Disclaimer
All rights and privileges to Rurouni Kenshin belong to
Nobuhiro Watsuki, Shuiesha, Sony Music Entertainment, and other
related parties. The characters of this story are used without
permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of
fiction is not meant for sale or profit. Please don't sue.
______________________________________________________________________
A Parody
______________________________________________________________________
Narrator: Welcome to yet another episode of "Lifestyles of Extra
ordinary People"
Hiko Seijuro the thirteenth master of Hitenmitsurugi ryu, he has
been living in is own secluded little hut For a long time, and will
most probably do so for the rest of the duration of his life.
Ever wonder, why Hiko chose pottery above any other forms of
craftsmanship and arts, like visual arts perhaps, oh well . . . anyway
his choice of this pottery making thingy will be explained later in
this episode.
Hiko has an unexplainable passion for sake, he just cannot get
through a day without sake, as a matter of fact he uses sake as a water
replacement, it has been observed that he never drinks water. He also
practices meditation, he does this mostly for hours and hours, either
day or night. Every now and then he would pull a handful of some kind
of powder from a pouch that he keeps beside him, and throws it in the
fire, creating white smoke, which slowly scatters and dissipates in
the room. . .
Hiko: Aaaaaaaah. . . . . . . . powdered sake. . . .
Narrator: He only stays in his own secluded little hut, as we have
mentioned earlier, except for his periodic replenishing of his sake
supply. (Doesn't he make it himself? Maybe, but this is my fic) This
event takes place at least twice a month.
Hiko now gathers ten of his best pots and some extras, ties them
together, throws it over his shoulder, and he is all set, now he makes
his way to town.
People greet him as he walks through town. Sometimes he would even
stop to play with the children.(Cute isn't it?)
Mother of child: Look mister Hiko is here why don't you go out and
play with him.
Narrator: This happens most of the time, why, when he's in a good
mood he distributes pots to people, free, . . . .and so it comes to
pass, Hiko has now made his way to the sake shop.
Shop owner: Well, if it isn't Hiko my best costumer, so you need
to buy more sake huh? Ran out already? Heh he he he. . . . .
Hiko: Well yes, so I'll trade the usual, three of my pots for a
pot of sake.
Shop owner: And of course I'll give you my usual discount, that'll
be two pots of sake for five of your genuine "Hiko made pots".
Hiko: there ten pots. . . .
Shop owner: and here's your sake . . . . . well, nice doing
business with you.
*SLAM* the shop owner shuts his store and a signs reads "closed
for the day".
Narrator: The shop owner shuts his shop just as Hiko's eyes
narrowed when he got to hold his sake. This protective behavior seems
to be triggered every time he gets a new supply of sake.
A dog walks by and sniffs at Hiko's leg's
Hiko: What's this evil that manifests itself at my leg! What?!
After my sake? Aaargh. . .
Now the dog can be seen flying through the air. A man sees this
and runs as fast as he can ahead of Hiko.
Man: HIKO IS CARRYING SAKE! HIDE THE CHILDREN! HIDE IN YOUR
HOUSES!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! Aaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Narrator: Now as we have observed Hiko's hostile reaction to
anything that poses a threat to his sake, we watch him walk through
the deserted streets, good thing everybody knows how Hiko is, huh,
what's this? Oh no.
Tourist: Yo man, hows it today, it's like I just wanna ask, um,
ya know, directions, say watchu got there, sake huh? Hey man like I
als. . .
Hiko: What? What vile treachery is this? Are you talking to me?
Are you making fun of my sake? Well?
Tourist: Huh? I. . .
Hiko: of course you're talking to me. Who else could you be
talking to. How, . . wait you must be after my sake. Of course you
are, we have just met and this is how you act. You are after my SAKE!
Tourist: r-r-r-re-rel-l-lax man, I ain't after your sake.
Hiko: you think you can sway me with your lies, you are after my
sake, you, YOU. . . .
