"You don't belong here." The voice in my head whispered.
I took another drag of my cigarette and flicked off the ash.
"Damn right I don't." I muttered back, I blew out a puff of smoke and stubbed my cigarette out and popped a cherry flavored sucker into my mouth.
The unpleasant taste of cigarette in my mouth, mixed with the sweet cherry, was comforting.
I sighed and leaned on the railing on the Prydwen, the sky was alive with the twinkling of the stars.
"You'll never be one of them, you'll always be alone." The voice in my head jeered, my quiet night was interrupted by the sound of 2 female officers laughing as they came out to the flight deck.
They smiled at me,
"Nice to see you're still alive Hopps." One the girls, Scribe Lauren, said as she and her friend walked past me.
I smiled and nodded, and headed inside to the fitness area.
"They're lying to you dammit!" Snarled the voice. I rolled my eyes and turned around and headed to sick bay to see Knight cade.
Knight Cade was one of the few people who knew I took meds to keep the voice at bay, not even Maxson knew, well he knew i took them but he didn't know why.
Cade smiled at me as I strode into his office, he might have been significantly older but he was the closest thing I had to a genuine friend.
"Here ya go sweetheart. Come see me in the morning, before breakfast." I reached across the counter and hugged him, then left without looking back.
I popped the little blue circle of relief into my mouth and swallowed it dry, and pocketed the rest of the pills. By the time I got to the gym it was full and the last place I wanted to be was near people, especially the people who didn't even really know me.
I lied to everyone about my past, my scars, my life. I told everyone I was raider, when in reality I was once part Caesar's Legion. I was the only woman to be more than just a slave, I was part of the Frumentarii, serving under and beside the man that was technically once my owner, and my lover, Vulpes Inculta.
Honestly telling everyone that I was a raider wasn't far from the truth as Caesar's Legion was morally, no better than the raiders.
Most people were none the wiser, it was better they were left in the dark.
I went by Skyler Hopps here in the Brotherhood, back in the legion I was Lepus Culta.
Latin for 'Rabbit Cultivated' or Tamed rabbit. Irony considering I was the partner to Vulpes Inculta whose name meant "Fox Uncultivated or Wild Fox.
I sighed and headed back towards the flight deck, praying to a god that I didn't believe in, that it would near lifeless.
I headed down the steps and waved at the deck guard, and almost smiled in relief that my prayers were answered.
I shivered in the cool October air, my thin standard issue black tee shirt left my arms, but the cold was actually refreshing.
I was out of eyesight of the guards, and for a second I could let myself relax. The chilly night air, and the faint smell of smoke from fires below reminded me of some of the nights back home, in the Legion camps.
The one memory that stood out the most was also the most painful and the happiest, the first time Vulpes Inculta, feared and respected leader of the frumentarii broke down and showed me his human side, and his love for me.
I remembered leaning in close to Vulpes to stay warm, although the fire was burning bright and hot, the cool night time desert air, nipped the warmth away.
He smelled of smoke, leather, and the crisp Mojave air.
He had leaned into me and started rubbing my arms, he had let out a seemingly exhausted sigh and started humming his favorite song.
I started singing out loud, unaware of my audience standing behind me.
I lost myself in the precious memory of him whispering his confessions of feeling inadequate and exhausted. He was tired of fighting of killing innocents, tired of coming home covered in blood and making me patch him back together.
"Don't get too close, it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide. Don't want to let you down, but I'm hell bound."
He started crying in my ear, and he pulled me closer, he hated the demons in his head and the way he was.
"They say it's what you make, it's up to fate. It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go. You're eyes the shine so bright, I want to save this light." he sang to me as he pulled me into his lap, smothering his face into my neck, he lifted his head and pushed his forehead into mine.
The feel of his lips against mine was heartbreakingly beautiful.
He crushed his lips even harder into mine and tangled my tongue with his. His kiss was needy and full of passion and yearning, like his life depended on this kiss. He whimpered, and I felt his tears fall down his cheek and onto my lips.
He pulled away gasping for air, I opened my eyes and stared into his sapphire blue orbs, I wiped away the tears and leaned my forehead into his asI intertwined my delicate,tiny hands with his giant weathered ones.
"I can't escape this hell, unless you show me how." he whispered in a strained voice. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces.
Here this 6'7 blue eyed, 22 year old adonis like man, who has killed hundreds of people, and commanded 100 or so of Caesar's best men, and known for brutality and his countless victories, was now clinging to a 5'5 16 year old slave girl for dear life, he was terrified and exposed.
