Very Sorry to those who have tried to read this story today. For some reason it didn't upload properly, I don't know what happened there! Enjoy the reupload.

No More

By Hopping Hamster

Chapter One.

"You could try talking to her" the half Klingon suggested tentatively as she looked across the bar room table at her friend. She knew her suggestion would fall on deaf ears, or at least stubborn ears but she wasn't going to give up. She eyed the native American looking for any kind of response, when he didn't give one other than the tired, warn out, withdrawn look his face he usually gave these days she sighed. It had been three months since the encounter with the Kinress home world and yet the command teas still were not talking. When Chakotay didn't reply B'Elanna added "Have you even tried Chakotay?"

Chokotay stared at B'Elanna, his eyes darkened with anger. He ground his teeth together and took the last gulp of his whiskey before slamming it on the table and growling "Of course I have."

"She needs time" B'Elanna shrugged, she didn't really know what else to suggest and she knew as soon as the words came out her mouth that it was feeble and probably been said to him a thousand times in the last few months.

Chakotay for his part showed enough grace to not snap at B'Elanna over her words. Instead he rose from his chair and nodded to B'Elanna saying "I should go to bed, it's late and I am on the Alpha shift in the morning." B'Elanna just sighed and rubbed her forehead ridges, she knew there was no point arguing with him.

As he walked away B'Elanna stared into her half emty glass of earth cider and shook her head. They were both as stubborn as each other. She knew neither Kathryn or Chakotay was ever going to face the issue at hand. Sure Chakotay said he had tried to talk to her but B'Elanna knew that he wouldn't have even come close to the wedge that was between them. He spent most of his time alone now, he was clearly hurt and angry. For the most part B'Elanna could understand why but he wasn't going to get answers behaving like this. They all wanted answers but they also all wanted to support their captain as best they could. Now the only time Chakotay ever talked to B'Elanna was in the evenings, she had found him a few nights back in the holodeck, in this old darkened earth bar. B'Elanna knew he wasn't drinking synthahol but she knew better than to question him on it. She had joined him for a drink without being invited and so it had been every night since. Tonight was the first night she had even come close to the question of Kathryn and that hadn't gone well at all. She was just about deciding she would call it a night when the holodeck doors opened and her husband came in and slipped into Chakotays empty seat. Picking up Chakotay's empty whiskey glass he smelt it, pulled a face, put it back on the table and asked "Where is he now?"

His wife shrugged giving her husband a sad smiled she admitted "I don't know, he said he needed an early night because he's on Alpha shift in the morning." They both knew the likely hood of the first officer going to bed this early was near impossible.

"he's not" Tom said quietly not meeting his wife's eyes.

B'Elanna shook her hear head saying "of course I know he's not actually gone to bed this early"

"no B'E" Tom said meeting her eyes as she looked at him with confusion "he's not on the Alpha shift, she just sent a memo, she's changed his shift again."

"what?" B'Elanna exclaimed "Why?"

"don't know" tom admitted with a shrug "I guess this way she doesn't have to see him."

B'Elanna rolled her eyes and shook her head with a heavy sigh and she growled "can she do that? Run a ship by avoiding her first officer?"

"She can do whatever she wants" Tom shrugged "she's the captain"

Rolling her eyes again B'Elanna snapped "Can't you do something?"

"Me?" tom looked both confused and surprised at his wife's question.

"Yes you, as medical officer" B'Elanna bit back.

Tom snorted and gave a little smile saying "Firstly I am not chief medical officer, secondly on what grounds? Shes fit and healthy for a woman who is 12 weeks pregnant."

"she's erratic" B'Elanna exclaimed loudly.

Tom shook his head "hardly" when B'Elanna went to respond her told her "sure she's avoiding Chakotay but she's not compromising her duty, she isn't putting herself or her crew at risk, she's not sick, mentally or physically"

B'Elanna had to agree. Reluctantly she sighed and nodded. Then just as she was about to say that they too should go off to sleep it dawned on her. "If she is twelve weeks she must be having her first scan soon?"

Tom eyed his wife suspiciously and reminded her sternly "B'Elanna, doctor patient confidentiality"

"you are not a doctor" he wife quipped back though she knew her husband wouldn't tell and she knew he was right not to. When Tom just glared at her she stood and began walking as she called for the exit she added "I was only speculating." Tom walked up behind her and put his arm around her as they exited the holodeck through the now materialised door. He too was concerned about Kathryn, she hardly came to sick bay. Sure she came for her routine check ups but nothing else, she had just had her scan and all was fine with mother and child. He didn't know much about the baby other than it was female and half human half kinress. Kathryn for the most part seemed fine.

