So where should I start?
How bout...
My name is Maria, and I love to... actually, how bout we don't go there.
I'm just kidding though, really, I swear.
Okie, this is my first fanfiction for Twilight so I'm making this a one shot.
I'm gonna break it up into a couple/few/several parts though.
Since I can't seem to find much time to do/finish an actual story.
I hope you all enjoy it.
This is un-beat'd...
So if you find misspelling and other grammatical errors disgusting and or
repulsive and such please don't shoot me.
Fuck.
You know that moment when you're eating a perfectly delicious sucker in the most inappropriate way and you catch a stranger watching you. Horrifying when it happens, inexplicably more horrifying when you realize it isn't a stranger, it's Edward Cullen.
My Edward Cullen.
Fine, he's not myEdward Cullen. Well... no, no, no, never mind.
As I stand here, both of us staring at each other, I notice I haven't stopped playing with my sucker. Nope. I can't even do it. My hand has a mind of its own and it continues to tap it on my tongue.
Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap.
I feel the blood begin to pool in my face, at this point I'm just wondering what shade of red I am. Mmmhmm, yep, I'm still tapping away. I watch as he swallows, his Adam's apple bobs up and down.
God, I want to lick it.
Shit. Did I say that out loud?
It doesn't seem so.
"What are you doing here, Edward?" A familiar voice says.
"Well hello to you too, Ali. Bella," Edwards says.
Ali?
Right, I'm downtown with Alice. Did I happen to mention I'm best friends with his twin sister, Alice? No? It must have skipped my mind.
"Last time I checked it was still a free country, so I guess I can do whatever I'd like." He says, lifting his hand and tugging at his hair.
"You're absolutely right." Is all Alice says, while raising an eyebrow up, almost making it disappear into her hair line and letting a Cheshire cat smile take over her lips, I just stand there silently.
Looking at them you wouldn't really believe that they were twins, polar opposites these two. Edward is at least six-two, medium build and Alice is a mere four-eleven, ballerina thin. He has reddish-brown, sex hair. Hair he's constantly tugging at with his long fingers. His fingers... STOP!Alice has short black hair that she loves to style to a point where she could take out your eyes. Edward has dreamy green eyes that I get lost in whenever he looks at me, and Alice has lovely blue eyes that you never want to see when she gets mad. Trust me it never, ever ends well for the other party.
While looking at them, and noting their differences and similarities I see a look pass between them that I can't figure out. I mean I'm as good as the next person when it comes to silent communication, but I'm an only child, I don't understand the sibling lingo like these two.
Chancing a look at my phone I remember why we're even downtown in the first place. Alice and I came to see a movie, and if I let her stand here and have a staring contest with Edward we're going to miss it. Not that I care, but Alice does, she has some sort of fascination with James Franco. I only have a fascination with her brother, but that's besides the point. I let Alice know that if we just stand here we're going to miss the movie. "Fine," is all she says, and at this point I don't know if she's answering me, or if she's speaking with Edward.
"Well, I'll see you guys later then, Bella. Alice." Edward says before he turns around and walks away.
"Bye Eddie." Alice calls out to him, knowing fully well that he hates when people call him Eddie. You can see his posture stiffen a bit as he continues to walk away. "Come on Bella." I turn around, still standing in the same spot I've been in the entire time and notice that she's already a good twenty feet away from me.
"Bye, Edward." I say. It seems that he's to far away to hear me but he turns around and waves goodbye while also giving me his signature smirk that destroys my panties every time. Then he runs his hand through his hair again and I fight the urge to run after him, jump on his back and pull his head back by his hair so I can press my lips to his.
"Beeeeelllllaaaa," Alice whines. I let out a sigh and savor the last moments of seeing Edward before he disappears behind a building and turn around on my heels and quickly jog to Alice so we can make our way to the theater.
B&E
Honestly, if you asked me to tell you about the movie I just paid to see this is what I would tell you. There was a man, James Franco, and he raised a monkey, he did something that made it smart, then people and monkeys begin to kill each other, then they stop and they all live happily ever after. Ok, I'm not entirely sure about that last part.
I'm sorry all I could help think about was lollipop fiasco and most importantly the conversation between the two freaky twins.
I wanted to know, I wanted to know bad. Like bad, bad. Like if Alice agreed to tell me what she was talking about on the condition that I go shopping with her for a month I would agree in two point five seconds flat. I'm just saying, that's how bad I wanted to know.
This piqued my interest in the extreme.
I tried hinting to her that I wanted to know but I'm as subtle as a tornado in a living room, mind you, and she won't budge, damn her!
I'd try again later. I'll bribe her.
How do you bribe someone who has everything they could ever possibly want you ask. Well... I know Alice's weakness.
Like I said I would agree to go shopping with her, but what Alice loves more than shopping for herself is "helping" me shop for myself. Now I only pull out the big guns when in dire need, and this is a "Bella needs/wants to know right fucking now" bases.
"Was that a great movie or what, Bella? God I could watch it again. James Franco! I don't know about you but he did awesome in that film. I mean did..." I block her out at this point, once she gets started on James Franco it'll be a while till she finds something else to talk about. I nod my head every once in a while, and make sure to add a, "Yeah, definitely", every now and then. When we finally reach her car, a mighty fine car might I add, a Canary yellow Porsche, she unlocks the doors and I climb into the passenger seat.
"Do you want to stop by your house now and grab your things or do you want to do that later?" She asks me.
"Why would I need to go to my house now?" I ask her seriously confused. After she backs out of her parking spot and exits the parking lot like a bat out of hell she turns to look at me like I've grown an extremely unattractive mole on my face.
