So this was inspired by the song "Hate Me" by Blue October but then it ended so sad so I just kept writing. So, this first chapter is sad and the other ones are not! YAY!

A few things. In this AU, Blackwell is still a high school but it's for all four years, there's also a college and a university, Warren is only a year younger than Nathan, there's no shady darkroom business, and there's time jumps in the other two chapters so the characters could be considered out of character in those.

Also some potential trigger warnings: Mentions of drug use and abuse, emotional abuse, mentions of self mutilation.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy and review!

As Warren entered his apartment, he immediately knew that he was in for a very shitty Thursday night. The all-too-familiar smell of meth filled his nostrils and he wrinkled his nose in both repugnance and irritation. He didn't want to deal with this, especially not after a long day. He'd had a history test early that morning, followed by the most boring math lecture he'd ever had. Then, he had to rush to work a full eight-hour shift. After grabbing quick dinner at Taco Bell, he had to plan a presentation for his Small Group Communication class.

Fortunately, they'd at least finished their planning of the presentation early so he was able to get home before ten o'clock for once. He just wanted to go home and relax with his boyfriend Nathan, maybe pop some popcorn and chill out to a random movie since he didn't have to be up early the next day. Maybe they could cuddle and drink hot chocolate, or anything even remotely relaxing. It was what he'd really needed after an already trying day.

Except now, that wasn't going to happen. His happiness at coming home had immediately dissipated the moment he opened the door and he smelled that wretched smell again. The moment he slammed the door, the music that had been playing in their bedroom stopped, followed by a string of cuss words and some shuffling. For a moment, Warren considered not bringing up the issue, pretending he somehow hadn't figured out what had been going on while he was gone. He really didn't want to deal with that issue at that moment. However, he knew he had to be firm about this issue and couldn't let it drop or go ignored even once.

He stomped over to the bedroom door, angrily thrusting open the door. His eye's landed on his boyfriend, who was turning the ceiling fan on and was obviously trying to air out the room. It was as if he thought Warren was oblivious enough to have not noticed the smell already, not to mention the pipe lying on their bedside table.

To add insult to injury, it was also apparent that he was still too high to know or even care about how much trouble he was in. He either didn't notice the look of fury in Warren's eyes or he didn't care. This was apparent when Nathan sauntered over to him, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist. The erection in his pants which he was making sure to press into the other man's groin area made it obvious there were other things on his mind.

"Hey Baby, I didn't expect you home so soon." He leaned in for a kiss, surprised when Warren pulled away.

"You said you'd never do this again." Warren's brows were furrowed, his voice thick with bitterness. Their last meth-induced blowout, which was only a few weeks ago, didn't go too well. They ended up in a screaming match that ended with them both crying and Nathan swearing he'd never touch the drug again.

"It's not a big deal, Warren." Nathan attempted to grab his boyfriend by the waist again, to both try to change the subject as well as get a certain need met. He scowled when Warren once again pulled away. "It makes me happy."

Warren let out a loud, irritated sigh. "It could fucking kill you, Nathan! Meth can lead to cardiovascular problems, hyperthermia-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough with the After School Special Shit." It was apparent, at least to Warren, by the edge to his voice that Nathan was starting to come down from his high. "Can't you just chill the fuck out and let me have fun for once?"

"This isn't fun, Nate, it's fucking dangerous!" Warren didn't know what to do anymore. He'd said almost everything one could say to his boyfriend to try to convince him to stop using. He'd mentioned how Nathan could lose his scholarship and get kicked out of school. He'd mentioned all the horrible long-term effects of the drug. During their last fight, he told Nathan that he didn't like who he was when he was high, which just irritated his boyfriend more. "I don't want to come home one day to find that you've overdosed or something…" He felt his throat constricting, so he stopped his speech. The fear was always niggling in the back of his mind when he came home to that smell wafting throughout their apartment.

"I've got this under control, Babe. It's not like I'm an addict or anything."

Warren took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "Okay, fine. I'll entertain you. You're not addicted. So, then why did you do it again when you said you wouldn't?"

"I already fucking told you, if you'd listen," Nathan said as he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "It makes me happy."

"Happier than I make you?"

"Don't you pull this bullshit!"

"I'm just trying to understand why this is so damn important that you're willing to fuck up our relationship for it.

If Warren wasn't standing right in front of the door, Nathan would have run out. He briefly considered jumping out of the window but knew Warren would probably grab him before he could. He really didn't want to deal with this. It wasn't like he had a problem, right? He wasn't using every day, though it was a lot more often than Warren knew about. It didn't interfere with his school or work life, or any of his relationships really except his romantic one.

He decided it would be in his best interest to turn the question back on Warren. "Then help me understand why this is such a big fucking deal to you."

Warren bit his lip, not sure if he should actually answer the question. The answer would likely just set Nathan off. There were a million reasons he hated the drug use. Some things were rather mundane like he hated the smells and how he'd rather Nathan spent the money on almost literally anything else. Others were much more serious things that he'd already told him before like he was afraid the drugs were going to kill him or take over his life even more than they already had.

