Indokuro behavior study.

Test subject: Cheesecake (stupid name from stupid Zim)

Day 1

Red insisted I make a diary of Cheesecake's behavior for 'future generations'. The Control Brains want that information for two reasons: so future soldiers will know what to expect should the Sobrekt ever send indokuros against our troops again (who knows? I mean, we parted on more-or-less good terms, but it's the Sobrekt we're talking about) and to see if it would be possible for an Irken to successfully train one. Cheesecake's pretty young, so it shouldn't be that hard.

Day 2

We tried to change Cheesecake's name, but he won't respond to anything else. Damn you, Zim! That aside, Cheesecake is always following me around wherever I go and goes completely nuts if I'm not within his sight. Reminds me of when Ilk would always come looking for Red when she was a smeet, except she didn't bite any foreign hands that tried to grab her.

….

Day 4

I'm starting to like Cheesecake! Red hasn't been able to lay a hand on me since he's around. Every time he suspects Red is going to strike me, even in play, Cheesecake bites his hand. His growls are so cute! The only bad thing: Red grounded us (we were sent to the corner of my room).

Day 5

Cheesecake is very intelligent. When I tilt my head, he mimics the movement. He shows interest and great curiosity. He stares at people when they do stuff. Do all indokuros do this when they are infants? Perhaps I will ask Blue sometime.

….

Pur, your 'pet' is using my carpet as a toilet! Do something about it before I throw him out of the airlock!

Red

…..

Day 8

I've taught Cheesecake some tricks. My favorite is 'fetch doughnut bag from cafeteria': it takes him only three minutes to go from the bridge to there and back. I have to teach him to not eat the doughnuts before bringing it, though. Another favorite is to attack Zim on sight. That one was Red's idea.

Day 9

Cheesecake has grown a few inches. Ilk compared him to a collie-something, a sort of canid hyoomans keep as pets. He started climbing unto my lap when I'm on the bridge. Red doesn't like it, but I reminded him he used to do the same with Ilk. He responded that Ilk wasn't a scary hybrekt with sharp claws and teeth, but he didn't lift his hand when Cheesecake stared at it warily.

….

Day 11

I took Cheesecake to the labs so they'd take blood samples and see what genomes the indokuros are made of; if we learn it we might be able to create an irkenkuro. Hey, I like the name! His hide was very thick, though, 400 needles were broken trying to pierce through it before Lena brought a big one. Cheesecake wouldn't stop shrieking and biting hands whenever he saw one. Lena nearly lost a finger. We're both grounded again.

….

Day 13

It's official: Lena and Red are dating. He took her to foodcourtia for a date while I stayed behind at the Massive. It would have been lonelier if Ilk and Cheesecake weren't here. Ilk doesn't seem to mind the idea of a stepmother; she and Lena get along wonderfully, after all. Who would have known it would take getting stranded on a retrograde, backwater planet for Red to get a girlfriend*?

…..

Day 15

Turns out Indokuros are even more intelligent than we initially assumed. Cheesecake has learned to open electronic locks by himself through mere observation and understands hand signs. He also associates certain things with positive or negative experiences he previously had: ever since the disastrous visit to the laboratories all the medics or those with white or blue PAKs are afraid to come into the bridge because he attacks them. Lena is the only exception, but even she is on edge when she's in the same room with Cheesecake.

Day 16

Cheesecake got sick today. He wouldn't move from the bed and was constantly whimpering; he pointed at his stomach with his snout, almost as if he were saying that was the part that hurt. We had to call Blue and he asked what we fed him with. He almost had a heart stroke when I told him I fed him snacks. He said indokuros need lots of meat. Raw meat. Red threw up when we fed Cheesecake with a raw burger.

….

Purple, my carpet!

Red

….

Purple, please do something about Cheesecake. Five scientists are presenting PTSD after his attacks on them.

Lena

…..

Day 25

Cheesecake is growing very quickly. The tip of his little head spines reaches my hips. This has proven to be a bit… inconvenient. He is too big for my lap now. Why does he have to grow so fast?!

