The ponies in Canterlot were having a whale of a time. Or, they would have if whales existed. And if whales were intrinsically linked to joy. And if they weren't under currently attack by an entire army of horrific demons, bloodthirsty zombies and literal gods. But you know, other than that it was all peachy.
You see, precisely fourteen-and-a-half minutes earlier hundreds of colourful, happy little ponies had been gathered in Canterlot Central Square, rapt as they watched Princess Celestia's grand speech on the values of friendship, love and betterment of oneself. The ponies in question were the graduating students of Canterlot's prestigious magic school, enjoying the company of their friends and family as they waited to be handed their gilded horseshoes by the crown princess of Equestria.
"…and I said, 'Well, if that's how you treat your friends, I'd hate to see how you treat your enemies!" Celestia allowed a moment for the audience to politely chuckle before continuing. "But enough about Twilight Sparkle. The mere fact that you're standing here today means you're the best of the best, the brightest stars in Equestria. Magic isn't something you're just born with – well, unless you're a unicorn," she winked at the crowd, "It's something you work towards. Strive for. Live for. It makes unicorns into alicorns, like Twilight Sparkle. Who of course was my student. Did I mention that. My personal student!
"But uh, yes, anyway, on with the presentation." Celestia peered at the scroll in front of her. "I would like to begin with this year's valedictorian, a pony almost as good as Twilight Sparkle. This wonderful student has succeeded in casting Starshoe's solar growth spell without a catalyst, scored ninety-two percent on their essay Axioms in Ancient Equestrian Homophonies, and has successfully melded Whitetail's short-range teleportation spell with Glovepuppet's lite-baking enchantment. He-" Celestia blinked, checking her scroll twice. He? We have colts here?
"He's president of the school's magic dueling guild, champion pony at the interschool regional games, he's your favourite pony, Upshot Wonderstuff!"
The sound of hooves stamping rang through the crowd as the tall, handsome colt strode languidly up the stage's marble steps. He threw cocky grins and picture-perfect winks to his classmates before turning his attention to Princess Celestia. The white mare gingerly held out a hoof for him to shake, giving Photo Finish a small smile as the photo-flashing filly immortalised the two in digital form.
"It's such an honour to be up here with Celly and Lunes." Upshot drawled as his teeth glinted in the glow of the stage lights. "And can I just say that I've never been among such powerful ponies. Like, honestly, if Equestria was to come under attack right now, these two lovely ladies would be sure to put them in their place!"
Luna shot her sister a confused look. Celestia merely shrugged, abstaining from mentioning that Twilight generally did all the saving.
"Seriously, any ancient evil, any horrible demon, these two would be on them in a flash. All laser beams and magic and stuff. And I'm not even joking. There could be a literal god shooting meteors from the sky and they wouldn't even be able to hurt us because the gorgeous, beautiful Celestia – and Luna I guess – would ride them to high heaven!"
"Well now, if you keep saying stuff like that, it'll probably happen." Luna laughed uneasily. The audience nodded, though their loyalties were clearly with the handsome Upshot.
"No need to be modest! Even zombies couldn't stop you, and I don't even know what zombies are! I've never felt to safe with you guys around!" And with that, Upshot received his reward, dismounted the stage, began a harem of a hundred beautiful fillies and colts and lived happily ever after.
Except that is exactly what didn't happen. Rather, Upshot Wonderstuff's head just sort of… disappeared. It didn't simply vanish, it more turned into a billion bloody chunks and sprayed all over the speechless audience, who in turn could only stare in bewilderment as the ex-valedictorian's lifeless body fell to the stage.
Every pony silent for a moment.
