WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
Act 1 Scene 1
('Where are they now' theme song)
Mel Welcome back. The year was 1605, petrol prices didn't exist, guns weren't invented yet and the latest craze was poisoning people.
KoshieLets meet our special guest Hamlet, Prince of Denmark.
(Hamlet walks in, blowing kisses to the crowd)
(Koshie Shakes Hamlets hand and Mel kisses him on the cheek)
HamletIt's so great to be here
MelSo Hamlet, most people have read Shakespeare's play about you. So they are probably all wondering the same thing….
Koshie…We thought Hamlet died?
HamletWell. When I approached Will I asked him to write a true account of my life as Princee of Denmark. But he refused. He told me that true stories don't sell so if he was to write about me he was going to spice it up a bit. I agreed. You see, I only thought he would just change a bit, like, lie about Laertes wooden leg.
When I read it however I was shocked to see that he stated that I killed my uncle and Laertes! Why on earth would I do that?
Ophelia also didn't die, she did fall in the lake though, but I rescued her.
MelOh….okay.
(Mel shuffles awkwardly in her seat)
I wasn't expecting that.
KoshieHamlet, did you really love Ophelia?
HamletOf course, I still love her. She is so beautiful and graceful. I loved the way her dainty feet didn't even make a sound as she wandered down the hallways at Elsinore Castle. I loved the way her flowing blonde hair flipped from side to side as she galloped up and down our property on her mare Chestnut.
(Hamlet sighs)
Oh I miss her so much
MelHaven't you kept in touch?
HamletShe ran off with Horatio! She has six kids with him and apparently they are "happily married." Seriously Mel, why on earth should I keep in touch with the woman who broke my heart?
(Hamlet holds back tears)
MelWell, you did go mad and threaten her. I don't blame her.
HamletI did not go mad!
(Hamlet stands and draws his, now rusty, sword. He aims it at Mel)
(Mel starts sweating profusely and looks to
her right to see Koshie has deserted her)
MelUh…good Hamlet, lovely Hamlet. Sweet, sweet, sweet Hamlet.
(Hamlet growls)
Don't worry I believe you. I believe you
Hamlet(Mumbles) It was all her. I didn't do anything. She threatened me!
MelI know, I know. Now put away your sword and we'll talk about it.
(Hamlet puts away his sword and sits down)
(Koshie mysteriously re-appears)
KoshieSorry about that. I had to go to the little boy's room.
(Koshie zips up his fly)
(Audience laughs)
MelWe'll be back with more of Hamlet after this short break.
Act 1 Scene 2
('Where are they now' theme song)
Koshie Welcome back. Just in case you are just tuning in, we have been talking with Denmark's very own Prince Hamlet.
(Audience applauses)
MelSo Hamlet, how has your visit to Australia been so far?
HamletWell, the hospitality here is excellent, all the locals bow at my feet. All Australian women are absolutely gorgeous…just like you Mel.
(Hamlet winks and Mel giggles like a little school girl)
Your restaurants are just exquisite and your beaches are just stunning.
(A picture of Hamlet comes up on the screen;
He's surfing at Bondi beach)
Australia is such a beautiful place.
(Another picture of Hamlet comes up on the screen;
He's wearing a Hawaiian Shirt)
MelWell we are called the lucky country!
KoshiYes we are Mel! Well be right back with a surprise for Hamlet after this short break.
Act 1 Scene 3
('Where are they now' theme song)
MelWelcome back. We are joined today with Hamlet, Prince of Denmark
(Hamlet flashes a grin)
KoshieHamlet, now you may have remembered that we said he have a surprise for you just before the break. Do you have any clue as to what that surprise might be?
HamletA new car?
(Hamlet grins sheepishly)
MelWishful thinking/ No, it's something much better than that.
KoshieLet's give a warm welcome to Denmark's very own Ophelia!
(Hamlet nearly faints as he see's Ophelia, looking more
beautiful then ever, position herself on the couch.)
OpheliaHi Hamlet.
(Ophelia kisses Hamlet on the cheek)
(Hamlet turns red and he tries to speak)
I've missed you so much.
HamletUh…me too. Um…how's Horatio?
OpheliaWe split up; he took our 2 boys and went to live in America. I now live here with my four girls: Leah, Harriet, Jennifer and Courtney.
(Hamlet stares at Mel and Koshie)
HamletYou (pointing to Mel and Koshie) knew all this already but didn't bother to tell me!
Mel and(In unison) We thought you'd prefer to hear it straight from the horses mouth!
Koshie (both Mel and Koshie grinned sheepishly)
OpheliaHamlet?
Hamlet Yes Ophelia, my love?
(Ophelia knelt down in the proposal position and retrieved a small box from the pocket of her overcoat)
OpheliaHamlet…. (Stares lovingly into Hamlets eyes) Will you do me the honour, and marry me!
HamletOh Ophelia, of course!
(Ophelia stands and her and Hamlet kiss)
(Chapel music starts to play in the background)
KoshieWe'll be back right after the news headlines!
Act 1 Scene 4
('Where are they now' theme song)
MelWelcome back, today we have been extremely lucky to be graced with the presence of Denmark Royalty. No we aren't talking about Prince Frederik and Princess Mary. We are talking about Hamlet Prince of Denmark and Ophelia!
KoshieOphelia…while you were in the middle of your relationship with Horatio did you ever think that your life would be better with Hamlet as your husband?
OpheliaEvery single day! No one can relate to the heartache I felt while my darling Hamlet wasn't in my life. I only stayed with Horatio for the kids. When Horatio left me it was like a blessing, I could finally do as I pleased.
(Looks over at Hamlet)
I finally remember what it is like to be happy again.
HamletMel, Koshie. I want to thank you. If it wasn't for your show I would have never been reunited with the love of my life.
Mel and(In unison) It was our pleasure.
Koshie
KoshieJoin us next week on 'Where Are They Now?" at 7:30pm Saturday when we catch up with the former Beatle Paul McCartney and his ex-wife Emma Mills. Trust me there will be a bit of hostility in the air!
(Ophelia, Hamlet, Mel and Koshie wave
to the camera's as the audience applauses)
('Where are they now' theme song)