Tony Unsupervised: Part 1
On an otherwise normal Tuesday morning, Darcy made her way to the Avenger's communal kitchen. Her mission: fill her travel mug with Avenger's level coffee. She didn't know where Tony got it from, but it tasted like caffeine angels mated with dark chocolate demons and had punch-you-in-the-face-with-awesome coffee babies.
Unfortunately, when she got to the kitchen she found there was a problem.
"What. The. Hell?"
Darcy's eyes raked over the destruction. In the still open fridge, something lumpy and brown dripped from an overturned bowl. A scorch mark marred the underside of the cabinet near the sink. Her beloved coffee maker was half encased in a shell of what looked like dried icing. And were those beaters hanging from the overhead light?
In her slow perusal of the devastation she became aware that she was not alone. Doc Green was sitting calmly at the kitchen island, while Thor stood off to the side.
Darcy's accusatory glare was immediately aimed at the Asgardian but, while the large blonde seemed appreciative over the artful destruction, he didn't have the guilty puppy look he normally sported when said destruction was his fault. The only other person currently in the room, had he been responsible, would have completely destroyed the room. Darcy cast a question glance toward the Doc but Bruce only closed his eyes and continued sipping his tea.
"The fuck? Did I miss a fight?" Son of Barton made his presence known from behind her.
Well, unless someone was a dirty liar, that narrowed the suspect list down to Jane, Pepper, Natasha, Steve, or Tony. Jane never bothered to make anything that couldn't be put in a toaster. Huh. Darcy had never realized that Jane was so much like her Godly boyfriend that way. Pepper would never, ever, leave a place in such disarray. No one could ever tell when Natasha had been in the kitchen. In fact, no one had ever seen Natasha in the kitchen. Steve was the one who did the dishes. Darcy would bet enough money to pay off her student loans that the culprit's favorite colors were hot rod red and gold.
"JARVIS," Darcy called. "What's today's date?" She was having flashbacks to Valentine's day from the year before.
"Today is Friday, May thirtieth," the AI answered.
Suspicion confirmed, she hummed in understanding. With a gesture to the mess, Darcy informed the others of what she had figured out. "It's Tony and Pepper's anniversary."
Bruce made a little "ah," noise. Clint massaged his brow. And Thor shifted restlessly from foot to foot. In the silence that followed, one of the beaters fell from the light, pinged off the island, and clattered to the floor.
Looking at the mounds of dirty, broken, and melted kitchen ware she couldn't help but ask aloud, "Do you think he'll ever just acknowledge that he can't cook?"
Bruce shook his head.
She let out a heavy sigh. "For a supposed genius, Tony is kind of stupid," she assessed.
Bruce nodded his head.
The group of four surveyed the destroyed kitchen with matching looks of despair.