…

Day 30

Ilk has departed for the academy. I miss her already! Red is almost inconsolable and is always calling her every half an hour. At least he has Lena to comfort him. On the bright side, I taught Cheesecake a new trick: toy with Bob.

…

Carpet. Cheesecake. You. Something. Airlock.

Red.

…..

Day 31

Red is upset with Cheesecake because we ran out of burgers just when he had a craving for one. It takes about 100 pounds of meat to quench Cheesecake and he eats four times a day. I don't mind, I'm not a fan or burgers anyway. Besides, it's not like we have trouble with restocking.

…

Day 33

Cheesecake started to nibble on anything that doesn't move. There are teeth marks all over chairs, tables, and even walls. How can his teeth pierce through metal, anyway? I got a good laugh when Red's seat in the bridge broke with him on it: apparently, it's Cheesecake's favorite nibbling toy. Grounded again.

…

Day 40

Okay, the growth spurt is ridiculously fast! Cheesecake is half of Fury's size… I think it would be easier if he were here to compare them. Cheesecake has taken the habit of curling around my seat in the bridge and growl at whoever comes too close. The only exception is Lena-who has become a frequent sight around here-and the drones who bring the snacks. Bob had to be reassigned to the cafeteria because Cheesecake leaps unto him whenever he comes in. I miss watching him toy with the drone. Oh, well, I can always teach him to toy with Skoodge.

….

Purple, I'd thank you if you kept Cheesecake out of my room. He took a habit of tearing my skirts apart!

Lena

….

Purple, I've already gotten lots of anonymous complaints about Cheesecake's behavior, and I don't blame them! Frankly, I agree with them! Put a leash on that lizard or something!

Red.

P.D. You owe me 45 carpets already!

...

Day 50

Now I'm certain Cheesecake is almost Fury's size. Tenn and Larb pointed out he's much smaller than him, actually, but to me, he looks almost the same size. Somebody called him fat: I had them thrown out of the airlock.

….

Day 61

Okay, perhaps teaching Cheesecake to attack Zim on sight was not such a good idea after all. Today he called and Cheesecake leaped at the screen: he broke the monitor. Red was pissed. He nearly had him thrown out of the airlock until Cheesecake snarled at him. That made him back down for now. But we still got grounded all week until I fixed the monitor.

….

Day 74

Who would have known? Cheesecake seems to understand what airlock means. When I inadvertently said the word he picked a random soldier and threw him out. Why didn't I think of it before?

….

Purple, I swear, if you don't teach the mutated lizard to go… evacuate elsewhere I'm throwing you both out of the airlock! I'm serious!

Red

…

Day 90

Red proposed to Lena! I still can't believe it! He carved the question on the surface of one of the recently-conquered planets with the Massive's lasers. And he was particularly happy Cheesecake didn't 'ruin' it.

…..

Day 101

Okay, the wedding didn't exactly go as planned, in part thanks to Zim and that Rexy* pet of his! I gotta admit that lunar rock covered in the sweet substance called 'honey' wasn't that bad, though: Cheesecake spent most of the time kicking it.

Bright side, We got to see Ilk! She's grown so tall now that Red cried!

Day 103

Red and Lena have left for Vacatio to spend some days alone while I'm in charge. I'm glad Cheesecake is here, he makes me feel less lonely. Besides, we got to relax now that Red's not here complaining about his dumb carpet.

Cheese, wait—! Haha, no, bad boy-! Look what you made me write!

Indokani

Chapter 1

The first thing Purple sees in the morning nowadays is Cheesecake staring at him, his piercing golden eyes almost glowing in the darkness.

"You know, perhaps one of these days you could sneak into Red and Lena's bedroom and startle then like this." Purple chuckled, patting Cheesecake's snout and receiving a delighted purr in return. He could imagine their reactions: Red would curse him and chase him around the room with a baseball bat Zim sent once. Lena would scream and fall off the bed, trying to wrap herself in the blankets.