{*}{*}{*}

She stood in front of the mirror and sighed, as she ran her hands over her stomach she could feel the slight bump that was just beginning to show and she knew before long all the crew would know. She had told the senior staff that was all, that fateful day was horrible. If she had her way she wouldn't have told anyone, only the doctor until now at least, but running a ship means that her life and her body is not completely her own. She had walked into the briefing room head held high, it seemed like any other day but it certainly hadn't felt that way. Chakotay was already concerned, she knew it, she knew he had heard her through the bulk head which divided their quarters. She knew he had heard her being sick the last few mornings at least. The worry on his face and the constant checking she was ok told her that. Taking her seat she had decided that coming out with it was the best option, taking a deep breath she had just blustered out "before we begin, as captain I must inform you that I am pregnant." She hadn't meant it to sound so cold and formal, but it had. There were a lot of confused looks. A number of the senior staff looked at Chakotay with smiles, smiles which faltered when they saw the look on his face. Clearly they had thought he has the father and then realised he was just as shocked as they were. Kathryn hadn't dared look at him. She didn't think she could face it. She did see him out the corner of her eye slowly rise from his chair. She tilted her head slightly towards him as she saw him stride towards the door without a word. "Commander?" she had asked, she too standing. None of the other senior staff had said a word. All eyes were on Chakotay. He had stopped walking, turned his body slowly towards her but keeping his face turned away he growled "excuse me, I don't feel well." And with that had left the briefing room. Kathryn remembered sinking into her chair and pinching the bridge of her nose as she took a deep breath and without another word did the daily briefing without her first officer. Now here she was stood in front of her mirror a few months on, twelve weeks pregnant. She was really doing this. She had not planned this or wanted this. She missed Chakotay. She knew that it was her fault. Since the day she had told the senior staff she was pregnant she had set about making sure he didn't have to see her, it was only fair. He was clearly disgusted with her and she couldn't blame him. She had done the right thing, every time he had done the duty rotas he had put them both on Alpha shift. She had just sent a memo out to say she was changing him to Bata shift. She knew he had only put them both on Alpha shift because he thought he had to. This way she was relieving that burden for him. It was killing her not seeing him but she wanted to do what was right for him. Realising she was about the cry she shook her head. This will not do she thought and she turned away from her mirror feeling tears begin to form in her eyes. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath she walked towards her desk trying to find reports to focus on. Just as she had sat down her door chine sounded. She glanced towards the door as if this would tell her who it was chiming the door to her quarters late in the evening. Sitting up taller she called "come in"

The doors swished open and the broad figure of her first officer walked in. He was baring his eyes into her, he didn't look happy. Chakotay hadn't been in her quarters since the night before that fateful day on the Kinress home world. He moved into the room with determination. The two met eyes and he held her gaze as he moved towards her, she didn't say anything. The tension was mounting as he stood before her desk, threw a PADD at her and hissed "explain."

Kathryn was slightly taken aback by his tone but dutifully picked up the PADD to look at it's contents, realising it was the memo she had just sent she looked back up at him and began "I don't underst-"

"explain" he hissed again cutting her off "explain why you have put me on Bata sift." Kathryn drew her brows together and rose from her chair though she didn't move round the desk she allowed it to be a barrier between then she eyed him closely as she looked at him with concern. Chakotay took a step back knowing she had noticed the slight slur in his voice and probably smelt the alcohol on his breath, she was Kathryn Janeway, she always noticed these things. "Explain" he said carefully again.

"are you drunk?" she asked him with concern lasing her voice.

Chakotay leaned forward resting the palms of his hands on the desk so that his face was inches form her as he hissed "that's not the answer to my question Kathryn"

Kathyrn stepped back his breath stunk of whiskey. "urgh Chakotay" she replied but when he stayed where he was looking furious at her she shook her head sank into her chair and handed the PADD back to him saying "I thought it would be best if I kept out of your way, I am happy to take the Bata shift if you would rather?"

Snatching the PADD from her he once again rose to his full height, Kathryn kept her eyes trained on him. Turning from her he shouted "you always do this!" At that he walked away and Kathryn noticed he wasn't walking at all straight. Raising form her chair she moved around the desk towards him.

"Chakotay how much have you been drinking?" She was wide eyed and concerned as she looked at him trying to get him to look at her.

"Not much" he snapped back at her with voice slightly slurred.

"Chakotay" she said in her soft yet deep husky voice the concern for him evident as she placed a hand on his arm.

He pulled away and growled "So I have to get drunk to get my captains attention"

"Chakotay why don't you sit down" she didn't particularly want to talk to her first officer in this way but she knew it was the best option right now. She thought he would protest but he didn't he just sort of half sat, half fell into her sofa.

"B'Elanna said I should try talking to you." He told her as she sat in the chair opposite.

Kathryn knew he was referring to her being pregnant and knew she couldn't talk to him about that right then, not while he was in this state. "Chakotay if you want to talk ok let's talk, I owe you that much"

"yes you do" she growled "and more"

She nodded "but not now" she told him "not while you are like this." She walked towards the replicator and typed in some codes. The blue light came and with it materialised a warm drink steaming in it's Starfleet issue metal cup. Grasping it she walked back to her first officer and handed it to him. "drink" she said softly as he took it from her and she once again took the seat opposite him.

