducks I guess because me gandad loved them it was one of the things we both connected over." Danny looked off a bit smiling at the memories of his granddad that Rae felt sure was running in his head at that moment.
'Well he sounded nice you were lucky to have him." Rae blinked back a tear, Finn took her hand giving it a squeeze. Chloe noticed the move feeling that Finn was starting to feel something for the girl.
"Ok Danny I think you've talked Rae's ear off enough I'm knackered its time to go to bed. Night Rae see you tomorrow." Tixy said as Danny got up saying his goodbye intertwining his fingers with hers and heading out the door.
"Well it was nice meeting you Rae I hope to see you in the morning before you leave" Chloe smiled at Rae than looked at Finn with a hopeful look but Rae sensed something also a touch of misery too.
"Night Chloe."
"Night Chlo." Finn waved her off turning back to look at Rae that he was finding he liked to do more and more as the night wore on. Rae couldn't help blushing at his intense stares finding that they made her feel like butterflies were fluttering in her stomach.
"So how long have you two been together?" Rae asked as she looked at Archie and than Barney with interest as they sat down next to them.
"Oh since we were eighteen so that was what? Oh my that was eight years ago now." Barney mused as Archie took a hold of his hand putting his head on Barney's shoulder.
"Wow so are you planning on getting married? Well now with the change in the laws and all."
"Um-uh yes o-of course we will it takes time." Archie looked at Barney with surprise in his eyes that Barney mirrored back but maybe with more shock from what Rae construed. Archie change the subject to history of carnivals that fascinated Rae. She tried to fight a yawn but lost the battle when one escaped from her mouth.
"Oh shit I'm sorry I didn't realize it was getting that late you must be tired Rae." Archie had looked at his watch noticing that it was going on past midnight.
"Um I think I should take you to me caravan Rae." Finn got up with Rae following after saying her goodbyes telling Arch she hoped to talk to him some more about carnivals in the morning and saw the same look that Chloe had but figured she was tired and her mind was playing tricks on her. They left the warmth of the building and walked into the cold October air, it was strange to see the carnival once alive with bright lights now dark making it look bleak and woeful. They got into Finns caravan that was a bit dated by about twenty years but it felt like home somehow to Rae and then she saw the record collection that made her heart race a bit. She walked over to them her sleepiness forgotten momentarily as she touched the records like they were ancient scrolls that would designate if handled without care. Finn found her reverence for the records endearing.
"You could play one if you want. Um do you want a cuppa?" Finn glanced at Rae while he started for the kitchenette.
"That would be great thank you I'd love some." Rae decided on the Stone Roses the second coming album before starting to look at the pictures on his walls. She was lost in the different pictures of Finn's life, each one telling a story about him. Finn finished making the tea and put two mugs on the coffee table in front of his little settee.
"Uh tea's ready, um good choice on music." Finn sat down rubbing at his thight his heart racing as he looked at Rae shyly, she sat next to him giving him a reassuring smile.
"Thanks, so how long have you worked here?"
"Oh since seventeen got a job for the summer and I enjoyed it, much like Danny who loved the place and stayed, so did I. It became me home when me da passed away when I was twenty and the people became a family to me."
"I'm sorry about your father. Um did you go to uni or anything?"
"Thanks, um no I wasn't very good with school and really I fell in love with working here, I know its nothing to aspire to being just a carnie worker and-"
"I disagree there's nothing wrong with being just a carnie worker, you work at a place that brings a bit of happiness to peoples lives. I think that's pretty special." Rae blushed as she bit her lower lip glancing at Finn than looking down.
"I've never been told that before thank you. So what music do you like besides The Stone Roses that are mint." Rae listed off many of the bands and songs he liked and at some point during the conversation on music Finn intertwined her fingers with his finding a connection growing between them with every passing minute. They talked about their backgrounds more with Rae learning of his mum leaving and Nan passing pointing her out on one of the photos Rae looked at earlier. Finn learned about Rae's life growing up in the foster care system that eventually led to her talking about her time in the hospital and her self harming when she was sixteen.