Tourist: m-m-mom-m-my
Narrator: In a flash, Hiko drew his sword, and at the same time
placed his sake safely on the ground. It's the amakakeru ryu no
hirameki, Eww, his entrails are showing and he is flying through the
air, Hiko appears to have calculated him not to be cut in half, ack!
It's the nine-headed dragon thrust, ohh!
Well that ends it. The clean up crew will gather his body parts later.
And there goes Hiko on his way back to his own little hut.
Hiko: grumble...grumble...
Narrator: Hiko sometimes also experiences sleepwalking, though
this rarely occurs, this usually deals with sake. More seldom is that
it is a bad dream. For a more specific example, we will follow him
tonight, from a very safe distance of course. Now before we continue,
we will be back after these messages....
***
***
Narrator: Now were back, as of now we are watching Hiko as he
leaves the hut, and this looks bad he is carrying his katana. Oh! Now
he runs with super god speed towards town. So there is no point in
staying around here. We shall move our equipment into town......
From where we are situated we can see Hiko as he runs back and
forth in the streets, good thing that everybody is asleep, otherwise
the streets would be full of either dead or incapacitated bodies.
Hiko: (while running in the streets in super god speed) no! no!
NO! your not getting my sake...nooOO
Suddenly a man came out walking from the shadows, he is wearing a
hat, and for some strange reason he has an irritating grin stuck on
his face.
Mysterious man: HeheHee....
Narrator: A strange man wearing a hat that has a strange grin
stuck on his face has come out from the shadows, and now has come into
plain view to Hiko (as if he is awake), Hiko stopped running around,
oh may the heavens have mercy on this man wearing a hat with a
strangely irritating grin on his face..
Hiko: ....
Man w/ hat and strange grin: he he hee...
Hiko: ...
Man w/ hat and strange grin: ....
Hiko: ...
Man w/ hat and strange grin: hey... what are you looking at...
Hiko: ....you....
Man w/ hat and strange grin: ....
Hiko: ...you are after my sake!!!!
Man w/ hat and strange grin: huh!?....(sweat drop)
Hiko: YOU ARE AFTER MY SAKE!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!
Man w/ hat and strange grin: he he hee...
Narrator: Hiko charges in with deadly precision, wow even with
Hiko's skill this man seems to have enough skill to block Hiko's
attacks, even if it means using both his swords (he is carrying two).
And yes, we have information about this man, the one with the hat
and the strange grin stuck on his face, his name is ...hey what's
this ...Jineh? Uh yes,...his name is Jineh, poor man.
Hiko: hyaaa....
Jineh: he he heee
Narrator: Hmmm, Hiko seems to have given up, he jumped back and
ceased his attacks. Both of them are still standing and unscratched,
...we have a movement, wait! What is this Hiko is running away?
C'mon crew let's follow him, HEY!! Watch out for that........
KZZZZT(static)
Narrator: Sorry for the temporary halt of our broadcast, we
experienced some technical difficulties, we followed Hiko's trail
to.....hmmm isn't this the Sagara residence, and the wall lays in
splinters, ...and look there is Sanosuke Sagara.....eew
(Sanosuke's head is smashed into the floor and is mumbling mostly
incoherent words)
Sano: duh...th...chik...en...mommy ...I ...don't ...wanna go to
schoo.... Toda....what hit......me...(more mumbling)
Narrator: Well, it seems that nothing important is taking place
here let's find Hiko again.....
Narrator: Look, there's Jineh walking down the street, huh?...
[rumble rumble rumble](the ground is shaking)
Jineh: (turns around to look) he he, WHAT IN HELL's NAME...
Hiko come in charging in with the Zanbat raised over Jineh's
head, [BLAM]
Hiko: dragon hammer! [BLAM]
Jineh: aaargh
Hiko: rising dragon! [BLAM]
Jineh: eeeeEEARgh
Hiko: Kuzu ryu zen!! [BLAM times 9]
Jineh: EEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaarrgh (blood curdling scream)
Hiko: Amakakeru ryu no hirameki!!! [KABLAM]
Jineh: UUUUuuwaaah...EEEEEEEeeeeeeeaaaaaaaargh
Narrator: (dead pale) uh, Mr. Writer? Isn't this overkill....?
