The colour was gone. Everything was just a blur
"Kate… I love you," He whispered so only she could hear "I love you Kate." So much emotion filled those four words but he was scared, no terrified that she didn't hear them. He waited to long and now the colour was gone. The world seemed cold, the voices of their family and friends seemed distant to Castle who was so caught up in what was happening right in front of him.
"Close enough to watch the lights go out."
No! He screamed in his head. Her lights weren't going to go out. He wouldn't let them. He felt a tug but he wasn't going to move. This was his spot, right here, next to her. He would stand and wait forever if need be but he wasn't leaving her.
"Castle, the paramedics need to get to her." The voices were rushed and molded into one. "Castle!" Lanie yelled as she slapped him, bringing him out of his darkening reality. "The paramedics need to get to her if you want her to live." Castle shifted so he was now beside her rather than kneeling over her. He held her hand as she was put onto the stretcher and her kept stroking her hair as they moved her towards the ambulance.
"Come on Kate, stay with me. Please." He begged "Don't leave me, okay? You gotta stay with me." Not moving from her side Castle hurdled into the back of the ambulance with Lanie and didn't look away from Kate when doing so.
The ambulance ride was painful for Lanie to watch. Her friend was lying there, not responding but she couldn't do anything because Castle wouldn't let her near Kate.
"Kate, you can't leave me. You just can't okay." Castle kept talking to her through his tears. Lanie had never seem him cry before and it got to her to see first hand how much he cared for her. The drive seemed to last forever and it wasn't doing Lanie any good to not be able to help. She sat watching Castle converse with Kate's unresponsive body and she took in the amount of emotion he put into each word.
"Kate, stay with me. You have to stay with me, Kate, don't leave me."
"Kate, I love you. You hear me? I love you, Kate." He whispered.
Lanie was close to tears at the thought that her best friend might not hear those words. They finally arrived at the hospital and were soon on their way to the ER. Lanie was running beside her best friend whose hand was being clutched by Castle who was easily keeping up in big, long strides.
"Dr. Davidson, here is your patient, she was shot in the heart." As the nurse spoke Lanie realized what hospital they were in.
"Oh my God, Kate." Josh's voice trailed off as he looked down at his girlfriend lying there. "Lanie what happened? We have to operate immediately." People were running around until everything, just, stopped.
"Don't leave me Kate. I love you. I love you Kate." Castle whispered and Josh heard.
"Lanie," Josh trailed off again, "Lanie, he has to go." Josh managed to get out.
"No! Let me stay. You can't take me away from her!" Castle was screaming as some doctors dragged him away. "NO! Let go of me! This is my spot. This is where I stand. You can't let me leave her. Kate! Kate!" Castle's voice choked up from the tears as he was pulled from Beckett's side.
O-O-O
Castle was alone, waiting. Lanie was there but that didn't matter, the whole room could have been filled but it didn't matter unless she was okay. Castle felt cold and as he looked down at his crimson hands he felt the tears start to resurface. He just wanted her to be okay, alive, so badly. Josh entered next to her stretcher.
"She lost a lot of blood but she is stable now." Josh told them but he knew only Lanie was listening when he saw Castle's face light up like the fourth of July when he saw her. Castle jumped to his feet and was at her side.
"Kate, hey. You're alive, that's good." Castle was holding her hand in a vice like grip, never wanting to let it go.
"She is under quite a heavy sedation so she won't be awake for a while," once again Josh was speaking only to Lanie "Work is out of the question for at least the summer so she can get some well earned rest."
"Thank you Josh. Really, you are amazing." Lanie gushed as she pulled him into a hug. As she pulled away she saw Esposito and Ryan enter and she ran to her boyfriends side. Pulling him into a hug she kissed his cheek and stood for a moment.
"She's gonna be okay," Lanie told them with a weak smile "still very fragile, but alive." The boys looked relieved to say the least and noticed Josh standing there awkwardly.
"You operate on her?" Ryan asked
"Yeah, it was tough but we got through." Josh was just staring at Castle again.
"Thanks bro, for saving her." Esposito offered his hand and Josh shook it. They stayed in Kate's room for hours until each respectively left. All but Castle
O-O-O
As Lanie approached the door to her friend's room she stopped to take a deep breath before entering. Esposito, close behind, felt her hesitation and gave her a quick hug before getting the door. It had been a long night and yet Castle was still there.
The man who can't be moved.
"Morning bro" Esposito tried to be cheery but it was lost on Castle "You stay here all night man?" Esposito questioned with no reply. Lanie went and sat on the other side of Beckett's bed and saw that Castle was still holding her hand, that same hand as the day before. His eyes were wild and bloodshot and he looked drained of all colour.
"So she is much better today. Hopefully she will wake up shortly but we can't be sure obviously," Josh entered the room with a hopeful glint in his voice "I wouldn't worry about him Lanie. Nurses say he was here all night and gave them no reply, just sat there, staring." Josh slumped into one of the chairs against the wall and rubbed his eyes. He had been on call all night and didn't have much time to see her.
Her fingers twitched. Her mouth slowly moved as head slowly yet slightly moved.
"Castle" Her voice was dry and barely understandable. Josh and Esposito moved to the bed and were looking at her expectantly.
"Thank you" Her voiced faded as she used all her strength to open her eyes. "Thank you Castle" She was looking right as him and in that moment Josh knew she wasn't his
O-O-O
"Please don't. Just trust me okay?" Josh was trying to reason with Castle "She may have come home to me but her heart was never there. It was never mine it always belonged to you. Just take care of her for me" and with that he was off to save another life. A house key sitting in Castle's hand was all that was left of Dr. Motorcycle Boy.