Then, a warm orange glow rose from beneath the stage, deep and pure, like the very earth was cracking to bring forth dark fire. Around Canterlot the birds stopped singing and the very air became thick with invisible fog. Celestia started from her trance at the same time as her sister, and the two princesses yelled for everypony to move away. Shining Armour, from his post near the stage's entrance, rushed forward with two golden royal knights, barking confirmations to their mare's orders. The glow became more intense, darker, and rays of light shot from high above where the very sky was changing colour. Thick blankets of cloud swirled down from the heavens, absent from the directions of any pegasi, covering the sun and distorting its rays to the same deep orange as the ground. The crowd was abuzz with confusion – many had been there when the Storm King's army invaded all those months ago – yet nobody ran. The whole kingdom seemed to be holding its breath.
Celestia turned to the light, delicately stepping over Upshot's forgotten body. "Who are you? Why are you here?"
The light began to pulse slowly, the dark orange seeming to bore right into Celestia's soul. The princess strengthened her composure, standing straight. "Show yourself!" Powerful, golden magic curled around her horn, casting brilliant light that barely punctured the surface of the orange glow.
"You'll need to do better than that." A voice resonated from the glow, surrounding Celestia. It was like liquid velvet, soft and sure and absolutely confident. From within the light a shape appeared, shadows dancing around it. A mane formed from the glow, vibrating as if sucking in the light around it. Two long, elegant legs stepped forward, followed by a lean body and two more legs, ending in a long tail the same style as the mane. The horse's shoes were black iron gauntlets, sharp and dangerous, and its horn was longer than any Celestia had seen. Though the pony was not as tall as her – much closer to Luna – it carried itself without a hint of doubt.
"Who are you?" Celestia asked again, her horn glowing brighter.
The mysterious pony laughed, a humourless snakebite of a sound, and with a flick of its mane streaks of blood orange shot forward and enveloped Celestia's horn, extinguishing the golden light. Celestia jumped back, pulling away from the tendrils as Luna yelled and sent out her own streaks of black lightning. Their adversary didn't even dodge, merely waved a hoof to cast a thick blue shield in front of it. Celestia, her magic back, charged a ray of pure sunlight, yet before she could cast it the pony had disappeared, reforming an instant later behind her. The crown princess of Equestria barely had time to scream before a pillar of dark orange exploded from her chest, coated in bright red blood. Sharp white ribs, broken and bloody, gaped from the wound as the tendril retracted into the pony's mane and two more came out. Celestia, still alive, let out a hideous groan as blood poured from her body. Her legs failed yet the tendrils kept her up. Ignoring the weak stings of magic sparking from Celestia's horn, the merciless pony used the two tendrils to grab each side of the wound. With some fragment of effort the tendrils pushed apart and the white princess's skin began to tear. Bones cracked, organs burst, and an endless stream of blood poured freely from the destruction. Finally, with one last moan, Princess Celestia was torn in half and cast into the crowd.
Finally, ponies began to move. Began to scream. Began to turn and run in terror. Celestia's killer smiled, bright fangs bared in glee. It had begun.
She jerked as a blue wave slammed into her back. She even stumbled a step, which was more than she'd done for centuries. She turned in airy confusion to see Luna charging another wave.
"Who are you!?" Luna yelled, loud enough for the soldier pouring from behind her to hear. Tears welled in the corners of her eyes but she held her ground.
The pony smiled again, bowed low to the others.
"Cieri. Pleased to make your acquaintance, and my deepest apologies."
"For what? Killing Princess Celestia!?" Shining Armour growled, his own horn cracking with purple light. Lines of armoured soldiers stood ready behind him.
"Who?" Cieri glanced at the plaza below the stage, where pools of Celestia's blood stained the stone tiles red. "Her? Hardly. She was frightfully annoying… really, I did you all a favour." She brushed a speck of invisible dust from her shoulder, raising an eyebrow at the ponies assembled before her. "No, I apologise for them."
Shining Armour turned his head. There, emerging from the orange clouds, where thousands of winged… ponies? No, they couldn't be. Their legs were too long, their wings too bat-like, their tails long and thin with sharp pointed ends. As they neared Shining could see they had no fur, just taught pale skin stretched tight enough that red splits covered their flanks. In place of manes the monstrosities had scraggly black hair, messy and unkempt.
