A Little Too Far

One-shot, concerning Dietrich's unrequited(?) love.

I never knew that Magician was one for gardening. It's wonderful you know, every little flower he has growing here, all the vines constricting themselves around the trees, every single leaf and branch and tendril…they can all kill if you have the knowledge.. I know because he told me, on a fine evening like today's. He warned me, said if I took too much of that I'd die, if I did this to that I could kill seomone, if I took that and then went to sleep I'd never wake up. Told me not to touch. Anything. Really, I didn't think he would be that stupid.

I like to hurt myself.

I like Isaak.

No.

I love Isaak.

I love to be close to him, and I love to see him care about me.

There was that time when I 'fell' out of a second storey window. He was writing up something or rather and I was bored. So I decided it would be fun to sit on the window sill. I woke up on my back with a hip done in, and he had his hand on my face and another on my hip. And it felt so good to see him near panic, see him look at me and actually be concerned…But maybe it would have been better if I'd oiled up the window sill before I sat on it.

There was another incident that happened, not too long ago. Sometimes Isaak has to come into my bathroom while I am bathing to follow up on a report or something. When he came in that day he got a nasty shock, seeing his prodigy, face under the water and lying dead still. When I opened my eyes I was still wet and naked, and Isaak had his lips on mine and both hands pressing my heart. Just for fun I pretended to be slipping back into oblivion…and now he comes into my bathroom more often to see if I'm not dead. I love him.

But I wonder what I should do today. Should I 'hang' myself from a vine? Should I make Helga mad at me so I can be pushed into the nettles? Maybe I could take a clipping of some plant and eat it in my room…No, it would look too stupid, even for me. Perhaps I should write a suicide note and tell him to come out here…Should I stand in some contrived pose, ready to eat one or another of the poisons that grow here? Or should I have my wrists slashed and be lying in the poppies? I think I know which one…

And did I tell you about the time I got 'lost' in a snowstorm? Apparently I was robbed of my coat, and left helpless and alone one winter. When I walked back into base I had very severe hypothermia. Isaak was such a sweetheart. He put me in front of the fire under a blanket, took off his shirt and held me until my lips weren't blue anymore. That was one of the best ones…

I think this is the best suicide note I've written so far. Countless times I have had to fake my own death, and most of them I used suicide. Maybe Isaak will be fooled too.

Isaak.

It ends today. I'm finishing what Father dear failed to do himself. The Rozencreutz Orden would definitely be better off without a dumb Terran like me. I'm sorry if I ruin your beautiful Icelandic poppies.

Dietrich.

I have to give this to him in person and look…morose? Or should it be cheerful? I'll settle for morose. When he comes to me I can 'break down' and start crying. Haven't seen what he does when I do that. Right now he's just relaxing. Breathing in that cigarillo, watching those weird fish of his. I slouch over, put my hands in my pockets and relax my face. Any more droopy than this and he won't think it worth his time (he should be proud to have such a good actor). I put the letter on the table and walk out without a sound, quickly and with purpose. That should be enough to convince him.

I really love him.

It's hard not to laugh. I'm sitting on his poppies, all the pretty reds and oranges and yellows. The pocket knife he gave me is really good, never had to sharpen it once, and pretty soon I have quite a lot of blood coming out. I think after this he'll probably put me on suicide watch or something. Oh, crap. My eyes are getting so heavy. Where the blood has poured down my arm it is no longer warm. Sitting up is so much of a bother…

I see you. You care more about me than your poppies…that's good to know…

Because I felt like it. Needed something to write in between chapters of 'Angel's Song'.

Poppies symbolise both sleep and death, for the presence of codeine and morphine, and the blood-red colour of some varieties. In other folklore they are actually symbolic of eternal love. I assume Isaak would have planted these so he can make heroin and supply it to carefully selected dealers in some elaborate scheme to gain or retain a stronghold in a city somewhere.

Well, until next time...