Ok, this is my entry for XTimeGirlX's competition. The song is 'My Heart' by Paramore- well, if you want to be precise, it's the live version I used. Completely the same (in terms of lyrics) as the original one, just live. This was INCREDIBLY hard to do. It took me about a week and a half to get a solid version that I could work from! I still don't really like what I've written here.. but I'm not redoing it for like the 5th time! This song is very emotional and it never fails to make me cry, so that may be why it was so hard to write. :/
Anyway, this doesn't particularly have any plot as such, but if you're wanting to know, it's set after Alex wakes up from her coma in 1983. It's full of soppy-ness, so BEWARE!
I do not own Ashes to Ashes or the characters, and I do not own the lyrics to 'My Heart'. :P
I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone
Stay with me, this is what I need, please?
Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?
It had been months since Alex had been in any contact with the real world. There was nothing. No television messages. No visits to her hospital room in 2008. No blurred images of her daughter, Molly…
There was no nothing.
And as she sat down with Gene on a table in Luigi's, nursing a glass of wine in her hand, she realised that these surreal communications were the only thing that kept her searching for that light at the end of the tunnel. They were the only motivation she had. But also, she realised that they acted as a form of company. She missed them.
Perhaps she was wrong to rely on them… perhaps the world she found herself in, along with the people- whom she once called her "constructs"- were in fact real. If so, she was wrong to push them aside. Alex realised that she needed these people- especially Gene Hunt, a man she had become rather fond of… overly fond of, even. But, yes, she needed them, more than they could possibly know.
What if she couldn't get back home? Would she just stay in this world forever, living the life she wasn't able to complete previously? Well, if that were to happen, she couldn't do it alone… she couldn't live a life here without them.
"Earth to Bolly?" Gene chuckled, whilst waving a hand in front of her face, causing her to snap out of her reverie. She had totally forgotten he had been there.
"Oh, sorry! I was in my own little world then…" she murmured.
"Hmph, I noticed!" Gene scoffed, "Anyway, I best be off, it's getting late…"
However, Gene wasn't able to go. He didn't realise why until he looked downwards, witnessing his and Alex's hands tightly wrapped around each other. She must have grabbed for him as he rose from his chair…
Alex didn't want him to go, not when she was so confused. She had only just discovered how much she relied on him, how much she needed him, how much she missed him when he walked out of Luigi's each night… and she wasn't prepared to let him go until she had found the answer to her own question.
Did she love him?
Not knowing what to do, Gene tried to loosen Alex's grasp- but she wouldn't budge. It was like someone had embedded magnets into their palms and made them collide together. But as time went on, he realised that he liked this physical contact with her and that he didn't want to let go either. No matter how "poofy" or "queer" that sounded, he couldn't help thinking it.
Distracting his gaze from their twined hands, Gene looked down at her face. She was looking at him: not just with her eyes, but with her soul. He could see everything in there, but just couldn't read it.
"Please…?" Alex was so close to tears, she couldn't even speak coherently.
"Please, what, Alex?" Gene's eyes skimmed across her face and looked deep into her hazel eyes, looking for an answer. He couldn't find one. But judging by her bloodshot eyes and quivering lip, it was obvious something was wrong. "Come on, Bols…" He took her arm and hoisted her out of her seat, "You'd better have some good scotch upstairs."
And with that, he led her upstairs and into her flat.
I am nothing now and it's been so long
Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope
This time I will be listening.
Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?
They had been sat in Alex's flat, on her zebra print sofa, for what must have been 15 minutes, and still neither of them had said anything. To be fair, Gene had thought she'd do all of the talking and he'd just listen and nod his head. This was the way it used to be, before he had shot her… He desperately wanted things to go back to normal between them. Ever since she had woken up from her coma, they had only really spoken about work- not their usual banter. Of course, they had still gone to Luigi's every night, but it wasn't the same.
It wasn't long before Alex broke the awkward silence.
"I'm sorry…" she wiped some strand tears away, before turning her head to look at him.
"For what?" Gene frowned, whilst trying to sound as gentle as possible. He had to show her that there was more to him than his brash, macho exterior.
