AN: I'm back:) Sorry for such a long absence. I want to let everyone know that I won't be continuing my other story because I'm just not feeling Spoby after the mid-season finale. I'm still shocked and praying that Toby is only protecting Spencer, they were my OTP:( but I don't want to get my hopes up too high. I hope you like this fic and remember to review please:).
It turns out they were right. All of them. As much as you hate to admit it, you know it's true. You wanted so desperately to prove them wrong, to show them that he was one of the good ones. How many times had he told you that he loved you? And how many times had you foolishly believed him?
You had let him in, let him see the real you. He promised to love you, so you loved him. Lying to him felt like you were lying to God. You hate to hurt him, but who would have guessed that he lied to you more than you did to him. It feels crazy to think someone could lie more than you have.
You're not new to pain, to being tricked. But this feels so much worse than any of the other times. You thought you could trust him. You've never been so wrong in your life. You can solve math problems with ease; write page long essays in a few short hours. You might be book smart, but when it comes to love you have everything wrong.
You thought you could have been in love with Wren or even Alex, but after meeting Toy you knew that they were merely small distractions from your chaotic life. And the pain that had come with the end of those relationships is so dulled by the utter heartbreak you feel now, you know you would chose to live that pain everyday over and over again if it meant never having to experience this new, suffocating agony you now have where you heart once belonged.
As the days begin to pass at a torturously slow pace, you start to feel yourself pull away from the world. You begin to skip meals and leave homework unfinished. Your grades start to drop, so inevitably your "perfect" parents lecture you. You only stare back at them with blank, uncaring eyes. Your phone, with multiple messages from your friends asking how you're doing, goes unanswered.
The walls that he slowly brought down are built back up with extra reinforcements. You won't let yourself be fooled so easily again. You gave him everything and he took it all without a moment's hesitation. You have so much anger and confusion in you. "Why did this happen to me? How can someone be so cruel?" you think to yourself every second of every damn day that goes by. You have no one to turn to, no one who could possibly understand what you are going through. You feel as if you are drowning, desperately trying to reach the surface without success. You wonder why no one bothers to reach out to you and pull your head above the water.
These walls that protect you from the world come with a price. You quickly find yourself becoming lonely, yearning for physical contact with an actual person. How long has it been since you have talked to someone outside of school? You give up counting after nineteen days.
These walls that you hide behind are tearing you apart. They keep you from happiness, from love, from everyday satisfactions and your friends. Your friends who you miss so much it hurts, only adding to the growing ache that calls you its home.
You realize too late that these walls are preventing you from healing, because by now you're too scared to leave the confines of this castle that you have built for yourself. Scared of the large, terrifying world with so many possible ways of becoming hurt and broken. But even though you are both of these already, you convince yourself that it will only be worse if you open yourself back up, that any wound that managed to heal will be violently ripped back open. So you stay in your castle, with its high, towering walls hoping one day to feel at least half the pain you feel now.