What happens to a man when he dies? In the Land of Fire it was not a question that was often asked by the shinobi. Of course it was a common belief that there was an afterlife, but what exactly that meant was seldom questioned. To most of the ninja in the 5 Great Villages it was not important enough to consider. For those who lost someone close to them, death was nothing more than that, loss. For those that were dead, with very few exceptions, it was the conclusion of their lives in this world. Certainly in one man's opinion what would come after death were far less important than what would occur in the world because of it.
Despite his lack of interest, Naruto Uzumaki was about to experience the afterlife first hand.
Naruto had died, and all that was left was his consciousness. He felt like he had awoken from a nightmare. The harder he tried to remember the nightmare and the events of his death the quicker it seemed to slip away.
Convinced that it had all just been a dream, he tried to open his eyes. However he could still see nothing in the pitch black, convincing him it must the night of a new moon. There was nothing to worry about. He attempted to stretch out, reaching for the comfort of his wife, longing for her embrace. However he could feel nothing no matter where he searched. In fact he could not feel at all. He willed his hands to his face, but still nothing.
Panic struck, had he been attacked in the middle of the night? Was he even home? He could not remember what he had been doing or where he was before he "awoke".
"I must be caught in a Genjutsu" he thought. Even though he could not feel his hands he focused on bringing them together, attempting to gather his chakra so he could dispel the jutsu imprisoning him. Yet once again he found he was missing another part of himself. He could not feel his chakra. He simply existed in a void.
An odd sensation struck him, it was like he was remembering events of his life at random. Unfortunately those memories went the way of his last moments on earth. Every moment when he focused on it became hazy, hard to remember and then they were gone. At first he did not realize what was happening, each memory up till then had been mundane. Memories of eating a meal at Ichiraku's after a long day of paperwork in the Hokage tower, taking a shower in the early morning before going to train with Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke, before looking for the same cat that they had chased the entire week.
The gravity of what was happening only truly set in when he remembered his time as Hokage. After it was gone he could still remember being Hokage, working long hours, but each memory he focused on slowly faded. He knew he was the Hokage, the leader of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, however his memories of his time in office were fading.
Fear hit him as realized the terrible purpose that was put to his mind as it slowly erased each of his memories. So he did the only thing he knew, he resisted. He focused trying not to think of anything, hoping to hold onto his memories until he could discover a way out of this situation. Unfortunately in an attempt to focus, he unwittingly thought of Jiraiya, remembering his 3 years of training each moment coming into focus as though they had a life of their own and then fading away until he couldn't picture his face.
"NO!" His thoughts cried out, "don't take him away, not—" his words caught in his throat. Who, don't take away who? It was like a picture had been removed from a wall where it hung for many years, leaving only an odd clean spot in its place but no clue to what the original looked like. Who had been taken away and how? Someone important had gone missing. He thought hard trying to remember, until he found it in another memory. This memory was of Tsunade, speaking of Jiraiya.
"Jirai-…? Oh no…" suddenly Tsunade was following Jiraiya into the obscurity of the void that was slowly, consuming his mind. Days spent training, techniques perfected, routines and habits, they were all disappearing.
Desperately he focused on the void before his "eyes", using the focus he had developed as a ninja. So he focused, with an intensity he had given to few things in his life.
There he had remained thinking of nothing but the void that now surrounded him, and he waited with no idea on how to proceed. For now all he could do was wait and focus.
How long had he waited, and how long would he have to wait before a solution presented itself, or his concentration slipped and he lost even more memories. Everyone has a breaking point, some are more resilient than others but given enough time everyone eventually falter and breaks. Naruto was practically the definition of resiliency, having grown up alone in his formative years. If you were to ask him where his stalwart will came from it is doubtful, even if he had full access to his memories that he could recall a single defining moment. However his will, when he applied himself, was as unwavering and strong as a mountain. When he took action it was like being caught up in a fierce hurricane. Naruto was like a force of nature to anyone he came into contact with, and anyone who knew him would attest to his nature. However nothing can stand against the unlimited force that is time.
So it was that in the immutable black that he now resided, Naruto's will would break. How long had it been, that he furiously concentrated to save his memories of all his precious people? How much longer could he continue? He wondered in no specific way straining to keep from remembering. None of it mattered, the ceaseless void gave nothing but promised to take everything from its captive. It would break his will, his mind, and his spirit to take everything from him.
"Why is this happening, who could be doing this?" Naruto eventually questioned. He hated this helpless feeling and, for what may have been the hundredth time, he tried to think of a solution. He felt and searched for something, anything that had changed or that he could change. There was truly nothing here. Naruto was once again gripped by desperation, and his mind was drawn to a comforting memory. He thought of the moment he discovered He was the container for the Kyuubi, and how Iruka had cared for him and protected him. He thought of opening his eyes and seeing Iruka, who announced that he was now a ninja. That was when he had received his head band. That headband had eventually been taken by Sasuke after their first battle at the valley of the end. He had lost it then then. "Wait…what did I lose, where did I lose it?"
