I was listening to Honest by Kodaline and this was what followed.
Honest
We don't communicate
Can you not say what's on your mind?
And I see it every day
You hide the truth behind your eyes
There was tension. He could feel it and he knew she felt it, felt it but did nothing about it. This was purposeful and deliberate. He was meant to wonder about her, her feelings towards him. Years of dissecting her movements, learning her patterns left little doubt in his mind. She wanted to keep him up at night, wanted him to toss and turn because she haunted his every thought. And, he thought, muffling a yawn, she was succeeding.
But why? He knew what she wanted from him and all the steps in-between but not the motive. Five-hundred years and he was still grasping at thin air. He scowled and snapped shut the book he had been reading. He needed a nap.
Honestly, there's no need for you to hide
Talk to me, can't you see, I'm on your side?
"Why do you it?"
They were eating dinner. A meaningless, boring human activity that they both entertained every night. He didn't know how it had begun or who had initiated it but he couldn't remember life before it. She had a way of doing that.
"You're going to have to be a little more specific." She was smug. She knew what he was referring to.
He sipped from his wine, allowed the robust palate to swirl around his tongue before he swallowed. It was a wonderful vintage. He repeated the process, careful to take his time. It was deliberate, of course. She hated to wait and so he made her. When she began to fidget and a scowl marred her smooth forehead, he set his glass down and met her irritated glare.
"Why do you purposefully drive me insane?"
The fun was gone. Cold, closed eyes sought out the motive behind his question. "I don't know."
That was the last they spoke. They finished their meal and went their separate ways. He lay in bed later, tossing and turning, tormented by her words. She was lying. They both knew it. It was, after all, her way.
Honest, honest
Sometimes he caught her in rare moments. She didn't know he was there or watching her. If she had, she'd never allow herself to be so vulnerable. Those deep brown eyes softened, not much but enough to allow him a glimpse of who she had been. He watched as she spun in a slow circle, hair catching the sun, shining and shimmering around her, feet bare on the grass. Her arms were outstretched, fingers splayed, catching the sun.
"You're beautiful."
He didn't know why he said it but as soon as the words left his mouth, she stopped what she was doing. The blind snapped over her and she became grey and shrouded. A scowl replaced her blissful half-smile.
"What are you doing?" she snapped, embarrassed.
He shrugged, slipping his hands into the pockets of his slacks. "I don't know."
Say what it is you're trying to say
But if you lie to me again
I'll be the one that walks away
Is it in you to be honest?
Honest
Is it in you to be honest?
"Elijah."
This was the first time she had said his name. She said it so carefully, as though she were afraid it might break. He wanted to laugh at that as soon as he thought it. She did not care about breaking him. She did not care about anything.
"Yes?" He watched. Waited. "What is it?"
He didn't think she was aware she bit her bottom lip when she was nervous. "Never mind."
"As you wish," he replied smoothly with the knowledge that he would not sleep that night. "Katerina."
I still remember the day we met
I was hanging on your every word
I didn't think I would ever let somebody see into my world
Honestly, can't you see, I'm on your side?
She didn't remember much about her human life. It was all so dull. The parts she did remember reinforced this. How it had felt when his hand had touched hers. How he had spoken her name, lips curling around every syllable. How her heart had raced. How dull. How trivial. How irrelevant.
And yet, in odd moments, she found she had the urge to reach out. She wanted to brush her fingertips across the back of his hand and see if she felt the same rush. She wanted him to say her name and see if it set her heart on fire. It was stupid, of course. It would not feel the same because she wasn't human.
"Elijah."
They were in the library, researching. She had said his name without realizing it. It was his fault. Ever since he that moment in the garden she hadn't been able to think of much else. The memories were filling her head. She wanted him to say her name. Desperately, she found. But if he was surprised by her speaking first, he didn't show it. Those calm, cool brown eyes of his seemed unflappable.
"Yes?" He paused. She waited. "What is it?"
Well, this was foolish. "Never mind."
She turned and walked away, angry at herself for trying to recreate something that was long gone. It was a weakness. He was a weakness. She couldn't afford such luxuries.
"As you wish." His words hit her like bullet. How uncaring he sounded. "Katerina."
She paused by the door as something unfamiliar, or forgotten, lighted in her chest. Warmth. A small smile graced her lips. She was warm.
Say what is you're trying to say
But if you lie to me again
I'll be the one that's walking away
Is it in you to be honest?
Honest
Is it in you to be honest?
Every night she lay and tossed and turned. She knew he did the same. She had engineered it to be so. She knew and he knew. She knew he did. He was far too astute not to know. He had asked about it. He had admitted she drove him insane. The first feeling had been pride. Then fear. Terror. She was petrified. Now she was furious. He had, with a few mere words, tied them together. She doubted he knew the magnitude of what he had done. He had thrown her off balance, trapped her. She had not expected him to admit that. She hadn't been prepared so she had fumbled, dropped the ball, and he had seen through her lie. I don't know, she thought and scoffed. Original.
