Authors note:here itis, my first fanfiction in english... I usually write in german (my mother tongue) and I really do apologize for really simple language.thx for reading (and commenting about it plz ) anyways.
It´s a short one and DEFENITLY on the corny side... LOL any ppl who are not that much into the S/L tie will be throwing up. for sure. consider yourself warned. oh and sorry for errors in the content, I´ve seen exactly 2 episodes and still don´t really know a lot about background/past/life and the many small facettes of the main characters, so excuse me for not very sharp capturing them and a not too profound plot (plot? what plot? -.-)
Disclaimer:non of the characters are mine, songlines used in the story are by Tori Amos ("Cloud on my tongue")
Thanks to Disasterfreak, who beta´ed and enabled you, the reader, to focus on the story without beeing interrupted by mistakes and dumb expressions ;)
NOW HAVE FUN :D
love, ella
:Cases like this:
The sharp paper had cut deeply into the skin of her index finger as she turned the pages, but Lilly didn't seem to notice the tiny droplets of blood coming out of the barely visible wound. She was studying the folder with so much concentration, Scotty finally gave up the idea of conversation and went to get himself a cup of coffee. All he had gotten from her in the past 30 minutes were some "hmms" and nods, and—in a lucky second—one "for sure".
He returned now, a red cup with "Mom's the boss" written across it in white letters in his left hand, his right tucked into the pocket of his black trousers. He stood silent in the doorway of that big room, where every sort of human insanity lay gathered in hundreds of boxes, neatly arranged by chronological and alphabetical order. He watched her, lost in the file she was holding, brow furrowed, shoulders bent, not moving for quite a while now.
He knew it was a disgusting case. Little children, left alone in the dark, with parents not able to protect them, rape involved—he knew it made her sick. He didn't understand why she would want to read it over and over again, getting more upset every time she discovered some new nasty detail. He wanted to cross the space between them, one, two, three big strides (careful not to spill his coffee, though) and rip that folder out of her hands. He couldn't stand to see her torturing herself anymore, the way she sometimes did.
Slowly he walked over to her and placed the cup on top of one of the boxes.
"Hey, Rush, take a break!"
Although he tried to sound cheery, his voice couldn't hide a hint of concern.
"I'm just trying to get this done," she replied coolly, not even looking up.
"Lilly, it's almost midnight. That thing will never get done if you're done first! Just look at yourself, you're going to..."
"Can you please stop it for a second, Valens? I can't hear myself think," she almost yelled at him.
Scotty flinched a little, but he wasn't angry. Just worried by the weariness he saw in her eyes. Not even bitching around could conceal the shadows lingering on her face.
She drew in a long breath and almost immediately apologized for snapping at him.
"Lilly." He tried to sound reasonable. "See, it's just a case and..."
"Yeah, that's just what it always is, right?" she hissed, teeth clenched, suddenly finding herself unable to shut up. In one sharp movement she turned away from him and began aimlessly rummaging through some items in the open box before of her. Her hands and eyes seemed furious now.
"When Daddy slaps Mommy in the face, because dinner's not ready—well, it happens. When there's nothing to eat because Daddy has spent all the money in the bar again—that's a common thing, too. And when strangers sneak into your house at night, into your room, because your parents are away, and no one will notice, and they tell you to hush, and not to tell anyone—when you're already an adult by the age of 10—oh well, that's just the way of the world. Just another case."
Her voice had been pouring like a waterfall, thick with hate and disgust, cracking in the very last sentence. Now a dead silence filled every corner of the room, and Scotty found it hard to breathe.
The girl in the file had been 6 years old. Lilly had said 10.
It must be personal then.
The thought turned his stomach. He wanted to ask her, to touch her, to shake her, to hold her, but he didn't dare, he didn't know what to do. He had never felt so awkward before. The loud ticking of the clock on the wall mercilessly kept track of the time he just stood there, dumbly, doing exactly nothing.
