Death Eaters Will Do Anything
PG13 (aka T) for insanity and stuff. It's probably rated higher than it should be but oh well.
Summary: Ever wonder why Death Eaters join Voldemort? Just what promises does he make them? My take on why Snape joined Voldie.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. I have stolen the characters from JKR and I don't intend to give them back any time soon! MWA HA HA! I CAN'T BE STOPPED NOW!
Warnings: Insanity, lunacy, swearing, idiocy, etc, etc, etc.
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Severus Snape was not a people person.
When he was a baby, his first word had been imbecile. At the tender age of seven he had been forbidden from a library for making one of the librarians burst into tears after not allowing him to take home seventeen books. At eleven, his first act at his new school had been to make four enemies instantly by telling them off for interrupting his reading. At fourteen he had made an entire group of first year Slytherins cry for their parents.
Now Severus Snape was sixteen, and stuck in the middle of nowhere after pissing off the wrong wizard.
"Damn!" he swore under his breath, looking around at the seemingly endless expanse of sand. "Stupid imbecilic moron. It's hardly my fault he got the ingredients wrong, I was just pointing it out so he didn't blow up the country! Nobody can take any criticism!" he muttered as he started walking.
After walking for what seemed like hours, the teenager finally came across what looked to be a small cluster of houses. Exhausted from both the heat and the lack of water, Severus stumbled over the last sand dune before reaching what he hoped wasn't a mirage.
Severus looked at the quiet town and spotted a large sign proclaiming 'Welcome to Nowhere! Population 24'. Severus' eye twitched. Nevertheless, he staggered down the sand and into the town.
The first thing he spotted was a Diner. At least, that's what the sign said. Underneath the largely printed word was smaller writing that he couldn't quite seem to make out… Severus sighed in relief as the writing came into focus. 'We are Floo connected!' it said in bright red writing, with a little yellow smiley face underneath.
Nearly running in the 'Diner', Severus sped towards the waiter behind the counter with a hopeful gleam in his eyes. The waiter turned as the door opened and he narrowed his eyes at the teenager for a moment before smiling and offering a greeting.
"Hello young man, what can I do for you today?"
"Just tell me where the Floo is and I'll be on my way," Severus said with barely restrained joy as he thought of what was waiting for him back home. Water, food, clean clothes, water, a bed, water, books… and had he mentioned water?
"The Floo's just over there," the man said, pointing to a fireplace at the back of the room. "But-"
Severus ignored the man and ran to the fireplace, pulling out his wand and casting a spell to light it. Once there was a crackling fire going, he looked up at the mantle and pulled down a jar that looked like it would have the Floo powder in it.
The jar was empty.
Severus stared at it for a while as though he didn't understand what he was seeing, before he turned back to the waiter.
"Where's the Floo powder?"
"That's what I was going to tell you. You see, we just ran out yesterday when some lunatic ran in here screaming something about how the birds were going to kill us all and chucked all of the powder into the fire instead of just a handful. I've ordered some more, but it'll take about a week to get here."
"There's no Floo powder?"
"No, there's no Floo powder."
Severus stared at him like he didn't comprehend what the man was saying. "So… there isn't any Floo powder?"
"No."
"Are you sure there isn't any?"
"Yes."
"So there is some!"
"No."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"There is?"
"No!"
"Oh…" Severus stared blankly at the jar for a minute. "Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
Severus collapsed on a stool, still holding the empty jar. "Can I have some water?"
"No!"
"What?"
"Sorry, I was in the rhythm… Do you have any money?"
"Yes," he replied confidently.
"Here?"
Severus paused and looked at his robes. No pockets.
"No."
"Then I'm afraid I can't give you any. Water's a precious commodity out here."
"Why?"
"Because we're in the middle of Nowhere."
"No, why can't I have water?"
"Because you don't have any money."
"But I do have money!"
"You just said that you didn't!"
"No, I said I didn't have any here!"
"Well that's what I meant!"
"Make up your damn mind!"