"You're not you when you're on meth, Nathan." Warren awkwardly rubbed his own neck and avoided Nathan's gaze. "I don't like who you are when you're high and I don't like how you are when you come down from the high."

"Well, I don't like you at all."

There was a sinking feeling in Warren's chest. "You don't mean that, Nathan." He knew that what he said was true, but it still hurt none-the-less. The argument escalated slowly but felt like it was endless, mostly consisting of Nathan pacing around, saying and yelling things purely in an attempt to hurt his boyfriend and Warren periodically offering meek protests and meth facts and statistics over the course of a little under half an hour.

Nathan got further and further irritated, both due to the argument and from him coming down from the high. He wanted, more than anything, for the fight to stop and them to go about the rest of the night like it was any other. He was willing to say anything to do it, even if it wounded the one he loved more than anything.

"You're such a fucking know-it-all stick in the mud. I don't know what I ever saw in you."

"You said I was the best thing that ever happened to you…" Warren's voice broke, much like his heart as he heard that sentence. That had been exactly what he'd meant when he said he didn't like high Nathan, that he was different in a very bad way. "Completely sober you would never talk to me like this…"

"Completely sober me is too much of a pussy to speak up. I know for a fucking fact that I could easily do so much better than you. You should feel lucky I even gave you a chance and that I'm still with you."

Warren had enough. He turned around, deciding that he was going to stay at a friend's house, a hotel, anywhere else, really. He couldn't stand there and be dumped on anymore, not when he knew that in the morning Nathan would regret every single word he'd uttered. Tears were streaking down his cheeks, his face a red blotchy mess and his wounded heart was pounding.

"I need to get out of here…" he managed to choke out. Very quickly, he was facing Nathan, who had grabbed Warren's arm roughly and turned him around.

"You were the one who wanted to talk about this shit. So, let's fucking talk about it."

Warren squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to meet his boyfriend's gaze and the tears flooded down his cheeks. "How could you do this to me?"

It was like the words flipped a switch in Nathan's brain. All at once, he began to notice everything he'd been ignoring. He noticed the lingering stench of the meth, felt the layer of sweat that was all over his body and a pounding in his head. He finally saw the pained expression on his boyfriend's face, that his lip had been bruised and bloody from him nervously chewing on it, and his crimson cheeks glistening in the light from all the tears he'd shed. All because of Nathan. All because of things he said that he didn't really mean because of what that drug did to him.

Because of the drug, Nathan had hurt Warren. He'd been cruel to the boy who'd been there for him when he came out of the closet and got completely cut off from his dad back in their high school days. He'd been brutal to the one that hadn't panicked when they saw the scars littering his arms, the one who instead kissed him and promised to be there for him whenever the urge to do that again hit him. He's been vicious to the boy who was so very gentle with him their first time, yet as rough as Nathan wanted when they'd gotten very comfortable with each other. He'd been merciless to the one person he could have honestly seen himself once day marrying, the one he wanted to come home to every day for the rest of his life.

That man deserved better than the monster he had become.

Nathan released his grip on Warren's arm and he said, barely above a whisper, "Get out."

Warren finally met his gaze as a look of surprise washed over him. "What?"

Nathan spoke quickly, knowing his resolve would dissipate if he didn't. "I'm sure your friends will let you move into their spare room."

Warren looked panicked, making it apparent that he still didn't want to lose Nathan even though Nathan knew he deserved better. The desperation in his voice was evident as he said, "But Nathan, I love you!"

Nathan fought the urge to repeat the sentiment back. "You shouldn't. You should hate me. I'll pack all your shit and you can pick it up after work tomorrow. I'll be working my own shift, so you won't have to worry about running into me. Just leave the key on the kitchen counter, okay?"

"Nate," Warren cried, "I'm not leaving you. I'm not going to a friend's house."

Nathan shook his head, sidestepping around Warren. "Then I'm going to Victoria's. I expect you to be gone when I get back tomorrow morning." He grabbed his keys and wallet and headed out the door, denying himself his urge to look back at Warren.

He would have allowed himself to break down the second his entered his red truck but was afraid Warren would run after him. He sped away, dialing Victoria's number as he drove. He was happy the streets were mostly vacant as he was driving erratically. He would have surely gotten into an accident had it not been the middle of the night.

When Victoria answered she was panicking, knowing that something truly awful had happened and assumed the worst. She let out an audible sigh of relief when he reassured her that no one was dead or in need of medical service. She was waiting on the porch of the townhouse she was renting and ran to hug him when he got out of the car. He waited until he was in the privacy of her bedroom to tell her the whole sordid story.

"Victoria…" he murmured as he finished the story, his eyes bloodshot from crying instead of from the drugs, "I need help."

Victoria really was the best friend Nathan could have ever asked for. To others she could be harsh, downright mean, but only because she was so insecure and so scared. In some ways, she understood Nathan and it helped that he never put up with her overly-confident façade. That's why she'd been a good friend to him since week one and that's why she was a good friend to him now. The second she finished her morning shift at the boutique she worked part-time at, she drove to Nathan's house, grabbed him, and left. The previous night she promised to do what she could to help him and they'd both deduced that he needed to go to a counselor of some sort.

