Moving his phone back and forth in his hands Sam stared at the small scrap of paper that held a phone number. He had already punched the number in twice but hit the end button not long after like it was offensive just being in his phone. With a sigh, he dialed the number again and pushed the phone to his ear after hitting the talk button. It rang a few times and then picked up, causing Sam to almost hit the end button again.
"Boy's Town National Hotline my name is Stephanie," A sweet voice said on the other end of the line.
Sam opened his mouth and closed it a few times, letting out another soft sigh.
"You don't have to say anything that you don't want to," The voice said gently. "How about just give me your name"
"It's Sam"
"Hi Sam, first time caller?"
"Yea I," Sam's voice slightly deserted him for a moment.
"Are you in any trouble Sam?"
"No, nothing like that" He said licking his suddenly very dry lips.
"Just need someone to talk to?" Stephanie guessed gently.
"Yea" Sam said, his eyes a little wet.
Getting off the bed he was sitting on, he sat in the corner of the room by the bed, curling his legs up.
"How old are you Sam?"
"I'm fifteen"
"Did you try talking to your parents about what you're feeling?"
"My mom passed when I was real young, it's just my dad and older brother, who is part of the problem" Sam said and suddenly really felt like hanging up the phone.
"Does he hurt you Sam?"
"No"
"What about touch you inappropriately?"
Sam's lip quivered a bit. "I wish"
"Pardon?" Stephanie asked.
"You see," Sam said, wiping at his eyes. "I like my brother, like one would like a boyfriend or girlfriend"
"Oh"
"I'm a freak"
"No Sam, it's been said you can't help who you feel attracted too, where are your dad and brother now?"
"Out hunting, I'm not old enough they said, so they have me sit tight in a motel room until they get back"
"How often do they leave you alone?"
"Not all that often, for the longest time it was me and Dean together alone while dad worked, I think that's what started it"
"How you feel about your brother you mean?"
"Yea, when you live in someone's back pocket day in and day out and you move around so much you can't get to know anyone else. Someone who would give their own life for you given the chance" Sam sighed and tears started falling down his cheeks.
"I can understand that" Stephanie said softly.
"I just feel so wrong and broken and just want to hurt myself at times to get rid of the pain in my chest when I see him with someone else"
"Have you hurt yourself Sam?"
"No my Dean would kill me if he found out I did it to myself and he would know"
"How?"
"Because I always tell him when other people hurt me and he usually gives them a few injuries of their own" Sam said with a bit of a sad smile on his face.
"I see"
"I'm just so sick of holding in my emotions and having feelings for your own brother doesn't help anything"
"Holding in your emotions?" She asked in a confused tone.
"Dean's MO when ever conversations get to emotional is 'No chick flick moments' and my dad is just like a rock"
"Well the hotline is always here for you to call and one of us will listen to you"
"It's not like I can call when they're around though," Sam said wiping his face. "And I'd rather not have either of them over hear what I have to say, me and my dad already fight enough as it is"
"Do they get really bad?"
"Just a lot of yelling and I know it tears Dean apart to hear us at each others throats but me and my dad are just to different to not fight but the fact that it hurts Dean kills me"
"I understand"
"Thank you" Sam said after a few minutes of silence.
"For what?" Stephanie's tone was a little confused.
"Just for doing what you're doing and for listening to me"
"It's no problem at all Sam, I hope that talking makes you feel a little better?"
"It has, it's nice to get if off my chest and to feel like I have someone to talk to that won't go around telling my dark secret to people"
"That's what we're here for"
"Is there anyway if I call back, I can specifically talk to you?"
"Sure, just dial the number and then the pound key and 5245 after it"
"Thank you" Sam said, writing the number down.
"Why may I ask, no one here will judge you for what you're feeling"
"I like your voice," Sam said. "It makes me feel safe in a way"
"I understand so will you be calling again soon?"
"Maybe I don't really know when they'll be back, how many days do you work?"
"Monday through Friday 8 till 6" She replied.
"That's kind of a long work day" Sam said, surprised at the hours.
"I like helping people, it helps me to know that I could be the one stopping somebody from ending their life early"
"That makes sense, well this is good bye for now, I'm all talked out"
"Ok Sam, just know that I'm here for you and if you ever lose my extension that someone else will be here for you, you are not alone"
"Thanks, what's your name by the way?"
"Stephanie"
"Bye Stephanie"
"Bye Sam"
Sam hung up the phone and tossed it on the bed closest to him and tilted his head back against the wall. Wiping the rest of the tears off his face he realized that his chest did feel a lot lighter than before.
Sure when he saw Dean again he knew the butterflies would start and he would be a wreck having him so close. Just for the moment though he didn't feel quite so alone in the world like he had been. Getting up he pulled off the hoodie he had been wearing and checked the salt lines. Crawling into bed after hiding the number and the new number in his wallet he let out a little sigh. Being in love with your own flesh and blood wasn't easy, but having someone to talk to makes it just a little bit better. And right now Sam could do with having something just a little better in his life.
~*~*~*~Author's Note~*~*~*~
My muse it is back, I have idea's and WANT to write them... I need to not jinx this haha
This idea came a while ago about Sam having a crush on Dean but doesn't know what to do and calls a help line just to talk.
I hope it's not to bad.
I don't own any of the characters
And Stephanie is just a name I like