"Katerina?"
She blinked and focused. He stood before her, chest bare, arms loose at his side but he was braced for war. It was unsurprising. He was a warrior after all. She took in her surroundings, searching for the danger, and realized that she was in his room. How had she gotten here?
"I don't know." She spat it out.
He arched an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"
"I don't know," she said again, a little more desperately. "Elijah, believe me. I don't know."
His smile was sad. "I cannot."
She swallowed, unsure why his reply devastated her so. "I understand."
"Why is it suddenly so important I believe you?"
Her smile was wry. "I don't know."
Is it all in my head or was it something I said?
Because I'm trying to forgive and now I'm trying to forget
You're telling me all of this
No more hearing of it
She felt him watching her this time. She was sure it was on purpose. If he had not wanted her to know he was there, she wouldn't have. It was his most disturbing quality. She rose from where she had been kneeling, pausing to brush grass from her bare knees. The dress with thin straps that constantly seemed to be sliding off her shoulders was unusual. It was light in colour; she wore dark. It was loose; she suited tight. She turned to face him. He stood in the shadow of an old oak, hands in his pockets, just watching. She swallowed. She was vulnerable in this dress. A part of her wanted him to see that.
"How often do you watch me?"
"Often enough." He stepped out into the sunlight and she watched it catch the hard angle of his jaw. "Does it bother you?"
"You know it does."
"I apologize."
She scoffed. "You don't mean it."
He answered her with a smirk. "No, Katerina, I do not."
She was momentarily thrown by him saying her name and did not see him until he was standing directly in front of her. His chest almost brushed hers. His breath fanned her face, stirring the small strands of hair on her crown. He was so close. His fingers brushed over her shoulder, lifting a fallen strap.
"It's always doing that," she said to fill the silence.
"You should have it taken in." His fingers still rested on her shoulder, branding her.
She nodded. Touch him, her brain told her. You might never get another chance. Her hand lifted, trembling, and cupped his jaw. He closed his eyes, leaned into her touch. She moved her thumb over his skin. It was warm and smooth and it set her alight, more vicious than she remembered.
"It's more than I remember."
He opened his eyes, fixed them on hers. "What is?"
She gulped and pulled her hand away, diverted her eyes. "I don't know."
It was all just a lie
Was it all just a lie?
Now I'm walking away 'cause everything that you say
All that you ever tell to me is lies
Lies
She stormed into the small house, slamming the door behind her with enough force to shatter the glass panel. He had chosen her side. The duplicate. He had listened to her. He had believed her. That burned. White hot.
"Katerina." His breath brushed the back of her neck.
"No." She whirled to face him, hissing. Anger and hurt made her push him away. "You don't get to do that."
He was momentarily thrown. "Pardon?"
"You don't get to say my name like that. You chose to believe her."
"She is far more trustworthy than you have ever been," he said wryly.
She lifted her chin. "You're wrong. I was honest once."
Honest, honest
Is it in you to be honest?
He packed his things solemnly. He had to leave. He had the prize. It was time to cut his losses and take the road he had been walking for over a thousand years. Family. He needed this distraction. She had given him the cure. She had asked him to trust her. She had trusted him. He needed a distraction from that fact.
"Elijah." Her voice was soft.
"Katerina." His was hard. He tried again. "What is it?"
"I –" She broke off.
He faced her and started. She looked as though she were in pain. Her face was pinched. Her body was bowed. He had to force himself to wait instead of rush to her like he wanted. Fire burns, he reminded himself. Lies burn. He had been burned before.
"I –" She broke off again. Took a deep breath. Met his eye. "I'm sorry." The words were rushed. She captured her lower lip between her teeth. "I left it out before."
He was still for a moment to simply absorb. He knew how much this must have cost her. It meant more to him than the cure. "Thank you."
Say what it is you're trying to say
But if you lie to me again
I'll be the one that walks away
Is it in you to be honest?
Honest
Is it in you to be honest?
"I believed her because it was logical."
She was in the car seat next to him. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye to gauge her reaction. There was none. She was staring out the window and all he could see was her cheek bone, the arch of her nose, the ends of her eyelashes. He knew though. She had shut down.
"What I –" It was his turn to be nervous. "What I feel for you is not logical, Katerina."
She shifted in his peripheral. "You feel something for me?"
"That depends." He pulled over and gave her his full attention. She didn't look away. "Is it in you to be honest?"
She stared at him for a long moment. "That depends." Her lips tilted. "Is it in you to trust?"
Okay, it's a little vague but it felt right. Let me know if you agree.
Side note: Fast Blood has been deleted until such a time that I can finish it. I can't stand it being up there and just sitting. I'm going to revise it. Take some of the suggestions to heart and revamp it. Be patient with me, my lovelies.