"… I don't have any 'good scotch'" she laughed through her tears. To her surprise, he laughed with her. A sound that only furthered her deep feelings for him. "You haven't been in my flat for ages, Gene. I was beginning to think you hate me!" Although there was humour in her words, she meant every word. She and Gene hadn't spent any out-of-work time together recently, and she missed it. It was good to have his presence next to her again. Recovering from her gunshot wound was hard, but trying to recover from their damaged relationship was even harder.
"I don't hate you, Bols…"
"I know…" she whispered, whilst edging closer to him. "I've just… missed you; that's all."
"Missed me? Alex, you see me every day, I'm hard to miss! Sometimes I…" he was cut off by her arms wrapping around his waist, squeezing him so hard he felt like he was going to faint. What was up with her today?
"Yes, I've missed you." She murmured into his shirt, before letting go.
"Alex, what's the matter? Why are you acting like this?" Gene pouted, unable to understand Alex's attitude towards him. She had only ever hugged him twice before, and both of those times she was either afraid of dying, or completely out of it. She was her normal self today though, she wasn't even drunk.
This heart, it beats, beats for only you
This heart, it beats, beats for only you
This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours
"I've just come-to-terms with something I've always known was there… something that I tried to hide away behind all my problems, so that I didn't have to face it. And guess what? That thing has now resurfaced, and this time I can't hide it away… Do you know why? Because that's all I live for now."
She was crying again, but this time she didn't try to stop the flow, because she knew that would be too hard to do. So she let the tears fall, and hoped that she didn't scare Gene away. If he went now, she would be nothing.
"What is this "thing", Alex" he said softly, reaching out for her face and stroking her cheek lightly.
Her lip quivered as she let out a breath she didn't realise she was holding. She looked him in the eyes and her quiet sobs vanished in an instant. There was something about the look he was giving her… it was so caring: so unlike him. Out of nowhere she took his hand and rested it roughly where her heart was, hoping that he felt how fast it was beating for him. Because to her, it was beating faster than it ever had before.
"The thing is… it's… you."
Alex felt so vulnerable under his gaze that she had to look away. She had poured her heart out to him, and it left her smack bam in the middle. This could go two ways: either he could admit that he had feelings for her too, and they could find their happiness, or, he could walk away and leave her heart broken- destroyed. Right now, she had no inkling as to what approach he was going to take. Typical Gene, he always gave away nothing. As time went by, Alex became more and more distressed. He was killing her. This silence was slowly making her inner organs twist and turn with anticipation. It was also making her doubt that he felt the same way she did.
Taking a deep breath in, she took his hand off of her heart and stood up. If he wasn't going to say anything, then there was no point in punishing herself by waiting. "Sorry…" she said simply, trying to sound stronger than she felt. She walked over to her front door, and opened it wide, whilst looking down at the floor: it was his cue to leave.
Gene rose from the sofa and approached her, still in shock. Her confession was totally unexpected. "I'm sorry too…" he tilted her chin up with his hand.
"For what?" Alex whispered.
"This." And with that he kissed her on the lips.
It was a while before Alex registered what was happening; but when she did, she responded with as much enthusiasm as he had. As their mouths moved together, Gene shut the door with his foot- a gesture to show her that he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. They were both lost in their own little private world, kissing as if this was their last day on earth, as I nothing else matter. But, to them, nothing else did matter. It was just them and them only.
They both gasped as they broke their connection, surfacing for air. Gene rested his forehead against hers and whispered a breathy "I love you" into her ear. For the first time that evening, Alex smiled a genuine smile.
"I love you too, Gene"
This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours
(My heart, it beats for you)
This heart, it beats, beats for only you (It beats, beats for only you)
My heart is yours (My heart is yours)
This heart, it beats, beats for only you (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)
My heart, my heart is yours (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is yours
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is yours
(Please don't go, please don't fade away)
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is...
How was it? I cried when I finished writing this, but that was due to the song, not my own writing. I'm not that self-loving, honest. ;)
Please review if you have the time. :) All reviews are lovely, all criticisms are lovely, all of you who read are lovely.
- Claire x