"Form up, soldiers!" Shining yelled, turning to face the incoming horde. The guards rushed to bring a defensive front, the last pony bracing just as the horde reached them. Talons flashed and the first line screamed as their hides were cut and slashed, yet years of training kept them where they were. As the demons rose back into the sky the second line grabbed their tails and pulled them to the earth. Only a few succeeded in dragging the demons down but the soldiers rushed on top of them, blades flashing as the demons were reduced to bloody pulps. Many had never killed before, yet these hideous beasts were barely ponies – it hardly seemed to matter.
The next wave of demons came suddenly, breaking into the lines before they had time to brace. A demon grabbed the wings of a Pegasus knight and pulled, cheering in delight as the wings split and tore away. The knight screamed as he writhed on the floor in agony before another demon put him out of his misery with a sharp thrust of its tail. Its own wing was pierced by the tip of a spear but it span as it hollered and the knight was thrown back to have his throat cut. Shining rushed forward, grabbed a demon's tail and hauled it to earth, stomping on its head and crushing it with a single blow. Black blood burst out, staining the white stallion's coat as he focused on a new target. Around him chaos ensured – the pegasi rose to the air to tackle the beasts, a new level of combat raging high above. Far ahead the streets were filled with new screams as the demons flew through the cities. Windows smashed as the naked beasts ripped mares from their homes and tossed them to the streets below, smashed stallions again and again into the walls until only unrecognisable corpses remained. Foals were not spared – the demons tore legs and heads from screaming bodies, devoured them whole, laughed as they impaled children on the parent's own horns.
"We need to evacuate!" Yelled Shining over the yells and screams of demons and ponies alike.
"It's too late!" Yelled back Luna as she shot a demon out of the sky with perfect aim. "Run to the outskirts, help anyone there. I'll do what I can!"
Shining nodded, called to his troupe. They charged through the streets, heading for Canterlot's gates.
"Shining!" Whined a voice, high and fearful. The stallion in question turned to see a mare, pinned against a wall as she fended off a demon with little luck. Shining recognised her – Sassy Saddles, Rarity's shop assistant in Canterlot. But he could only turn away as she screamed for him – there was no time. Sassy saw the troupe abandon her; her final hope extinguished. Her limbs went slack as she looked up to see the demon's jaws stretch open, red saliva drooling onto her.
Luna, back at the square, took to the skies, dodging demons and pegasi. The ponies were losing, there was no doubt, though the demons had stopped coming from the clouds. Where was Cieri?
Shining arrived at the gates before the demons. He ordered his soldiers to stand firm, and each lined the massive walls. Some climbed above, where old ballistae sat, unused. Most were rusty but kept in working order – Shining had ordered it himself after the attack of the Storm King. He looked at his guards, a feeling of pride somewhere beneath the terror and fear of everything that was happening. They were good ponies.
Luna flew through the streets at breakneck speed. Above, she saw wonderbolts streak past, hurtling into the demons. Spitfire was in the lead, and Luna saw her pummel right into a demon and continue forward, right into the face of one of Canterlot's cliffs. The demon's back broke like a twig and it dropped to the ground as the wonderbolt commander moved to her next target. They were fast, but not all were invulnerable – Surprise, the yellow-maned joker of the wonderbolts, was grabbed by two demons and ripped in half, screaming as she was tossed to the ground near Luna. She survived the fall, held out a hoof to Luna as the princess paused. Copious streams of blood poured from her ruined torso, and thick coils of intestine unraveled as she dragged herself along. Luna resumed her flight.
Shining ran through the alleyways, eyes narrowed. The back ways were quiet, shielded from the screams of the citizens. He felt bad about leaving his soldiers, but he needed to find Cadence and Flurry Heart. A princess was important after all, right? And anyway, his guards could handle themselves for a moment.
"Where's Shining!?" Yelled one, right before the tip of a metallic tail shred his neck.
"They've got Shining Armour!" Yelled another, dodging a similar attack before tripping over. The demon caved in the pony's skull with a kick.
