Title: Boxed In By My Thoughts: Trying to Figure This Out
Character: Tony
Episode: Boxed In
Word Count: 674

Boxed In By My Thoughts: Trying to Figure This Out

You know, Ziva, I get. I understand why she would invite everyone but me to that damned party. I can even see why McGeek would go, and why he'd lord it over me…him being invited and not me. Let's face it, I'm not all that nice to him most of the time. I don't think he understands that all the picking is my way of showing him he matters to me. He's not used to that kind of thing, I don't think, so I understand completely why he would want to get back at me. Ziva's party presented the perfect opportunity for him. The autopsy gremlin's opinion doesn't really matter one way or the other. But Abby? And GIBBS?

My god. I didn't think I was that bad at character judgment! I thought Abby and I were friends. I knew Gibbs and I weren't friends. I'm not sure he really has any. But I didn't think he hated me either. I kind of thought he respected me…a little at least. I mean, yeah, he pits us all against each other to get us to do our best, but to go to a party that he knew everyone was invited to, except me? (Really, to go to any party. Gibbs just doesn't strike me as the party-going type!) And then to join in the teasing right in the bull pen? He almost never actually joins in on picking on anyone…well maybe Fornell from time to time, but Feebies don't really count. Not that I'd ever tell Fornell that. He kind of scares me a little.

What did I do to everyone that they felt they had to get back at me like that? Didn't they know that would hurt more than anything else they could have done? I need to be included! I need family! I thought I had found it! Maybe not. Maybe I should be looking for that next job? I've already been here a record number of years. Maybe it's time to go.

It won't be easy to leave. I love it here…used to love it here… when I still thought I belonged.

I'm really talking myself into a serious depression here. Maybe I need to look at it another way. Maybe they didn't know I wasn't invited. Maybe they thought I had been invited, but turned them down to do something else. That would explain why they were rubbing it in about what a good time they had. Maybe Ziva told them I went on a date instead, or something. I could see her doing that. That woman is seriously an 'alpha dog' and I have seniority over her in the job. She'd try to get something over on me any way she could. I could really see her doing something like that. Do anything…say anything…to get the tactical advantage. McGee sure looked like he knew I wasn't invited, but I've been over that ground already. "Little brother" would do anything to get back at "pesky big brother", probably no harm even meant, on his part. For a genius, McGee doesn't always think things out the best…not really a people person.

Okay, that theory might actually work. Abby would feel the need to gig me on that…if she thought I had passed up a team party for a date or something she would have considered less important. Sort of explains Gibbs, too…same reason. (I'm still stuck on the idea of Gibbs going to a party at all!)

Maybe I need to suck it up and actually ask Abby about things first. There might be a perfectly logical reason for all this. I still consider these people my family…better than my family ever was actually. Okay, this one hurt, but I'm still hoping for a logical explanation. I'm not ready to leave here, yet…maybe won't ever be.

Oh, I see Abby. Okay, here goes!