Hiko jumps to a rooftop and holds his cape
Hiko: LEARN! EVIL DOER!! Or you will be Hikoed by the "HIKO"
(jumps away) Mwahahahahahaa...(laughter fades into the night)
Narrator: Luckily Jineh is still alive..... or maybe he was better
off dead.
Jineh's ribs are all broken, his arms are dislocated and he is
carrying his liver in his hands, not to mention that he is dragging
the Zanbat still stuck in his leg.
Narrator: Well that about covers all for tonight, so...huh?! What
was that?
[rumble]...[rumble]...[rumble]...
Narrator: oh please, don't let it be...
Sanosuke: (steam coming out of his ears and with blood clot eyes)
haaah...haah...you can take my shoes,... you can take my... jacket,...
you can call me rooster head, I'll forgive you... BUT TAKE MY ZANBAT
WILL YOU!!!! AAAAAAAARGGH!!!!
Jineh: (turns pale, or maybe it's because of loss of blood)
n.n...noo....mom..my.....
He tries to run away, pitifully dragging the Zanbat. Sano catches
him and...
Sano: FUTAE NO KIWAMI!!!
[the ultimate BLAM]
Narrator: Well folks that about concludes this weeks episode of
"Lifestyles of Extraordinary People" See you next week, same time,
same station.
***
Man: Hey, Yumi stop shaking the floor will you...
Wife: What? I thought it was you...
Man: oh forget it, lets just get some sleep.
***
Sano: This is for my dog...[BLAM]
Sano: This is for my, uh,... wall...[BLAM]
Jineh: felleaaaaseshtaaafaaa....ghaaa
Sano: Hey!! don't you sware at me!! [BLAM]
All rights and privileges to Rurouni Kenshin belong to
Nobuhiro Watsuki, Shuiesha, Sony Music Entertainment, and other
related parties. The characters of this story are used without
permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of
fiction is not meant for sale or profit. Please don't sue.
______________________________________________________________________
A Parody
______________________________________________________________________
Narrator: Welcome to yet another episode of "Lifestyles of Extra
ordinary People"
Hiko Seijuro the thirteenth master of Hitenmitsurugi ryu, he has
been living in is own secluded little hut For a long time, and will
most probably do so for the rest of the duration of his life.
Ever wonder, why Hiko chose pottery above any other forms of
craftsmanship and arts, like visual arts perhaps, oh well . . . anyway
his choice of this pottery making thingy will be explained later in
this episode.
Hiko has an unexplainable passion for sake, he just cannot get
through a day without sake, as a matter of fact he uses sake as a water
replacement, it has been observed that he never drinks water. He also
practices meditation, he does this mostly for hours and hours, either
day or night. Every now and then he would pull a handful of some kind
of powder from a pouch that he keeps beside him, and throws it in the
fire, creating white smoke, which slowly scatters and dissipates in
the room. . .
Hiko: Aaaaaaaah. . . . . . . . powdered sake. . . .
Narrator: He only stays in his own secluded little hut, as we have
mentioned earlier, except for his periodic replenishing of his sake
supply. (Doesn't he make it himself? Maybe, but this is my fic) This
event takes place at least twice a month.
Hiko now gathers ten of his best pots and some extras, ties them
together, throws it over his shoulder, and he is all set, now he makes
his way to town.
People greet him as he walks through town. Sometimes he would even
stop to play with the children.(Cute isn't it?)
Mother of child: Look mister Hiko is here why don't you go out and
play with him.
Narrator: This happens most of the time, why, when he's in a good
mood he distributes pots to people, free, . . . .and so it comes to
pass, Hiko has now made his way to the sake shop.