"So it took a few years of therapy but I finally got to a better mental state and went off to uni getting a degree in English. Started working for the magazine right after graduation." Rae couldn't explain how she felt so at ease with Finn it usually takes weeks, sometimes months for Rae to open up about her past and here she was telling him all about it the first evening they met. She also noticed how their hands have stayed intertwined with one another and how it felt natural for hers to be in his like puzzle pieces coming to together perfectly completing a beautiful picture.
"I have to say I'm in awe of you Rae you were so strong to get through that."
"Thanks." Rae softly looked at him giving him a small smile. Finn gets up reluctantly letting go of Rae's hand to change the music putting a mixed tape in and sat back down next to Rae instinctively finding her hand to hold again. The song Fading Into You by Mazzy Star started playing, Finn got up still holding Rae's hand and asked her to dance with him which Rae agreed to. She got up letting go of Finn's hand putting her arms around his neck as his arms went around her waist, they moved closer as Rae with eyes closed rested her head on Finn's shoulder and him closing his eyes as they moved in a small circle to the haunting melody. Rae places a small kiss on Finns collar bone than another one at the base of his neck. She raised her head off Finn's shoulder to look into his warm chocolate eye's as he licked his lips looking at her full lips than back up to her eyes. Rae leans her head closer to his as Finn leans in closing the gap and capturing her bottom lip with his lips. She opens her mouth just enough allowing his tongue to slip into her mouth, an intense feeling goes through them as their tongues connect and their kiss turns passionate. They break apart leaning there foreheads together practically breathless.
"Wow!" Rae breathed out.
"Yeah, wow!" Rae looked at the time to see how late it was.
"Its already two in the morning we should probably get some sleep." Rae looked at the bed biting her lip as she stepped back than shifted her weight from one foot to the other as Finn swallowed nervously.
"Um I can take the settee and you can have the bed." Finn suggested figuring it would be the most comfortable for Rae.
"Its ok we can share the bed we're adults I'm sure we can handle it." Rae raised her eyebrows giving Finn a playful smirk. He nodded and climbed into bed than Rae got in next to him, Finn couldn't help but put his arm over her side at her waist spooning her as Rae just sighed finding she liked being held by this kind man. Sleep came easily for the both of them felling safe in their little cocoon they created for the night.
The next morning Rae found Finn gone, she got up and walked into the living area of the caravan when she heard voices outside, she walked closer finding she was able to hear the conversion better peeking out the partially opened blinds.
"So are you going to tell her mate? Ask her?" Archie with Barney standing next to his holding his hand looking apprehensive.
"I don't know yet, maybe." Finn hesitantly answered.
"You have too Finn I really like being here, I don't want to…maybe I should tell-"
"Archie you know the situation Finn has to ask her and she has to decide to stay or not." Linda warned Archie.
"I know Linda its just that Barney and I we could be…well with what she said last night its given us hope." Archie said earnestly as Barney held him in comfort.
"We know Archie you don't think I wouldn't love to go uni and learn photography, I would love it but Finn has to be the one to ask and in the end its her decision if she want to stay or go." Izzy soothingly said looking glum matching the way the rest of the gang felt. Rae was so confused at what was going on why it was so important for Finn to ask her to stay, she was certain they were talking about her. Rae strangely found that deep down that she wanted Finn to ask her to stay that she wanted to be with this patchwork of a family. She purposely jiggled the handle to make her presence known, she walked out of the opened door walking down the steps smiling at every one that was outside.
"Morning!"
"Morning Rae there's breakfast at the main building if you're hungry and want to eat a bite before you catch your bus." Linda offered while holding jazz who smiled brightly at Rae.
"That would be lovely Linda thank you. Finn you coming?" Finn nodded his head than took hold of her hand walking with her to breakfast. They sat down with the rest of the group like the night before but there was a somber mood in the atmosphere that worried Rae a bit but guessed that it was because she was leaving in a bit.
"Want to take a walk girl?"
"Yeah I'd love that." Rae and Finn got up with Rae saying her goodbyes to everyone at the table noticing the hopeful glances mixed with apprehension as they said their goodbyes back . Finn walked with Rae holding her hand through the carnival grounds, Rae could feel his nervous energy as they got closer to the entrance.