She watched him closely as he took a few sips of the warm herbal remedy. Realising it was herbal drink he was drinking he looked up at her and asked "what is this?"

"a herbal drink" she smiled softly "I found it in your files, it actually helps me sleep sometimes."

He scowled at her and placed the mug on the table. She could see from the shift in his body posture that he wasn't happy. She braced herself as he snapped "You have been looking at my personal files?"

She winced, she knew he was a private man. "Chakotay" she said firmly "I only looked at your personal food files, you know for when you came to my quarters for dinner" when he still didn't respond and continued to scowl at her she added "I am not very good a cooking vegetarian food."

Chakotay snorted and told her coldly "you are not very good at cooking at all." She scowled back at him and he leaned back in the sofa and asked "so explain why you have taken me off Alpha shift."

Sighing she lowered her gaze and told him "I know you find it hard to be around me since" she took a pause "since Kinress"

"hard?" he asked coldly "you think I find it hard to be around you?"

Her eyes flashed up at him "you don't?" but her question was replied by the look of distain in his eyes.

"I have done my duty" he told her firmly "I will always do my duty and serve you as my captain"

"I haven't suggested otherwise Chakotay" she replied softly.

He watched her and she once again lowered her gaze from him. It annoyed him that she couldn't even look at him or give him a decent answer. He had allowed her to avoid him in the two months since she had walked into the briefing room and announced her pregnancy but it was getting tiresome. He was fed up of the senior staff looking at him with pity. He was fed up of being told she needed time. He was fed up of B'Elanna trying to console him without betraying her friend. He was fed up of her changing the duty roster and he was fed up of being treated like a fool. He was so hurt with her. So hurt that it was tearing him apart. He knew he had no right to be annoyed but he also knew that she knew of his feelings for her, Feelings he still very much had for her. This conversation was infuriating. His brain was foggy from all the drink that evening and he knew she was right he wasn't thinking straight in this state. "Look Kathryn I will work the Bata shift tomorrow, give me time to clear my head but then we talk tomorrow evening?"

Rising her head she met his eyes "Chakotay I-" but as she said it she saw the anger grow in his eyes as she once again tried to avoid him "yes ok" she said softly "tomorrow, here at the end of bata shift."

Chakotay didn't say another word he just rose from his chair and stumbled towards the door as she shouted over his shoulder "tomorrow then dear captain"

{*}{*}{*}

The next day was practically uneventful and Kathryn knew that the evening would bring a conversation that she didn't know if she could handle yet she knew she had to, she owed him that much. The day moved in a blur, she spent most of her shift in her ready room. When 16:30 came she knew it her shift ended. She needed the rest. Bata shift was taking over. She walked onto her bridge just Chakotay arrived of the turbolift. She nodded at him telling him the bridge was his and quickly left in the terbolift he had just entered in.

The evening seemed to drag at first as she took a sonic shower and changed out of her uniform into some more comfortable clothes. She was desperate for coffee, it was times like this she needed the dark brown liquid but she wouldn't do anything to harm her unborn child. She lay down on the sofa with music playing in the background as she thought of what she would say in a few hours when her first officer arrived.

She must have fallen asleep or something because the next second she was woken with a start as the sound of her door chime sounded loudly into her quarters. Ralising the time she realised Bata shift ended ten minutes ago. Sitting up she called "come in" as she rubbed her eyes and looked towards the door as Chakotay walked in.

Looking at her disheviled hair and squinted look in her eyes she asked her "are you ok?" the concern wasn't hard to miss in his voice.

With a slight groan she stood up, rubbed her eyes and arched her back as she said "door chime woke me up, give me a sec."

A smile played on Chakotay's lips even though he wanted to be mad at her and start this conversation from a place of anger and betrayal he was pleased she had manged to sleep for a few hours. The bulk heads that divided their quarters were not very sound proof, he knew she wasn't sleeping at night. He silently watched as she began pacing around the room as if stretching her tense muscles. She yarned and as she did so she looked at him and waved towards her sofa indicating she should sit. "I just got to do something" she told him with tired eyes, ill be with you in a sec make yourself at home" and with that she disappeared into her bedroom. Chakotay sighed, he wanted to be mad at her and start this conversation in that way but she clearly wasn't very well and in a lot of discomfort and that bothered the hell out of him. It also softened his resolve slightly. When he realised this the thought did enter Chakotay's head that maybe she was pretending to be tired and ill to pompously soften his resolve. He was just about shaking that thought out of his head when she came back into the room, her face had its usual natural make up applied, her hair brushed but not as full of volume as it usually was and a slight smile on her pale lips, a tense smile but it was there.

Sitting down opposite him just as she had last night she met his dark eyes with sincerity in her and told him "So Chakotay, I owe you a conversation and I owe you an explanation, anything you ask me I will do my best to give you an honest answer, I owe you that much."

Chakotay for his part was surprised by her bluntness but knew that look in her grey coloured eyes, she felt guilt about something and she was trying to put it right, she was sincere in what she just said, she would give him and honest answer to any question he asked and he intended to hold her to that.