"They've got the general! Run!" They yelled, turning tail as the demons descended.
Luna arrived at the palace. It was deserted now, save for one straggler. Prince Blueblood, cowering in a corner. Luna came to a stop in front of him.
"Why aren't you fighting?" She demanded.
"I'm a prince! I don't fight." He said. Luna frowned at him and opened her mouth to say something when the palace's stained-glass window smashed behind her. Blueblood screamed and squirmed away, making it barely a step before three orange tendrils sharpened into hooks and pierced his face. He gurgled as they pulled, stretched tight until the skin simply tore away, leaving behind screaming, glistening muscle. He fell, drowning in his own puddle of blood.
"Luna?"
The princess turned as Cieri touched down neatly on the palace's red carpet.
"You killed my sister." She said it but could barely believe it.
"I had to. Didn't I already say that?" The dark orange pony shrugged, her mane waving airily as she pawed at the carpet. "This is awful. Why is everything so… colourful? Even these fucking ponies are multicoloured. Where the hell else do you find colourful ponies? I didn't even know that was a thing. Where I'm from, it's just the normal colours. You know, orange and red and black and grey and stuff. Not pink. Or green. Seriously, green? Are they sick or something?"
Luna didn't reply. Her horn crackled with blue magic as she narrowed her eyes.
"What the matter? Oh, don't be so-"
A wave of purple magic slammed into Cieri. For the second time today she staggered a step. This was almost embarrassing. She turned as Shining Armour sent another wave pulsing forward. Cieri dispelled it and sent her tendrils snaking forward. Shining dived to the side, narrowly avoiding their sharped edges, and sent a beam of energy forward. Cieri raised a hoof, forming a shield the drew in the spell's colour and reflected it in bright orange. Shining hurtled through the air and slammed into the white palace walls, cracking it in two places. He gasped as he struggled to his feet.
"Impressive. You're the strongest one yet." Cieri winked. "I like you. Want to join my side?"
"Go to hell." Shining wheezed.
"Pity." And she sent a hundred tiny darts rocketing toward him. He couldn't move, couldn't bring up a shield – but then a shockwave sent them scattering to the floor. Cieri looked up angrily. There stood Princess Cadence, puffing from the effort. In her arms was a baby who, for once, was utterly silent. Shining dived through a set of doors as Cadence took off after him.
"I am… not happy with how that went." Cieri sighed.
"Leave them alone." Luna growled. "You can't kill a baby."
"I really can." Cieri grinned at her. "Watch me." And off she flew, crackles of orange energy following in her wake.
Outside, the war was nearly over. The city was decimated – buildings were burning or had crumbled completely. The rivers were tinged red and black with blood, and bodies littered the streets. The guards had been almost completely destroyed – the rest had taken off, running to the caves and forests beyond Canterlot. The demons were gathering in the central square, waiting for some unseen command, largely ignoring the injured as they lay dying. The wonderbolts, too, had fled, though beside Misty Fly the rest were still alive. They'd flown for Manehattan, their only hope for an army as big as Canterlot's.
And far, far below, a lone phoenix flew desperately for the town of Ponyville, a note clutched in its talons, addressed to Twilight Sparkle in the frantic scribblings of Princess Luna. Equestria was at war.
So yeah, how was that? Just a small spot o' death to, you know, ease you in.
And if you're wondering why the heck I'm doing this, check out my other story (Link of the Wild). Honestly, the funnest parts of that was the horrific gore so, you know, the obvious next step to that is translating it to a G rated kids' cartoon.
Also, oh my gosh this is not serious. Like, honestly. I'm not 12, it's 'satire' (so anything is permissible fight me) and my OC is not a Mary Sue (okay so Cieri kind of is but she's a villain so shush your mouths). (and if you don't know what a Mary Sue is look it up or read anything I wrote before I matured into somewhat of a grown human being.)
Let me know how it was! Next up is the mane 6 so yay, let's maim the six!
Stay filly-fresh, folks.