A/N: I know I said my next fic would focus on Spinner, but this one has been screaming at me for the overall plot arc of my BF5 stories. As per usual, my first chapter may seem to be a bit all over the place. I think I just have trouble getting started sometimes. But as it's planned, this story will be angsty the first chapter, then screwy as a squirrel in the second, and then kind of heartwarming in the third. Try it! You'll like it.

EDIT: Fixed a continuity error! Sherman found out about Vert's mom in Spinner's Day Out. Whoopsies!

"There's nothing wrong with being scared, Spin," Agura soothed. "You've just been through something really traumatic. Recovering is gonna take some time."

Spinner whimpered, rubbing at his eye as the pair of them walked down the hall; ever since his run in with Deputy Roy Cash—or the worst week of his life, as he would forever remember it—the elder Cortez refused to let any of the guys within ten feet of him. He even balked away from his brother, who he knew would never hurt him, afraid of any and all men. Agura and Sage were the only ones he trusted at the hub now.

"I just feel so stupid," he sighed. "You guys are my friends; I should be able to trust you all. But I-I-I just keep hearing his voice and I can't s-stop shaking and I…I know it's dumb and I'm still freaking out!"

Agura sighed, giving him a sympathetic smile. "Everyone's afraid of something, Spinner." She paused. "Don't laugh, okay? I never told anyone this, and I'm gonna trust you to never breathe a word about it."

"What?"

"I'm afraid of clowns." Agura inhaled sharply, holding her breath, waiting for Spinner to make fun of her. Undoubtedly, the prankster would relish this information and use it against her at some point, but desperate times call for desperate measures and her concern for her friend outweighed her need to be cool. The huntress braced for impact.

He stared at her blankly for a moment, not even cracking a smile. "Okay, yeah, I see why you'd be embarrassed of that," Spinner said, shrugging his shoulders.

Agura blinked in confusion. "Wait, what? Seriously? No sneering? No threats of blackmail? No hysterical laughter?"

Spinner shrugged again and gave a world-weary 'seen-it-all' frown. Lately it took a lot to get a reaction out of him unless Roy Cash was mentioned. The gamer was emotionally drained from his ordeal. It was only four days ago that his teammates had arrived in the nick of time to rescue him from an attempted second rape at the hands of the sheriff's deputy, but they had been two days too late to stop the first. The damage done was a kind that sometimes never healed; a brutal rending not just of the body, but of the mind and soul. If he would agree to see a psychiatrist, Agura was almost certain Spinner would be diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But though Spin was falling apart, he refused to seek professional help. He was broken and ashamed, blaming himself like so many other victims before him.

Christ, this was serious! If Spinner was uncaring enough to leave such an opportunity for humiliation untouched, he was losing the will to live! This was not the Spinner she knew!

"Well, like, I mean, you're afraid of something that's generally considered a rational thing to fear," Agura hurriedly blathered. "A lot of people are ashamed of their fear, but only some of them have a reason to be ashamed. Like me, because of the whole clown thing. But after what happened it's perfectly reasonable—you've got nothing to be ashamed of, Spin."

Spinner cast his eyes down at the floor. "I still feel pretty dumb about it," he whispered.

Agura bit her lip, wondering what else she could do. She was unsure of how best to help, but she could not very well leave the elder Cortez to his own devices, certainly not when he was feeling so down. If something happened to him, she would never forgive herself.

"Well," she said. "There are people who should and do feel just as dumb, if not dumber, about their silly little fears. Like, uh…"

Agura trailed off, looking around; she and Spinner had arrived in the kitchen, which was already occupied. Just as he had several times in the past few days, Spinner tensed, turning deathly pale. The gamer had always been prone to panic attacks, but one thing about them had changed recently: in the past four days, he had not once fainted, almost as if he were afraid of what he would wake up to. But Agura still stepped in, all smiles, taking control of the situation to keep him calm.

"Hey, boys. Having lunch? Cool." She grabbed half a ham sub from the sandwich platter on the counter. Just like always, Agura had slipped in and blended perfectly. The huntress never let them see her sweat; she was the picture of perfect confidence. For a few minutes she bantered back and forth with her teammates about the difference between American Rules football and European Rules football, each arguing their opinion as to why which was superior and ignoring the fact that Australian Rules football was infinitely more awesome. But then she got this funny little smirk on her face and interrupted AJ's train of thought. "This might seem a little off topic, but have any of you guys ever had, like, an irrational phobia of something?"