Purple made a gesture with his fingers, forming a small circle. Cheesecake darted out of his bedroom. This gave him about ten minutes before he returned with the thing he just asked him to bring. He used to take shorter in coming back, but now he got distracted with the medics and service drones he found along the way: anyway, it gave him enough time to take a good, warm gel bath and get dressed.

He was just coming out of the bathroom, bathed, dressed up and ready for the day when Cheesecake returned with three or four bags filled with donuts… wait, on the second inspection, only two bags were bountiful in the pastry, the other pair was empty. The crumbs on Cheesecake's mouth said everything.

"What am I going to do with you, you big donut eater?" Purple said, lacking any sort of annoyance, and instead scratched the indokuro's head just behind the spines, where he knew he liked it. Cheesecake closed his eyes and purred in content delight, wagging his tail like an earth puppy.

"Come on, boy, we better get down before Red sends anyone to fetch us." For some reason, his co-tallest has been sending elites to look for Purple every few days, all of them armed to the teeth. Cheesecake attacked them at first, but soon he learned they wouldn't hurt Purple and now just stared at them in annoyance.

The Tallest's bedchambers were located in the upper decks of the Massive, which led out unto a corridor that led to their private lounge, and this, in turn, had an elevator that took them directly to the cafeteria. While this made it easier to go get snacks in the middle of the night since they didn't have to walk too far, it placed their living quarters farther from the main bridge. Oh well, snacks before anything else.

On their way to the bridge, all the shorter Irkens saluted their passing by Tallest but shrunk back at the sight of his indokuro trailing behind him. It wasn't the little nuisance anymore, it was a big menace with diabolical intelligence, as Red put it once. Many had lost a finger, limb, snack, etcetera to the creature's sharp jaws. The worst of all: it was untouchable. Tallest Purple never disciplined it and whoever tried to do so in his stead was thrown out of the airlock.

Once on the bridge, Purple found a particular sight: Red was missing. Usually, he was the first to come down because he always got up earlier nowadays. Instead, he found Lena on his seat, expectantly staring at the door. "Hey, Lena, where did Red go?"

"Well, someone made cinnamon rolls and he wanted to be the first to try them out." She said.

Purple's antenna perked up. Those were his favorite pastries, after chocolate donuts and the earthen chiscak*. The proof? He once left Ilk alone with a whole bag of donuts when she was a smeet because he smelt the cinnamon rolls in the oven. This resulted in Ilk getting a sugar rush and controlling the Massive with a remote controller*.

"Cinnamon rolls!" Purple chirped, dropping his donut bag, which Cheesecake started eating without a second thought, snarling at the engineers who tried to grab one. Like a little smeet, Purple left the bridge and made his way back to the cafeteria, even going as far as to let out squeals of delight. He failed to notice the exchange of glances between Lena and the engineers.

When he got there, however, he found no cinnamon rolls.

"Purple, we need to talk about your pet," Red growled from the table he was seated in, arms crossed, features twisted into a deep frown.

"Can we talk about that later? I'm looking for cinnamon rolls!"

Red smacked his forehead. "There are no cinnamon rolls, Purple! They told you that so you'd bring your ass over here!"

Purple stopped in his tracks. If there was something he hated only slightly less than Zim, it was people lying to him about his snacks. "That's not nice!"

"As I was saying…!" Red grabbed the tablet in front of him. "Let's see the pros and cons of having that monstrosity here!"

Purple's glare matched Red's. "Cheesecake is not a monstrosity!"

"Con: he eats five hundred pounds of meat three times a day and it's annoying having to go restock every month!" Red wasn't fond of meat, but the soldiers and elites that saved them a lot of work needed to eat.

"Pro: we can throw more people out of the airlock by just speaking the word out loud!" Purple countered. It was a habit Cheesecake had developed a while ago when he noticed the Tallest loved doing that. Whenever either said the word airlock he'd grab the closest Irken, regardless of height or rank, and did so.