"Finn what's wrong? You seem on edge." Rae squeezed his hand trying to reassure him giving him a bright smile.
"Nothin' I just really have been enjoying our time together is all, don't really want it to end." Finn looked down biting the corner of his bottom lip glancing at Rae as they stopped at the ticket booth.
"I've had a lovely time too but I'll be back tonight for your closing. Finn I don't want this to end either." Finn looked at her with a smile but Rae could see a sadness in his eyes.
"I look forward to tonight then I'm going to miss you." Finn wanted so badly to tell her, ask her, but couldn't and worst still knowing he couldn't help the others because he couldn't.
"Well I guess I'll be heading to the bus than. I haven't got a reason to stay longer, have I?" Rae hoped he would say yes and ask her to stay a little longer she found she didn't want to leave yet still feeling drawn to the place.
"No just I really like you Rae and can't wait for tonight." Rae felt disappointed that he didn't ask her to stay longer and had a sense he was holding something back but figured she could ask tonight.
"Well goodbye than Finn, see ya tonight." Rae gave him a kiss on the lips that Finn deepened kissing her like it gave him life.
"Wow! I-I… I'm gonna go now." Rae felt breathless after that kiss, she waved at him than made her way to the bus stop. Rae looked back to see that everyone had gathered to wave her off.
"You didn't tell her did you." Chop asked feeling like he knew the answer with the heartbroken look on Finn's face.
"I couldn't I'm sorry guys" Finn said in a defeated manner as Izzy put her hand on his shoulder in sympathy.
"Why couldn't you tell her Finn." Kester softly asked feeling he knew why with the way Finn had looked at Rae last night.
"Because she deserves better then this place, this cursed existence." Chloe looked at him with sudden understanding.
"You've fallen for her haven't you?" Chloe felt a pain in her heart for Finn and the unfairness of it all.
"Yes it's why I had to let her go." Finn tuned to see Rae waving back from the bus stop and the bus pulling up to it to take her away.
"Alright everyone lets go back to the main building. All this was nice while it lasted." Linda carried a crying Jazz and stated walking with the others in a despondent mood, Finn held back to watch Rae go before he went with the others.
Oh diary if I had only known what was going to happen I would have insisted that Finn tell me what the others wanted him to tell me. I would have stayed there, stayed in Finns arms and never leave them…
The bus ride to the outskirts of Stamford seemed like it took forever but maybe that had to do with Rae's giddiness at seeing Finn again. She hoped to get him to tell her what the big secret was and maybe to stay. She knew it was irrational for her to feel like she did after just one night but she had to admit she's fallen for Finn and everyone for that matter, last night she felt like a part of a family, a feeling she hasn't had in a long time. Finally the bus stopped and Rae practically jumped out, she made sure she had everything before walking to the carnival grounds but stopped in her tracks. She saw an empty field where just a few hours there had been booths, rides, and caravans. She ran closer to see nothing that indicated there was anything there before. She walked around confused and wondered if she mixed up stops but she made sure she wrote the name of the stop down. She walked to where the main building stood seeing only grass not even a slab of concrete for the foundation.
"Miss are you alright?" An old man waking his dog came nearer to Rae with a look of concern on his face.
"I don't know th-there was a carnival here just this morning and its just gone and it wasn't a travailing one." Rae looked at the man with the beginnings of tears in her eyes.
"Um miss there hasn't been a carnival here in twenty years." The man thought the girl must have hit her head or was delusional.
"I don't understand there was one just last night, I talked with the people that work here." Rae looked around again as if the carnival would all of a sudden appear.
"Well I'm sorry to say the carnival that was here burned down."
"What!" Rae said shocked trying to calm herself counting to ten in her head.
"A fire in the one building they used for storage burnt down, from what I remember a beam fell in front of the door trapping the owner and some of the workers in it the day before they were to close for the season."
"I…but they were here last night"
That night still feels so real to me, the sense of family. Finn's arms around me and the feeling of being home still feels real to me but the words of the old man still echo in my head " Well miss it sounds like you spent time with GHOSTS!" Oh diary how can I be in love with a ghost…