AJ chuckled. "That's a weird thing to ask. Why you wanna know about that, Agura?"

"Oh, no reason," she said, rolling her eyes and discreetly gesturing towards Spinner. AJ looked the elder Cortez over, seeing how he edged further behind Agura as his brother tried to grab his attention. When she was sure AJ had caught her drift, the huntress shrugged. "It's just a question, AJ. What's the matter? Too scared to tell us what you're scared of?"

AJ paused, thinking it over while Stanford and Zoom catcalled at him. He sighed.

"Well," he finally said. "When I was real little, my cousin Adrian and I went to the kitchen to have a snack, and his face started swelling up. He stopped breathing and they took him to the hospital… He nearly died. Turns out he's allergic to nuts."

"Are you allergic, too?"

"I dunno. I was too scared to ever try them. Peanuts, walnuts, almonds, pecans, hazelnuts—? No, thank you! I'm good."

"Wow," Agura said, nodding. "That's pretty wild, huh, Spinner? A daredevil like AJ being so scared."

AJ blushed. "I know, it's silly…"

"Oh, it's not that silly compared to Tezz's abandonment issues," Stanford grinned.

Tezz looked guiltily up from his pizza, waving modestly at the elder Cortez. Tezz felt like there was nothing he could ever do to make it up to Spinner for not believing him about Roy Cash, but they would invariably have to work together. It was crucial he repaired their relationship, he knew, and not just to his conscience but also to the team's mission. For this reason he did not argue about the previously mentioned abandonment issues of his, merely sulking and nodding.

"I was trapped on a moon for ten years," he rationalized.

"Oh, that's your excuse for everything…"

"Hey, it makes sense that he'd develop strong attachments to the people who rescued him," AJ said, defending his lover. "Poor little guy, all alone on that desolate planet, no way of ever knowing if he'd see his home world again, giving up on ever seeing another human before he dies—which he thinks is probably soon. Imagine having nothing to look forward to but absolute solitude and the cold embrace of death."

Tezz threw his arms around AJ, squeezing perhaps a little tighter than he should have. "Please don't leave me," he squeaked, a terrified look on his face.

Stanford chuckled maliciously. "Aw, is poor ickle Tezzykins fwightened of being all on his lonesome? Poor sweet baby and his psychological problems…"

Zoom smirked. "Dude, like you're one to talk with your inferiority-superiority complex. I so totally hate it when you act like you're better than everybody, and then you turn right around and act like this lonely pathetic little boy and want everyone to pity you. Are you snobby royalty or the team's Eeyore? Pick a side already! This is getting ridiculous!"

"It's not my fault!" Stanford whined, insisting as always that someone else was to blame. "Mumsy always liked Simon best! It's worse than ever now; since the murder it's like he's this perfect ideal I can never live up to in her eyes. 'Simon was ever so charming;' 'Simon was so handsome,' 'Simon had a lovely fiancée!' Never mind that Simon was in porn or on drugs or a goddamned vampire, Mumsy STILL likes him best and my name might as well be mud for as much as she seems to care about me. BLOODY HELL."

Zoom regarded him. "Almost sounds to me like you're scared she doesn't love you."

Stanford deflated, his eyes shining. "Oh my god, it's true. She doesn't love me! Mother doesn't love me! WAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Well, this was awkward. What had started out as a way to assure Spinner that he had nothing to be ashamed of was quickly turning into a session of group therapy, the huntress thought. Yet Spinner had failed to comment on any of his friends' misgivings. Come to think of it, Spinner had been almost completely silent…

Agura turned around, cursing softly. Spinner was gone.

Vert agonized with indecision as he paced back and forth in his room. The truth was going to come out eventually. He had already hinted to a number of his teammates, though he failed to divulge the exact details. But soon enough, Sherman or Tezz would put two and two together and finish the puzzle. After that, it was only a matter of time before his secret was out.