"Con: he attacks all the service drones that come into the bridge and it's hard to get a refill without having to go get it ourselves!"

"Pro: for the first time ever we have an Hybrekt at our disposal that won't tear us to shreds."

Red narrowed his eyes. "Con: the infirmary is overcrowded because of him."

"Pro…!" Purple stopped. What else did Cheesecake provide other than good entertainment and some insight into Sobrekt Hybrekts? "... he's cute!"*

"Con: he broke the monitor thrice when Zim called…"

"Teaching him to attack Zim was your idea!"

"...he has nearly bitten Lena's hand a few times…"

"She caught him by surprise-!"

"...he has bitten mine…!"

"But-!"

"He uses my carpets as his fucking toilet!"

Purple groaned. "So this is about your stupid carpet! Just buy another one, you can afford them!"

"That's not the point, Purple! That beast is out of control and you do nothing to correct his behavior! What needs to happen so you realize you ruined him!"

"Ruined?! How did I ruin him?!"

"Did everything I just pointed out enter one lekku and leave through the other?!"

Before they could argue any further a large blur of black flew into the cafeteria, inadvertently knocking Red out of his seat and into the ground, and in turn, causing the blur to trip and fall over against another nearby table with a painful growl. Purple was in the exact middle of both fallen figures, but given the circumstances the priority was clear. "Cheesecake! Oh, my poor Cheesecake! Are you okay?"

As Red painfully sat up and rubbed his head, he stared agape at the scene of his co-Tallest picking the lizard over him. "Poor Cheesecake? Poor Cheesecake?! Are you kidding me!"

Purple, of course, ignored him, and instead fawned over the whimpering indokuro. "Oh, it's okay, little one! You didn't get hurt, did you?"

Red grunted and called out with acid sarcasm. "Oh, don't worry! I think I broke my spine and got internal bleeding, but I'm fine! How nice of you to care!"

"Look what you did, now Cheesecake got a scratch on his nose!"

Red got to his feet and floated his way over to Purple. If he were walking he'd be stomping his feet. "That's it! I want that animal out of the Massive!"

Purple got in between his co-tallest and Cheesecake. "You can't do that, he's mine!"

"You wanna bet? I wonder what the Control Brains will have to say about the misbehavior!"

"In case you forgot, it was the Control Brains who said I could keep Cheesecake!"

"Yeah, but to turn him into a military asset, not a pampered house pet!"

"You take that back!"

"M-My Tallest?"

"WHAT?!" Red and Purple shouted in unison, glaring at the Irken who had approached them. It was Invader Skoodge, who jumped in fright at the sudden hostility.

"S-Sorry to… interrupt you, My Tallest, b-but… we have a message from… Ilk-!" He couldn't finish the sentence as the moment he uttered Ilk's name, Red rushed out of the cafeteria and back to the bridge, carelessly knocking the short Invader aside. Since Ilk went to the academy on Irk, and then to Devastis to become an Irken Elite, they hadn't seen her much. She'd call every now and then, but it just wasn't the same. The only time they saw her in flesh and all was at Red and Lena's wedding; she was granted permission to attend by the Control Brains, in part thanks to who her father was.

Everybody aboard the Massive missed her, but no one held a candle to how Red himself missed her. The first few weeks she was gone he'd call her every twenty minutes or so, sometimes in the middle of an exercise or a test until the Control Brain on Devastis blocked his signal so he'd only be able to call twice a day. He went completely nuts until Purple literally smacked some sense into him.

He might not be able to communicate that often, but at the very least he could access the databases to see how she was doing. Red literally threw a party when he found Ilk was not only amongst the best soldiers, but she had grown even more since the last time they saw her at the wedding.

Lena's lekku perked up when her husband entered the bridge. "It's not a live transmission, Red, it's an irk-mail." She said with notable disappointment. She had been hoping to hear from Ilk in person too.

Despite the bitter let-down, Red nevertheless made his way unto the platform. "How did the talk with Purple go?" He muttered and rubbed his back at the question. "That bad?"

