A Different Kind of Beautiful
By Copeland4
A/N: Obviously, I do not own Lord of the Rings. It all belongs to the amazing professor Tolkien, and I hope I do his world justice. :) This is just a fluffy one-shot starring my OC Elenwe from the story I'm writing and will soon post, A New Song, and Legolas. It would take place in the epilogue, after the official story ends. Slightly AU, mentions a miscarriage, so be aware if you're sensitive to that sort of thing.
One last note: My character's name is Elenwe, pronounced "Ee-len-way", and means "star." Her brother's name (Another OC) is Rilhen, you say it "Rill-en", and it means "Moonflame." And the witness's name is Agarfin, said "Ah-gar-fin", means "Blood-hair." It's a name I made up, deciding he would have hair like blood. (Red hair, if you didn't understand;)
Enjoy:D
Wings.
I had wings.
You know, those feather-plated, white extensions that allow you to fly? Usually attached to the backs of fairies?
Except I wasn't a fairy. I was a Moon Elf still waiting to reach full maturity.
What's that? You don't know what a Moon Elf is? Well, that's another story entirely. The basics are that we were a lost race, (but found again,) native to the land of Ithilien, between the eastern borders of Gondor and the western mountains of Mordor. (I know, great location for the smallest population in Middle Earth.) We Moon Elves typically inherit golden brown to blonde hair and blue or green eyes from our parents. Our ears are still as leaf-shaped as any other Elf. We are at our strongest at night when the Full Moon is out, which is when we are active, sleeping during the day.
My brother, Rilhen, and I rule this realm, for the time being. You see, in the process of basically saving every human life in Middle Earth in the War of the Ring two years ago, my brother was sacrificed. Creepy I know, but he was miraculously raised from the dead. And part of the deal was he had to give up his immortality. In other words, his heritage is still Elven, but his body is human, and slowly but steadily deteriorating. Rilhen walks with a severe limp and cane and is pained by headaches often. He gently reminds me every now and then that he will probably die soon, and the whole rule of our kingdom will eventually fall to my shoulders, but I brush those morbid thoughts aside.
And I, helping to fight the last great evil to smite this Middle Earth, was given my true form, which, for some stupid reason, involved me growing ten feet and sprouting a twenty foot wingspan.
Not that I'm a freakishly tall sixteen-foot Giantess, I shrunk right after we defeated that slimy monster, but I still have the wings, which brings me back to the point.
Five years ago, I married the love of my very life, Legolas, who is my prince consort in my ruling of Ithilien, so to say. Two years ago, I lost his child in the last assault at the Black Gate. I thought he hated me. I knew I hated myself. It has taken me five years to get over my failure of keeping my baby safe, and I am still not fully at peace. I have not carried another child since then.
And after this happened, I learned that I'd have to live the rest of my life with wings. Apparently, it skips generations, as my mother was never blessed with this curse, Valar rest her soul. Rilhen had them too, once. Then his immortality was taken. So I bear this burden alone.
It's a literal burden at times. You'd never guess how heavy a human-sized pair of wings would be (although my posture has improved considerably). I have tried binding them to my torso under my tunic in an effort to keep them subdued. Whenever I get excited or angry, they start to flutter, mirroring my emotions. And that is exactly what happened one April night, as I was sitting in my court, listening to a witness testify against a human found wandering in our woods. Apparently he was caught with blood on his hands, face and clothing, a feral madness about him. He was suspected of murdering and, Valar forbid, ingesting one of our own.
I was already squirming in my throne because of my bound wings. I am utterly convinced they have a mind of their own, and are continually trying to break free. Anyways, it's very uncomfortable. It's like bandaging one or both of your arms to your side and then sleeping on them. It's a suffocating sensation, where you can feel your arms begin to fall asleep, the blood circulation being cut off slowly. Except they're on your back, and you're desperately trying to keep still but it's so very painful.
So there I was, with my brother to my left and my husband Legolas sitting a ways to my right, listening as the witness accounted all he remembered about his first meeting with the rogue that led to the human's capture.
"And so, your majesty, that is why I believe this putrescence guilty of killing our dear Lalaith in cold blood, who has been missing since the second month of this year, and then committing the unthinkable."
"Thank you Agarfin. But please refrain from insulting the accused. Your witness is noted. Please be seated."
"Not that it matters, you're just going to kill me anyway for something I didn't do!" The man screamed from where he stood in the center of the room, bound and on his knees.