As the leader of the Battle Force 5, Vert Wheeler knew he owed it to his teammates to be truthful with them. Maybe there was a chance they would be unshaken, but Vert's personal problems could affect his leadership skills. His entire life was about to be turned upside down and he had so little time left before it all came crashing down around him. He had to spit it out, but this was a delicate truth. Terrified as he was, Vert could not just come out and say it. It was a long story that required a lot of explanation, one he feared his friends would not understand or approve of. How was he supposed to segue into it? As fate would have it, though, Vert did not have to think very long or hard. His team soon gave him the solution without even knowing.

The blonde rounded the corner and stopped in his tracks as he noticed the distressed gamer standing before him.

"Um, hey Vert," Spinner said meekly, taking a step back and hanging his head in submission.

Vert smiled gently, trying to keep his movements even so as not to spook the boy. Spinner was acting pretty broken, as far as the blonde could see, and the last thing he wanted was to make things worse. "Hi, Spinner. How are you?"

The gamer shifted his weighted from foot to foot. "Alright, I guess." He paused. "Kinda scared, actually. About the trial."

Vert furrowed his eyebrows but tried not to frown too hard. "If you don't want to testify, no one's going to force you. We'll protect you."

"No," Spinner said, taking in a shuddering breath. He shook his head. "I know I have to take the stand. A lot of people are counting on me. I'm not the only one Cash hurt." He shivered, wiping at his eye. "I just don't want to have to look at him. If I see him I'll panic and choke, I know it. The case depends on me. I have to talk, but I don't know if I can."

"Of course you can, Spinner." Vert moved to put a hand on the gamer's shoulder, but pulled back and instead scratched the back of his skull. Spinner was still very skittish about physical contact with human males and there was no point in upsetting him more. "You can do this. The Battle Force 5 will be right there with you the whole way."

"Yeah, and so will the other victims." Spinner shook his head to clear it. "I have to do this. For them. No matter how scared I am."

Vert smiled. "There's nothing wrong with being scared, Spinner. As long as you don't let it control you."

Spinner returned his smile. He knew Vert was right. These were things the elder Cortez had been telling himself for days, but it helped to finally be able to say them out loud. He knew not why he was unable to open up to Agura in such a way, but at least he had finally gotten it off his chest. Still, there was something that bothered Spinner.

"Hey, Vert?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"You ever had something you were afraid of that seemed really stupid, no matter how many times everyone else said it was okay?"

Vert turned pale, rubbing the back of his head and looking away. When he glanced back, Spinner was watching him with eyebrows raised. Well, he had wondered how to tell them all; this seemed like a good enough way to bring it up. The blonde swallowed. "Why, uh, why would you ask that?"

"We were talking about it in the kitchen. AJ's scared of having an allergic reaction, and Stanford's afraid his mother doesn't love him." He paused. "Oh, and Agura's scared of clowns."

"Good to know. I'll have to remember never to ask her to the circus."

"But what about you?"

"Ahem, well. Uh, why don't we go into the kitchen and I'll tell everyone. It, um, it kind of concerns all of us."

When Vert and Spinner entered the kitchen, the group had come around to Zoom; the Muy Thai warrior set his face in a mask of resolve, diligently explaining his own fears.

"Ice. I hate ice." He shivered, recalling the experience, the horror of which that had burned into his psyche at so young an age. "I was in the mountains with a man and a woman. I'm not sure if they were my parents, but I guess they must have been. It was so long ago I can't even remember how old I was; three, maybe four. And it was cold…so cold. Not like little winter in the foothills cold. Mountains have a different cold, a cold that's been there forever. The kind of cold that never ends; it just goes up higher and waits for next winter. If you're not prepared for that kind of cold, you wind up dead." Zoom shivered again, his voice getting quiet. "I never want to be that cold again."

Agura shivered right with him; she had a taste of something like that when she and Stanford had a run-in with a yeti. "What happened to the couple?"

Zoom shook his head. "I don't know. I woke up at the monastery. Master Takeyasu wouldn't tell me what happened. …I guess they're dead."

"You don't seem too broken up about it," the huntress commented.

"I was a kid," Zoom said, shrugging. "What could I do? You find a way to move on, or you're stuck out there in the cold… Forever."

There was a murmur of agreement.

"That's rough," Vert said. "I'm sorry, Zoom."

"Meh, I'll be okay. What about you, Vert? What are you afraid of?"

Sherman put down his drink. "Oh, see, now, this will be interesting. I don't recall ever seeing you scared of anything, so it's probably something deep."