"No, Not again!" more was lost before he even realized. His mental anguish increased. His mind raced, his concentration once again broken, and looked for some comfort in his memories.
He remembered the birth of his youngest child, and it was gone. What was her name he had so few memories of her compared to many of his other precious people, and they were all flashing before his eyes. A single moment of joy followed by agony as they were stricken from his memory, leaving behind only a vague feeling of loss he was becoming increasingly familiar with. Every increase in familiarity deepened the feelings of loss.
There was almost nothing he could do, so he fought to control his thoughts and emotions. His thoughts once again turned to the void and breaking free of his prison, but also to similar situations he had experienced. Seemingly hopeless situations that through effort and will he had overcome. His thoughts eventually turned to his team mate and rival Sasuke. His best friend who had caused him pain, but also brought him joy. The memories came in a torrent, and then evaporated into the void as it sunk deeper into his being. He thought of every conflict they had ever had and of their team mate Sakura, who had tried to stop them from fighting in those early days. Of resolving all their conflicts and of the friendship they had created. He thought of the final conflict at The Valley of the End, but he could no longer remember why they had fought. It was starting again and it seemed to him his memories had a life of their own.
He did the first thing he could think of, and forced his thoughts to dwell on his enemies. How ironic now that Kaguya had become would be protecting him and his allies. Even so there was only so much life that these memories could offer. Conflict occupied his mind, every enemy whose name he never knew or who mattered far less than the memories he shoved to the back of his mind. With a startling abruptness his seemingly insignificant memories came to an end. However this end was marked by the memory of his encounter with Haku and Zabuza. Then they were gone completely and utterly gone. Another defining moment in his life wiped away. Despair gripped his heart, was there no escape from this eternal hell. He thought of how he had lived part of his childhood with no one to love and no one to care for him. And then part of his childhood was gone, but the feelings of loneliness remained. This feeling sent his mind reeling. He could feel the loneliness he associated with the early years of his life but with none of the memories.
Whatever God ruled this world was a cruel one, Naruto concluded as the depression sank into him. His thoughts turned to his father who had sacrificed his life to seal away the rampaging Kyuubi.
Death, was that what this was? Had his first thoughts here been correct, was he dead? How had he died? Did his father go through the same thing when he had died? There was no way, because his father the fourth Hokage had been brought back from the dead with a full memory of his life before he had died, and for that matter the events leading to his death. "Did he simply hold out till he was summoned? Wait, what was my father's name?" realization hit him like a brick, he had lost more. He realized there was no escape, he was dead. He was sure if he had a body he would cry. The fact that he could feel nothing but his emotions, and do nothing but think and remember was slowly breaking down his resilience.
Still he continued to struggle while he still had the will to. He tried once again to focus on the void around him. He now only had one motivation, which was simply to hold on. He no longer had hope for an escape, and his mind was flooding with anguish. The feelings of longing were pressing upon him once again beckoning him into the comfort of his memories, "I will not fall to this temptation" he thought to himself. However like the ocean beating against the face of a cliff time would once again prevail.
It started with the constant pressure of his desire for comfort, leading his mind to the inevitable question "is there an end to this?" The oppressive nothingness of his world resounded with a wordless and empty "no." Desperately he tried to steer his thoughts away from this conclusion, nothing good would come from acknowledging this truth, and for a time fear sustained him in a way he could never have imagined in life.
His thoughts caved to the truth "Is this my fate? Will I slowly be consumed in this nothingness? What about Karma, didn't I do enough in my life for some kind of mercy?" his thoughts turned effortlessly to his deeds and one by one every one of them began to fade. His mind broke in that instant, time was as limitless here for him as it had been in life. It was his greatest enemy and nothing he could do would be good enough to defeat it.
Like a damn breaking his emotions flooded him, and he begged. He pleaded to any and every God he had ever even heard of. "Please, just let me keep what I have left. Please!" His mind shouted out for serenity, for peace, or mercy. "Torture me for eternity, send me to whatever infernal damnation you have, just please don't take away my precious people. Please let me keep my friends!" as he tried fruitlessly to bargain with whatever being tormented him, memories came unbidden and evaporated. Before he knew it his team was gone.
"I can't take this anymore" he yelled in frustration. The choice to endure however was not his to make he would not receive any reprieve.
If he could have he would have killed himself to stop the slow trickle of memories that were leaving him, but he was already dead. He could no longer stop himself from remembering by focusing. His mind would not obey him. He was broken and no amount of effort in this Black Hell would save him. Time would tear down every wall, would outlast every effort, if he resisted. This realization ripped his mind to shreds.