"Silence!" I say. "You have not been called upon to speak." I could feel my wings jerk slightly as my ire rose, causing my whole body to look like it was convulsing for a moment. I glanced at Legolas. He was eyeing me with a raised brow of curiosity. My cheeks flushed. He was probably mulling over at that very moment why he had ever considered marrying me. 'Yes, that's my wife Elenwe, the Queen of the Moon Elves. No, not that black-haired beauty next to her. The one with the slightly bulging spinal area. No, she's not a hunchback, sadly. That would be better than the truth. She has wings. Imagine that eh? One of the most powerful rulers in the world is a freak of nature, and she can't even carry my child without killing it.'
I swallowed hard and pushed those echoing words out of my brain. That's what Legolas always said in my nightmares of him leaving me.
Freak of nature… better than the truth… can't carry my child without killing it…
The prisoner shut his mouth, and was quiet until the very end. Curse his need to get his point across.
Just as he was being hoisted to his feet, he wriggled free and came charging forward. Luckily, two of my guards rushed to him and prevented him coming any closer, or who knows what I would have done to him.
"You're just a prejudiced wretch! You hate us! I wager you would just as soon run me through as look at me! You, vile creature, are bent upon destroying the entire human race! Well I won't stand for it! Shame on you, evil queen! And all your people! I spit on you!"
Which he promptly did. The wad splattered right between my boots. As I would reflect on this later, I would realize that this man's words had angered me more than his actions. My fierce resolve cracked and snapped. I shot to my feet.
But as I did so, my wings split the fabric of my jerkin, the confines of the rope, and all sanity. As I let loose my torrent of hurt-charged words, they flapped violently over the heads of my attendants. I didn't care nor pay them any attention.
"How dare you!" I yelled back. "How dare you assume me to be of that nature! When you don't know me at all! Ignominious jerkface! Some of my closest friends were humans. You will never fully comprehend how much I loved them, how much I still love them, though they are gone. Shame on you, for what you falsely think of me."
Then all was silent. No one moved nor spoke. I suppose the scene would have looked very frightening, what with me standing on a raised dais with my snow-white wings suspended at maximum extension, glaring down at the now-trembling prisoner with fire in my green eyes. Not to mention I never lost my temper this bad while in court. Everyone must be stunned witless by my juvenile demonstration. But I couldn't help it. He had stepped over a personal boundary, and he needed to know it.
I sighed inwardly, feeling my flesh crawl with the stares of my court. "Take him away, Agarfin. We will adjourn tomorrow afternoon to determine his fate."
"Y, yes, your majesty."
My orders were carried out, and soon, the only ones left in the room were Rilhen, Legolas, and I. Suddenly I felt very ashamed. I turned to find Legolas gazing at me, an unreadable expression on his fair face.
"I, I'm sorry," I breathed, and fled the room as best I could with my wings trailing behind me, bouncing as I ran.
It was hours before anyone else found me. Unfortunately, it was only several minutes into my hiding spot when all of a sudden Legolas materialized next to me. I was perched on the tallest branches of a poplar that was very far away from the palace. Frankly, I was surprised he was even able to climb up here without falling, as I had to fly to reach the top, it was so high.
We sat there, huddled next to the trunk for several silent minutes. Rain clouds were gathering overhead, and thunder boomed in the mountains to the east. The moon was barely a sliver, perhaps explaining my shortness of temper and dismal thoughts.
I drew my wings up over our heads as droplets began first in a sprinkle, then pouring down steadily. The plumage succeeded in keeping us dry, and the only evidence of the storm was the occasional blinding flash of lightning and crack of thunder.
Legolas sighed lightly, bringing his knees to his chest and resting his chin atop his wrist. I could just catch the reflection of the silver band on his left ring finger as he settled into his tree-sitting position. His wedding ring, the one I had placed on his finger at our wedding, one that was identical to mine; 'til death or the Sea do us part.
"Is there anything you wish to talk about?" He asked me quietly.
"I'm not a bird. So why do I need these things?" My snowy wings trembled as if I had just hurt their feelings. Odd.
"I do not have an answer for that. But you mustn't be so hard on yourself. You can't help how you were made."
"But, Legolas, I wasn't made this way. These were given to me by force."
"Maybe for a reason?" He suggested, lifting his head to look at me. "We all have destinies, Elenwe, unique to ourselves. Some things are meant to happen. Frodo was meant to have the Ring, so you are meant to lead your people. With wings, if that's what it takes."
His words left me feeling rather guilty. But Frodo brought to mind a piece of my darker past.
"Are you still mad at me?" I asked abruptly before I could back out.
Legolas' brow wrinkled. "For what?"
It took me several tries to get the statement out, and then I only whispered. "For, losing our baby?" My eyes dropped his gaze and tears began pooling. I couldn't cry. What if he was still harboring ill feelings? My tears would certainly not be looked upon favorably.
"Did you think I was, Elenwe?"
