Author's notes: So the inspiration here was 'what would happen when the Host Club matured another year?'. Hilarity ensues, that's what. XD ... I am assuming here that Nekozawa is the same age as Kyouya and Tamaki, but that may be wrong. Please ignore this discrepancy if it is indeed wrong. XD; I may just add in a detail of Nekozawa being held back a year if that is true. D:
It was like any typical afternoon with the prestigious Host Club. Clients fawned over their respective Host(s) and preened over compliments. The theme had been "Pretty Boy Transformations" in lieu of the new school year. Tamaki had been fretting over who would replace the positions that Mori and Honey had vacated upon graduation, and had convinced the club members that this would help recruit new members. The club had encouraged clients to bring presentable freshman boys to 'transform' into Hosts for five minutes. Many didn't even last 30 seconds under the sharp eyes of the shadow king and cutting tongues of the mischievous devil types. The experimental enlistment transformed into a brilliantly entertaining farce.
Once the hour of madness had ended, Kyouya, always the last to leave, was on the verge of exiting the music room to rendezvous with his chauffer downstairs, when a pathetic sniffle sounded from the corner of the behemoth room. Tamaki was in full King Emo mode with his head against his knees and a cloud hovering above him, but not bringing any attention to himself. With an irritated flick of his eyes to his wristwatch, Kyouya decided that the matter would probably be best left alone and departed, figuring Tamaki would get over their Seniors leaving with the passage of time.
Answering his phone efficiently that very night, Kyouya listened to Tamaki brainstorm more ideas for recruitment, using only a phrase to dismiss them all for the sheer absurdity that many were. "Tamaki, we cannot properly evaluate prospective Hosts so early in the school year. Middle school grades and entrance examinations do not necessarily parallel with future achievements, and the progress reports aren't due out for another week."
"You're right. I'll think of something!" With that, the Host King hung up.
Kyouya thought nothing of it, and continued working on his differential calculus homework.
The next day, after classes had ended, on their way to Music Room 3 in a thankfully empty hall, Tamaki was waving a small, white stick at Kyouya, who realized on closer inspection was a cheap pregnancy test. At that point, Kyouya recognized how desperately Tamaki was grabbing for ideas if he was divining the future with something so crude.
Then the next words came out of his mouth, "Kyouya! I'm pregnant!!"
The vice president of the Host Club stilled, and then the eye twitching began, but he knew better than to argue with lunacy. "Oh? Who's the father?"
"Oh. …" There was a finger on his lips as the president thought hard about it. "I guess that would be me!"
"…" Kyouya was not about to explain the sexual mechanisms of the human body to someone as bright as Tamaki, and so turned and walked away as the madman raved on about how beautiful his baby son would be and so forth.
"H-hey! Kyouya! It's the truth! The commoner pregnancy test said so!!" Without further askance, Tamaki shoved the stick into Kyouya's field of vision.
Humoring him, Kyouya took it and closely scrutinized it. With a sigh, he handed it back to the hopeful 'mother to be'. "You are not pregnant."
"O-of course I am, the line is very—"
"That is an evaporation line from your urine sample." Kyouya adjusted his glasses. "Besides, men are incapable of producing the necessary hormones to make a true positive."
Saying nothing, his best friend deflated cupping the test in hand with a kicked-puppy look.
"What in the world compelled you to subject yourself to a pregnancy test?" He expected Tamaki to proclaim that he wanted to have children, a naïve wish brought on by hormones no doubt.
"The legacy of the Host Club must be ensured in the future of our children!"
Nearly tripping himself because of the bizarre paths of reasoning that Tamaki's overly imaginative mind had to have taken to get there, Kyouya tightly composed his body language. There were more practical ways at arriving at that destination without resorting to preposterous fantasy that would need years to fulfill, but as usual Tamaki couldn't seem to help himself. The doors to the unused Music Room pushed open.
"Oh, how are you planning that, your majesty?" The Twins piped in, regrettably only having heard the end of the conversation.
"We must find wives and have beautiful sons!!"
Hikaru and Kaoru dotted at that staring at Tamaki as if he had grown a second head that began spouting an alien language. "Surely you jest, King of Fools! We are bachelors, not claimed by anyone as long as we want!"
"No, no! In order for our club to prosper, we must sacrifice our selfish ways. I know this will be hard, but think of the children!"
"And Haruhi would be finding a husband, I take?" Kaoru asked innocently.
"NO, FATHER WILL NOT PERMIT THIS!"
"Permit what, Senior?" The natural type had decided to find out what the fuss was about and so stood next to the entrance beside the twins.
"Ah, well you see.." Tamaki began nervously fiddling with the pregnancy test, "Daddy says that you shouldn't worry about that…"
"What his royal highness said—"
"s-SO..don't listen to what they're saying! Cover your ears, my daughter!" Having begun weakly and ended strong, Tamaki launched himself at her, his hands outstretched as if he were about to do just that. Haruhi stepped aside as Tamaki flew past her. "You were saying, Hikaru?"
"He is suggesting you pair up with a guy and breed. Isn't that right?" Hikaru said conspiratorially, his and his brother's grins widening as Tamaki in a whining fit of denial flopped about like a fish.
"Oh, well of course, Tamaki-senior would suggest such outdated practices like slavery. He lacks ethics." She noticed then the pregnancy test in Tamaki's hand, and immediately her thoughts condensed as she deadpanned at his stupidity assuming like a rational being that the test was for someone not-male in the club. "Tamaki-senior, you were going to include something obscene into today's activities, weren't you?"
