Why do I hurt my favorite character so? I don't know, but I do and I do it well. ^_^ Sequel to 'Okay'
Warnings: Drug use. (This is an ongoing story and warnings will be added as I go along.)
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Trying to bit back the groan of pain that was threatening to escape him Chris fell into the chair by his desk. Instantly a wave of nausea hit him making him want to bend over a spill the food he had had for breakfast.
Swallowing roughly he closed his eyes and forced himself to take a few deep breaths. He had been told that he had cracked a rib or two, he could remember which one at the moment, and to not make any strenuous movements. He wasn't completely sure, but puking sounded strenuous.
Truthfully everything sounded like it would take too much effort. He was getting to the point of not even wanting to breathe anymore. All he felt was this sharp pain coursing through his body every time he took a breath.
Which was not the best thing considering he was making himself breathe deeply so he didn't do more damage to himself. It was a catch 22. Either he was in pain from breathing or he was in pain from throwing up. He couldn't win.
Lifting his hand up he attempted to rub it over his tired eyes only to hiss when he put too much pressure on his wrist. He had been so focused on the pain in his chest he had completely forgotten about the fact he had twisted it.
Gently lowering it to his lap he rested his head on the back of his chair hoping to relax enough to forget the pain. Or, at least, move it from a sharp agony to a dull throb. Something he knew wouldn't happen, but he could dream.
When he and Percy had left the building with orders to go through their victims apartment they had both thought it would be easy. They had done this a thousand times without incident. It should have gone off without a hitch.
Instead they had a run in with someone. It was a little blurry, but he remembered clearly a man built like a brick shit house punching his partner hard enough that she stumbled back and tripped down a flight of stairs.
He had pulled his weapon and was identifying them when she got hit. His mind had just made itself up to go and tackle the mammoth of a man when he turned on him. He didn't think of himself as a small man, but he was lifted into the air and tossed against a banister like he was a piece of paper.
The guy didn't stick around after that. It had been pure luck that the only injury, outside of a blow to the pride, that Percy had gotten was a twisted ankle and slight concussion. If she had been worse off she wouldn't have been able to call for the ambulance that they both needed.
Alright, so neither of them were badly injured, but they were dazed and in pain. They had also been pretty much alone. Both of them needed to go see a doctor no matter how much they had wanted to tell themselves differently.
Although if Chris put any thought into it he knew that if Pride or Gregorio had been with them there would have been a lot more arguing from them. They might have been hurt, but neither of them were going to look weak in front of their team.
Hell, if only one of them had been hurt instead of both there would have been a fight. Maybe it was a good thing that they had been alone. It had saved them all a lot of time being annoyed and angry for no reason.
That wasn't to say that they weren't angry. Well, Percy was angry. He could hear her muttered and cursing to herself as she limped over to her desk. He could have told her that getting up to get a drink was not a good idea. Though it did sound nice.
Pride was angry too. Not to the same extent, but Chris could hear him talking on the phone from upstairs. He was talking in that tone of voice that made you want to straighten you spine and do everything he ordered. Not that either of them had the strength to really do much of anything.
Hearing the sound of the woman finally sit in her chair he blinked his eyes open and tilted his head over to her. He gave her a small smile that he saw her eyes on him. One that she sent back before she dropped her head against her desk a soft, pained whimpered that he wasn't supposed to hear.
He had been getting some x-ray's done out of the room when Percy had been getting checked out, but he knew that she either didn't have any pain medication in her system or they were starting to wear off.
Not that that was what he did. When they were in the hospital he had made sure to refuse any medication. He had lied and said that he needed a clear head for his work. He knew the doctor and nurses saw through him, but they hadn't fought him on it.
Which had been a miracle. If they had had less people in the hospital he had no doubt he would have been questioned. Instead they were busy and had decided, after making him promise to fill his prescription, that he knew what he was doing.
It was a win in his mind. Especially if he never had to fill it at all. No one needed to know that he wasn't taking his pills. That was his business and as long as he never let the pain take over than he was going to be fine. He always was.
In the years since joining the police force he had only been injured a handful of times. None of them had been too bad in his opinion. Though his higher ups always told him that if he needed time than he should take it.
That was the last thing he wanted though. Time meant staying at his home. Alone. With a bottle of pills that the hospital gave him that he promised himself he'd throw away. That was never a fun experience.
He toughed it out though knowing that if he gave in than he was going to fall down a hole that he wasn't ever going to be able to get out of. He had seen it happen too many times in his career and he refused to let himself become that.
Which was exactly what he had done for the last sixteen years. He had gotten sober and had stayed that way. If he had to lie about a little pain to make sure that he didn't fall back to who he used to be than so be it.
He wasn't particularly happy about the fact that he kept such a secret from his family and friends, but he knew what would happen if they knew. He knew the looks that they would send him when they thought he wasn't looking. It wasn't worth it to him.
Then there was the fact that both Pride and Loretta were overprotective. If they for a second thought that he was doing something that was a danger to himself than they wouldn't hesitate to speak up.
It was the speaking that worried him though. He had been on the business end of a telling off more times than he liked to admit. He was a little hard headed sometimes. Well, most of the time if you listened to them.
He hated the fact that he had to lie to them, but he didn't have a choice. Not with the way he knew they'd react. Oh, of course, he'd still be part of their family and they'd love him no matter what. That didn't scare him.
Failing them. It didn't matter that he had been a stupid kid when he did this. It didn't matter that he had never even heard of the two of them back then. It all came down to the fact that he had done it and had failed them in the process.