Shop owner: Well, if it isn't Hiko my best costumer, so you need
to buy more sake huh? Ran out already? Heh he he he. . . . .
Hiko: Well yes, so I'll trade the usual, three of my pots for a
pot of sake.
Shop owner: And of course I'll give you my usual discount, that'll
be two pots of sake for five of your genuine "Hiko made pots".
Hiko: there ten pots. . . .
Shop owner: and here's your sake . . . . . well, nice doing
business with you.
*SLAM* the shop owner shuts his store and a signs reads "closed
for the day".
Narrator: The shop owner shuts his shop just as Hiko's eyes
narrowed when he got to hold his sake. This protective behavior seems
to be triggered every time he gets a new supply of sake.
A dog walks by and sniffs at Hiko's leg's
Hiko: What's this evil that manifests itself at my leg! What?!
After my sake? Aaargh. . .
Now the dog can be seen flying through the air. A man sees this
and runs as fast as he can ahead of Hiko.
Man: HIKO IS CARRYING SAKE! HIDE THE CHILDREN! HIDE IN YOUR
HOUSES!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! Aaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Narrator: Now as we have observed Hiko's hostile reaction to
anything that poses a threat to his sake, we watch him walk through
the deserted streets, good thing everybody knows how Hiko is, huh,
what's this? Oh no.
Tourist: Yo man, hows it today, it's like I just wanna ask, um,
ya know, directions, say watchu got there, sake huh? Hey man like I
als. . .
Hiko: What? What vile treachery is this? Are you talking to me?
Are you making fun of my sake? Well?
Tourist: Huh? I. . .
Hiko: of course you're talking to me. Who else could you be
talking to. How, . . wait you must be after my sake. Of course you
are, we have just met and this is how you act. You are after my SAKE!
Tourist: r-r-r-re-rel-l-lax man, I ain't after your sake.
Hiko: you think you can sway me with your lies, you are after my
sake, you, YOU. . . .
Tourist: m-m-mom-m-my
Narrator: In a flash, Hiko drew his sword, and at the same time
placed his sake safely on the ground. It's the amakakeru ryu no
hirameki, Eww, his entrails are showing and he is flying through the
air, Hiko appears to have calculated him not to be cut in half, ack!
It's the nine-headed dragon thrust, ohh!
Well that ends it. The clean up crew will gather his body parts later.
And there goes Hiko on his way back to his own little hut.
Hiko: grumble...grumble...
Narrator: Hiko sometimes also experiences sleepwalking, though
this rarely occurs, this usually deals with sake. More seldom is that
it is a bad dream. For a more specific example, we will follow him
tonight, from a very safe distance of course. Now before we continue,
we will be back after these messages....
***
***
Narrator: Now were back, as of now we are watching Hiko as he
leaves the hut, and this looks bad he is carrying his katana. Oh! Now
he runs with super god speed towards town. So there is no point in
staying around here. We shall move our equipment into town......
From where we are situated we can see Hiko as he runs back and
forth in the streets, good thing that everybody is asleep, otherwise
the streets would be full of either dead or incapacitated bodies.
Hiko: (while running in the streets in super god speed) no! no!
NO! your not getting my sake...nooOO
Suddenly a man came out walking from the shadows, he is wearing a
hat, and for some strange reason he has an irritating grin stuck on
his face.
Mysterious man: HeheHee....
Narrator: A strange man wearing a hat that has a strange grin
stuck on his face has come out from the shadows, and now has come into
plain view to Hiko (as if he is awake), Hiko stopped running around,
oh may the heavens have mercy on this man wearing a hat with a
strangely irritating grin on his face..
Hiko: ....
Man w/ hat and strange grin: he he hee...
Hiko: ...
Man w/ hat and strange grin: ....
Hiko: ...
Man w/ hat and strange grin: hey... what are you looking at...
Hiko: ....you....
Man w/ hat and strange grin: ....
Hiko: ...you are after my sake!!!!
