XIV Martius DCCX
(March 14, 710 AUC (by the Roman Calendar), 43 BC (by ours))
We came home today. We came to Rome in victory, and celebrate did Julius and Antony, but I had no real part, for I am not the sporting type. It seems I have long lost the pleasure of such celebrations, as worry has overtaken me of late.
Worry seems to have overtaken Cassius as well, the damned fool. Knows not he the penalty for the treachery he spoke to me today? Does he not know that if I but tell Caesar of his conversation with me, he can and will be crucified? Does he not think?
Perhaps he does, for he knows I love him. Perhaps he knows that I won't betray him. Perhaps Cassius thinks all too much.
Perhaps, in his thinking, he has realized my own views on the matter.
For the ideas that Cassius brought to me, treacherous although they were, they were not alien to me. For I had thought about the matter many a time, but never have I been driven, nay, never had I even thought that perchance others would feel the same. Or maybe I had, but I wished others did not think those traitorous thoughts. For Julius is my friend and mentor. He is like a father to me, for he loved my mother much. He has always been there for me, and he regards me as one of his closest friends. However, I seem to have come out of favor, if only a little. Antony is now ever Julius' companion. They go everywhere, and Antony loves Julius at least as much as I do.
Nay, Antony loves Julius less, for he was the one who offered Julius the crown.
The people love Julius in a way very much like Antony. They love him to the depths of their soul. It's hard not to love him; the man is great and merciful. I remember when he saved my own life back when Pompey wanted my head. He is a man who would do whatever was best for his country. That is where the love of the citizens and Antony mistake Julius. For Julius, in his love for his country would never put it into a dictatorship, for he loves his country as he loves himself. Why would those that love him want to inflict upon him such a choice? A choice that in which each end is as unpleasant as the other is. On one hand he will become dictator of Rome and will have all the power he could wish for. Unfortunately, in doing this, he destroys his country and forces it into tyranny. On the other side of the coin, he declines the crown and saves his country from himself, but he lacks the power that Caesar covets. Until this day I never thought a choice would be offered to Julius like that, for all that love him surely know his dedication to Rome. Above all Julius wants to preserve the Republic, at least I thought so until now.
Surely a man who wants to preserve the Republic would not walk around in the clothes of the emperors? Surely a man of the republic would not have the ambition that Caesar doth have?
The people and Antony tried to crown him thrice today, and thrice did he refuse it. But how long can a man withstand such temptation? It is in mans nature to give in to temptation, Even a man of such quality as Julius. After all, even Lucius Tarquinius, the emperor of the days when kings ruled Rome, gave into temptation. He couldn't fight desire and it ended badly, causing the death of Lucretia. How can Julius win where others have failed? The man isn't a god, no matter what the populace believes. I have seen him bleed.
And he suffers too. No god suffers from the falling sickness where he foams at the mouth and convulses. No, Julius is mortal. Cassius sees his mortality as well, he has seen Julius fail and fall.
Julius remains noble throughout. Surely he, if any man, he could resist the temptation of the crown? But Casca declared that Caesar's resolve has weakened every time the crown was handed to him. How much longer will he last before he finally gives in and takes the crown, destroying the republic and forcing Rome into tyranny?
Why would fate be so cruel to a man so great as to have him destroy everything that is right and become a tyrant? It's cruel for them to set him up for the horrible events that I fear will come. For Caesar to destroy the republic, a government that stands for equality, it seems so…
But Cassius, who seems wiser than a human has a right to be, put it correctly. "The fault, dear Brutus," said he, "is not in our stars but in ourselves" The fault lies in Caesar, not in fate. For fate cannot control all, it is mortals that make the choices that choose the path.
And Caesar, I fear, will choose a path that will destroy any semblance of a republic, where man is equal and is governed by many. Caesar, although he doth refuse the crown, will give in some day. And when he does Rome shall be no more.
I cannot let that be. For I value and love Rome above all else, above even myself.
This is a reference to Shakespeare poem, "The Rape of Lucrece" which tells the tale of how Lucius Tarquinius raped the lady Lucretia, and it was by this shameful act that Rome ceased to be ruled by emperors.