Everyone was entitled to have a dirty little secret or two in their back pocket. He knew that everyone on the team had them. Sometimes they got told in a case, but sometimes they stayed a secret. He was aiming to keep the as the latter.
Alright, so Cade knew about his past now. He was the only one. He also knew that there was a reason it stayed in the past. As long as he showed no signs of falling back into his old ways than that was good enough for his brother.
That was exactly what Chris wanted. It was a slippery slope and some days he wanted to go running towards the nearest dealer. He didn't though. He fought and prayed and distracted himself from doing just that.
He knew in the back of his mind that pain medication wasn't the same as heroin. He wasn't going to risk it though. If he even gave an inch than it would be all too easy to fall completely. He couldn't let himself fall.
When he first got clean he had thought that it would get easier as time went on. He had never been so wrong in his life. Every day was an uphill battle. Some days were easier than others of course, but the voices telling him to shoot up were always there. Nothing would silence them.
Well, that was a lie. There was one thing that would make everything quiet. He was really starting to hate his mind. How was he supposed to get out of his mind when there was quite literally nothing for him to do?
That was the main reason he hadn't gone home after they were released from the hospital. Cade had left earlier that month leaving him alone once more. Not that he was complaining. He loved living alone as much as he loved living with his brother.
With the thoughts that were currently running through his mind though? No, being alone was the last thing he needed. Not that sitting at his desk is relative quiet was helping all that much. At least he wasn't alone.
He wished that Pride would get off his phone and come into the office. They could talk about the case or argue about the fact that they were there instead of resting. He didn't care. He just needed out of his head.
A part of him wanted to turn to Percy and try to start a conversation with her. If she hadn't been hurt he would have, but he, and pretty much everyone else, knew she liked to lick her wounds alone. Using her as a distraction was not on the table.
There had to be something else he could do. He'd take listening to Sebastian talk about his theory on who would win in a fight between vampires and werewolves. He didn't care as long as he was thinking about something else.
"You two look like crap," Gregorio said walking into the office.
A gasp of pain fell from them both as they jumped at her voice. He had thought that she would still be… What had Pride sent her to do again? Damn, the pain was starting to make his head a little fuzzy. He had to pull it together before he was sent home.
"Thanks," Percy replied rolling her eyes.
"Really?" Gregorio snarked a smirk coming to her lips, "I come baring gifts and that's the tone you want to use?"
"Depends. What you get?"
"Pride asked me to pick up your prescriptions after I left Doc Wade's office. Something about you too looking like you couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag. While I was there though I thought I'd be nice and grab some drinks and snacks on the off chance your stomach was empty."
Sauntering over to their desks she started to pull out a few bottles of sport drinks and juice as well as some cookies before she got to their pills. Percy moved as quickly as her injuries would let her to open the bottle and pop two white pills in her mouth a smile coming to her lips.
Once the New Yorker was sure that the other woman was taken care of she turned to Chris and raised an eyebrow. He could already feel the dread pooling in his stomach as his heart began to pick up at that look.
"Your turn," Gregorio said crossing her arms over her chest..
"I'm good," he replied giving her what he hoped was a convincing smile.
"You got thrown into a banister by a wannabe Hulk," Percy jumped in glaring at him from her desk, "You are not 'good'. Now quit being a guy and take your pills."
Seeing both women glaring at him he knew that he was fighting a losing battle. They weren't going to stop until he had taken the medication. Knowing them he'd probably end up in worse condition after they forced him to.
He felt sick as he took the pill bottle from off his desk and opened it. It felt as if he was about to shake out of his skin as two perfectly white pills fell into his palm. A voice told him to throw the pills away and just explain why he couldn't take them.
He didn't listen to it though. Instead he lifted a somehow steady hand to his mouth and let them fall in. Instantly his heart was falling to his stomach and he was sure that he was going to be sick this time.
Everything about this situation made him want to scream or run or do something to make it stop. He simply didn't have a choice in his mind. Under his teams watchful gaze he opened a bottle of juice and swallowed the pills.
Both women seemed satisfied as they turned away from him and started to talk about the case. They didn't see just how angry and depressed Chris was by the turn of events. They didn't see how sick he felt at himself.
As much as he didn't want to be alone before he wished he was now. He wanted to be able to breakdown without having anyone question what was happening with him. All he could do was stare at the wall looking completely blank even though he was screaming inside.
He had worked so hard to get clean. It had taken all of his willpower not to stumble and fall into the needle again. Everything… EVERYTHING that he had worked for. He couldn't believe he threw it all away after being glared at.
Hell, he had even worked in vice for years without breaking. If he could handle actual drug dealers offering him things than his own team shouldn't have been a problem. Instead he gave in without even trying to think of a lie to get them off his back.
As he sat there yelling at himself he wondered if he could leave. He could tell them that he didn't want to be impaired at work. It was logic reasoning. Drugs and guns just didn't mix. No one would blame him for that.
They would, on the other hand, question his sanity. Something that he just couldn't deal with right then. All he could do was sit at his desk and wait for that glorious high that he always wanted, but prayed he'd never feel again, come.
That was when it finally hit him. It wasn't as strong as he was used to, but it was enough to have him relaxing into his chair the pain moving to a dull ache. Around him he vaguely heard amused laughter coming from the girls, but he paid them no mind.
As his eyes slipped shut he told himself firmly that as soon as he was alone he was going to get rid of the pills. He could handle one dose. This didn't mean that he was falling off the wagon. Anyway, he had been in a lot of pain.
After today he'd go back to toughing it out. It would suck while he healed up, but he'd done it before and he could do it now. All he had to do was throw them away and then everything would go back to normal and he would be fine. Everything would be fine.