Lilly had stopped thrashing around the box and was now tightly gripping the edges of its grey-brown cardboard, as if for support. Her face was a mixture of pain and shock over what she had just admitted to her partner. She guessed it must be the whole damn day, and then this case, that had sent her smashing some of her walls, too
She had her back to him now, and as much as Scotty wanted to push those ideas out of his mind, he couldn't help but think of what had been done to the fragile-looking, petite woman in front of him. A wave of protectiveness washed over him, making him want to throw his arms around her and never let go.
Just as Lilly was about to leave the room, as fast as possible, Scotty reached out and lightly touched her shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Lil," he managed, but didn't know what else to say.
A song came to Lilly's mind as she evaluated the ridiculous situation she had put herself in. She recited it silently in her head:
Thought I was over the bridge now,
over the bridge.
But I'm already in circles and circles and circles again.
Circles and circles- got to stop spinning...
"I thought I could forget. All those years. I thought I could make them never have happened. I was wrong," she said, emotionlessly.
"Swallowing it all down will only engrave the memories deeper into your soul. Before you can forget, you have to deal with them."
"Easy for you to say," she spat out, moving away from his touch.
"People can help you through this. They can be there for you, you know," he offered softly.
That struck Lilly. Unwanted memories of having been abandoned in the past flooded her thoughts and she crumbled.
"Who would still want me?" she cried in a low voice, hot tears streaming down her cheeks. They fell on her tightly clenched hands in front of her stomach, and she felt she couldn't hold back her sobbing anymore, no matter how hard she tried. What was happening here? She never lost control!
This time Scotty didn't hesitate. It was like he realized even Lilly Rush—toughest woman alive, here and anywhere else in the world—needed someone to understand, to make her feel human. He pulled her toward him in a smooth, but ever so careful move. He could feel her slender back trembling in his arms, rocked by the sobs that rhythmically shook her body. She tried to suppress them by pressing her fist to her mouth so they were strangely muffled, but her moving body gave her away, she knew. Scotty had to blink back his own tears. Reassuringly he began stroking her back and after a while she seemed to calm down. He still wouldn't let her go, though, and she didn't pull away.
"I'll always be there if you need someone to talk to, Lilly. You know that."
"Don't say that. People always turn away at some point. Promises are just nice formalities."
"But I mean it." He tightened his arms around her when he felt her attempt to pull away from his embrace. Puzzled, she looked up and found his eyes full of sympathy and genuine affection. And suddenly she realized she was all right with having him this close. She liked the idea of having him at her side. But she was still so afraid...
When he lowered his head to hers, she wouldn't have been able to pull away if she had wanted to. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head to the left.
Softly he lay his lips on hers, kissing her deeply, but at the same time very slow and very careful, afraid any quick or sudden movement would startle her back into her shell of indecision and self-protection. When he felt her responding to his kiss, he moved the hand that lay on the small of her back upwards over her shoulder, resting it on the side of her face. On its own, his thumb began caressing the soft skin of her jawbone and cheek, featherlike strokes followed by gentle circles. When Lilly realized how carefully and lovingly he handled her, she almost fell back in shock, shuddering slightly. No man had ever made her feel so… precious.
Scotty stopped dead when he felt Lilly tremble, frowning.
"You ok, Lilly?" he whispered, afraid she might have decided they were about to make the mistake of their lives.
Lilly nodded, but her eyes didn't open, even as she replied with a low "yes". Scotty realized she wasn't frowning, but struggling with more unshed tears, and his heart went out to her. He drew her closer, putting his arms protectively around her slender form. She lay her head on his chest, allowing one single tear to escape down her lashes, but not giving in to weakness once more by letting them all flow freely. Scotty felt her tensing up, and pressed a kiss on top of her tangled hair.
"Everything's going to be ok, Lil," he tried to calm her down, and didn't even sound corny by doing so. Under normal circumstances, Lilly would have laughed at any man at this point, would have acted differently, felt differently. But now she simply let herself believe the words spoken by this man, the man she found herself trusting.