"What do you mean? Three day weekend. Camping. Boys fishing shirtless, girls tanning in bikinis. Is any of this ringing any bells?"
Oh! Did I also forget to mention that I'm spending the entire weekend with the Cullens?
Yippee!
Put a handgun to my head and just pull the trigger please.
Thank you.
Could my life suck anymore right now?
I smile at her then yell out, "Gotcha" before I turn up her radio and begin to scream out the lyrics along with the song.
Ok so I forgot, but Alice doesn't seem to mind, she just shrugs off my behavior and begins to belt out the lyrics with me as loud as she possibly can while speeding through traffic as if it weren't rush hour.
B&E
Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to avoid any certain person for the entire camping trip. I mean I will have to speak to everyone at some point in time. I'm just saying that I may or may not burst out into tears of humiliation if I'm alone at any point in time with a certain sex haired God. I'm just saying, it could or could not happen.
As we pull up to Alice's' house, I look at the clock and I think we might have broken a new record today, I'm not sure though, I'll have to check my book later. We climb out of her car and begin to trek up the path to her "quaint home", or mansion, whichever you prefer.
Did I happen to look around for a shiny silver Volvo while backpacking through the jungle that was her mother's front garden?
Sure did.
Was I a tad bit excited to see that it wasn't parked in its usual spot.
Sure skippy.
I practically sprinted the rest of the way with Alice on my heels. As I reached the front door I was about to open the door when it flew open on its own.
Ok, I'm just kidding.
Standing in front of me was, Emmett Cullen, Alice and Edwards older and "better looking brother." His words, I swear.
I probably would have found him hot if I wasn't already in love with his younger brother. He's a bit taller than Edward and while Edward is lean and slightly muscular, Emmett is flat out muscular; he likes to work out every day. He also has a darker shade of reddish brown hair then Edward, but when it came to his eyes his were identical to Alice's. What always got me with Emmett were his dimples. Damn things got him out of everything. I swear you could be mad at the man and he just flashes you with those things and you instantly forget why you're mad at him in the first place.
Before I can retreat and hide, Emmett reaches out and grabs a hold of me.
Oh God help me!I pray.
"Bella, I haven't seen you in forever!" He yells into my ear, as he wraps me in a hug which cuts off my air supply.
"It's been a day, Emmett. Now put me down damn it!" I yell. Well who am I kidding here, I can't fucking breath, therefore can barely speak. If my hands weren't at my sides and pretty much useless right now I'd try to use them to bash him upside the head.
"Em!" I try again, it seems to work because he puts me down and I stagger down some of the front steps, but luckily Alice is still behind me and saves me from kissing the concrete.
"Sorry, B." Em says before he tries to help me back up the stairs. I swat his hands away and glare at him, I'm pretty sure it isn't as intimidating as I was going for because he takes one look at me and begins to laugh uncontrollably.
Oh really now?I think before I punch him as hard as I can in his arm, it only takes me a moment to realize that, that was a horrible, horrible idea. Clutching my hand to my chest I begin to swear up a storm. Sailors would be blushing right about now if they could hear the things I was saying to him.
Did it stop him from laughing?
Nope, he just began to laugh even harder.
"I said I was sorry, B. You know, I thought you'd be able to throw a better punch, since your dad is the Chief of Police." I give it another shot and give him a glare. One that conveys, if I had a set of daggers they'd be flying at you right about now. This one seems to work better because he raises his hands up in surrender and replies, "Just kidding." Or it could be the fact that we're now inside his house which just so happens to be filled with sharp shiny objects. Either, or.
"Emmett, why do... You know what; I'm not even going to finish that sentence." Alice says, before heading up the stairs.
"Hallelujah!" Emmett yells out. "Thank you baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph."
"You know what?" Alice asks.
Emmett quickly answers, "No, why don't you tell me," while crossing his big arms over his chest.
"You can be a real jerk sometimes." Alice says while her voice slowly begins to raise a couple of octaves. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were adopted." She says, while now standing in front of her brother and jabbing him in the chest with her pointer finger.
Go Alice. Get 'em.
Suddenly they both turn around and look at me.
Shit I said that out loud didn't I?
Emmett looks at me with pleading eyes, and Alice smiles her victory smile but quickly turns her bitch face back on when she whips around to continue poking her brother.
"You know what else. I think I should tell mom about the you know what, that happened you know when, when you know who wasn't home last week."
All the color drains from Emmett's face, because he knows exactly what she's talking about.
"Ali... sweetie... baby sister..." Emmett begins to say.
"Oh no, you brought out the bitch, now you gotta pay."
"Yeah," I add on, as I stand behind Alice. You know just in case he decides that he doesn't really care if he has a baby sister or not anymore. I'd be farther away, I'd get a head start to run away.
What? You never know.
Before we can get to carried away though a sudden change falls over the room. Yes, you can literally feel the energy change.
Oh God. You know what I'm talking about right?
Energy that can only be presented or held when authority is around. Yep, the Hot Tamale of the house, the giver and taker of life, if they see it fit of course, just kidding. Yes people, mama bear was in the room, otherwise known as sweet ol' Esme.
"What do you mean "you know what happened, you know when, when you know who wasn't home last week"?"
Thank you baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
Bye-bye camping trip, hello house arrest.
So what did you think?
Care to read any more?
I tried to put in my own sense of humor into this story. I hope you found it funny.
If not then there's probably something wrong with me, you never know.
Anyways, as every author says, please review to let me know.
Seriously, it's like crack, not that I've ever experienced it before...
No I haven't, if I'm like this on a regular basis, I don't want to imagine how I'd
be on something like that.
LEAVE ME SOMETHING!
Preferably nothing that cries, eats, or poops.
Thanks!