In Order to feel, does that mean we have to feel pain first? Like before you can feel happy or feel love you have to feel like there is no reason to stay where you are? Why is it so much easier for us to feel pain or sorrow than it is to have true happiness? Is happiness real or is it just part of those fairytales we are told when we are young? Maybe that's why they are read to us when we are children. So that we can forget the first feeling we have in our welcoming to the world. We were in a place where in a place where we felt safe and whole, but then it gets taken away from us and we find ourselves in the world that makes it so hard for us to have that feeling again. And soon enough, you can't even remember what that feeling is anymore, or if it even exists. Then you feel empty. Then the fantasies come to help fill that emptiness. For some it would work, and for others they still feel as if a part of them is missing.
These are the thoughts that filled my unconscious mind as I lay in my lumpy, nearly broken bed. As soon as I wake up, I won't remember the thoughts that make me question why I should be a part of this world. I will wake up unable to remember the pained side of my heart, but still remember the dreams. I will be the same happy, fun, and sarcastic person I always am in the world that took away some of my happiness.