Man w/ hat and strange grin: huh!?....(sweat drop)
Hiko: YOU ARE AFTER MY SAKE!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!
Man w/ hat and strange grin: he he hee...
Narrator: Hiko charges in with deadly precision, wow even with
Hiko's skill this man seems to have enough skill to block Hiko's
attacks, even if it means using both his swords (he is carrying two).
And yes, we have information about this man, the one with the hat
and the strange grin stuck on his face, his name is ...hey what's
this ...Jineh? Uh yes,...his name is Jineh, poor man.
Hiko: hyaaa....
Jineh: he he heee
Narrator: Hmmm, Hiko seems to have given up, he jumped back and
ceased his attacks. Both of them are still standing and unscratched,
...we have a movement, wait! What is this Hiko is running away?
C'mon crew let's follow him, HEY!! Watch out for that........
KZZZZT(static)
Narrator: Sorry for the temporary halt of our broadcast, we
experienced some technical difficulties, we followed Hiko's trail
to.....hmmm isn't this the Sagara residence, and the wall lays in
splinters, ...and look there is Sanosuke Sagara.....eew
(Sanosuke's head is smashed into the floor and is mumbling mostly
incoherent words)
Sano: duh...th...chik...en...mommy ...I ...don't ...wanna go to
schoo.... Toda....what hit......me...(more mumbling)
Narrator: Well, it seems that nothing important is taking place
here let's find Hiko again.....
Narrator: Look, there's Jineh walking down the street, huh?...
[rumble rumble rumble](the ground is shaking)
Jineh: (turns around to look) he he, WHAT IN HELL's NAME...
Hiko come in charging in with the Zanbat raised over Jineh's
head, [BLAM]
Hiko: dragon hammer! [BLAM]
Jineh: aaargh
Hiko: rising dragon! [BLAM]
Jineh: eeeeEEARgh
Hiko: Kuzu ryu zen!! [BLAM times 9]
Jineh: EEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaarrgh (blood curdling scream)
Hiko: Amakakeru ryu no hirameki!!! [KABLAM]
Jineh: UUUUuuwaaah...EEEEEEEeeeeeeeaaaaaaaargh
Narrator: (dead pale) uh, Mr. Writer? Isn't this overkill....?
Hiko jumps to a rooftop and holds his cape
Hiko: LEARN! EVIL DOER!! Or you will be Hikoed by the "HIKO"
(jumps away) Mwahahahahahaa...(laughter fades into the night)
Narrator: Luckily Jineh is still alive..... or maybe he was better
off dead.
Jineh's ribs are all broken, his arms are dislocated and he is
carrying his liver in his hands, not to mention that he is dragging
the Zanbat still stuck in his leg.
Narrator: Well that about covers all for tonight, so...huh?! What
was that?
[rumble]...[rumble]...[rumble]...
Narrator: oh please, don't let it be...
Sanosuke: (steam coming out of his ears and with blood clot eyes)
haaah...haah...you can take my shoes,... you can take my... jacket,...
you can call me rooster head, I'll forgive you... BUT TAKE MY ZANBAT
WILL YOU!!!! AAAAAAAARGGH!!!!
Jineh: (turns pale, or maybe it's because of loss of blood)
n.n...noo....mom..my.....
He tries to run away, pitifully dragging the Zanbat. Sano catches
him and...
Sano: FUTAE NO KIWAMI!!!
[the ultimate BLAM]
Narrator: Well folks that about concludes this weeks episode of
"Lifestyles of Extraordinary People" See you next week, same time,
same station.
***
Man: Hey, Yumi stop shaking the floor will you...
Wife: What? I thought it was you...
Man: oh forget it, lets just get some sleep.
***
Sano: This is for my dog...[BLAM]
Sano: This is for my, uh,... wall...[BLAM]
Jineh: felleaaaaseshtaaafaaa....ghaaa
Sano: Hey!! don't you sware at me!! [BLAM]