(Episode 1) Chapter 1: The Pilot
It all started on a field trip…wait they're in sixth grade and they still get field trips? What is this bullshit
Percy: Man I love field trips! Field trips are always so much fun!
One year ago…
Guide: This is an authentic cannon used during the Revolutionary war to fight the British. Please don't touch it
Percy: Hmm...what did he just say? Please...touch it? Ok...hey now what does this button do?
Percy fires the cannon and destroys the school bus
One year before that…
Guide: And here we are on the catwalk at the shark pool. Please don'ts touch anything
Percy: Hmm...what did she just say? Please...touch something? Ok...hey now what does this lever do?
Percy pulls a lever and the whole class falls into the pool
Back to the present…
Percy: Huh...maybe I should be kept on a leash or something
Nancy Bobofit: [throws sandwich bits at Grover] Not only am I throwing food at an innocent kid, I am also wasting a peanut butter and jelly and ketchup sandwich! Peanut butter and jelly...AND KETCHUP! Truly I am the most evil character in this entire series!
The bus stops
Mr. Brunner: Here we are everyone! I was going to teach you guys thing but since I'm on tenure, I decided we should have a field trip instead
The children go to the Greek artifacts section of the museum
Mr. Brunner: And this is a stele! They were created as Ancient Greek gravestones…
Nancy: Hey look guys! There's a naked dude on that stele! Hehe! You can see his penis! Hehe! And his testicles too! Hehe!
Percy: Would you shut the fuck up?
Mr. Brunner: Percy! Can you tell me what this is a picture of?
Percy: It's that part where Kronos at his kids right? Seriously that guy's like the worst dad ever. He's almost as bad as the dad I never knew
Me. Brunner: Good job Percy! That is precisely what happened...I mean what the Greeks claimed happened (coughs)
The class proceeds outside to eat lunch
Percy: Man the weather sure has been acting up lately. It's ALMOST AS IF THE SKY AND THE OCEAN ARE MAD AT EACH OTHER AND ARE FIGHTING
[EPIC FORESHADOWING!]
Nancy Bobofit: (drops a sandwich onto Grover) Oh oops! Haw haw!
Percy: That does it! Nobody wastes a sandwich and gets away with it!
The water pulls Nancy into the fountain
Nancy: Percy pushed me!
Percy: No I- I mean yes I did! I pushed her! I am a big bully! (thinking) Perfect! Maybe I can finally get some fear and respect around here
Grover: No wait! Uh...it was me! I did it!
Percy: Dammit Grover! Stop trying to steal all the glory!
Mrs. Dodds: Come with me Jackson
Mrs. Dodds leads Percy into the museum
Mrs. Dodds: It was only a matter of time before we found out
Percy: Oh no you found my marijuana stash!
Mrs. Dodds: Do not try to lie! Do you think we are stupid?! Prepare to die!
Percy: Oh so you didn't find my marijuana stash?
Mrs. Dodds' eyes start glowing and she sprouts wings and claws
Percy: Glowing eyes...wings...pure evil...she's either a monster or a roleplayer!
Mrs. Dodds flies at Percy, claws outstretched, teeth baring
Percy: GAH! Definitely a roleplayer!
Mr. Brunner: Percy! Catch! (throws Riptide)
Percy: [in a sarcastic monotone] Oh jeez a pen thanks so much Mr. Brunner (Riptide transforms in midair) oh wait no it's a sword! Good! Because the sword is mightier than the pen!
Percy catches the sword which makes a lightsaber noise as it kills Mrs. Dodds, who turns to dust
Percy: Ha yes I killed an old lady! (coughs) whew thats a lot of dust
Percy walks out of the museum and sees Ms. Kerr.
Percy: Whoa! Who's that?
Mr. Brunner: That's Ms. Kerr, who has been the math teacher for the whole semester...are you ok?
Percy: I feel like I should be worried and maybe even a bit emotionally scarred...on the other hand I got to kill my math teacher, something most kids only dream about, and not only that, I get to gawk at a hot blonde for the rest of the semester!
The End
RIP Sandwich
Author's Note: Thanks to xXTigress1776Xx for correcting me. It was indeed a Peanut Butter and Ketchup sandwich Nancy threw bits of at Percy