Harley and Ivy Build a City!
Chapter 1: "Here Comes the Heat!"
A/N: Welcome to a new Harley and Ivy series! Don't worry; there will be plenty more than just one visitor to Harley and Ivy's paradise oasis. Stuff will start getting crazy pretty fast. Enjoy!
Out in the valleys of the Mojave Desert, two women are driving around in a car. Their goal: To find an uninhabited area with enough groundwater to grow a new oasis. They've been searching for a while. It's almost sunset.
"Did ya find a spot yet, Red?", one of them asks.
"This will do, Harley. Let's start digging.", the other says.
"What? Ya didn't say anythin' about digging. It's almost dark out."
"Which is why we should hurry."
After a while, the one called Poison Ivy signals Harley to stop digging, and they both put down their shovels. She throws some seeds into the hole. Just a few seconds later, a miniature forest springs up from the sand, lush, and just as green as Ivy's skin. Ivy manipulates vines to make a small treehouse. They bring all their belongings to it in the dark of night. The next day, they wake up late to recover from their hard labor.
"Uh, Red? How'm I s'posed ta take a shower with no runnin' water?"
"I'll take care of it. For now, just rub yourself with this.", Ivy says, giving Harley something she made that resembles a bar of soap.
Harley cleans herself and looks for something to wear.
"You took that Gotham City Police uniform you acquired the week before, right, Harl?", Ivy asks.
"Yeah, why?"
"I just thought you'd look cute in it.", Ivy teases. "Plus, it might come in handy for you as my chief of police."
"You expectin' trouble?", Harley asks.
"No, but there's bound to be someone."
"Hm, so if I'm chief a' police, what does that make you?"
"Mayor, of course."
"Well, when do I get ta be mayor?", Harley asks.
"The moment you start providing shelter, resources, and a working infrastructure.", Ivy responds.
"Hey, that's not fair!", Harley protests, playfully punching Ivy's covered arm.
"Careful, Harley. You can't touch me, remember?"
"Hmph. Well… I'm gonna… search for animals ta hunt.", Harley says, putting on the uniform and adding her usual clown makeup.
She leaves the oasis and doesn't see much out there. She goes back in to climb a tree for a better view. She sees a man approaching the oasis.
"Oh, no! It's Mistah J!", Harley shouts from the treetop.
"What? Is he coming to hurt you?"
"Worse! He's here to rip me from paradise. PARADISE!"
Ivy hurries over and rides a moving vine to the top of the oasis, where Harley is.
"Hold on a second. That's not even him. Although if it is, I'll personally see to it he never makes it past the front entrance.", Ivy says.
"Gee, thanks, Red. You're the bes—", Harley starts, leaning in for a hug.
"Harley, be careful! I'm poisonous, remember?"
"But ya deserve a hug!"
"Air hugs it is, then.", Ivy says, sighing.
"D'aww!", Harley sings, gleefully savoring Ivy's air hug.
Ivy makes her way down to the entrance of their oasis. She sees the man. Mid-20s. Tall, athletic. The man looks overjoyed to see another human being. He hesitates to approach her when he sees that her skin is green.
"Don't be shy.", she says. "I'm Ivy. You must be lost."
"I am. I am!", he says. "My name is Ulysses Lane. I'm an Olympic athlete. I was training out here in the desert, but I ran out of gas. And without my car's GPS, I had no idea where to go. I'm hungry and thirsty and lost. Please help me!"
"While you're here, feel welcome to pick whatever produce you need from our oasis, but do not harm the plant life.", Ivy says to him.
"Thank you, thank you. What about meat? Do you have meat?"
"I'm afraid I do not."
"But MEAT, I need MEAT! I'm a grown man, an athlete!"
"I can only offer what I have.", Ivy says to him.
The man rushes into their small forest, anyway. He looks for food and hungrily takes as he pleases. He rests on some tree roots. He sees the most beautiful flowers. He gets up and leans over to pick one.
"STOP RIGHT THERE! You pick that flower an' you die!", Harley shouts to him.
Ulysses looks at her, unsure what to make of her appearance. Seeing that she's in a police uniform and clown makeup, he decides she's just full of hot air. He picks the flower and suddenly feels a sharp pain in his leg. He lets out a yelp and looks down.
"Ow. What in the world are these?"
He sees what looks like a pretty big red and blue Venus fly trap snapping at his heels.
"They're the police force. An' I'm the chief a' police. You have the right ta…. Waitaminute. Ya have no rights. Kill him, babies!"
The plants stretch up and go for his head. Ulysses shrieks and runs away, Harley running after him, a small, decorated "police mallet" in hand. Meanwhile, Ivy is on the other side of her forest creating a custom-made plumbing system. She hears yelling in the distance, growing closer. She sees Ulysses come into view, tripping over a vine and falling on his face into the soft grass. He runs up to Ivy, quickly getting down on his knees.
"Please, Miss…"
"Ivy."
"Ivy. Help me! There's a mad maniac lurking in your forest trying to kill me!"
"Ya have the right ta remain still! Ya have the right ta bite the dust! Ya have the right ta—!", Harley shouts, getting closer to Ulysses.
"Harley. Calm down.", Ivy says to her. "Alright, Ulysses. What did you do?"
"Nothing. I just picked a flower.", he says, voice shaking.
"YOU DID WHAT?!", Ivy screams.
"Uhh… nothing?"
"I should have you hanged for such violent disregard for life!"
"No, no, please!", he says. "I'll do anything."
"Anything?", Harley asks behind him.
"You value your life, you walk about thirty miles THAT way and don't look back.", Ivy says to him. "Oh, and one more thing."
"Yes?"
"Take off your clothes."
"What? Why?"
"If you're lucky, you'll simply get arrested for indecent exposure. You did remember to wear sunscreen?"
"No, please! I don't want to get arrested!"
"It's not so bad.", Harley remarks.
"Look. I don't care if you dress me in some weird clown getup. I just want to go home. Without getting arrested."
"Let me think about that. I might have something of interest to you.", Ivy says.
After a change of clothes, Ivy finally lets the man go.
"Hrm. Those leaves. Is he wearin' what I think he's wearin'?", Harley asks.
"Definitely. He's going to be scratching himself to death before he ever gets home."
"Now THAT'S what I call cruel an' unusual punishment!", Harley remarks.
The two of them snicker.
END