"Now look here! I-"
The waiter was interrupted at the door was swung open and a tall man covered from head to toe in black robes stepped in and sat down next to Severus.
"What can I do for you?" the waiter asked the cloaked man.
"I'll have a glass of water," he replied in a serpentine voice.
Almost instantly a glass of the clear liquid was placed in front of him. Severus stared longingly at the glass as the man lifted it and sipped a bit of the ice cold… crystal clear… wonderful… mouth watering… water…
"Bloody muggles… why do I listen to Lucius? Every time I believe one of these fairy tales it ends up with me in the middle of nowhere!" the man muttered, placing his glass back on the counter.
Severus didn't hear a word of this, he was too absorbed by the drop of water steadily making its way down the frosted glass. At least, he didn't hear a word of it until two words pulled him out of his reverie.
"-Floo powder."
"What!" Severus exclaimed, jumping up and staring at the man in front of him.
"… I'm going to torture all these damn muggles to death if I ever see another grain of sand?"
"No, not that, the part about the Floo powder!" he said, completely ignoring what he'd said.
"… At least I have some Floo powder?"
"You have Floo powder! You're my hero!" Severus yelled in glee.
"What makes you think I'll give you any?"
Severus stared at the man. "I'll do anything!"
"Will you join my Death Eaters and become one of my Evil Minions?"
"… Now when I said 'anything'…"
"Come on, you don't want to be stuck in a place like this for another week or so do you?"
"Well, no."
"So…"
"Alright," Severus said, hoping to Merlin that he wouldn't live to regret this decision.
"Excellent!" the man said, rubbing his hands together and cackling evilly for a few minutes. Fortunately there was nobody in the Diner apart from them and the waiter.
"Do I know you?" Severus asked as he was struck by a vague sense of recognition.
The man smirked with his unnaturally thin lips. "I am Lord Voldemort." Severus stared at him blankly. "You-Know-Who." Severus continued with his blank look. "Oh come on! I've been terrorising muggles for years now, I've been in all the newspapers! Hell, I've even been in Witch Weekly!"
Suddenly recognition flooded into Severus' eyes as he stared at Voldemort. "I know! You're the guy that father invited over for dinner that one time who got drunk and propositioned mother!"
It was now Voldemort's turn to stare blankly. "I don't seem to recall that incident."
"I'm not surprised. Mother hit you over the head with a statue of Merlin. It was awful!"
"Nice to know that someone cares," Voldemort muttered.
"Yeah. That was a really nice statue."
"Never mind that now, you've already agreed to join my Evil Minions. Your initiation will be next Friday at ten," Voldemort told him before getting up to leave.
"Wait, where's my Floo powder?"
Voldemort turned around and threw a small package at him. "Don't forget, Friday at ten."
"Yes, yes," Severus said impatiently untying the bag and grabbing the powder inside.
Severus ran towards the fire and threw in the handful of powder before jumping in the fire and calling out 'Snape Manor' before he was whisked away through the Floo system.
Voldemort smirked in triumph. He now had another follower in his ranks, a day well spent, even if he was in the middle of nowhere on a wild goose chase.
Speaking of which, Voldemort realised that it was getting late and he should be getting back to his headquarters.
The man froze suddenly, patting his pocket. He'd just given the boy his Floo powder.
"Waiter!" he suddenly called.
The poor waiter came back around to the counter. "Yeah?"
"Where's the Floo powder?"
"Won't be in until next week."
"So there's no Floo powder?"
"No."
"… Are you sure?"
The waiter's eye twitched. "THERE IS NO BLOODY FLOO POWDER!"
Voldemort hit his head on the counter with a dull thud. Bugger.
Death Eaters Will Do Anything... For Floo Powder.
A/N
This is my first ever One-Shot that I have been happy to leave at one chapter! Usually I start off as a One-Shot, but then it just keeps getting longer and longer and longer and longer... You get the drift...
Even now I'm considering another chapter... Oh well, I probably won't... but if I get enough reviews I might :subtle hint:...
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