The only thing he could do was direct the current of his thoughts. He wasn't ready to give up those memories which he had locked in the back of his mind, but he knew eventually he would have to. He desperately pushed every unpleasant memory to the forefront of his mind. Every lonely day he had left as a child and even those as an adult, however rare they may be. Meals alone, nights sleeping in strange places, books, stories and legends all slipped away. He was shocked at how little he had left to offer up. Seconds, days, years, none of it mattered here because every moment was immeasurable, unbearably infinite yet maddeningly short. Yet each moment he could put between now and the end was priceless.
His arsenal of benign memories was exhausted. His thoughts turned to tenuous allies and loose acquaintances. Meetings with foreign leaders the old and new Kages of the great the Great Shinobi Villages. The Great Villages themselves danced in and out of his mind gone forever. Every road and scene not attached to a precious person were offered to the darkness of oblivion. But no relief came only fear. The fear amplified his loneliness, and yet he had no choice. He was being forced to give up everything it seemed except this searing loneliness that embedded itself into his soul.
"Gaara, would fare better than me" He realized his thoughts would be drawn to his friend and fellow Kage, but he did not have the strength or will to fight it anymore. His thoughts spiraled out of control and he made no attempt to stop them. Gaara was disappearing, till all that was left was their fight during the attack on Konoha. Then Gamabunta, and all the toads. Pain, Akatsuki, Asuma, Choji, Ino, Shikamaru. They were all disappearing. The Rookie 9, Gai and his students, and all his friends flashed before his eyes. It continued but Naruto had given into the suffering, everything was out of control and he couldn't stop it. One by one they all vanished, till there were only a few barriers between the Void and his most treasured memory.
First was the Kyuubi, after a life time together he had become a close friend and though much of it was gone he still had a few memories left that he tried fondly to remember. He still wasn't ready to let go and he felt more pain than he thought he was capable of feeling at this point. This Black Hell was agony incarnate.
He had unwittingly let so many memories go, if only he had understood sooner, but it was too late.
Nagato, the brother he had never known. His final message of peace echoed through his head and evaporated, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. If this was all that awaited anyone then what was even the point? Naruto realized that a new emotion had attached itself to his soul, Bitterness. This chocking bitter solidarity pressed on him, like the weight of a fallen tree, underneath which he lay alone and dying.
Hyuuga Neji was the next to fade away, he had become a close friend and even died for Naruto. But now his sacrifice was disappearing to. "Was this Neji's reward for his noble sacrifice?" Naruto asked the empty world.
Almost everyone was gone now, only one memory remained, Old man Sarutobi. The Third Hokage had cared for Naruto when he was still alone, had loved him like a grandson. Every birthday that he had spent with him in those early days when everyone else ignored him, vanished one by one. They left only an empty desperate feeling. All his advice, the kind smiles, even the times he scolded him, like a puff of smoke where gone. Those moments might as well have never existed at all.
Nothing now stood between his last few memories, the ones he had so desperately guarded form the hungry grip of his hell.
He decided finally that if they were going to disappear he would do his best to treasure them while he still could.
Like a smile child he tenderly took out his last few memories like fragile toys.
First was his mother, he only had two memories of her but they were more precious to him than most of his memories combined so far. Kushina who he had never physically met had loved him and was proud of him. Then the love was gone.
His soul was like an empty house, you could tell used to be full of furniture and pictures of a happy family. He mourned the loss of an earlier memory. There was no hope of recovering or recalling just who the little dark haired girl in a picture in his memory was but his heart broke. He couldn't recall who she was or her relation to him but that did nothing to stop the flow of sadness that invaded his soul.
Next was his son, Boruto, his first child. The day he was born had been one of the happiest of his entire life. For a man known for his enduring and infectious smile, all people witness to his expression that day could say they had never seen a happier more serene Naruto. His pride, his joy, even his frustration all were swallowed by the void that was becoming his soul.
The only thing left was his most precious and cherished person. His Wife and the mother of his two children, though he could no longer picture their faces or remember their names, He somehow knew they had existed, and then they were gone.
By some grace earlier memories of Hinata invaded his mind. That shy weird girl who had always supported him, who had grown to a beautiful woman. He had not noticed her until she had nearly died trying to protect him, and confessed her love for him. They had fallen in love and been married these were the happiest years of his life.
The last memory he had was lying in bed next to her and seeing the look of pure and unconditional love. Somehow these last memories seemed to create a crack in all the negative emotions that attached themselves to his soul. Love had hidden itself away in his soul. Though he was unaware of it, it had nested there waiting to be borne again. The Black Hell was apparently not done with him yet, it took his name his, and his identity. Then there was nothing only a swirling maelstrom of emotions. Depression, Loneliness, and Bitterness possessed him and folded his soul in on itself.
Suddenly out of the darkness came the true light of a new world, a world harsher than Naruto's previous life, but a paradise compared to world he was being borne from.
Naruto was reborn into a new life in a new reality.