Even so, she knew it was intimidating for him to actually go to such a place. Doing so would not only make him admit that he really had a problem, but it would also force him to deal with his many deep-seeded issues. He'd never actually wanted to deal with those things before. He'd always push them away and when he couldn't he'd find some other way to deal with the emotion: drugs, sex, a few times food when he had nothing else, and back before Warren he'd injure himself. However, he now felt he absolutely needed to deal with all of these things. If it caused him to treat someone as amazing as Warren so badly, then he really needed help.

Nathan just wished, more than anything, it had never gotten to that point. He regretted so deeply that he hadn't listened to Warren years ago, that he hadn't done this sooner. He could have kept Warren in his life and dealt with his issues. Now he couldn't. He couldn't let Warren be with someone who didn't deserve him. He deserved someone special.

After all, Warren was so special and so amazing to Nathan. He knew that even when they met so long ago at Blackwell Academy, though no one would know it because of the fact that he refused to acknowledge the nerd. That was until he had no choice and they got thrown together for a history presentation their Junior year that was worth way too much of their grade. They had to work late into the night, forcing them to have to leave the safety of the library and instead be alone in Warren's dorm room. When the project was almost completely finished and they declared their work done for the night, Nathan kissed him. He was surprised when Warren kissed him back.

During their three-year relationship. Warren did so much for him. He helped Nathan work on applications for scholarships so he could still go to his choice college when his Father cut him off. He helped Nathan stop cutting. He never made Nathan feel judged for the thoughts in his head that made him feel crazy. He was everything Nathan needed and more, and how did he repay him? By screaming vile things that he didn't mean at him and doing one of the few things he'd promised to never do again. Warren deserved someone better than that. He deserved someone that would fully appreciate everything he had to offer, someone that wasn't as nearly as fucked up as Nathan.

When Nathan first entered the rehabilitation center his immediate reaction was to bolt or at least vomit, despite the fact that he knew in his bones it was the best thing for him. He needed to get better and he needed to make sure he never treated anyone as wonderful as Warren as terribly as he had ever again. He froze after taking a few steps into the building, taking in the sight of the place he was sure he was going to spend a ton of time in for at least the next year. He was shaken from his trance as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked at Victoria, who was giving him a reassuring smile.

"You got this, Nate."

He really hoped that she was right.

Warren had never hated having a true day off as much as he had at that moment. Midterms had passed so he had no homework to do, especially since he was already as ahead as he could get. He'd been scheduled to work the maximum number of hours he was allowed to for a part-timer, so he couldn't even get called in to work. His room was already completely organized. Kate had gone on a cleaning spree the day before, so he couldn't even clean the rest of the house. It was the first time he had absolutely nothing to do since the break-up weeks ago.

He stared up at the ceiling from where he was lying on what used to be his roommate's guest bed. It felt so strange to him living in a house full of girls and it was a bit painful that he lived with two couples. Though they were sensitive enough to refrain from showing affection when they knew he was around, he'd often walk in on them doing simple couple things like sharing a kiss or cuddling on the sofa. There was also one horrifying experience when he took a shower and about halfway through he heard Chloe and Rachel fooling around in their bedroom. Other than that, though, it was nice. He was hardly ever alone, which was exactly what he needed.

He didn't want to think about what happened. If he thought about it, it would mean it really did happen and that he wasn't currently living in some weird and fucked-up nightmare. He still loved Nathan, despite all the things that he had said. Although they stung when he heard the terrible things come out of Nathan's mouth, he knew they weren't true and so they didn't really have a lasting effect on him. He was still so worried about Nathan to the point where the first time he saw Victoria on campus he cornered her and made her promise to tell him if Nathan overdosed or was sent to the hospital or something.

The words really didn't hurt him. What had hurt him was the fact that he wasn't with Nathan anymore. The thought of what they'd been through and what they were going to do had they stayed together was what wounded him the most. Because of school and work they hadn't even gotten to properly celebrate their three-year-anniversary. They had plans to go away to celebrate it at the beginning of Thanksgiving Break. They were going to drive up to Newport and do touristy things like go to the aquarium and eat at Mo's and just be a normal couple. They were talking about even going up to Tillamook to tour the cheese factory.

But now that would never happen and it hurt like hell. He knew logically that he'd eventually be okay but that did little to dull the ache in his heart. He'd had so much faith in Nathan and loved him so very much. Being without him made him feel alone, even when he actually wasn't. Everything seemed to lose its luster. Even video games and science weren't all that appealing. Movies were at times downright painful to try to watch. He'd eat only just enough to get by, and that was mostly because Max and Kate made sure to stuff his face whenever they could.

He was ashamed that several times he'd attempted to contact Nathan. He'd gone to the apartment a few times and called several. If he had a little less self-respect, he would have tracked down Nathan at work or at his classes. His life just seemed so bleak without the man he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with and he wondered if he'd ever be able to fall in love again.