"I'm starting to consider dropping that creature off at some asteroid when he's not looking," Red said with a deep frown. Oh, well, leaving that aside, he glanced at the navigators just as Purple (and by extension, Cheesecake) caught up. "What are you waiting for? Display the message on screen!"

"Yes, My Tallest." The empty vacuum of dark space in the monitor was replaced by an irk-mail. Instead of irken characters, however, it was written in rough Sobrekt letters. Confused, Purple had the technicians translate it into Irken language.

You have been deemed worthy of being invited to the Kekkonshu of Blue, son of Kobato and Deltra, and Ilk, daughter of Irken Leader Fred. The ceremony will be held within a month in Sobr, but familiars and close relations are required to attend beforehand for the pre-Kekkonshu ceremonies.

"Fred?!" Red glared at his miswritten name. "Wait until I get my hands on whoever wrote that!" His angry murmuring was joined in by the rest of the crew. Who'd dare to miswrite their Almighty Tallest's name?

Lena coughed impatiently. "Red, I think you should worry more about what Kekkonshu means, don't you think? And why would Ilk send it in Sobrekt?"

"On it!" Larb was already looking through his irkpad for a translation of the word. Seconds later he went pale.

"Well?" Purple asked in between munching a donut, then flinging one at Cheesecake, who caught it in mid-air.

"M-My Tallest, you might want to sit down…"

"What is it? Just spit it out-! Nevermind, give me that!" Red snatched the tablet from Larb.

Kekkonshu: sobrekt wedding ceremony.

"My Tallest! My tallest!"

"Red, can you hear me?

"Someone bring a doughnut!"

"Think it'll wake him up?"

"No, I'm hungry."

"Purple!"

"Hey, you tricked me about the cinnamon rolls and I didn't get to eat anything!"

"Wait, he's waking up!"

Red came back to his senses with a groan. "What on Irk…?" He rubbed his head painfully as his vision cleared. Lena and Purple were above him with concerned stares. A navigator was quickly flapping an old magazine, courtesy of Zim a few weeks ago, in the manner of a fan while some others were holding donuts close to his lekku. No wonder it smelt so good.

"You fainted." Purple shrugged simply.

"I did what…? How did it…?" Wait, it was coming back. "I think I remember. I had an awful nightmare, we received an invitation in Sobrekt and it turned out that the Blue lizard and my Ilk were getting married." He noticed everyone around him exchanging nervous, awkward glances. "What?"

"Um, Red…" Lena rubbed the back of her head. How could she tell him? "That… wasn't a nightmare, it was ten minutes ago.

He reacted as bad as expected. "WHAT?!" Red went back to his feet and snatched the irkpad from Skoodge, who had taken a look out of curiosity. "No, no, no, this can't be! There's gotta be a mistake!"

"We already checked it, it isn't, My Tallest."

"She would have told me if she took such a big decision!"

"Um, My Tallest, it appears the Irk-mail I opened was actually the…" the technician gulped. "... the second one. I was supposed to open this one first." He pointed at another message in the inbox with the label 'read THIS ONE first, dad', just beneath the mail labeled 'invitation'.

Red's eye twitched. "Throw him out of the airlock." He glared at another navigator, ignoring the frightened yells of the other one as the guards (and then Cheesecake, who ended up dragging even the guards themselves) carried him away. "You, open that other mail."

With a nervous nod, the order was carried out. This irk-mail was written in Irken.

Hey, dad, Uncle Pur and everyone else! How is everything going? I guess you're wondering why I sent a written irkmail instead of sending a transmission. No offense dad, but knowing you you'd probably keep interrupt me while trying to explain, something you can't do with a letter. (Purple laughed and this last sentence, to which he received a quick smack on the back of his head from Red now that Cheesecake wasn't around).

Anyway, remember Blue? Well, I didn't… tell you this exactly, but he and I have been dating during some of my free days. He's such a sweetie when he's not out for your head, and I… Well, a few weeks ago we had yet another friendly duel, which I won after three hours of being evenly matched.