I hushed his whimpers and tears, I moved so his face was in my breast, and his ear was against where my heart was. I rocked him back and forth, kissing his forehead and curly brown hair. He relaxed into my body, and his breathing steadied out.
After a bit of silence, I finally spoke.
"I'm not afraid of the dark and demons don't scare me, I'm an atheist remember?" I felt my body shake as he began to laugh.
He lifted his head and smiled at me, not his usual condescending smile, but a real smile.
He tilted his head and kissed me gently.
He pulled away and brushed my nose against mine, before kissing the tip of my nose, he then pulled me close into his chest so i was tucked under his chin.
He held me tight as we laid down on the sleeping bag and got us settled down for the night.
"Thank you." were the last words I heard him whisper in my ear, before falling asleep for the night.
I was broken from my reverie by the sounds of heavy foot steps behind me, I jumped, my hand automatically going to my gun as I spun around.
Kells, all 6'4 of him stood before me, a gentle smile crossed his rugged face. I sighed and took my hand off my gun, i groaned in embarrassment and scrambled to apologize.
"Captain, please let me apologize about that I wasn't going-" He cut me off, as he walked over to me.
"It's fine sister, I surprised you and I apologize for startling you. You seemed to lost in your thoughts as you were singing. You have a lovely voice, by the way. I'd sing but this world has suffered enough." He attempted to joke as he broke the ice, we chuckled.
"I'm sure that's not true but thank you for the apology and complement, Captain." I leaned against the cold railing and shivered, the hair on my arms stood up and the scars that covered my body became visible. I quickly crossed my arms, ashamed of my markings.
Kells glanced at them, but didn't stare at any of them, not even the one on my neck from the years of being forced to wear a slave collar.
Instead of looking up to a Judgmental glare, I was surprised by a look of empathy and understanding.
"It's okay, I understand, we all have ghost and scars some are Just more visible than others and don't be so jumpy, no one's out to get you up here, you're one of us now,"
"You're correct sir, I apologize again, old habits die hard, I keep forgetting I'm an initiate not Raider"
"The past can haunt us in many ways but it stays dark if you forget to turn on the light, sleep tight Initiate." Kells waved good night and disappeared I could reply, leaving me alone in the dark and alone with just for a while myself.
I checked my watch, It was near midnight, I chided myself for staying out so late, and apparently the guard heard my thoughts.
"Hey CInderella, shouldn't you be getting in bed?" The woman in power armor joked.
"Yeah, mother would be pissed if she found out I was outside the castle, but she's dead." I joked darkly and headed to my room, where my bunk mate Knight Julie Holt, was still up in her bunk reading her favorite play.
Julius Caesar
I chuckled at the irony, she ignored me like always, even I stripped down for bed.
It wasn't until I got into bed did she talk to me, by talk I mean whisper, she didn't care to chit chat or talk to me or anyone. I liked it that way, and so did she.
"Elder Maxson came looking for you, he said to tell you to meet him on the ship's forecastle tomorrow morning at 08:00 hours, and a letter came for you, it's on your desk."
My stomach dropped, but I hid it well, I pushed my nerves aside and got up and went to my desk.
"Oh thanks, Sweet dreams Knight." SHe grunted in reply, with shaking hands I picked up the letter.
The handwriting was elegant and sharp, no return address,just my BOS name and some stamps. The envelope had some weight to it.
I nervously opened the envelope and pulled the letter out first, turns out it was a postcard. The front of the postcard said Greetings from Fabulous Las Vegas. The word Las was crossed out and New was written above it. I filled the postcard over,
Ave
My breath hitched in my throat as I pulled the contents of the envelope out.
A simple leather string with a gold Aureus and a Oversized Platinum poker chip dangled like charms from it.
I gasped and dropped the handmade necklace, it clattered to the floor, I heard Julie huff and close her book.
I scrambled to grab the necklace before she saw it, I had to put it on and slide the necklace under my shirt. The necklace felt like a ton of lead instead of a few ounces of gold and Platinum, Julie raised an eyebrow but didn't bust my ass about the incident, instead she bide me good night and closed the light on her side of the room.
I tried to fall asleep like normal by doing my normal routine, setting my alarm and activating my holotape player with the sounds of space tape, sleep was a struggle to get.
My mind raced with worry as the necklace seemed to get tighter and tighter.
I eventuallly fell asleep, into a nightmare filled world.