Ultear-ior Motives

"Gray! Lucy! Help me!"

The two mages were seated at a table in the guildhall when they heard that cry from their Salamander friend and looked around to place him. He was rushing into the hall, as if someone was chasing him. They saw no one.

"What?" Gray teased. "You bug Erza again? She attack you?"

"Tell me it's not Laxus," Lucy begged. "Please."

"Keep my name out of your mouths, loser," she heard from across the guild. Turning, she saw the dragon slayer up at the bar, talking with Mirajane. He sent her a glare though which turned Lucy red and made her face forwards once more.

"Nothing like that," Natsu said as he sat down.

"Well, where's Happy?" Lucy asked.

"I don't know. Home, I guess."

"Where were you then if not with him?" she continued.

"That's the problem." Natsu looked at each of them in turn. "I think I'm gay. But I'm not sure. Help me! I need to figure this out."

Gray blinked. Then he looked to Lucy. "You wanna take this one?"

Lucy only smiled at him. "Natsu, why would you think-"

"I slept with someone last night. A guy."

"What?" Lucy exclaimed as Gray choked on his beer.

He nodded his head rapidly. "I think. I'm not sure."

"What do you mean you think? You think you slept with someone or-"

"No," he cut Gray off, shaking his head. "I think it was a guy."

"How could you be confused on something like that?" Lucy asked. She had spent the night before with Levy and had no idea what (or who) Natsu might have been spending his time with. She thought Happy, but apparently not. Definitely not.

"It was that one guy. Err, girl. You know the one."

Gray, who was still trying to calm down after nearly choking, widened his eyes even more. "Master Bob? You slept with Bob?"

"Ew! Ew, ew, ew." Lucy put her hands over her ears. "I don't want to hear about this! Bob? Natsu, that's gross. He's, like-"

"No! I didn't…Gah!" Natsu stuck his tongue out. "No way, not Bob."

"Oh." Gray let out a sigh of relief. Scratching the back of his head, he said, "Then who, Natsu?"

"Yeah." Now that Bob was out of the picture, Lucy leaned forwards against the table, starng Natsu down. "Who?"

"That man that bothered us at Galuna Island. Then-"

"Ultear?" Suddenly, Lucy was losing interest. At least someone. "You idiot."

"You big dope. Ultear isn't a man. She's a woman. And she-" Gray stopped talking then before he felt his face head up. Turning towards Natsu then, he yelled, "Hey! You can't just go around sleeping with whoever you please, you know! Ultear was my master's daughter!"

"Stop yelling at me." Natsu laid his head down on the table. Staring at Lucy then, he asked, "So am I gay?"

Sighing, Lucy said, "No, stupid. Ultear was just pretending to be an old man that time. I thought you knew that?"

"Are you sure?"

"Very."

"Hmmm."

"How…where… Is Ultear in Magnolia?" Gray finally got out. "Or something? Or are you just being stupid again?"

"After Lucy ditched me yesterday-"

"I'm allowed to hangout with other people, Natsu."

"-I went to a bar. With Gajeel. He was upset that Levy said he couldn't hangout with her or Lucy either. So he started drinking and I started drinking. And then…Gajeel was gone! And my head hurt and I felt real funny. But then I saw her! That he/she. And she started talking to me. Apparently, they're in town looking into some new dark guild forming. She said that Erza was with Jellal and Meredy was back at the hotel they were staying at. And then…then I threw up on her."

"You smooth dog, you," Gray remarked dryly.

"Suave, the way I see it," Lucy sighed. "Then what, Natsu?"

"Well then she felt real bad for me. I just kinda spit up on her shoes. Really, it's you two's fault."

"Our fault?" Gray asked.

"What'd we do?" Lucy questioned.

"You left me all alone and let Gajeel take me to a bar! One where Mirajane wasn't watering down the drinks. What was I supposed to do?"

"Well, being a mature adult is just out of the question, huh?" Lucy remarked.

"Anyways?" the ice mage prompted.

"Anyways," the Salamander continued. "She offered to take me home, but I was too drunk to remember where my home was. So she took me back to her hotel room where we…slept together."

"Wow," Lucy said as Gray seethed some more. "All I did last night was read some of my work to Levy and eat takeout."

Just then, the guildhall doors opened once more and in walked Meredy as well as Ultear. They were both talking loudly to one another, in upbeat moods. Lucy's eyes widened as they headed over to their table.

"Hello," she greeted slowly. Meredy only smiled back at her, looking around.

"Is Juvia here?" she asked.

"I think she's on a job," Gray said before standing. Facing Ultear, he said, "Would you like my seat? So you can sit next to Natsu?"

She either didn't pick up on the sarcasm in his tone or just didn't care. She only smiled and said, "I take it you heard about last night."

"Y-Yeah," Lucy said slowly, looking off. "We kinda did."

"I can't believe that you two…that you and Natsu…" Gray looked away too, blushing slightly. Lucy thought it was funny that he was more concerned with what Ultear did with Natsu than the fact that he was, once again, only wearing his boxers in the middle of the guildhall.

"That they what?" Meredy asked, frowning. "I mean, I was there too. They just-"

"You what?" Lucy frowned at that. It would have been better if it was Bob. "Natsu!"

"Of course Meredy was there," Ultear said, hesitant then by the way they were acting. "We shared a hotel room."

Gray was blushing harder then. "Natsu. You're disgusting."

"What are you guys going on about anyhow?" Ultear crossed her arms. "I mean-"

"I just told 'em how we slept together," Natsu said then as he lifted his head to look at her.

"You what?"

"Well, yeah," he said as Meredy started giggling at the look on Ultear's face. "I had to make sure I wasn't gay. You know, since you keep pretending to be a woman-"

"I'm not a man!" She turned away from them then at her outburst, collecting herself. Then, slowly, she said, "I think Natsu here as misled you. We did not…sleep together in the context you think. He was merely drunk and I thought I was paying you all a favor by giving him a place to sleep. I did not think anything more of it."

"Then you didn't have sex with him?" Lucy asked before glaring at Natsu. "You're really something. You know that?"

"What? I never said anything about sex. I just said I slept with a man. And I did. Didn't I?"

"I assure you that you did not," Ultear said as Meredy giggled some more. Then, after huffing, she said, "The reason I came in here today was because I was looking for Jellal. I have not been able to place him since he and Erza went to dinner together last night. Have any of you seen the two of them?"

Lucy only sighed, laying her own head down on the table then. "I have a feeling Erza's was the only one sleeping with a guy last night."

"Cheer up, Luce," Natsu said then, winking at her. 'We can sleep together any time you want."

"That does not mean what you think it does!"

Another request fic. I didn't know anyone actually shipped Ultear/Natsu, but to each their own. The only thing I could think of when I thought of them together was that episode before the Grand Magic Games arc where Natsu still didn't understand that Ultear was really a woman.