Skoodge and Bob, you two might want to take cover for when dad throws you at the wall to vent off. (It was already a bit too late for that, but nevertheless, they were touched by the fact that she remembered them),

Blue proposed. And I accepted. We're getting married next month, and it would mean so much to me if you'd all attend without trying to blow up the planet. It's going to take place in a month on Sobr, but Blue said family members are expected to come even sooner than that to discuss… certain things.

See you guys son!

XO, Ilk.

"What does XO mean?" Purple asked. All he received were shrugs.

"That-That lizard dared propose to my Ilk? Without asking ME first?!" Red snarled at the screen. "He's supposed to do that, right?!"

Tenn quickly looked it up in the irkpad. "In most sentient species, particularly mammals, it is common for a suitor to talk to the female's male parental unit for approval in courting and then marrying the girl."

"See?! But no, I have to find out about this through a flirking irkmail?! Why couldn't she call me and tell me face to face!"

"She mentioned the reason in the letter, remember?" Purple reminded him. The only thing that saved him from another smack was the fact that Cheesecake had just returned with neither the navigator nor the guards.

"Red, calm down!" Lena decided to intervene before he did something he could regret. Again. "Look on the bright side, the wedding will take place in the Sobrekt homeworld. Do you know what this means?"

Red was momentarily brought of his angry ranting to exchange a glance with Purple. No Irken, other than they themselves when they stole the Moondrop Flower to save Ilk from Drilo's disease, had been to Sobr and lived to tell the tale, and they were being invited there.

"Taller Lena has a good point, My Tallest," Larb added, stepping forward with a devious grin. "If they are inviting us over to a private event, it means they'll allow us into their homeworld. We could use this chance to learn about everything. Their technology, culture, weapons, but especially their hybrekts. And we can do all that without worrying about losing our heads!"

"Oh, come on, after what happened with the Moondrop flower you think they'll just let us in with open arms?" Invader Skutch pointed out. "What makes you think they won't use a sort of security measure while we're there, such as a tracking device?"

"Especially if we are going," Lena added. Besides, they were not invited by the Sobrekt leader or any political or important figure, they were simply invited to a wedding, whatever they called it. They'd probably be treated like normal tourists.

There was a brief debate over the issue, mostly held between the Tallest and the present Invaders. On one hand, this could be the only chance they ever got to exploring Sobr properly. The Empire's databases didn't have much information about the lizards other than what they managed to directly take from the brain of one of the kryvtor assassins once sent to the Massive. But Skutch did make a valid point. The Sobrekt were no fools, they wouldn't allow the Irkens to freely go where they pleased after stealing the Moondrop flower. Sure, since their 'misadventure' on Hoth with Captain, a high-ranked member of the Sobrekt military, and his kryvtor squad both species parted on more-or-less good terms, but they also knew of the Irkens' tendency of betraying their allies. Just ask the Vortians.

Red was mostly worried about Ilk would take it, however. Not kindly, of course. She grew particularly close to the lizards while on Hoth, and the Blue-lizard started courting her after she single-handedly defeated him in combat (silly Sobrekt courtship traditions). And from what he could tell in that letter, she kept in touch with him afterward, a time the Blue-lizard took advantage of to keep courting her like he said he would. The point? Red didn't want to be at odds with his smeet again, especially now that he'd see her face to face after a whole Irken year.

After some more deliberation, the two Irken Leaders exchanged a solemn nod and turned to one of the navigators. "Set course for Sobr."

*The tyrannosaurus Rex Zim revived in The Smeet.

*Who would have known it would take getting stranded on a retrograde, backwater planet for Red to get a girlfriend: The events of Lost.

*chiscak: Irken word for 'cheesecake'.

*The Smeet, chapter 3.

*That whole argument of 'pros and cons' was inspired from the Simpsons episode King-Size Homer, where Homer and Marge have a similar argument.