Vert froze. "So, you guys have just been in here having lunch and bonding by sharing your deepest fears? That's cool. Looks like we're running low on soda, though; I better go to the store and—"

"Oh, no you don't," Spinner said, blocking his way. His face had relaxed into an expression of cool indifference; the gamer stood there, annoyed, and kept his leader from escaping. "You said you'd share. It's time to put your money where your mouth is and quit being a wussy."

"I am not a wussy!" Vert cried indignantly. In the Titus side of his family, that was a far greater insult than anyone could imagine. It implied that the subject was not just a coward, but a simpleton for bringing such pain onto himself through his own recklessness and less than a man for being unable to deal with the consequences. Nobody, but nobody called Vert a wussy. "Look, I just… It's not something I like to think about. I know I have to deal with it, and soon, but I… I'm scared."

"Everyone's scared of something, boss," Spin said. "What are you afraid of?"

Vert sighed, putting his face in his hands and mumbling incoherently.

"I'm sorry? I didn't quite catch that."

"I'm afraid I'll go crazy!" Vert blurted out. "Like, what if I'm in a mental institution right now? What if I'm in a straightjacket and heavily medicated and this entire war has been a nightmare I can't wake up from? What if I killed my parents and you're all just voices in my head and I'm alone?"

"Who, hey, Vert, bruh, CHILL." AJ took his bewildered and now hyperventilating best friend by the shoulders, shaking him slightly. "Deep breaths, dude. Deep breaths. You good? Great. Now slow down and start from the beginning."

Vert gulped. "My dad's family has a high suicide rate. My mom's relatives are all paranoid gun nuts. And alcoholism and substance abuse runs in both sides." He ran his hands through his hair. "You guys saw the Titus genes in action. Mental illness is in my blood; I could snap at any time."

"You're not going to go crazy, Vert," Agura assured him.

"You can't know that!" Vert said. "It happens. After Dad le—no, disappeared. Dad disappeared and Mom…she went off her rocker. They diagnosed her with paranoid delusional schizophrenia, but by then it was too late. She'd already tried to kill a cop in broad daylight!"

All this time their leader had been holding this in. How long had he refused to tell that he was hurting? How deeply did the pain go? Vert never spoke of his mother, ever; most of the BF5 thought she was dead. Stanford found the courage to speak. "How long after that did she pass on?"

Vert set his jaw, taking a deep breath. "Mom's not dead," he said. "She's in Brush Hollow."

There was a chorus of gasps, but Spinner only nodded. Madame Wise Raven had told him as much before. If his teammates knew, they certainly were not acting like it, but the shock value had worn off for him.

"I stopped visiting her after I met Sage," Vert admitted sheepishly. "I guess I was scared they'd see I was into something weird and want to keep me there." He paused and smiled. "I started going back, though, after we found my Dad in the Clockwork Zone. Mom's made a lot of progress. She taking her medication, cooperating with the doctors; they're even planning on letting her out soon."

"Uh, Vert, bruh? Just how soon are we talking here?"

The blonde smiled apologetically. "About ten days from now."

The kitchen erupted into shouts. Why the hell had Vert hidden this from them for so long? Had he not realized what an impact hiding such a thing would have? Yes, of course he was ashamed, but having a new person their leader was suddenly responsible for would endanger the team's secret. The Battle Force 5 could not afford to cause panic and chaos by revealing the existence of otherworldly beings—not now at least; perhaps if they were in peace time it would be feasible. But while they were at war they could not let the government or anyone else interfere with their operations. What had Vert been thinking, keeping this from them?

"Guys, chill! Seriously!" he insisted over the cacophony. "We've managed to keep the secret this far; we don't have anything to worry about. And I hate to say it, but if Mom sees anything she shouldn't, we can just write it off as a hallucination…and… And send her back."

Grumbling from his teammates was the only answer.

"Look, I'm sorry! I know this is really sudden! I only found out they were releasing her four days ago." Vert sighed. "I'm sorry I kept this from you guys; you have every reason to be upset. But I can't make it up to you right now. I've got to get the old house cleaned up and ready for when Mom comes home and I'm going to be very busy. Until further notice, Agura is in charge."

Vert turned on his heel and exited the kitchen, leaving his teammates to ponder the day's events.

A/N: Read and review, people. It brings me joy.