Suddenly realizing what was in his hands and waving it around, Tamaki stuttered turning bright red. "N-no! Daddy would never allow that to happen!! This was for me!"
He rendered her utterly speechless. She didn't know whether to believe him or reject what he was saying for lies.
"What is he holding, Kaoru?"
"I have no idea. It looks too small to be a bedroom-only toy."
Kyouya spoke up nonchalantly, interrupting their loudly whispered conversation. "It is a commoner pregnancy test. After relieving himself on the strip, he believed he was pregnant. To which I convinced him he was not."
The Twins were on the floor laughing their heads off and bantering back and forth of the sheer heights the idiocy of his highness had taken.
Sighing, Haruhi leaned over to Tamaki who was still sitting on the ground depressed. "At least wait until you graduate to consider being a real father, Tamaki."
At that, he clutched his breast above his heart and bemoaned Haruhi's cruelty. Haruhi merely stared at him not sure what he was going on about.
Finally, Kyouya clapped his notebook close. "What our President is worrying about is the collapse of the Host Club. First, we need to find an effective recruitment process if we wish for our bountiful club to continue through the years, and then I suggest we hold an election amongst our clientele to discover which Host would hold the presidential position as well as my post upon our graduation."
"Brilliant!" The King stood up gallantly commending the plan of action as if it was his own idea.
"shadow king." Haruhi muttered darkly. Kyouya merely smiled overhearing her continuing, "I'll make a form to apply for Hosting and a rubric to score which traits would fit under which Type."
"Great, we'll do the advertising!" Hikaru grinned roping an arm around Kaoru's neck.
"I suppose I'll go do homework, since I don't really care."
Tamaki gasped dramatically with a stricken look on his face. "Wh-why Haruhi? After all we've been through as father and daughter…"
The Twins laughed. "She was coerced into becoming a Host, of course she wouldn't want to prolong the Host Club's existence."
Adjusting his glasses, Kyouya smiled congenially. "Are you thinking that 'If this club didn't exist, I wouldn't have to pay back my debt'?"
The Natural Type looked stonily at him.
"Unfortunately that would not be the case. You would be working part-time as a rotating servant to our households until you graduate since we collectively paid your debt."
Her look turned aghast imagining the trouble it would be to be slaving away for some rich guys who could afford a squadron of maids. No, she definitely preferred being a Host. Her smile barely contained her annoyance. "What do you suggest my job is?"
A deep rumbling overtook the marble floor as the whirring of an electric engine was brought to life. The Hosts walked in closing the doors as not to air anymore dirty laundry. An all-too-familiar cackling over took the room as Renge's spinning pedestal stopped high above them. "Oh my dear Haruhi!" She crooned. "You will be the bait to lure the unsuspecting qualifying Hosts in!"
Haruhi frowned. "Bait?"
"Perhaps that ruffian would do as the Soft-hearted Boorish type? Or perhaps our club will discover The Hidden Noblity type!" With another series of laughs her platform descended, leaving Haruhi and the Twins puzzled by her cryptic titles.
"If she's talking about Bossanova, hell no."
"I couldn't agree more. But, Hidden Nobility type, whatever could she be going off about? Do we know anyone like that?"
Their King's deep voice and demeanor took them off guard, as if he were suddenly on a mission at their darkest hour. Kyouya merely shifted feet, observing the changes and saying nothing.
"If the manageress means I would submit to the Underlord, I answer 'Cake or DEATH'!!" Then Tamaki's eyes watered as he remembered who had been so fond of cake. "Oh Honey-senior. If only you and Mori-senior were here, we would not have to resort to such caricature that changes the very nature of our institution!"
Still quite puzzled, Haruhi asked, "The Underlord?
"I feel ill! I cannot partake of this luscious cake that mocks my pain and undue suffering!" Tamaki continued, talking to the richly decorated Castella cake that sat in rows of other treats for their club activity that sat in front of him.
"We should find suitable candidates from the Freshman pool as it would do us no favor to add more members our age when we graduate by the end of the year." Kyouya remarked coolly. The twins nodded in agreement murmuring a bet towards their shadow king's direction that they would discover proper Host material before anyone else, to which Kyouya readily agreed.
"No! I... I mustn't let the cake go to waste...!!" Their president was apparently in his own world again, taking no heed to the vice-president's words or the wager occurring behind him. "but the Underlord..."
The door opened and their clients streamed in chattering happily amongst themselves, halting when they sensed a dramatic climax was nearing its end.
"Haruhi, take this cake to bait the young men! You are our hook to reel them in as commoner's would say it!"
Their clients went slack-jawed.
"Should we be expecting a fallout, my lord?" The Twins jeered at Tamaki, eyes laughing.
Then a chorus of cheers and whistling bowled over them and the floor rumbled again as an ornately-decorated palanquin arrived again. "Wonderful plan! What a performance!" Renge began a lively applause with her dainty clapping.
"What?" Haruhi looked down at her hand holding the dainty saucer of cake baffled. "I'm supposed to..."
"Woo the Grade A Freshmen in." Hikaru said flatly, having trouble going along with it. Kaoru glanced at his brother, and elbowed him lightly as he smiled at Haruhi. "Casanova is close to the mark, so we know you have it in you, Haruhi!"
"If you do this, your debt will be halved." A cool voice spoke to her left as if whispering a grim detail.
"Fine!"
"Fantastique, Encore, Encore! Let our 'Natural Type Charming Tactics' commence forth!"
Haruhi hung her head feeling the beginning of a migraine begin as the Hosts' customers cackled in glee and Renge laughed in her obnoxious manner.
TBC.