All I Have, an o.c. fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from the O.C. I'm strictly borrowing them in order to bring life to my own little world. I also don't own the song "All I Have" by the Veronicas.

All I Have

I can't believe I let it happen. I can't believe I was that weak. Three years in this relationship and it only took one night to fuck it up… How could I let it go that far? When did I become that stupid?

I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later… I was never one for relationships… until her…

Marissa… Just the thought of her makes me smile…

I remember being told to be careful with her, that she was a heartbreaker. Yet throughout these years, not once did she hurt me. Not once did she make me doubt her feelings for me… I guess it's somewhat ironic how I'm the one who ended up hurting her…

That's all I can think about as I stand on this stage. As I wait for the cheering crowd to die down, all that runs through my mind is that night where I foolishly threw those three years away.

And when silence finally envelops the club and the lights dim to a single spotlight, a heavy melody fills the air and I glance over the endless crowd.

She's not here. She didn't come.

I close my eyes tightly, forcing back the tears that threaten to fall. Taking a deep breath, I wrap my hands around the mike stand and surrender to the final song of the night.

"I was missing you
You were miles away
She was close to me
I let her stay
Then I closed my eyes
She almost felt the same
But when the morning broke
I cried out your name
If I'd only known
It would break us
I'd done anything just to save us

'Cause you're all I have
When the world comes down on me
You're the one I love
And I'm begging you to see
You're all, you're all, you're all I have
You are, you are the one I love
You're all, you're all, you're all I have…"

I take a chance looking up at the top level and to my surprise there she is. I just stare at her leaning against the railing. Her face is emotionless but her eyes are fixed on mine, piercing me right down to my soul. My stomach churns as I see a girl approaching her. Rage and jealousy instantly spread inside me like a growing flame and my grip tightens around the mike. I know I have no right to feel this way, but I do.

"You've forgiven me
But it doesn't change
The guilt I feel when you mention her name
No more innocence
How to trust again
Wanna believe that you won't do the same
And every time we fight
We're getting closer
I slowly die inside
I'm scared it's over

I look away in shame as she crosses her arms over her chest. There's no lying to her and she knows exactly what I was thinking. I should've known she'd ignore the girl.

"Your love for me was always there
Maybe too much for me to care
Now that I know I messed it up
I'd give my all to take it back…

As the last verse leaves my lips, I find myself panicking. Our eyes are still locked on each other and I still can't read her expression. How is it possible that after three years I still can't tell what she's thinking when she's able to read me like a book? I don't deserve her, but she's still here. Then the song ends and I'm petrified. I can barely hear the crowd cheering as I stand still, pleading to her through tear-glazed eyes. But she remains still as most of the crowd on the upper level starts leaving. I swallow the lump in my throat as I thank the heavens for making her stay. But all too soon she glances towards the exit over her shoulder and I hold my breath. She turns back to me and my breathing gets heavier. She glances around the club then looks back at me, her expression softer but still unreadable. For some reason, I find myself glancing around the club as well and to my surprise it's almost empty. I look back towards the railing and my eyes widen as Marissa is nowhere in sight. But as I jump off the stage, intending to run after her, I halt abruptly as I see her standing at the bottom of the staircase. I just stand there, staring at her blankly, unsure of what to do or say. I fear the worst and tears start rolling off my eyes. To hell with my reputation! I've long ago accepted that all my walls break down when it comes to Marissa. I feel no shame crying in front of her. My hands ball into tight fists as I try to control my trembling body. The thought of losing her weighs heavily on me and I don't think I'd survive it.

She looks away and I follow suit. I can't watch her walk away. But then a sudden warmth envelops me and I jump slightly. I open my eyes to find myself wrapped in her arms. I must be dreaming… I blink a couple of times to make sure I'm awake then I sigh in sweet contentment. I bite my lower lip as I tentatively place my hands on her waist and a shaky breath escapes me when she tightens her embrace.

This is heaven… Here in her arms, that's where I want to be… Where I need to be…

"Please don't leave me…" I find myself whispering in her ear, "You're all I have…"

Her hand gently strokes my hair and I curse myself for ever being able to hurt such a beautiful creature. But my eyes quickly shut in fear as she cups my face and pulls away. Waiting for her touch to disappear and for her to walk away, I completely freeze when I feel soft lips pressing against mine. My eyes shoot open and I'm tempted to pinch myself. Marissa's kissing me. After everything I've put her through, she's kissing me. More tears run down my face knowing I don't deserve her. But her lips remain on mine and it doesn't take long for me to sink into her heavenly kiss. I'll never tire of kissing her lips.

Never again, I promise myself, Never again…

The End.