UnChanged
Rated R
Disclaimer – I do not own the X Files or the characters of Scully and Mulder ( if I did they would have gotten it on a lot sooner) they are the property of Chris Carter and 20th Century Fox. This is purely written for entertainment and personal enjoyment.
Mulder's POV
Prologue
There are many questions of life that I have sought to find the truth for, to understand. The dark mystery of what happens after we have departed from this life is one of them. Is it just decomposition and rigormortis or do we transcend to another plane of existence where our souls drift for all eternity in the ether? Or are we given a second chance when the soul is reincarnated into the body of another to right the wrongs of our previous life? For some of these questions we may never find a tangible, unambiguous answer. Answers to many of these questions, like many of my X-Files, will remain inconclusive.
My life has somehow turned into an X File, I am unsure of my new life and uncertain of the role I have in this world. The only recollection I have from my abduction is excruciating pain, blood and eventual darkness. But what got me through that amount of pain and torture was her, my Scully, my touchstone guiding me from the dark back into the light. Hers was the first face I saw; porcelain skin framed by titian hair punctured by two cobalt eyes. It was only then I knew I was truly back in this life because her face is the only one I have come to trust, her wide blue eyes becoming windows to her honest soul.
Mulder's Apartment
6:00pm
Here I was waiting for her to come round after she finished work, the work that she and I once shared and believed in together. Being the two sides of the same coin, her conscientious mind focusing on the facts complemented and contrasted my ability to find the paranormal in anything
Now I hear she has got a partner that is even more sceptical than she was, if that is actually possible I smiled sardonically to myself. Naturally I thought he was a jackass.
I looked at the clock it was only 6 pm but it felt much later my apartment was not small but it felt like a six by three cell. I fidgeted through the day unable to focus on anything overwhelmed by feelings of displacement and loss. But I resolved never to indulge in self pity. I was, after all the pain torture and supposed death, alive and in perfect health. Nevertheless sunflower seeds tasted like cardboard, masturbation did not satisfy and drink made me heave.
The only thing that gave me a sliver of sanity was seeing her tonight. I could not survive without her, she was the only one who gave me any sense of peace at all. But did she still feel the same way about me. She must have moved on when I was away' I did not allow myself to believe that she had searched and believed like I had when she was taken. Did Scully still want me in her life after all the despair I have brought on her, her abduction, the death of her sister, her c… I struggled to think of the parasitic disease that nearly claimed her life.
Rrring, Rrrring! My cell saved me from my thoughts destructive path that they were forming. I looked at the caller id. It was Scully, my heart skipped a beat and a lump formed in my throat
"Hello" I said hesitantly
"Mulder its me" she said my name hesitantly in her velvety voice, as if she grown unused to saying it
"Who?" I asked
"Its Scully, Mulder" I detected that familiar irritation in her voice, that was usually directed at me
"Hey, I'm just kidding with you G-woman"
"Geez Mulder you haven't changed much," She said half irritated and did I sense a trace of relief as well. "Ok, I was just calling you to tell you I have left work and will be with you soon, ill run by Wing Lang's and pick up some food, the usual?" she said quickly"
"The usual Scully" I smiled at the normality of it all
"Ok" she blurted and hung up
I knew it was wrong of me to tease her especially at this moment in time. Teasing her was a defence mechanism I picked up over the years to cover up and mask my true intentions and emotions. To hide from her what she did to me and how she made me feel and on occasion I felt rueful that I took it too far until she snapped at me.
Scully stimulated and satisfied both my body and soul, if I had to list the ways that she stirred these emotions in me I would be here for the next hundred years. In my mind no other woman measures up to Scully. As well as thinking of the ways she had made me laugh or shown that she cared for me in her own way, I thought about the contours of her body and what I would give to touch her as a lover.
I grew hard thinking about that night we first shared we were so hesitant, so worried about how it would affect out relationship. I remember how her small toned body felt against mine, how her lush full lips were so soft and sweet and how sublimely natural it felt to make love to Scully. I remember how surprised to the point of shock when she said she loved me, not just as a friend but as a lover. These memories are bittersweet to me now for I am sure she no longer feels this way for me.
I looked at the scars on my wrists, and peered down my t-shirt to take a look at the scar that adorned my chest and felt the circular puncture scars on my face. I convinced myself that she could never think of me that way again after seeing me like this, after seeing my supposedly dead body. I felt like a monster, a freak of nature. How could my gorgeous partner ever look at me that way again.
A knock on the door saved me from my troubled thoughts. I pelted across my apartment quickly as my body would let me, towards the door but I hesitantly opened the door to reveal a surprised looking Scully.
"Hey Scully" I said breathlessly
"Hi Mulder," she replied worried "You seem out of breath, is everything ok? Are you in pain at all? I thought I told you not to overdo it?" She said exasperated but still worried.
"I'm fine I'm fine I was just looking forward to….." I stopped abruptly when I realised I wanted to say to you coming over
"Looking forward to what" Scully inquired with one eyebrow raised over an emerald eye.
"To some good Chinese food, you know this will be the first Chinese I have had since I came back, man I'm looking forward to a little spring roll, a little hoi sin." I babbled as I walked with Scully from the front door to the kitchen.
"Hoi sin sauce Mulder? Seriously?" She said teasingly
"Says the woman who likes non-fat tofutti rice dreamsicles" I smiled at her.
She shook her head and gave me the most curious look from underneath her eyelashes.
"What?" I asked perplexed but amused.
"You haven't changed." She replied "Still the same Mulder".
She looked at me with that curious look, that was a mixture of happiness and sadness. She placed the food on the counter and hesitantly ran her hand up and down my forearm, until she reached the circular scars on my wrist and traced them with her thumb. I could not ignore the sparks, tingles and the quickening of my heartbeat as she touched me. I wondered what she was thinking.
"Scully are you ok?" I asked gently.
She dropped her head down and was staring at her thumb on my wrist "I was frightened that you would turn into one of them, that you would come back and not be the Mulder I know and l.." she stopped herself before she said the last word. What was that last word I wondered? I could hear the distress in her voice
"I haven't changed, although some may consider that a bad thing" I heard her chuckle to herself "I don't feel any different to how I was before, I still like sunflower seeds" I quipped. She looked up at me and smiled but there was still sadness in her eyes and she looked worried about something. "Is something bothering you Scully, you look troubled"
Her worried sapphire eyes stared directly into mine. "Mulder there is something I want to tell you but I need to feed the two of us" she said patting her swollen belly. "And I haven't eaten all day" I could tell when Scully was stalling something big, she kept making these little excuses. But pot to kettle, I wasn't a master when it came to talking about my feelings either.
"That's fine Scully. I can't wait to break into my first spring roll. Pass me those bad boys" I said jokingly to put her at ease. She chuckled nervously and dug around the bag before she produced a box of spring rolls and a tub of dark chocolate looking sauce.
"Here Mulder I've got you this and these" she smiled as she pulled out two beers from the plastic carrier bag. "I thought you would fancy a beer today" she shrugged
"Dana Scully are you trying to get me drunk" I said suggestively
"No" she replied her voice sounded terse but the way she looked at me was full of suggestion and even made me twitch south of the equator.
We broke the gaze and busied ourselves getting everything ready for our Chinese. We talked about her day at work on the X Files and shot a few harmless insults and innuendos back and forth. For the first time in over a fortnight I started to feel normal again or as normal as I would ever feel.