Word Count: 661
Disclaimer: Do not own.
A/N: This is just a drabble. My Traught feelings were going nuts after watching "Depths" and I couldn't stop them. Basically angst, angst, and more angst.
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Even after all this time – five years, he reminds himself, it's been five years – Dick still can't watch them kiss. The first time, he was unimpressed. They'd all been waiting for it to happen, Artemis and Wally, so it came as no surprise, but now? Now it's too much, now it just slowly rips him apart, particularly after all that's transpired.
Sometimes he thinks he's the only one who thought their flame would fade out quickly.
He's happy for them – really, he is. It's not every day you get to tell someone that your best friend and his girlfriend have lasted so long. Through all their differences, it's amazing that they're still together, and he's proud of both of them for maturing in their own ways. It's just… he's grown attached to her himself. Much too attached for his own good, especially knowing she isn't his.
He remembers the last time he visited their apartment to go over the details of his plan. He remembers the way Wally lashed out at him, the way Artemis had to calm them both down, the way it only took one look from her to know she'd do it. The two of them had never really needed words; they'd always just been automatically in synch. So, she didn't have to reassure him aloud – though he figures that was more for Wally's benefit.
Ever since then, he and Wally hadn't been on the best of terms, and Dick can understand. Especially now, when he's the very force ripping them apart, the very reason she's going in the first place. He had to need Artemis of all people for this mission, hadn't he? She's the only one with the right skills for this mission, the only one Dick trusts enough to do this. If she had said no, he would have gladly gone elsewhere, but she didn't.
He doesn't blame Wally for being angry with him. Dick has beaten himself over the head about it at least a hundred times now. And today, watching her nearly die twice, well, that only made her fake death that much more real, and for a moment he was lost in the reality that she was gone. That he'd never see her smile again. He understands Wally's worries perfectly, but they all knew what they signed up for, accepting this mission – his mission.
Dick doesn't even want to think about what he'll do if she really does die this time around.
He doesn't because they'll laugh about this someday.
He has faith in her, faith in their odds. He has to.
The couple before him is taking an excruciatingly long time to say their goodbyes. It just makes this all that much more painful for him. He's guilty enough for having feelings for her, for spending the entire day watching her, taking in every one of her movements, remembering what it was like going on missions with her before she left… but now he has to live with the knowledge that he's the one who asked her on this mission, he's the one breaking them apart, and it will be his fault if anything unpredicted happens to her.
When they finish, he sucks it up like always, putting his feelings behind him. Or, at least tries to. He walks out with Wally, watches with him on the roof as Artemis and Kaldur move onward with the mission.
"We're through the hard part – they're in," he says, trying to reassure Wally – or maybe he's really trying to reassure himself – that this plan will work, that everything will be okay, that they will get the chance to laugh about this someday.
"Who are you kidding? It only gets more dangerous from here." As usual, Wally's seen right through him, and his glare pierces through Dick.
Everything that happens will be his fault and he knows that if anything goes wrong, no one will forgive him.
He won't even be able to forgive himself.