Title:Knowing the Answer
Rating: PG-13 for language
Pairing:::Laughs hysterically:: DUH?!
Disclaimer:If I owned them, there'd be little Saras and Gils running all over the place by now
Spoilers: Specifically 'Snakes' but a little bit of everything.
Summary: "I mean, why do you think I came to Vegas?" Grissom finally knows the answer, and Sara is finally sure again
A/N: Being exempt from finals is definitely the greatest thing ever. 6th Chapter of NG is on its way, but, come on people, this had to be done. It's amazingthe most GSR I've seen in months came in an ep where they were only onscreen for five minutes. ::Sighs:: Anyway, Read On!

'I mean, why do you think I came to Vegas?'

Oh my God. Oh my God.

What have I done?

I asked her here over five years ago, desperate for help and reaching blindly for someone I trusted. Her name came up before I could even try to think of anyone else. One measly message from me and she dropped her work to help me out, and then dropped her life to stay, because I asked her.

'Why do you think I came to Vegas?'

Career advancement. That's what I've been telling myself for five years. Career advancement.

And now I'm wondering how I was smart enough to graduate highschool, much less become supervisor of the number 2 lab in the country. Sara never wanted to go places, she just wanted to do the work.

But she always wanted to be my friend.

She captivated me. Made me feel confident, and funny, and actually worthy of interacting with other people. Sara made me feel loved.

It scared me, so I retaliated by pushing her away. If we weren't friends, I could get the possibility of anything else out of my mind as well. But the sheer terror I felt when she handed me that resignation form was enough to have me desperately grab at my meager social skills and pull up something suitable to show her that I needed her here.

I sent her a fucking plant. From Grissom. I should win some sort of award for being the biggest asshole on the goddamn planet.

I was losing my hearing and swept into chaos. The lab blew up. Sara almost died. In that moment of blinding, unguarded fear, I should have finally understood what I needed to do.

'Come on, let's see what happens.'

So why did I turn her down? Jesus, I've asked myself that so many goddamn times, it isn't even funny. Why the fuck did I turn her down?

That one made her back off, and I was so confused by her and scared that I would lose my job and my hearing, that I shut everybody out. But especially Sara. I was cold and formal and distant, and I completely turned her away, forgetting that I was the one who asked her here in the first place.

'Yeah, well, you've always been more than a boss to me.' How did I let myself forget that we were friends first? I asked her here as a friend. She came her as my friend. I was bitter with the idiot paramedic, because I realized I wanted that to be me. Then she asked me out and I fucking turned her down. I am a damn fool. We were friends first, and I always wanted more. She even offered it to me. My God.

Then she got the DUI. The fear and the guilt was enough for me to take her hand that night, and help her when she needed it. 'Come on, I'll take you home.' And with that one phrase, the cold angry wall I'd felt from her for months disappeared.

She covered for me with Ecklie while I was too busy flirting with Sofia to even properly fight the shift split. Sofia was harmless, and I'd missed having that sort of interaction with someone. Forgetting that the only person I'd ever really enjoyed it with was still standing right in front of me. Only now, the pain in her eyes was unmistakable.

Yeah, maybe asshole is being nice about it.

Ten minutes ago, Sara apologized to me for my own mistake. She stopped me when I tried to speak, giving me the out I always thought I wanted with her, letting me off the hook without saying or doing anything. She let Sara speak, not CSI Sidle, for the first time in months, but didn't even expect me to say anything in return. Five minutes ago, she smiled and walked away. And I know that defeated look in her eyes is my fault.

I'm beginning to see a pattern here. One message, one plea, one plant, one tug on her hand. She's always forgiven me, and never asked for anything in return. I used to think I couldn't take the risk, but my team has already been destroyed, and I suddenly realize she never would have asked me to risk anything at all. All I've ever had to do is let myself care. I've never even given her that much.

What have I done?

My hands are shaking and I can feel the migraine gearing up behind my eyes. My vision is blurred with pain and guilt, and it's all my own fault. What in God's name have I done?

As I sit here in the semidarkness of my office, I can only pray the pattern still holds. I've had my epiphany, and now I've just got to hope to God I haven't been too stupid for too long. I have to pray I'm not too late. With a trembling grip, I pick up the phone.

'I mean, why do you think I came to Vegas?' I finally know the answer that's been in front of me the entire time.

With a trembling grip, I pick up the phone.

'Why do you think I came to Vegas?' God Sara, please have stayed here for the same reason. Please give me this last chance.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the end of a long shift, Sara was looking forward to having a cup of good coffee, reading her latest forensic journal, and sleeping for the next 9 hours. Maybe all that would make her forget what she'd said to Grissom. Maybe it would be enough to make her forget how many times she'd beat her head against the same wall, and driven the knife into the same wound. Maybe, but probably not.

'I mean, why do you think I came to Vegas?'

The real bitch was, she still loved him.

With a tired sigh, she pulled the keys out of the ignition, sliding out onto the asphalt. Mechanically, she entered the apartment complex and trekked up the two flights of stairs, not bothering with the slow elevator. There were a lot of things she didn't bother with anymore.

As she walked down the hall on her floor, she squinted, seeing something lying in front of her door. What she saw didn't really register until she was crouched in front of them, gaping in incomprehension. Five, elegant red roses and a small, white card with Sara scrawled across the front, tied together with ribbon.

Without thinking, she pulled the paper from the arrangement, flipping it over to read the inscription on the back. Here eyes flew over the words in an instant, but she was left staring at them for long moments before she was sure she was not dreaming. Shaking, her vision traveled over the simple words again.

Five roses for each year you've stuck with me.

You asked me a question tonight, and I didn't give you an answer. I'll give it to you now.

For exactly the same reason I asked you to come.

-Grissom.

As a slow smile spread across he face, and a tear slid down her cheek, Sara was sure of one thing. For the first time in years, she knew just why she had come to Vegas.

TPTB suck. But never fear, I've fixed it! ::grins:: Thanks for Reading!