Words stuck in my throat. I opened the gates for tiny rivulets to run down my cheeks as Legolas came near and put his arms around me. I could tell by his mannerisms he had guessed my answer.
"You do not know me half as well as you think you did, do you, my star? I gave up my anger at what happened a long time ago. There was nothing else I could do. There was no reversing our unhappy situation. I was never planning to blame you."
Legolas brushed aside tear-dampened hair and kissed my cheek.
"Fear me no more, my darling. Please. I love you."
"I love you as well, Legolas."
How could I give this man anything less than all of me? I should have come to him about this sooner. Years sooner. It would have saved me a lot of grief and daymares filled with such raw hurt I nearly died each time I went to sleep.
But there was still another issue that weighed heavily on my shoulders, so to say.
"What about my wings? Do they give you reason to fear me?"
My husband pulled back to study my face, as if trying to figure out my incentive for asking that.
"No, my star," he finally answered, and threw back his head and laughed. If I had been confused about our relationship before, I was well and truly baffled now. What kind of husband reassured his wife that he loved her, and then turned around and laughed at her in the same breath?
"What?" I asked, recoiling defensively. My wings squeezed in closer around us, trying to cocoon me from what they thought was a threat.
My harsh tone quieted him instantly. Legolas faced me, swinging his legs so he was straddling the branch we sat on. He smiled softly, taking my hand in his.
"You truly do not know?" He whispered.
"Know what?" I spat.
Unhindered by the words laced with childish attitude, he went on, his harmonious voice rising with every crack of thunder.
"That my love for you is not based on superficial things. Nor is it earned by your deeds, past, present or future. For sure I have known you to be an absolute beast in the morning when you wake."
I rolled my eyes and huffed, looking away. If this was Legolas' attempt at cheering me up, it wasn't working at the moment.
"My point is, I love you out of choice. I love you for who you are, wings and all. And I believe you to be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." Said flying appendages fluttered, and let loose a perfect, creamy-white feather, which he let float onto his waiting palm, as if they had forgiven him for his earlier offense. I scoffed.
"Yeah, love me for how long? Until you get tired of how ugly I am? Don't fool yourself, Legolas. I disgust you."
Legolas gazed at me with hurt in his eyes. After a moment of feeling my cheeks burn under his disappointment, he raised our left hands, which were still intertwined. He looked at our wedding bands, contemplating what to say next.
"You are my wife, and I your husband." He looked up and stared unblinkingly into my eyes. It was a battle not to look away in shame. Normally I was excellent at holding anyone's gaze. But not now. I felt tears clog the back of my throat and I swallowed hard. Perhaps I had crossed the line this time.
"However, I cannot make you do something. It is your choice to decide whether to believe me or not. I am only sorry you think me low enough to be capable of this. But hear me now, Elenwe."
He let go of my hand and grasped my shoulders, making sure I had no room to escape. I shivered at the frosty-blue intensity of his irises, flecked with glowing silver. My jaw hung open slightly in anticipation.
"You ARE beautiful. A different kind of beautiful. And you should not be ashamed of who you are or what you look like. When I married you, I promised to love you forever, no matter what happens, through everything. Even if you have wings, I don't care. You are mine, you are wonderful, and I love you with all that I am."
No longer could I dam up my sobs. They came in full force, choking me and making it hard to breathe. Lightning flashed and thunder roared and the next thing I knew, Legolas and I were clinging to each other for dear life. I buried my face in his warm neck, taking comfort in the fact that he could be trusted. I knew in my heart Legolas would never say something important like that and not mean it. It was impossible for him. Just as it was impossible for us to stop loving each other.
My words came in cracked, breathy intervals when I tried to speak.
"Legolas, I, I'm so so so sorry. You don't know how, sorry I am for even thinking, to accuse you like that…"
"Sh, my star. It's all right now. Everything's going to be better from now on."
Legolas caressed my back, occasionally stroking the downy softness of the base feathers on my wings. It filled me with pleasure, and a warm feeling spread in my heart in an area that had been very cold for far too long.
After what seemed like hours but was probably only a few minutes, Legolas untwisted his arms from me and I looked at his face, my eyes red and puffy. I had calmed down in his embrace, and was assured now more than ever of the love we shared.
"Do you forgive me for being such a jerk, Legolas?" I asked quietly.
My husband smiled, laughing a little as he cupped my cheek in his hand. I leaned into it, relishing the feeling.
"Yes, Elenwe, I forgive you for being a jerk." He didn't even attempt to sugarcoat my sin, but I didn't mind, because it was the truth and I deserved it.
Then he tilted his head and I, knowing exactly what would happen when he did that, copied him and we kissed, long and passionately. My wings began to flap excitedly, opening our tent and letting the rain drench us to the bone. But we ignored them, lost in our blessing of love.