He went back into her room which now had the faces of their family and friends and they all seemed to part for Castle. Jim Beckett, who had taken up the seat next to Kate, got up and allowed Castle back into the position he had held in that room for the past three days.
"What was that about?" Beckett, now awake asked "Is everything okay with the surgery?" Beckett looked concerned as she asked what Josh had said. All Castle did was put the key on the bed next to her hand and he sat in silence.
"I'm sorry Kate." He spluttered to her.
"Sorry? Why are you sorry Rick?" there it was, that name, Rick. Somehow it felt wrong to hear her use it. He didn't want to break them up. It was then that Castle said something that no one expected to hear.
"I'm gonna go get some coffee, and grab a shower." With that, he was back through the door he had just entered.
Kate abruptly sat up in bed causing a large gasp of pain to escape in the process.
"Yo Beckett, settle down he is just getting coffee." Esposito and Ryan steadied her back in her bed.
"But, I don't get it. Why is he sorry? Why is he leaving, now?" a concerned Beckett asked. She frantically searched for her phone only to find her dad holding it.
"Kate, you didn't see him when you were lying there, you didn't see him in the ambulance staring at your lifeless body. Just give him some time okay, he never wanted to break you and Josh up." Lanie told her reassuringly.
As the day wore on Alexis came in with flowers and Ryan bought baked goods from Jenny. Lanie went to work for a few hours and returned to find no Castle. Alexis hadn't seen him and neither had the boys or Martha. Beckett was starting to get worried and was about to call when Josh entered.
"Hey, how you feeling?" he moved to sit next to her bed, but not in Castle's chair
"I'm feeling a lot better today, but still quite sore." She replied with a weak smile
"Look Kate I want you to know that this isn't your fault," Josh started to speak again once the silence had grown quite uncomfortable, "it's just that when I saw you there on the stretcher and I saw Writer boy next to you I realized that I can't be there for you when you need." He paused gathering his shaky breath. "Ever since I met you that night I knew your heart was never fully in this relationship, like you always had one foot out the door waiting for a reason to go. It's now I realize that reason is, Castle and he always had been."
"Josh that's not true." She interjected
"Kate, please. I want you to be happy Kate and it is pretty clear that he makes you happy so I need to do what is right for you. I know I hurt you when I left for Haiti and Africa and that I was never there for you, but I know that Castle will always stand by your side." A small smile grew on Josh's lips and a quiet chuckle erupted across his features "You know the nurses here started calling him the man who can't be moved because no matter what time it was he would still be sitting here holding your hand. He told me that this was his spot, this was where he stands." A tear was bought to Beckett's eye from the memory of Roy and what he had told her.
"Kate you could be happy, and you deserve to be happy. Have a little fun with the Writer monkey okay?" He smiled weakly as he rose out of his seat. He leant over and planted a final kiss in her hair
"See you around Kate."
"Bye Josh" she murmured in reply as he turned to leave.
Kate sat in her room alone for several minutes whilst she thought over the events of the day and jumped when she heard a knock on her door.
It was Castle.
He had flowers, coffee and a bear claw.
"I know it's kind of late but I haven't bought you one since before we went to Lockwood's trial." He placed the coffee and snack on her table and moved to place the flowers somewhere, then he took his usual seat next to her.
"Thank you" she smiled that smile that made him weak at the knees "not just for the coffee. I haven't gotten a chance to say this yet but thank you for staying with me through all this." She looked up and the pair got caught in one of their stares.
"Always" was his only reply with a slight smile. Just one word was all that was needed, one word that had become so important to them both and held so much emotion when it was shared between the two.
"So get up to anything exciting today?" he asked leaning back into the chair
"Not really. Lanie cam in a few times and Alexis and Martha stopped by with some flowers," she smiled "then about ten minutes before you got here Josh came and saw me. He told me what you said about how this is your spot." He smiled sheepishly
"Look I know I haven't always made the right decisions," Kate scoffed "however, I know I made the right choice to shadow you. Kate you are amazing and this is my spot, right here." Castle gazed longingly at Beckett and she knew every word was the truth. She never would have thought that the infamous playboy Richard Castle would make her fall in love with him but somehow he did it and she wasn't complaining.
"Rick. I am willing to stand with you, no matter what." She smiled when she saw a wave of relief crash over his tired features. A smile grew from ear to ear on his face and a swiftly got up and pulled her into a massive hug.
"In case you didn't hear me earlier" he whispered, his breath warm against her neck, "I love you Kate" and they stayed like that for what seemed like a wonderful part of forever. Castle slowly pulled away and was surprised by the tears in Kate's eyes.
"I did hear you at the cemetery, and I just wanted to say that. I love you too Rick." She let the tears fall and Rick's smile seemed to grow larger than it was before. He moved his chair closer to her bed and wiped one of her tears with his thumb, holding her face for a moment, taking I all her beauty.
"You really are amazingly gorgeous." He whispered so only the two of them could hear. Kate let out a small laugh
"Was that a compliment I heard from Richard Castle? Maybe I should get shot more often." She chuckled softly as a worried look crossed Castle's face. "I am joking, you can't get rid of me that easily." She taunted which seemed to ease Castle.
They sat like that for hours just talking about anything and everything until it was time for Beckett to take her meds and go to sleep. Castle didn't leave though; he just sat and watched her sleep until he slowly drifted off into a deep slumber.