A/N: This was supposed to be a light humor piece, and evolved into something a bit more. Many many many thanks to the very patient Sareki for beta-reading this. Endlessly.
"Are we supposed to eat it?" Tom Paris regarded the object sitting on the biobed with a great deal of suspicion.
"Eat it? You think it's food?" Captain Kathryn Janeway looked at her pilot in horror. Normally she considered herself a woman of insatiable scientific curiosity, but currently that curiosity was being superseded by a healthy sense of self-preservation. She wasn't going within a meter of the thing.
"Well," Paris said, frowning in consternation, "It is from Neelix. I'm pretty sure he's served me more questionable things in the past."
"No, it's not possible," she said, shaking her head vigorously. "Look at it! It's far too...kinetic to be food. My nausea is finally going away, Lieutenant; please don't give it a reason to start up again."
"Sorry," Paris said from where he sat on the biobed that neighbored the one with Neelix's "gift," shivering despite the thermal blanket wrapped around him. Possibly because he had been "transformed" earlier than the Captain, he seemed to be taking longer to re-adjust to the ship's environment - far drier and cooler compared to the planet on which they had been found three days ago.
The first day, they hadn't been conscious at all. On the second day, both officers were looking much more like their typical human selves, but neither felt very good. The Captain, in fact, had spent a great deal of time locked in the head, wishing the Doctor would give her some privacy instead of banging on the door every ten minutes. And then there was today. Tom had avoided making eye contact with her for most of the morning, until she forced the issue of their recently abandoned offspring. Things were much easier between them after their talk, but the alleviation of the awkwardness had uncovered something far more tiresome - boredom. Neither Janeway nor Paris was known for their ability to sit quietly unoccupied for long and they still had another three days to kill in here.
After lunch, the Doctor had threatened to sedate them if they both didn't take a nap. He had also very annoyingly accused the Captain of being "cranky, as is common with overtired individuals" when Janeway had balked. (If Tom Paris thought he got away with that bratty smirk he made in response, he was dead wrong.) When she had awakened, she noticed this...item...that her Chief Morale Officer had seen fit to drop off when they were both asleep. The Doctor had known its name, (it had far too many x's in it for it to be pronounceable by a human tongue and had completely stumped the universal translator), but given his complete lack of curiosity about anything unrelated to medicine, he hadn't bothered to inquire as to its purpose. So Janeway had to wake her pilot to get his input. At least they had something to do now.
Paris had hopped off his biobed and was peering at the swirling colors of the outer container. Or maybe the container was clear, and the contents swirling? Who could tell? "Maybe it's some kind of ancient Talaxian remedy," the pilot said.
"For what?" The Captain's mouth quirked. "Do you think the ancient Talaxians had a lot of issues with turning into hyper-evolved salamanders?"
"Nooo," Tom said, a little piqued and scratching absentmindedly at his hands. "Like for dry skin, or whatever. God knows I could use something. The Doc won't even give me a cream - he just keeps saying he's concerned about how even topical treatments might interact with the remaining altered DNA." He moved closer and reached for the lid.
"Mr. Paris, if you choose to open that thing, I will not be held responsible for the consequences. And I want adequate warning so I can move to the other side of the room," she said sternly.
"Fair enough," he said, pulling his hand back. "You know, Captain, maybe we should just space it to be on the safe side. Let's not forget what happened with the cheese. We can tell Neelix the Doc made us do it."
"While I appreciate your line of thinking, Lieutenant, it's not an option. The Doctor scanned for biohazards when Mr. Neelix arrived with it, and already told him it was safe to leave here."
"Bummer," Tom replied. Janeway raised an eyebrow at the ancient Earth colloquialism, but the pilot just shrugged. "You pick up some interesting language in prison."
"Well, it seems I'm left with only one option." The Captain tried to make herself look as authoritative as was possible in a Sickbay gown and with her hair undone. "As your commanding officer, I'm making the containment of the...whatever it is... your responsibility."
"What?" Tom exclaimed. "It's a gift! I'm sure it was meant for you. You're the captain!" He tried to sidle away from the mystery present. "And I'm pretty sure Neelix is still mad at me for spending too much time with Kes."
"He most certainly is not, Mr. Paris, and you know it. This has nothing to do with their relationship," she said in her best command tone. "Now stop whining, and accept that you've lost this one. Don't think I won't put you on report if necessary."
"Well, that's a low blow," he said, sulking.
"I said this wasn't about Neelix and Kes," she muttered to herself. At least she thought it was to herself. One look at Tom Paris' face made it clear that her comment had been quite audible, as he was staring at her in shock. Shock that was rapidly evolving into that damned smirk. "Mr. Paris…" she started warningly.
Tom mimed locking his mouth with a key. "Will never leave this room, Captain," he winked at her. "You can trust me."
The Captain couldn't help but grin back at her pilot, although it didn't make what she had to ask him any easier. She and Tuvok had come up with the plan right before she gave Tom the go ahead to pilot the Cochrane; she hadn't had a chance to bring it up yet, for obvious reasons. But now the pilot had inadvertently given her the perfect opening. "I know I can, Lieutenant. Which is why there's something I want to discuss with you…"